ElJay-W Reviews

Echo (2023–2024)

Yawnworthy and feels like work to watch

[4/10 · 11 May 2024]

It's so boring. What's worse, is that it genuinely feels like work to watch.

Look, I'm a Feige fan. I'm here for ALL of it (and have been since before it was cool), but this? Oof, yawnworthy. The Daredevil universe has always been one of the weakest areas of the MCU. I hold my nose every single time. Echo is an interesting concept, one that I'm interested in esp since I have a deaf sister. It's just so "meh" that I struggled to even remember it existed. At some point between episodes I completely forgot about it. What's worse, is that it genuinely feels like work to watch.

I'm not going to pick it apart like a critic. From a watch/don't watch recommendation perspective tho, I say keep your time and go rewatch something more interesting. Minimum character limit met.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

Well done, entertaining "Top Gun Anniversary" celebration!

[8/10 · 29 May 2022]

Excellent moviemaking! Some fun for nearly everyone. Story of a man who is the undeniably the GOAT, proving that he's still got it and whipping the young bucks into shape to be the next generation. They should NOT make more, but this was great.

Some quick "is this worth it?" math... Tom Cruise running? Check. OK, we're good. Because everyone knows - Tom Cruise has *never* made a good movie where he wasn't running.

All the obligatory TC "Man of Action" requirements are met: authentic stunt work, motorcycle, planes (obvi), some form of PG-Rated PDA with the girl... all set to a good soundtrack.

Ample homages to the VHS source material as well (so much so that you don't need to re-watch it, thank you) without insulting anyone's memory of intelligence - yay!

Some genuine tear-jerking moments here (Val Kilmer, man), a well as some uniquely military-based fun, a "dad" moment or two and a weird "immortal grown teenager" scene that made me laugh for lots of reasons and it's a wrap: traditional old-school movie gold, truly.

Oddly enough, the best thing TG:M did here was to advertise the next Tom Cruise movie - Mission Impossible 146 (or whatever). I now can't WAIT to see that.

Bottom line? Go see it in the theater and get popcorn.

Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)

Pretty, lazy, and only loosely-based on the previous stories

[4/10 · 13 April 2021]

This movie was a hot-ass mess. I really enjoyed the previous Hollow Earth Godzilla and Kong: Skull Island stories.

The tragedy of GvK is that it begs you not to think too hard about the physics, science, technology and biology it relies on for its worldbuilding - concepts that were handled with some thought and care in previous adventures. These concepts now seem to have been given to a caffeinated child with a video game addiction.

Strip out the A+ special effects in GvK and you're basically watching a boring sequence of "character development" cut scenes between epic boss battle sequences. They failed to make me care about any of the characters, human or otherwise. This movie is lazy and hopes that we really care that so-and-so is a friend or son or cousin or spent time with one of characters in the past movies.

They probably had to cut a LOT of content to make the "surprise special boss" character work without it being a three-hour slog. It doesn't help the world-building at ALL though.

Worth exactly ONE watch.

Bloodshot (2020)

Sometimes you just want junk food. This delivers.

[6/10 · 15 May 2020]

Bloodshot is exactly as a comic book action movie should be and nothing more: overcolored eye candy, cast with the right good guy (typical Vin), cast with the right bad guy (typical Guy Pearce), an easily-digestable twist, bad guys get theirs... annnd pose! Cue the sunset. Cut/print. Sometimes you just want junk food. This delivers. I'm happy. You happy?

Ad Astra (2019)

Shiny garbage

[2/10 · 1 October 2019]

I am not a fan. This pretty, over-baked nonsense revives old-school tropes about space, and the thin lines between brilliance, insanity and duty vs self. It's a Rorschach test with the words "butterfly" and "flower" written in the margins in pencil. This homage to 1960s space heads is ridiculously over-acted, full of plot holes and even the space science and physics (which the movie basically depends on) are insulting and I'm no scientist. Unless you're a Senior Citizen and/or REALLY like Brad Pitt don't bother.

Annabelle Comes Home (2019)

A PG-10 bedtime story with jump-scares. Yawn.

[4/10 · 1 July 2019]

Don't bother. It's boring, slow, did not meet it's potential of the previews in any way. While the previews say: "here's a rated-R horror movie involving babysitting teenagers and a room full of cursed, evil and/or possessed artifacts that a couple of occult weirdos have been collecting for decades - what could possibly go wrong?" - instead, you will watch a mildly disturbing bedtime story set in the 70s where you'll struggle to stay awake and will watch the credits roll wondering why it was rated "R" instead of PG or PG-13. There are animated TV shows on Nickelodeon that are more terrifying than this movie. Yawn.

