tone143 Reviews

Nate and Hayes (1983)

Bad film

[4/10 · 7 May 2011]

Right out of the gate,you know this is copping off of Raiders(any knob could see that).A super-cheese fest written(oddly enough)by one of the funniest screenwriters ever,the late great John Hughes--some of his wit managed to infuse itself onto the screen here,but it's a bare fizzle.If it'd been written as a all-out satire of Raiders & 30's & 40's thriller serials,it might have worked.You know,there are a lot of bad films out there,and why I've decided to pick on this one,I don't know.In fact,I've only written 2 or 3 negative reviews--I'm more likely to sing the praises of a great film,not having the need to elevate my insecure ego all the time.But maybe that's what I'm doing...but seriously,this IS a weak film--Tommy Lee Jones is a great actor,and I'm sure he wouldn't care much if this one disappeared off of his resume.

Session 9 (2001)

There was a lot of blood,Doc.

[8/10 · 15 April 2011]

This movie cops some of its moves from Kubrick's "The Shining" and maybe a bit from "The Changeling"(in so far as its use of the wheelchair as a conduit for the supernatural),but its more homage to these films,not ripoff--it's a fine line between the two,but this is a genuinely creepy movie,made for next to nothing,and using high-speed digital cameras,which give it a look I've not seen--maybe David Lynch's "Inland Empire",but it's still looks way different.Great movie,good actors,a feeling of dread pervading everything--this film disturbed me,for sure.There's one thing I've wondered about,and it's the guy who's drawn to the session tapes--it must be some predestination that he finds the tapes right off the bat--you could say that that's contrived,but I think it still works.

Bullitt (1968)

If "Bullitt" is a 7.5,then "French Connection" must be a 12!

[6/10 · 14 May 2009]

For me,this film was nothing but a springboard for a superior film made 2 years later--obviously,The French Connection.Philip D'Antoni(the producer for both films)must've thought something like,"Let's do the same thing,but with a more compelling script,better actors,better directing,better car chase,hell..better everything."Or maybe I'm wrong--again,it never ceases to confound me a bit as to the overall ratings for films on IMDb--if Bullitt scored a 7.5,then French Connection would have to come in at 12 or so.I'll admit,Bullitt was cool stuff for '68,but how well does it really hold up now,even in spite of romanticized posterity,sentimentality for a bygone era?I suffer from that as well,but taking a step back,and getting a sober context on film history..well,I think the ratings would alter just a bit.

The Guardian (1990)

Underrated!

[6/10 · 27 May 2008]

To all those who gave this a 4 or less--you wouldn't know a good piece of film-making if it bit you in the ass.Granted,it's one of Friedkin's lesser efforts,but it blows away 95% percent of the horror films out there,in my opinion.There's some cornball stuff in it,but there's a well-executed kind of tension in the way it's filmed-great cinematography,a mood to some of the scenes that is creepy & effective.Also,I think the distributors made a mistake pumping the fact it was from "the director of the Exorcist".Big mistake.Anyhow,most people would think "The Hand that Rocks The Cradle" was a better movie(it scores a 6.2)than "The Guardian",but there's no accounting for taste,as the man said.

Elves (1989)

Unintentional masterpiece of good/bad horror,in the tradition of Edward D. Wood

[27 May 2008]

This is a laugh-riot,right down there with Ed Wood's "Plan 9" for sheer incompetence.I must admit,I've never been sure just how much camp the filmmakers were shooting for with "Elves".I think with films this bad(good),the director just gives up at one point and goes for schlock & laughs.The acting is abysmal(Dan Haggerty's a million laughs),the Elf is a rubber mask on a broomstick,the whole nazi eugenics thing comes out of nowhere near the end and makes zero sense,but as another fellow wrote here,I laughed my ass off.Although I'm a recovering addict,a little maryjane might enhance the experience.btw,the scene where the nasty dept. store manager,Hugh,tries to pay Haggerty in doughnuts,and then Haggerty gets locked out of his trailer,with no smokes..it's like an outtake from "Strange Brew".I laughed until I soiled myself.

Blood Feast (1963)

Wow,is this bad!!

