Change Your Image
kzintichmee
Reviews
Greencastle (2012)
Greencastle, it's not about a palace in Ireland...
I saw this at the East Coast Premiere and was surprised at how good this ultra-low budget film was. Story is about a small town guy who is trying to get his act together and raise his kid after his wife, who was a complete b****, is killed in an automobile accident. She was with their marriage counselor. That would take the wind out of anybody's sails. Well shot and edited. It had a fair amount of laughs scattered throughout, which also surprised me. Speaking of which, Grandad stole the show. I have to admit I am a bit biased because I know several of the actors and people behind the scenes and have worked with a few of them but I went into this with a completely open mind and came out thoroughly entertained. The Bingo parlor/graduation scene cracked me up. The music was nicely done also. Thankfully, the romantic angle was not stressed overly much when a new love interest showed up. There were one or two angsty bits with the creepy girl abuser guy and I was hoping he was going to get the $4!+ beaten out of him but, oh well, you can't have everything. This movie proves that you don't need a hyperinflated budget to turn out good movies. Look at 'El Mariachi' from Robert Rodriguez sometime. That movie only cost 7K.
Evil Bong (2006)
Bad Bong? Bad Movie!
Okay, the only reason I watched this is because it was in the 'Midnight Horror Madness' collection of eight movies from MallWart. In the ol' discount bin for five bucks. Wow, eight movies for five bucks? Sadly, the few I have watched so far are worth ever penny. Ha. The reason I bought the compilation was for 'Below'(worth twice the cost all by itself), the creepy, haunted submarine movie with Bruce Greenwood and a host of other familiar faces. Good flick! Getting back to 'Evil Bong', it had three hot naked chicks in it so I gave it a star for each one of those. Terrible movie. Shot on the super cheap and not funny at all(it was purportedly a comedy). Tommy Chong tried his best and it was cool seeing Tim Thomerson for about 14 seconds. Plot is as follows. Stoner buys old, voodooish bong, he and his buddies smoke from it, it kills them afterward and there are hot, naked chicks in the weird, supernatural "Gentleman's Club"(Ha) they are sucked into. Avoid this. I enjoyed Charles Band's stuff from about 20 years ago.
The Singing Detective (1986)
Eighties Excellence!
The Singing Detective is without a doubt, the best television miniseries ever! That being said, where is the Amazon.com link and the DVD link? What's up IMDb? I read where Amazon owned you guys and I am thinking maybe they don't anymore? I miss those links. Please bring them back. How else am I going to know when stuff is available on DVD? Anyway, go buy The Singing Detective. I pities the fool that doesn't get to see this TV show. "Am I right or am I right?" It follows the exploits of Philip Marlow a writer of detective stories who is bedridden with a terrible skin/joint disease and involves his wild fantasies induced by said disease while lying in bed. The story in his head clashes with the real world and also incorporates memories of his childhood. Sometimes the stories become intermixed. It still packs an emotional wallop after 25 years. Michael Gambon is a revelation as both the writer and as 'The Singing Detective'.
Equilibrium (2002)
All things being "Equil"
Okay, so it's not the most original movie to come down the pike. What is these days? With 4 out of 5 pictures being sequels, remakes, comic books, best sellers and some not-so best sellers, TV shows, etc. Hell, the Gunkata sequences were worth the price of admission, had I been fortunate enough to have seen this in the theatre. I discovered the DVD by accident. And I could look at Emily Watson all day. Plot in a nutshell, Emotions are bad. Elite cops see to it that they are suppressed, with the help of drugs. Elite cop "sees the light" and makes everything all better. Christian Bale kicks ass and takes names and that's all I got to say about that. Run out and buy 'Equilibrium' and if nothing else, just watch the Gunkata fight scenes. Live and be well.
The Road (2009)
No Hope....or Crosby either...in this 'Road' movie...