Men in Black: International (2019)

Shameful Rehashed Frankenformula. Don't Bother.

[3/10 · 19 June 2019]

This movie was utterly and completely pointless and a horrible mess of a plot. I did not laugh once and barely even smiled. Unlike previous MIBs there was no comedy and zero chemistry between Hemsworth and Thompson.

There were clear checkboxes the moviemakers wanted to hit: big, world-ending alien (check), bigger, shinier guns (check), upgraded scene of weird aliens walking around MIB HQ (check), transforming MIB car (check), flashy-thing antics (check). It's like they gave the assignment to a college kid, that kid spat out the new Franken-screenplay and the producers just threw a half-dozen A-list actors into the roles and just ran with it. For the actors involved, this was an unabashed money grab - they didn't even have to change clothes! Just some green screen work and a few dozen lines. Other than that, it could've been a Saturday morning CGI cartoon. Shameful. Don't bother with this one. It's not even worth the $2 Redbox IMHO.

Us (II) (2019)

Entertaining Nonsense

[4/10 · 26 March 2019]

I didn't like it. I wanted to, but I just... didn't. It's a shame, too. As an avid movie-going African-American man married to a dreadlocked wife, a teenage girl and a young boy, no movie embodies my world better than the family dynamic in "Us". I am the dad in this movie. It's like he interviewed me. That said, this was two hours of what can best be described as entertaining nonsense. There's something there, just out of reach. A point to be mulled over, considered, talked about. I even saw it twice to be sure but... nah, it's definitely garbage. Maybe. Probably. The fact that I'm not sure is problematic and concerning.

I'm smarter than the average bear and honestly, like most art (and this IS art, no question) I feel like, if someone has to explain it, the artist did it wrong. Movies are not like other media. You get one, maybe two chances to make me relate and love your characters enough to care what happens to them - to make me watch the movie over and over again. I related and loved these characters, and tho I was captivated, I felt unsatisfied by anemic explanation of exactly what is going on in this movie's world, so at the end (two hours later), instead of what was obviously supposed to be an OMG moment of earth-shattering revelation, I'm wincing quizzically at the screen like, "Hmm. That's probably not good." (Yawn.)

In the horror movie genre, that's the definition of a dud.

I'll give it some time to marinate, as there's clearly a fton of subtext and Easter eggy iconography happening around the edges. Maybe it's a sleeper masterpiece and I just didn't get it yet (I'm hopeful). Still, if I'm leaving the theater twice unsatisfied, and not buzzing about what I just saw, wasn't the opportunity lost? Time will tell.

Aquaman (2018)

DC *finally* gets a win.

[7/10 · 20 December 2018]

DC *finally* gets a win. Aquaman is exactly right. It's doing all the things that a comic superhero action movie is supposed to do: be fun, exciting, entertaining, funny and have plenty of awesomeness sprinkled into a coherent story of conflict that leads up to some epic final battle. Check, check and check. Then they made it gorgeous, romantic, stylish and badass.

The Grinch (2018)

Commercial sugar cookie of a movie.

[4/10 · 19 December 2018]

Honestly, it's boring. This well-known story is an opportunity for writers and animators to have serious fun doing multi-layered holiday-based humor that ends with an epic, baked-in heart-warming finale that we all know is coming. Sadly, they dropped the ball hard on this one. I *wanted* to like it, I really did, but extreme close-ups on wide-eyed cutesy (or emo) character models only get you so far.

If they'd spent half the time they devoted to animating hair, fur and snow on clever writing, smooth editing and deeper character chemistries, this would have been an instant classic - a hilarious, hysterical but heart-warming and tear-jerking, family-bonding all-ages reminder that "Christmas is within" - at just the right time of year.

This... this is a commercial sugar cookie of a movie. It's not great (or even good), but it's sweet and it's pretty, and it's seasonal.

Bottom line: It's a good one-time way to distract little kids for 90-minutes. Nothing more.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

I was a skeptic about all that hype, but it's all true, and worth every dime.

[7/10 · 19 May 2005]

I was a skeptic about all that hype. All those advertisements… all the previews. Yecch. The ads are everywhere and, like always, I figured that they were overcompensating for a poorly-written script wrapped in shiny CG graphics and spearheaded by a clever marketing guy looking to pickpocket a handful of singles in exchange for a couple hours of disappointment. This time around, I didn't think it was remotely possible for ANYTHING to live up to this kind of hype.

