Apollo_Tweed Reviews

13 Tzameti (2005)

I want my 2 hours back

[3/10 · 16 July 2006]

This is possibly the most pointless film I have ever seen and certainly one of the worst. We never get to know or care about the main character, there is no plot to speak of and the dialogue is flat and bland.

I will give credit in saying that the acting was good and there was a fair amount of tension. The sharp monochrome photography was also good, as was the editing. But to what end was all of this talent put? A pointless farrago, the main subject of which was much better handled in THE DEER HUNTER and it was only a tiny element in that film. When I watch a movie, I require something to make the time worthwhile like story, character development or spectacle but the most interesting character here seemed to be the Police Inspector and he only had about two scenes.

You may ask: Why do I say I want my 2 hours back when the film only lasted 1 1/2 hours? The answer is I want extra time for compensation reasons. There are those who think that this is a good film. Then again there are also those who think that a pile of faeces in the Tate Gallery is art. Let's hope that the next film from this apparently talented young director will be a vast improvement.

King Kong (1933)

Not terrible, but extremely dated in effects and execution

[5/10 · 2 September 2004]

Did I watch the same film as everyone else?

Unlike other old classics, this film has not aged well at all. I am going to go against the critical opinion and say that I don't care for it, whilst recognising that it has ‘survived' the test of time as far as many viewers are concerned.

This is a film that like most modern blockbusters, relies on special effects for it's impact. There is a very thin plot. The film is merely a sequence of situations and set-pieces. There is nothing special about the dialogue and the acting is very cheesy. Unfortunately, the special effects, in this film by Willis O'Brien the stop-motion pioneer, are incredibly dated, far more dated than the work of Ray Harryhausen (which to my way of thinking, still hold up well to today's effects). Harryhausen completely outstripped his mentor and made stop-motion into a complete artform with proper animal movements and characterisation etc. O'Brien seems not to pay attention to proper movement or make any attempt to smooth out the animation, he seems to think that achieving animation is enough. His puppets also only ever look like puppets. What he achieved was fantastic for it's time, no doubt about it but it does not hold up for the modern viewer.

What does that leave us with then? Dated SFX against a background of a thin story, a script that joins the dots, corny acting and a largely offensive, racist view of island natives. It is also too violent and scary for young children. Don't get me wrong, the film has an undeniable charm and a sense of blazing a trail for the cinema of the day but in the final analysis, it is a film of it's time, not for ALL time. One for nostalgists and young children who don't easily scare only.

Mission: Impossible II (2000)

A sad attempt at an action movie in the Post-Matrix era

[2/10 · 25 May 2004]

I borrowed the DVD of this from a friend (whom I no longer speak to) (only joking!).

Among other things this movie pornographises violence (as I understand the term) for the sake of cheap thrills by showing that the human body can take so much more punishment than it actually can. There is no way that 2 people can smash into each other at 120mph, then fall 40 feet onto a beach and then stand up and then stand up and have a fight with each other for 10 minutes (unintentional laughter abounds). It sends out the wrong message to kids who might be unfortunate enough to be watching that this can happen. Hopefully, kids are more sophisticated than I think.

There is no dramatic tension in this movie at all and the plot, what plot? It self-destructed 5 seconds before the movie began. The characters have the depth of cardboard, which is an insult to cardboard and many good actors, including Cruise, are wasted - Anthony Hopkins appears to be wearing a grin during his scenes that seems to just be saying "I'm getting $1 million for saying 12 lines and being in the film 3 minutes. I love this job!".

Did I mention the unintentional laughter? This movie has it by the shed load. I kept expecting Charlie Sheen to appear during the endlessly absurd 'action' scenes and Tom Cruise tries desperately to be cool and stylish but comes off looking like a prat. I defy anyone to watch the scene where Tom walks past the burning doorway while the dove flies past and Dougray Scott says "Run that b*stard down!" without laughing. I sure as hell did.

I liked Face/Off and I generally like most of Mr Woo's other movies but this one should just be flushed down the pan - it is just a 2-hour commercial for crassness and stupidity.

I gave it a 2, I would have given it a 1 except for the added entertainment value of the unintentional laughter. You deserve much better than this so don't waste your time or money. No wonder that now, only 4 years after its release it is occupying the bottom of DVD bargain bins. Recommended only for people who thought that 'Armageddon' was a good movie.

Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger (1977)

Still holds up pretty well after 26 years

[7/10 · 4 December 2003]

After having re-visited Harryhausen's Sinbad trilogy recently, I have decided that this one, overall, compares very favourably with the other two. It is the most epic of the trilogy and has the most ambitious storyline (POSSIBLE SPOILER) involving a voyage into a lost world hidden behind the ice sheets at the North Pole (no doubt an idea partly influenced by Disney's 1974 'The Island at the Top of the World').

The creatures in this one are the least spectacular of the trilogy (THE SEVENTH VOYAGE & THE GOLDEN VOYAGE have better and more spectacular ones) but Harryhausen's artistry is as great as ever and he really should have been given a special accolade for imbuing Kassim the Baboon and the Troglodyte with so much character. It really is remarkable watching them 'act'. Demanding kids may find the creatures disappointing but now that I am older I can appreciate the fine work that went into realising them. Harryhausen's puppet work possesses a tangibility that CGI is only just now coming close to emulating.