[2/10 · 18 October 2007]

Ed Wood was not alone in his total ineptitude as a filmmaker.H.G. Lewis was every bit as bad.This is such a lurid piece of crapola(I don't what kind of film stock they used,but it involved a kool-aid emulsifier of some kind-everything has a cartoonish,unearthly,almost radioactive glow to it-I'm sure the stuff cost next to nothing,for color film).If you've got a taste for the superbad,this one's got it all!!Oh,yes,I'd almost forgotten..there's a 10-line minimum on these comments-I've never understood that,but..anyhow,here's some recommendations for anyone who got a chuck out of this movie:Plan 9 From Outer Space,Night Of The Ghouls,Andy Warhol's Dracula/Andy Warhol's Frankenstein(both of which are played for laughs,but are ridiculous nonetheless).Other titles escape me,but..hey,wait,is that 10 lines??

Breakfast of Champions (1999)

4.1?

[6/10 · 12 October 2007]

Yes,"Breakfast Of Champions" is a brilliant original literary work by Kurt Vonnegut.No,the film adaptation does not do justice to the multi-layered masterpiece.Sure,maybe Robert Altman,Terry Gilliam,or David Lynch might have made better versions of it than Alan Rudolph.But a 4.1?When derivative pieces like "Disturbia",or mindless action films(I could name 50)are scoring 6's and 7's on IMDb,something is seriously out of whack.The performances alone in Breakfast are worth the price of admission,and it's got some quirky,twisted little comic moments in it.Maybe it didn't quite capture the profundity of the book like Slaughterhouse Five did,but c'mon,let's get real here.I think that maybe hardcore cult film afficianados thought it was too commercial(or something?),and the general audience out there didn't really give a rat's ass either way,so I guess that explains the 4.1.I'm giving it a well-deserved 6.Thanks.

Limbo (I) (1999)

Mary Elizabeth's pipes

[6/10 · 11 October 2007]

This was a perfectly fine little human drama-John Sayles has a great insight into the human heart.Major problem for me was how uniquely terrible Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio's singing voice is-I spent half the film cringing at flat,reedy notes that put me in mind of Jennifer Warnes with ZERO talent.I realize that Sayles wanted to keep it naturalistic and real,having her be just an OK singer,but her voice could peel paint!Anyhow,not a bad film overall.Oh,right...I have to write 10 lines,minimum...isn't that a lame-ass condition of this comments page?...I'm sure you'd agree..is it ten lines yyyyeettt???BTW,Mary Elizabeth is still the stunning Italian power-vixen she's always been.Is that ten fricking lines yet?

Masters of Horror (2005–2007)

Can anyone recommend a good one(s)?

[30 September 2007]

Hey,everybody!I'm a big horror fan,and after seeing two episodes of "Masters Of Horror",I'm not that impressed.Mind you,I've only seen "The Washingtonians"(I expected more out of Peter Medak,director of the classic "The Changeling"),also the one about the writer who moves in to an apartment building filled with hack writers,and is predestined to finish the story about a big bad demon and a girl,that is actually happening in the walls of the building(wow,that was bad!),and the one about the duelin' serial killers was good-great black humor-Michael Moriarty was worth some laughs.Anyhow,before I waste another $6,can anyone be so kind as to tell me which episode(s) are happening?I would really appreciate it.Thanks in advance-

Tony

The Testament of Dr. Mabuse (1933)

Bug-headed svengali

[9/10 · 16 April 2007]

For me,this film is as watershed as Citizen Kane for technique,and it's as creepy as any horror film-much more psychologically subtle than most.Mabuse is like some Kafkaesque nihilistic infection bent on mindless yet cunningly wrought crime & carnage/world domination.The guy has somehow mastered astral projection & mind-control,but still must rely on smoke 'n mirrors,"guy behind the guy" tactics.When I proposed this one for a Friday night movie club,a couple of the young guys(25 yrs. old or so)booed the idea of a quasi-silent German film,but 2 hours later they were sold on Lang,admitting that just for sheer technique,the film was way ahead of its time.The bottom line is that talent's talent,and Fritz Lang had the goods.Maybe just one tiny peeve about Des Testament Das Dr. Mabuse-Detective Lohmann's name is barked,yowled & trumpeted so many times in the film(it's gotta be about a hundred),that you're thinking',"Okay..so I guess the guy's name is Lohmann."