'The Road' is bleak. There, I said it. Excellent film that can bring down the happiest person in the room. Yet another post apocalypse film in the vein of 'The Book of Eli'. Based on Cormac McCarthy's book, it makes 'No Country for Old Men' look like a rollicking laugh fest. Seriously, folks, this film had me bumming out ten minutes in, waiting for that shining ray of sunshine/hope, that never came. It was never boring and I actually found myself caring for Papa and the Boy. None of the few characters have names except for the half blind old man who gives his name as "Eli". Maybe he saw the Denzel Washington movie and liked a good inside joke? After an unnamed disaster,(I vote for an asteroid strike), wipes out...well, pretty much everything, what's left of humanity hits 'The Road' to see what they can find to eat. More often than not it turns out to be each other. Part of this was filmed on Mt. St. Helens which is still barren and eerie after all these years. I didn't care for the 'Mom' character because she just seemed too bitchy for some reason. Plus she was worthless and weak. I am not going to bother to name the actors(4 big namers) but boy did they disappear into their roles. As I said, never boring but unremittingly grim. The high point for Papa and the Boy comes when they discover a cache of chow that looks like it could last them for a year and decent shelter to boot! Pop hears a dog bark so, off they go, into the great unknown. All because a f*****g dog barks? All that Dinty Moore beef stew, left behind. The movie ends on a slightly up-beat note in that the Boy doesn't die and meets up with an actual family that takes him in. Several of the characters are missing thumbs too. Weird. If you come across this movie,watch it, then watch School of Rock (or the comedy of your choice) to cheer you up again.
Sengoku jieitai (1979)
Samurai Night Fever..
I got the Sonny Chiba, 4 disc collection because of one movie..."G.I.Samurai". I was not disappointed. The plot in a nutshell is... a small group of Japanese Defense Force soldiers go back in time 400 years and fight samurais. Made in 1979, this movie delivers some ultra-battle action! The group of about twenty guys, led by Sonny Chiba, whose character's name I can no longer remember, find themselves propelled backwards, somehow, to feudal Japan, via a "Time Slip", (this movies alternate title, among others). The special effects are somewhat shoddy but they work. Not only are the men flung back into time but get this, a tank, half-track, jeep with .50 cal. machine gun, supply truck, helicopter and a freakin' patrol boat also! They find themselves in the middle of a feud between the local warlords, one of whom takes a fancy to them. They decide to team up with this guy and take over ancient Japan. Forget about messing with the space/time continuum,in battle after battle, many, many samurais and foot soldiers are gunned down, blowed up, and generally done away with, without regard to the historical consequences. The soldiers have a seemingly inexhaustible supply of ammo. Clocking in at over two hours, we have all sorts of Japanese tomfoolery to contend with. There is some truly awful music sprinkled throughout,some with English lyrics. I liked this movie, a lot. There are so many things about this movie to like and few reasons not to. I cannot remember all the elements in this movie...there was just too much going on. Ha. The soundtrack was Japanese with English subtitles. I understand there is a chopped up, English language version out there too, which should be avoided.
La orgía nocturna de los vampiros (1973)
i want my orgy!
okay, i watched this on youtube for free, thank god, because if i had paid even a dime for this, i would have been very upset. simply terrible. yeah, i know about the early '70's, low-budget, eurocrap and all that but, i mean, this was just awful. and not in a good way either. bunch of people on a bus get stranded in a village where it looked like world war two had just ended last week. of course there is something weird going on. the first guy that gets it looks kind of like charles bronson. he was tough looking and he caves when a bunch of townspeople surround him. i mean, they were old ladies and stuff. he didn't even try to defend himself. the music was entirely inappropriate, all jazzy and stuff. the "countess" who ran the whole operation was hotter than hot. the whole village is in thrall to her because...big surprise...they are all vampires or cannibals or something. she is the only one with fangs which looked like they were going to come flying out any second, ha. she throws them a "bone" once in a while and they attack a hapless victim who shows up fifteen minutes later without a mark on them. there is one American guy in town whose car crapped out on him and he immediately puts the moves on the skinny blonde chick. he is the only one who senses some weird evilness going on and makes plans to blow town, taking blondie with him. there is a ridiculously bad "escape" scene with everyone in town, it looked like, hanging on his car, rocking it back and forth and so on. they escape and tell the cops in the next town who insist there is no town where they say it is. the cops take them there and sure enough, the town has vanished. end of story. oh yeah, there was no orgy.