But surprisingly… *wonderfully*… nope. I was wrong.

This is one of the FEW times that all that hype, all the shameless movie plugs, toys, t-shirts, candy, (burgers?) and all the sickening over-advertisements were all because the movie actually IS a "profound!", "thumbs up", "ten out of ten", "movie hit of the year!" But it's all true. The movie is truly exceptional and it delivers. Simply put, it's every reason I go to the movies and earns every ounce of praise. I've never said that before, but I got way more than I bargained for and came out awestruck and smiling. Hell, I even wanted to clap at the end! … and if George Lucas was in the audience, I'd have to shake his hand. This was worth the wait.

10/10

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

The Ending, explained.

[9/10 · 7 November 2003]

Ladies and gentlemen, the Matrix had a virus. Agent Smith.

The Oracle (the all-knowing, undisputed representative of the humans) made a deal with the Architect (the representation of the monstrous Heart of Machine City):

She would get Neo to eradicate the virus from the Matrix in exchange for one thing: Peace between humans and the machines.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, centered around the concept of choice. If Neo hadn't made his decisions, none of this would have happened. Specifically, he's the cause and the cure of the virus (as explained in Reloaded). Smith identified his Purpose in all three movies: he wants out and he wants everything. Period.

Morpheus gave Neo the choice at the very beginning with the Red and Blue pills: eiher wake up now or down the Rabbit Hole.

In the end, even the Matrix itself had made a choice. Everyone did. The results of their choices had consequences. From the first humans who "scorched the sky", to Morpheus who chose to believe against all logic and sense, to Smith who refused to die, to the Oracle who simply yet profoundly gambled that humans would make the right *combination* of choices to produce a desirable outcome for everyone, if given the chance.

Well-done to the Wachowski Brothers for raising the bar for Sci-Fi movies. This is truly a masterpiece. 10/10

• ElJay Williams

Bulletproof Monk (2003)

Yawn...

[5/10 · 22 April 2003]

Imagine Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon mixed with The Golden Child (Eddie Murphy) with a little dash of Matrix Zen for spice. At best it was creative plagiarism worthy of a B on a college screenwriting final. All-in-all worth about a 5 out of 10.

White Oleander (2002)

A well-done, somber, bitter movie about broken people.

[7/10 · 9 October 2002]

It was 'good', but depressing. This movie is story about broken people coping with the tragedies of life, fate and choices. Character development was outstanding (and, as it stands, the only thing keeping this train-wreck from happening). Pfeiffer was great as a deceptively beautiful, evil broken-hearted single mom.

They were a little too liberal with the editing (if you're going to go there, might as well go all the way), but the jist was there even if the point was watered down for the masses.

Undisputed (2002)

30-minute TV episode... at best.

[5/10 · 23 August 2002]

Nobody's expecting high-drama, here, and Wesley Snipes and Ving Rhames are both my boys, but this pitiful fight movie had about as much content as a 30-minute HBO special. ...with commercials.

Even if you didn't see Rocky (which took a hit, as did Mike Tyson), there was enough cheese in this to feed the needy! The plot was as simple as they come and the climax was pretty pointless. It was shot like a music video, which didn't help mask that nothing was there except the end fight.

Being in jail didn't add that much to the storyline, either, because none of the other criminals did anything interesting. A waste of time.

xXx (2002)

A decent start. Some tweaking on the sequel and it could be great.

[7/10 · 9 August 2002]

I thought XXX wasn't bad, although there was a LOT of `creative plagiarism' going on. You could tell that the producers wanted specific things in the movie that were taken from other (better) movies.

Some things were a little over-the-top, though. Namely the magical flying motorcycle stunts. Somehow, the flying people in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon seemed more believable.

I liked the snowboard sequence and the car vs. sub scene. .and the corvette jump was nice too. Hopefully the 2nd and 3rd and 4th ones will just keep getting better. After all, even James Bond wasn't all that great in the beginning.

Smallville (2001–2017)

One of my favorite shows...

[7/10 · 22 March 2002]

I've been an off-and-on Superman fan for years and I'm very impressed with Smallville. Since the pilot, they seem to have the characters just right without making it too heavy on the public service announcements or too sickeningly campy to be taken "seriously".