I also find that I care about the characters in this film and what happens to them. The woodenness of the acting and the dialogue of the previous 2 films in some way stopped me from caring very much. This picture does not suffer in the same way, as both acting and dialogue, while nothing special, are better here. Jane Seymour is also very easy on the eye and is the best looking Sinbad girl of them all.

Overall, highly recommended for young (but not very young) children and for adults who were kids when it first came out and want to recapture some nostalgic vibes. I feel that this one is best for a sense of epic adventure and empathetic characters, THE SEVENTH VOYAGE OF SINBAD is best for the monsters and THE GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD is quite possibly the best of the trilogy overall.

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Mr Tarantino has finally made a mediocre movie

[5/10 · 4 November 2003]

This is the first Tarantino disappointment. After the brilliance of the excellent 'Reservoir Dogs', 'Pulp Fiction' and 'Jackie Brown', all pretty much instant classics, this seems like a backward step for the director. It seems more like the sort of movie he should have made as his first or second movie, not his fourth.

The storytelling is what's at fault here. It is told in a too straightforward and simplistic style and the pacing is way off for this first part. It is full of pauses and the dialogue is only regular action movie dialogue not Tarantino dialogue, so the fans of his dialogue may wish to skip this one. I do feel that the movie could have all been fitted into one 2-½ hour film if it had tighter editing. Harvey Weinstein's advice to Tarantino not to cut anything smacks more of a money-making ploy than a way to tell the story in a more efficient way.

The acting is generally good but tends to veer unpredictably between convincing and a hammy.

The action is top notch however and Tarantino is on top form in his first movie as an action director, although we are definitely in over the top movie land territory towards the end!

One element the movie does not lack however is style, the blending of the manga anime with the live action works well and Uma does look great in those leathers!

Highlights of the movie include the Sonny Chiba segment and the very amusing scene around the council table in Tokyo that's not for the squeamish!

By the way, if you are squeamish I would advise you either to skip the movie or to not eat before you see it.

Overall this is Tarantino's darkest movie yet and it certainly has an oppressive atmosphere but it is certainly no classic. I am looking forward to Vol. 2 though – it can only get better.

Unforgiven (1992)

The last great western

[9/10 · 18 July 2003]

I can't really see how westerns could get any better than this and I'm not surprised that filmmakers since have been put off from competing with it.

The story is well thought out.

The script is literate and thoughtful and as close as we'll get to accuracy.

The acting is top-drawer - Gene Hackman of course, but also the normally wooden Eastwood. Morgan Freeman, Richard Harris and even the young buck Jaimz Woolvett are mightily impressive.

One of the most thoughtful westerns and meditations on the west and gun violence that has been, or is ever likely to be made.

It is a must see for anyone with more than a passing interest in cinema.

The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

Fondly remembered film from childhood - A nostalgia trip!

[6/10 · 18 July 2003]

I remember this being on TV once when I was a kid.

I never saw it all the way through but my dad managed to tape the last 25 minutes of this movie and I used to repeatedly watch this section over and over again when I was 10 or 11 - to me it was a kind of video nasty, a gory and sexy movie that kids of my age shouldn't be watching and I felt more grown up.

I had not scene the film at all since 1986-7 when the other week I saw the DVD on sale for £5.99 - I had to buy it.

I had such a pang of nostalgia rewatching the last 25 minutes again but when it came to watching the film all the way through, I was disappointed. The whole thing is very amauterishly done and the story seems thrown together and rushed. The acting is wooden at best. The build up to the final climactic 25 minutes was just nowhere near as good as the fondly remembered last section.

The soundtrack however is the best thing about this movie and should be released on CD in its own right - It is a lush amalgam of Korngold's Errol Flynn scores, Richard Strauss and Wagner. This surely can not be the same David Whitaker who composed video game music in the laste 80's and early 90's?!!

Overall, because of the disappointment I can only recommend this movie to nostalgia freaks like myself - It has little to offer a modern audience.

Minority Report (2002)

Along with 'Gattaca' this is the best genre Sci-Fi movie since 'Blade Runner'

[8/10 · 13 June 2003]

A superb, long (possibly the biggest flaw), thought-provoking and gripping thriller from a short story by the great sci-fi visionary Philip K. Dick, this is one of the very best movies of 2002.

The story does not stick close to Dick's original story but I care not as what Spielberg has achieved is truly a riveting and absorbing sci-fi thriller that like so few other modern sci-fi movies, does not rely on action for its effect but ideas. There is certainly enough action to please most people however.

Tom Cruise gives a great performance in an atypical role - he is hero with deeply ingrained flaws - and has to carry the film as he is in almost every scene.

The plot is excellent. The script is spare and incisive and even manages to find room for humour - kudos to the writers. Spielberg takes a few artistic risks and here unveils what is possibly his darkest film to date.

A great movie, a superior companion piece to that other excellent Summer 2002 release, Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. It is most heartening that films of this quality are being released during the summer months when as recently as 1998 we had to make do with trash like 'Armageddon', 'Godzilla', and 'The Avengers'. (I think that it is primarily 'The Matrix' that is responsible for the upsurge in the quality of summer blockbusters)

Similar movies recommended: Total Recall, The Game, The Fugitive (1993)