House (2008)
....oh, i never did give nothing' to the tin man.......
okay, here we go. bad movie. like the English guy said, contains enough stuff for four movies but never develops any of it. nice to see Michael madsen working. who's them other people? i have no idea. oh, Leslie easterbrook, the scary old lady. she was the hotty cop in all the police academy movies. hey everyone, let's go to Poland and make a bland, pg "horror" movie! i don't remember any cursing or swearing at all. man, in a situation like that, i would be lettin' 'em fly. tiresome stereotypes in this too. "pete" the full retard son, ha. "you're perty." ha. i couldn't bring myself to care about any of the characters either. except for Susan, what got a hole blow-ed in her chest and a white light came out. ???? not sure what she represented. was hoping for a little t and a action with the busty chick but that never happened. bummer. the sfx were not too bad. the black smoke coming out of the "possessed" was kind of neat. using a tin can for a post-it note...that was a novel idea. of course, what else would the "tin man" use though? why didn't the guy use the shotgun to blow the chain off his leg? i think the most disturbing part was what's-her-name eating that pie. just struck me as kinda creepy. the two versions of the main guy popping up was interesting but then, nothing happened. i never did figure out which one was the real guy. and the title, 'house', jeez, how dull is that? they should have gotten Hugh Laurie to drop in for a cameo as a deranged doctor. that would have been funny.
Bangkok Dangerous (2000)
bangkok ambiguous
okay, this was my first thai movie. the nick cage flick is out now and evidently fading fast. i wanted to see the original. i picked this up at suncoast. funny, they had it prominently displayed for those dumb folks who would snatch it up thinking it was the remake. i really hate how movie companies try to take advantage of the people. but i digress. the movie was not all i would have hoped. it was okay, just. i have seen enough movies by now to know mediocre. old boy now, there is a movie for ya! if you are reading this and like Asian cinema, run out and buy/rent/borrow/steal old boy. bangkok dangerous, well, it barely held my interest. it was awfully amateurish, i thought. a deaf mute hit-man was a nice idea. i wanted to slap that guy though to get him to communicate better with people. he just stood there. no "i am a deaf mute" cards or anything. he wasn't stupid, he could read and write. i liked the girlfriend of the deaf guy's buddy. she was hot. the guy, joe, had an interesting look too. anyway, not what i thought it was gonna be. it didn't stink but not the ass kickery i had hoped for.
Fido (2006)
Yawn of the Dead
Okay, another zom-com. too light on the com though. Clever idea and some chuckles here and there but not as funny as it could have been. Carrie Anne Moss is drop dead beautiful as the mother of Timmy who gets his very own zombie after the "Zombie Wars" and the remaining zombies are domesticated. Fido is Billy Connally, barely recognizable in make-up. Funniest idea, one guy has a hot young zombie named Tammy and he has her prancing, or should I say, lumbering, around in skimpy outfits. Is he getting it on with Tammy or not? You make the call. Another funny idea, dad reading a copy of "Death" magazine. The movie is very pretty to look at and the actors do a fine job but it just left me......apathetic. It's worth a rental but i am not going to add it to my collection. It's an offbeat film, no doubt, and that is a good thing.
Dr. No (1962)
Dr. Who? No. No? Yes, that's right. Now I'm confused.
Wow, the first James Bond movie! I got the super-duper deluxe version, (dvd,natch) and it looked and sounded great! I had just seen Daniel Craig in Casino Royale, so it was fun comparing the two. Both movies are excellent in different ways. I was nine when Dr. No came out. I didn't see it until years later. A funny thing about all of the 007 films, I can just watch 'em over and over again. Sean Connery is at his hat wearin', cigarette smokin', ass kickin', babe smoochin' best. I had heard that even then he was wearing a toupee but I swear, his hair looks like the real thing. That sucker must have been held on with super glue or what ever they had back then. Everybody makes a big deal about Honey Ryder, and she is hot but for my money, the double dealing half Chinese chick is hot, hot, hot. How come she didn't become a super star? Same thing with the belly dancer in From Russia with Love, fantastic looking babe. No lines but she was shaking like a Mexican Space Shuttle and that face, it haunts me still. The plot, of course, is the now old, power mad evil genius wants to rule the world and Joseph Wiseman is sinister as hell as the titular Dr. If you haven't seen any James Bond movies, this is the place to start. Just keep in mind that this movie is forty plus and things were a good deal different. Hell, everything was different. Those other guys are good too but there will always only be a first Bond, James Bond. That sounds weird but you know what I mean. Sean Connery rules!