Lady in the Water (2006)

Arrested State of Development

[3/10 · 27 July 2006]

I find Night to be one of the most fantastically overrated directors of our time.Sure,"The Sixth Sense" and "Signs" were fine efforts,but I find his work too broad,childish,and formulaic(especially his endings,which make his movies feel like hollow,manipulative constructions predicated on one cheap hook).I know he's the eternal child,and that's real sweet,but it is in fact the 17 & under crowd his films appeal to(I'm hoping).

Paul Giammati's performance in this film was brilliant,but he always is,so....there were some cool shots,a few cheap shocks...but what's with Night's fixation on spiky-headed beasts?Was he attacked by a rabid porcupine as a child?Goofy movie.By the way,for those of you who gave it a 10,what could or would you give movies like "The Shining" or "Rosemary's Baby"?A 23,that's what I'd give 'em.

Mulholland Drive (2001)

A true work of art

[10/10 · 18 May 2005]

This film contains such profoundly layered Jungian intricacies,and is a visual treat(as all of Lynch's films are),that it is sure to be heralded as a watershed masterpiece in 40 years(or so).Deep,resonating images you can riff on in your head for hours of disturbing fun.Lynch has an almost preternatural sense for wholly original archetypes,like the bin-diver as diseased vanity/Hollywood dream death-catcher,inert yet serving as some passage between the collective unconscious and realization.The Cowboy,who encapsulates the "system",the bottom-line commercial monster that is Hollywood.This film is really a death dream indictment of Hollywood itself,a "Sunset Boulevard" in a Dante-esquire? reverse direction,in the sense of an eternal recurrence run backward-Lynch's films have this strand running through them-and the endings are really quite upbeat,spiritually,anyway-Laura goes to heaven in "Fire Walk With Me",and Diane/Betty dissolves off into a sort of lalaland of perpetual Academy Award infinite orgasm,so that's cool.For those of you uncomfortable with this movie,watch it again-well worth it!

The 4th Floor (1999)

Homage?Influence?How about good,old-fashioned RIP-OFF!

[23 September 2004]

If the majority of these reviews were written by people under 28,you're forgiven.If not,well-there's a monstrous gap in your film education.

Since every last plot line,lighting concept,and even verbatim dialogue was copped directly from Polanski's "The Tenant"(masterpiece)and Hitchcock's "Rear Window"(another masterwork),a proper homage should have been done here,since the control-maniac weatherman boyfriend went to all the trouble to re-create the paranoid world of the film,"The Tenant",in order to force his independent girlfriend to move back in with him,including the elaborate hieroglyphic hallucinations(courtesy of Ms. Simone Schuul,of "The Tenant").The 2 films should have been featured as "characters" in the movie.Of course,this would require the film to elevate itself to black comedy,which requires talent,none of which was present here,except 2 talented actors selling out to do a parasitic piece of cr_p like this.If you want to see a way better ripoff of "The Tenant",see "Apartment Zero"(1987?),a South American production with Colin firth and Hart Bochner.At least there's an original twist there.

Mystic River (2003)

Multi-layered moral reflection required

[31 July 2004]

Endings with complex moral ambiguities to them are an uncomfortable challenge for me,unless the film has some real substance to it,and this one sure did.Eastwood really stepped out here-he's sure not the moral conservative I thought he was(although "Unforgiven" was something of an unexpected detour for him).Although I might not have "agreed" with certain choices made by particular characters in this film,and that a certain resigned nihilism might have been its final message,it is still one of the best acted movies I've seen in some time.The themes in it will get under your skin and not let go for a bit.Incredible ensemble cast,especially Penn and Robbins.I'll be honest here-I would only recommend this film to folks with a higher than average intelligence.I realize that that's a sh__ty thing to say,but is it not the case?