I'm especially impressed with the relationship between Lex Luthor and Clark. The foreshadowing and attention paid to (future) details about is awesome. I hope they keep up the good work for years to come!

The Mothman Prophecies (2002)

Struggling... to stay... awake...

[2/10 · 28 January 2002]

Imagine an episode of the X-files (worthy of maybe 30 minutes of your time) stretched out for TWO HOURS!

I was struggling to stay awake through the whole movie. The plot was dull, the action boring and the cinematography uninspired. I have little doubt that this was a great idea on paper. The movie simply didn't capture it well. It needed better editing and a WHOLE lot more material for us to chew on while we waited for the ending.

Admittedly, the only thing that kept me from asking for my money back WAS the ending. Sadly, it took too long to get to.

Memento (2000)

Excellent!

[8/10 · 5 September 2001]

I just saw this movie on DVD and am left wondering what took me so long to see this. This is definitely one to buy. It has a great plot, shown back-to-front and gave me the perspective that allowed me to really understand what it must've been like to be in the main character's shoes. WELL DONE!!

Swordfish (2001)

If you like Speed, Armageddon, etc., you won't be disappointed!

[8/10 · 6 June 2001]

Sexy women, fast cars, high technology, money, guns, helicopters, explosions, terrorists, Halle Berry wearing nothing but underwear... If, like me, these are most of the reasons why you go to the movies, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.

9 out of 10.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

Wow!

[8/10 · 16 January 2001]

I'm not going to spend a lot of words here describing how cool this movie is. All I'll say is that it has everything I go to the movies for and the action sequences make The Matrix look like it was done by film school freshmen.

EXCELLENT! Go see it!

Double Take (2001)

Pretty good! Who knew?

[7/10 · 12 January 2001]

Considering that Double Take is marketed like a spinoff of the old TV show "In Living Color", I was very surprised when I found a real action/adventure joint along the lines of Bad Boys here. It actually has a very well written plot to it.

A little whodunit with some action and some comedy to keep it fun. They even had an Old School dance sequence thrown in (believe it or not)that had me going, "Oh snap! I haven't seen THAT since middle school!"

Both Eddie Griffin and (the 7UP dude) prove that they can both actually act. That was the LAST thing I was expecting - and that's a GOOD thing!

Go see it.

Lost Souls (2000)

MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT!!

[2/10 · 16 October 2000]

Let's start out with the POSITIVES: Plotline (chosen dude for the AntiChrist must be convinced and given the choice to stop the "transformation") was actually a decent start, Bathroom sequence (the only REAL special effect in the flick) was really decent.

NEGATIVES: Cinematography. It was ridiculous! It looked like it was shot by some industry kid who can't seem to be able to stand a "normal" shot. The whole movie was shot low-color, high-contrast and grainy, all the scenes were extreme close-ups or some "method" shot. Normally, I couldn't care less, but It got old REAL quick.

Acting. There wasn't much for Wynona to work with, but even still, it was so borrowed and cliche' that... it was just BAD.

Few special effects. I wasn't looking for Armageddon, but unless you count the entire movie (the way it was shot) as a special effect, there was only one real sequence: the bathroom sequence (...and you saw that in the preview, sorr-eee).

Ending. You watch the credits roll in disbelief: What? THAT'S IT!!?? That's all I get? ...makes you want to find out the director so you know not to watch their movies ever again (if it wasn't for the fact that you already wasted over two hours...).

Bottom line: Watch The Exorcist again and forget this movie ever existed!

Pay It Forward (2000)

Lame preview, EXCELLENT movie!

[7/10 · 9 October 2000]

Take it on faith that there's a reason why the previews are so lame. They don't want to spoil the unfolding of the plot but, because this movie has ZERO special effects (it's a drama), it's hard to pull a crowd without saying "feel-good hit of the season" and "Oscar-worthy"...

Personally, my eyes glaze over when I hear those words, but after seeing it, I can say that it's all that and more and I'm glad they did it that way.

This is one of those films that make you wait before walking out of the theater so that you can find out who the director is. GO SEE IT. It's well worth the money.

Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000)

Nothing like the first: and THAT wasn't all that great.

[2/10 · 22 September 2000]

Having a weak plot with weaker actors is bad enough, but doing away with the campy premise of "somebody's out to kill me in an Urban Legend motif" just makes the whole thing a stupid, "masked slasher kills for some convoluted reason that will be revealed near the closing credits" movie. BORING and hard to watch.

Rating: I saw it for FREE and I want my money back!