Sat sau ji wong (1998)
Jet set goofiness
Contract Killer(Sat sau ji wong) has dynamite action scenes but they are too few and far between. Jet Li is teamed up with a guy who, I swear, could pass for John Belushi's long lost Chinese half brother. The dubbing is ludicrous in the version I bought. I found out that there is a better version known as Hit-man that is also six minutes longer. Anyway, the little fat guy even sounds like Belushi and is the comic relief as a con man. Jet Li is a wannabe hit-man and doesn't know the first thing about it although he kicks ass like crazy. A Japanese mobster is killed by the "King of Killers" and his family ponies up a reward of one hundred million dollars. Jet's character, Fu, and "Norman", the fat guy, con their way into the competition and mayhem ensues. The so called comedy is pretty lame but there are a few good jokes. The action, as I said is terrific and intense. The Japanese employ a tall, white guy as a body guard/killer and he is wicked bad. He has a neat gimmick with tiny, high intensity flashlights (lasers?) disguised as rings and in the toes of his shoes which he uses to temporarily blind his opponents so he can beat the bejesus out of them. There is a weird scene where the grandson of the slain Mr.Big eats some of grand pa's ashes. I think it was to gain his strength, or something like that. Anyway, it was bizarre and different, which is a good thing. I don't know who does the English voice overs on these movies but they should list those people on the credits because it is their hard work which you hear on the soundtrack. So, for good martial art ass kickery, this movie delivers. You will need to "fast forward" through the stupid stuff
Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991)
Marv and Sonny make for funny
Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man, (here after known as hd&mm)is first of all, strictly speaking, a science fiction film because it is set in the future. All of five years in the future but the future none the less. In 1996, the ozone layer is mostly kaput. Yeah, I've heard that before. Curiously, people still go out without sunscreen. But I digress. Mickey Roarke is hd and Don Johnson is mm. One is a biker, the other a failed rodeo cowboy. Their old hangout is gonna be closed unless the owner can come up with 2.5 million dollars. In today's dollars that would be, ummmm, 2.6 million dollars. Anyway, a robbery ensues and naturally it goes all wrong. The bad guys come after hd&mm. There is a lot of witty banter, bullets,t&a (very good t&a),chases and the usual. I liked this movie a lot. Hd&mm have some very funny arguments and both actors do a pretty good job. Don Johnson looks good with a beard. There are some cool motorcycles and the villains are interesting. The hit men come across as sort of a cross between The Terminator and a fashion show from Hell. Don't expect any Oscar winning, well, anything but just sit back and let it pull you in for 90 minutes of harmless fun.
Hell in the Pacific (1968)
War is Heck!
Two guys on opposite sides learn to live together in this nifty little WWII film. The great Lee Marvin and the legendary Toshiro Mifune live, laugh and fight as a couple of shipwrecked military types who happen to find themselves marooned on the same Pacific island. I love this movie because it has no women in it to mess up the plot, The Japanese guy speaks Japanese with out subtitles, so, like Lee Marvin, we haven't got a clue what the hell he is saying and it is a lot of fun watching them try to psych each other out then become buddies. The transformation from half naked savages to well dressed, clean shaven sophisticates doesn't last long, thanks to too much sake and some provocative photos, courtesy of Life magazine. Are they going to shake hands and let bygones be bygones or are they going to go at it? We will never know because somebody decided to use their new island sanctuary for target practice and an incoming shell takes them both out. The End. I was always frustrated by this ending. I guess John Boorman couldn't let it end any other way. Kind of makes sense. By the way, Lee Marvin actually was a Marine in WWII and he is buried in Arlington National Cemetery. Happy Fourth of July, everybody.
Mazes and Monsters (1982)
aMAZEingly MONSTROUS
Hoo boy, this was a real trial to get through. The DVD case has Tom Hanks' mug plastered on it and that is the only reason that anybody would buy it. He looks about forty on the box, however, the movie was made in 1982, so he still has his Bosom Buddies 'do and of course is about forty pounds lighter. The plot concerns a Dungeons and Dragons like game that Hanks and his three friends play and Hanks ends up thinking the whole thing is real. Chris Makepeace is a boy genius named Jay Jay and the best thing about the movie is that he wears a succession of funny hats. Ooh,look, he has a yellow hardhat on with a tuxedo! Now he's dressed like a WWI pilot! This was a truly awful movie but in a bad way. A bunch of vets pop up mostly as parents of the kids. There's Anne (I'm Honey West, dammit!) Francis and Louise Sorel, who actually looks kind of hot. Murray Hamilton, the Mayor from Jaws, has a thankless roll as a cop. Wendy Crewson, is the love interest for Hanks and some blonde guy I have never seen before or since. There is some syrupy music here and there and absolutely no tension or sense of danger or excitement. There is a monster that only Hanks can see because he's, you know, nuts. The monster is played by the late, great Kevin Peter Hall, he of Predator fame. A friend of mine got this out of the ol' discount bin at MallWart and advised me to chuck it in the trash without even looking at it, so naturally I had to see if it was as bad as all that. It was. The night before, I watched Apollo 13, so after that, this movie was a bit of a shock. Do yourself a favor and leave it in the bin. Oh yeah, after Hanks almost jumps from one of the World Trade Center towers because of his delusions, he goes home to recuperate and is visited by his friends. Hanks mother, a drunken Vera Miles, says he is coming along nicely now but when they walk down to the lake to visit him in his tennis outfit, he is crazier than ever. The End
Robin of Sherwood (1984)
Where's Herne Now?