Secret Window (2004)

Koepp is distinctively without style

[3/10 · 11 July 2004]

I suppose if you've never seen any Hitchcock,Polanski,Lynch,or DePalma,and are under 25,you might have found this film suspenseful and disturbing.If you know your movies,then you found this to have a hackneyed premise,formulaic direction,and "movie of the week" scripting.I think Koepp should stick to adapting novels for other,more talented directors to re-invent.Bad film.I gave it a 3 because it was filmed near my place.Believe me,I'd like more than anything for an American movie filmed here in Vancouver to be good,but only about 3 have,and hundreds have been shot here.Too bad.Oh yeah,the "shooter" connection-what a pathetic case of a novelist cannibalizing his own stuff:"Redrum" from "The Shining",now "Shoot Her".Lame.Should be "Shoot 'em"/"Shoot Him"(lol)

Fight Club (1999)

I still gave it a "7"

[7/10 · 11 July 2004]

The fantasy of a neo-marxist movement run by an unassuming white-collar schmo and his sh_t-kickin' doppelganger,recruiting sociopathic dudes for an anarchic terrorist movement is an adolescent wannabe "gangsta's" wet dream.The incredible popularity of this movie is a sign of how hollow things have gotten in this society.This movie is definitely a technical achievement though,it's neo-cool colors and lighting and bravado camera-work by David Fincher("Seven")are unrivaled,but the real philosophical substance is blind nihilism bound with a good deal of blue-collar angst.There are a few great movies out there that end with nothing but the void to face-this one strangely glorifies it.Watch "A Clockwork Orange"(a lot more layers to it)

Spider-Man 2 (2004)

Best escapist fare in years!

[8/10 · 10 July 2004]

This was the greatest pure escapism,along with films like "Raiders Of The Lost Ark",and "Superman",I've experienced in years.Being 12 again,and getting right inside the movie,was a blast!I mean,the fact that cornball dialogue and broad,predictable humor can be pulled off with such finesse is a massive achievement on Sam Raimi's and Alvin Sargent's part.Somehow,the whole tragedy of Doc Ock had some impact that is unheard of in this genre.Molina gave it some real humanity.The line "I'm not going out as a monster" brought a light mist to this viewer's peepers.By the way,what does anyone out there think of this 10 line minimum thing?I had to stretch this out-all I wanted was the first 2 lines in.

Don't Look Now (1973)

Do Look Now!

[8/10 · 26 June 2004]

Let me start by saying that any Roeg film is worth watching(the guy could shoot a bowl of soup and create tension)."The Man Who Fell To Earth",and "Walkabout" are personal favorites of mine,the whole theme of alienation and the inexorable change produced by a collision of world psychologies being a natural for Roeg.Instead of super-sensitive alien out to rescue his planet from dehydration(which is really an optional pretext,the film not really being about that),or the primal awakenings of two young Australian kids left to their own devices in the outback by their psychotic father,forging a life-changing relationship with an aboriginal boy,"Don't Look Now" is essentially the story of a man whose devotion to detail and rationality blinds him to the psychogenic realm,and his own inherent ability to see into it,that he ends up dying a gruesome and bizarrely unpredictable death.Why this man is punished by fate,or God,or by his own stubbornness is one of the most elusive metaphysical ideas I've ever seen in a film.I believe that contained in the moment,where Sutherland "sees" his daughter's drowning,AND the melting slide photo with the blood cascading from what at that point in the film we believe to be his daughter,in her plastic red raincoat,sitting in one of the pews in the picture of a church he'll soon be restoring,is the key to the mystery.An unholy parallelism seems to be hatched here-his very human,and TOTAL love and concern for his daughter has blinders on it(whose doesn't?),and any ominous clairvoyance on his part is relegated to his subconscious.In any case,this is a totally unique movie,and the strange sisters lend a great,modern Shakespearian feel to the film.Obviously,Roeg's cinematography is outstanding!

Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead (1995)

Fantastic black comedy!

[7/10 · 30 May 2004]

Obviously,anyone who liked "Reservoir Dogs" is gonna like this film.The acting is top-drawer,and whether the depth of its reflections on mortality(and immortality?)are that profound,might be the point of contention for those who liked,or disliked the movie.I felt the film's strength was the reality of crazed desperation in the characters,played by some of the greats in modern film.It goes without saying that Christopher Walken's quadrapalegic crime lord had the same fantastic,twisted,and arrogant evil most of his characters have.I also thought Treat Williams proved he could play a character with more diseased depth than I thought him capable of.I found only one serious break in the strand of plausibility in the movie.When Williams' has beaten and threatened the boyfriend at least twice(it's quite clear Williams is no one to screw with),the boyfriend persists in aggravating him,his last insult being,"You dumb c__t."It strikes me that a guy who's a doctor,who we assume to be fairly stable,would commit something so close to suicide?It just doesn't play,and it's a bit of a plot contrivance.Otherwise,i thought it was pretty good.