I watched this series on PBS back in the eighties and still watch the old tapes every couple of years or so. Very atmospheric and creepy sometimes. This is a very good show as the characters are all well defined and acted. You are drawn into the plot and come to care for these people. The villains are almost laughably evil, especially the Sheriff of Nottingham. Man, I would love to beat the s--t out of that snotty little bastard. Nicholas Grace does an excellent job and must have had a great time being the Sheriff. His whipping boy, Sir Guy, is equally hissable but is also pathetic. Lots of murder and mayhem in this series, along with tons of black magic and Devil worship and things of that nature. I noticed it got an award for children's television which is surprising. If I had kids, I would not let them watch this. Outstanding use of locations in this show also. It is now on DVD, so go out and buy it.
Airheads (1994)
merely a correction of Amazon's review
Hi IMDb, The amazon guy said Pip was the bass player, that is Adam Sandler's character and Steve Buscemi, Rex, was the drummer. It is of course the other way around. It pays to stay awake during the movie. Okay, I liked this movie and had it been "R" rated maybe we would have seen Suzzi's (Nina Siemaszko) ta-tas, that would have been shweet! Amy Locane is too skinny. Also, I will watch anything with Steve Buscemi in it. Nice to see Harold Ramis pop up there also. I am 53 but I like the music. The DVD has two videos from the movie, Motorhead and White Zombie. The featurette is idiotic and a waste of time. Lots of up and comers in here and of course the late, "great" Chris Farley. Thanks IMDb and keep up the good work.
Fukkatsu no hi (1980)
Got your Italian Flu shot?
First of all, let me warn you about a VHS version that is floating around out there that purports to be the full 155 min. cut of this film when in fact it is only 108. It has Glenn Ford and Edward James Olmos on the front of the box and is made in Canada, unfortunately I can't remember the name of the company. The movie itself is pretty damn decent and is fairly bleak. The U.S. Military creates a lethal virus, MM88, for use in germ warfare. Naturally, someone steals it, let's it out of it's box and wham! all hell breaks loose. About 99.9% of the world population bites the big one and a relative handful, 855 men and 8 women are left in the Antarctic. Along comes a British sub with Chuck Connors in command! I guess the Japanese, who made this, think all English speaking people sound alike. Glenn Ford does a nice sweaty turn as the President with Robert Vaughn as his pain in the butt U.S. Senator. Bo Svenson is a Major in either the Army or Air Force because with that long hair, ain't no way he is in the Corp. This is a well made end-of-the-world type picture and it is too bad that is was a flop.
Streets of Fire (1984)
Shooters, Bombers and Blasters, Oh My!
Another surreal exercise in movie making from Walter Hill. I saw this in the theatre when it came out and all I could remember was "another time, another place", nothing else.I bought the DVD and reacquainted myself with it. Evidently an alternate reality earth is the setting for this picture which was made during the MTV music video's are where it's at, craze. A Pat Benatar like singer is nabbed by a bunch of leather boys who are supposed to be straight but after seeing Willem Dafoe, the leader,in his patent leather waders, I am not so sure. Plus, he is wearing way too much make-up. Enter said singer's ex, Cody, embodied by Michael Pare', as a sort of poor man's Sylvester Stallone. He looks like a country bumpkin but kicks ass like, well, Rambo. The singer's snotty little manager/boyfriend, Rick Moranis has hired Cody to get back his meal ticket/main squeeze. Rick Moranis' character is really annoying and I can't understand why he didn't get the s--t beaten out of him more often. Cody falls in with a tough ex-soldier who just happens to be a chick of ambiguous sexual preference. Ex-boyfriend, manager and mercenary head to the bad part of town to rescue the singer. Actually, the whole town looks pretty bad. The singer gets rescued with no problem which leads to a showdown with Cody and Raven, Willem Dafoe. They fight with sledge hammers, which is different. Naturally, Cody trounces Raven. The movie ends with another concert of Pat Benatar music except the singer is much better looking than Pat Benatar. Some interesting and cool stuff going on here. All the cars are vintage 40's and 50's. but I saw a modern color TV. A whole lot of guns were displayed and the rifles seemed to be all Winchester lever actions. Even the cops had Winchesters. Bill Paxton is in this and is wasted as a hapless bartender who gets punched out by Amy Madigan's butch merc. Deborah Van Valkenburgh is also wasted as Cody's sister. Why didn't the powers that be make E.G.Daily the singer/love interest? She actually can sing. Diane Lane,who played damsel in distress, Ellen Aim, had her singing dubbed. Daily was adorable. Her character's name was even Baby Doll. There is a stripper in the biker's hangout that I thought for sure was a dude at first, so the ambiguity continues. The dialog was forced or something, it sounded made up. Much was made of the music. It was after all a "rock and roll fable". My favorite song was at the end of the credits and was by The Fixx. Does anybody remember them? All in all a fairly enjoyable and well made flick.
PCU (1994)
a galaxy of past and future stars
I saw PCU in the theatre and a couple months later got to see the P-Funk All Stars at Lollapalooza, so that was pretty cool. I watch this movie about once a year on my old VHS and it still cracks me up. It had a lot of future and former TV stars in it. Jeremy Piven has done a ton of stuff since then. Megan Ward, (hot,hot,hot) went on to do Dark Skies, that cool alien invasion series on TV. Chris Young had Max Headroom to his credit, one of the coolest shows ever! Alex Desert had the very neat show,The Flash, behind him. I never realized what a science fictiony bunch they were. Just a lot of funny ideas very well done in this film. Pig Man watching TV nonstop for his thesis on the theory that a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie can be found anytime. The skateboard guys that aren't any good. The stoners fascinated by a spinning frisbee. Oh yeah, I almost forgot about Jon Favreau, I heard he's supposed to be directing the new Iron Man movie. He played the house metalhead, Gutter. That guy has come a LONG way. David Spade did what he does best, he was a snotty little t--d. Jessica Walter, a hotty in her own right, was the only "grown-up" star, as the college president. Sort of an Animal House for the '90's, with political correctness being the central theme. If I remember correctly, I was the only guy in the theatre when I saw this. I'm glad it's finding it's audience on DVD. I'm gonna go out and buy one and while I'm at it, I'll get a Starland Vocal Band CD, too.
How to Murder Your Wife (1965)
Splunk!
I fell in love with Virna Lisi when I saw this movie as a kid. I was about 10. I've got the DVD now and laugh out loud at all the great lines. "Yes, old bat is what I said and old bat is what I meant!" Eddie Mayehoff, god, the man was amazing. Jack Lemmon's Stanley Ford is the epitome of the kind of man who reads Playboy way back in 1965. After getting smashed at a friends bachelor party and marrying the sexy girl who comes out of the cake, he and his man servant, Charles, the brilliant Terry Thomas, scheme to get things back the way they were. If only Stanley can keep his pants on long enough. Using his comic strip character, Bash Brannigan, to do what he can't, Stanley makes the world think he has murdered his wife when she has only run away. The court room scene is a howler, "Push the button, Harold." "The goop from the gloppita, gloppita machine." "Brrrrrrrrp, Blaaaaap!" You need to see this movie to understand what these lines mean. One thing, that red head, at the beginning. Did she ever leave any high heels in Stanley's apartment?
Hide and Creep (2004)
Dawn of the Red(neck)
Well, what can I say. When you are only about five minutes into a movie and you see a guy wearing a white tee-shirt....and NOTHING else! I got this used at a game store, (three movies for ten bucks, how can I go wrong?) I got my money's worth. Another in a seemingly endless stream of brand X zombie movies. Everyone involved seemed to be having fun. The makeup was subpar, all the zombies looked like people that needed a good night's sleep. Some of the guns were obviously starter pistols, or something. This time, an infestation of "R.C."s, reanimated corpses, invades Dixie. Played about half for laughs and half for horror, neither half ever delivers the goods 100%. Does that make sense? The plot is fairly straight forward and involves aliens, lesbian strippers, good ol' boy gun nuts, a pretty cool video store owner, who was also the director,(he kinda reminded me of Joel Robinson from MST3K), and a feisty, fairly hot secretary. The copy on the box compared this favourably to Shaun of the Dead, lies! all lies! I did laugh though when one guy who was starting to "turn" tried munching on himself and a reverend also turning after being bitten, cut loose with a stream of profanity in the pulpit. If you can get it as cheap as I did then buy it, otherwise, it's good for a rental. Get some barbecue and a six pack of Coke, (not Pepsi) and soak up the Southern hospitality.