Cold Creek Manor (2003)

Not good

[4/10 · 24 April 2004]

I found it a little depressing to see a talented filmmaker like Figgis(Leaving Las Vegas)sell out for 2nd,or even 3rd rate material.This thing copped most of its imagery from "The Ring",and somehow shades of "Cape Fear",at least in the psychological sense.I found the performances strangely self-conscious,with the exception of Stephen Dorff,who really wastes his talent in this film.Don't ask me why,but I found Christopher Plummer's cameo-role mildly annoying.If that was in part what was intended,so be it,but it added up to jack sh-t.So did the background deal with Dale Massie having killed his family.I don't see that as having any resonance in terms of a cohesive strand within a plot.It's just sort of arbitrary and contrived.I was happy to see that this film scored under 5(it's rare that people get real honest about how bad a film is)

Mr. Deeds (2002)

Wretchedly bad film

[2/10 · 20 April 2004]

I have yet to see a comedy(the weakest of all genres)so painfully obvious in every way as Mr. Deeds.Every "punchline" clunked so totally,I was compelled to watch it all the way through.Perverse thing to do,I'll grant you,but this was so consistently un-funny that I hung tough just to make sure NOTHING WHATSOEVER was worth laughing at,so that I could confidently state that this film sucked real bad.I recall everyone railing on Billy Madison and Little Nicky-they're masterpieces compared to Mr. Deeds.Also,I had the misfortune of watching Anger Management the same night,and it was also quite bad.Nicholson is not a comic-actor.Dark humour-he's a master.Over-the-top comedy:he sucks.

Mr. Deeds (2002)

This is one for the Worst 100 Films"log award"

[2/10 · 24 March 2004]

Every last gag or (punch)line,or "wacky" character fell flat on its ass in this movie.I wonder at how a top-notch cast like this would be involved in a piece of vacuous shyte like Mr. Deeds?This is,by a sad margin,Sandler's worst work ever.I predict that whoever directed this will not work for awhile.Oh,right-I HAVE to write ten lines.Why?I do not know.How 'bout a chant?"Mr. Deeds,weak indeed!" Oh,I neglected to mention how adolescently stunted the script was!Maybe it was one of the new,untalented,staff writers from SNL.God,it's weak just like Deeds.Right-and Winona ryder is not funny.She's a fantastic-looking woman,but she's best advised to stick to straight drama.Hey-you think my ten lines are done?!

Chilly Scenes of Winter (1979)

Underrated & overlooked

[7/10 · 17 March 2004]

I never knew this was retitled(I'm sure it really cleaned up as a result!).I normally don't like romantic comedies,but this one stands out as a realistic and melancholy rendering of a love affair,with subtle laughs all throughout.It ain't Annie Hall,but it ain't bad either.I gave it a 7 only because most romantic comedies suck. You HAVE to write 10 lines.You'd think they'd want to curb long-winded diatribes(like some of the ones I write).Well,don't you find it oddly coincidental that John Heard(who is confused by name with John Hurt)stars with Mary Beth Hurt in this movie,and that for fleeting moments,John Heard (somewhat) resembles William Hurt in this film?And that none of these people are any more closely related to each other than we are?(excepting that you're my cousin Gino reading this,which is unlikely,since Gino is mentally-challenged)

Holes (2003)

Goofy but good

[7/10 · 15 December 2003]

I'm a 40-yr-old,relatively normal man,and I thought this was a quirky piece requiring massive suspension of disbelief,but once you got there,the spirit of this movie is really inspiring.Great cast and decent direction.

Identity (2003)

Split narrative

[8/10 · 6 October 2003]

Totally brilliant-to have the interior,recurring nightmare "model" of events eternally? looping through his fractured mind playing off of an assumed linear "whodunit" narrative was inspired.They work against each other in the quantum sense of time and space,and by working backward and forward at the same time,they end up arriving at an intersection,a perfect landing.Not since films like Tarkovsky's "Solaris",or "The Usual Suspects"("Identity" isn't quite in their league),have I seen this pulled off with such cinematic finesse.