Zone Troopers (1985)
Big Red One meets Outer Limits
This movie was pretty much a hoot. Being a fan of WWII and Science Fiction films it had everything a growing boy needs. Charles Band and his company have a good track record turning out good cheesy fun. Tim Thomerson is "Sarge" the battle hardened vet with the tommygun. His character may have been inspired by Lee Marvin's in "The Big Red One" because they both are evidently impossible to kill. It struck me funny that the guy blew himself up,(along with a Nazi) but when he reappears at the end of the film his buddies take it as granted. The young punk kid is the only person with a clue to what's happening because he reads comic books, (see,I told you Mom) A spacecraft crashlands in Italy and the sole survivor is captured by the Wehrmacht. It is important enough that ol' Hitler hisself comes down to take a look and gets punched in the face by one of our boys that was captured. Well, Dogfaces team up with Bugeyes and proceed to kick a little Kraut behind with some nifty rayguns. Some waxy looking dudes who look kind of human show up to rescue the bugeyed alien. Were they the same species? I don't know. The dialog was fairly spot on and the weapons looked authentic. There was a very weird looking German tank that shows up. I'm sure it was homemade. All in all a pretty entertaining film.
Sahara (1943)
It's like Zulu, only different
Surely, some of Humphrey Bogart's best work, if unheralded, his Sgt. Joe Gunn is a two-fisted, tommygun wielding tank commander, making the Nazis lives, literally, a living hell in "Sahara". Bogey and his two man crew pick up British stragglers and some POWs on their Lee tank. Supposedly, the allies came to hate the Lee, also called the Grant, for it's high silhouette and thin armor among other things. Here, however, it is up to the challenge of the Sahara and the Afrika Korps. Desperately short of water, the "Lulubelle"'s motley crew arrive at an "oasis", only to discover that the well ain't all it's cracked up to be. Add five hundred thirsty Germans and you have got a crackerjack, action packed war film actually made during World War II. Early on, the tank is strafed and after a few passes they take out the plane with one well placed shot from their 37mm cannon with a few rounds from the machine gun for good measure. That is about the only far fetched scene in the whole film. Really good last stand kind of stuff and a good misty eye inducing final speech make this one of my favorite WWII films.I watch it on a VHS tape. I kind of like the spots and streaks and stuff. It reminds me of watching this movie on TV when I was a kid.
The Thing (1982)
Licensed to Chill
"First g--d--- week of Winter." With that line, Kurt Russell as R.J.Macready, the rock solid helicopter pilot, paints a bleak picture of what is to come in John Carpenter's The Thing. Twelve men living in the Antarctic are confronted by a mysterious and terrifying "Thing" from outer space. The Thing it is revealed, crash-landed 100,000 years ago and frozen, was dug up by a team of Norwegians who allow it to thaw with disastrous consequences. After arriving in the American camp in the guise of a dog, the Thing goes after Kurt Russell and his comrades, killing and replacing them, one by one. Who is human? Who is the Thing? The air of paranoia and suspense are practically palpable in a movie that if it does not scare you, then you are already dead. I love this movie. I watch it about once a month. Based on the short story,"Who goes There?" by John W. Campbell Jr., John Carpenter's picture has a group of regular guys thrust into highly irregular circumstances, threatened by a creature that can imitate exactly any living thing it touches. An all male cast and claustrophobic sets are a few of the unique aspects of the production. I see something new every time I watch it. Wilford Brimley is cast as Blair, the scientist who discovers the true nature of the Thing and decides to save the world,isolating the research station by destroying their transportation and radio equipment. Beautifully shot in Canada and Alaska and using then (1982) state of the art special effects, The Thing is the perfect movie to curl up with on a cold Winter's night. The characters are entirely believable and their sense of isolation and panic are easily felt by the viewer. Beware, there are some squeam inducing scenes with plenty of alien goo and guts. I highly recommend this movie for all those who love suspense and horror. I think it is also some of Kurt Russell's best work.