If Harvey Keitel had played the "mutated lizard" he would probably have pleaded with the director Roland Emmerich, "Where's my motivation"?
Of course, this dirty great beast need not have the IQ of Stephen Hawkins, but most audiences need to see a whiff of personality, however small.
You could identify/sympathise with The Beast From The Black Lagoon because however dastardly his acts, he always looked somewhat lost and forlorn. And, of course, this distinctly amateurish Godzilla, comes nowhere near the beauty of King Kong - one of the greatest spurned lovers of all time. But surely it's the actors that count, not the monster? Well, it's not a great sign when you're backing the lizard to gobble up the leads.
Damsel in distress Maria Pitilo (Audrey) is no Faye Wray. She arguably delivers the film's most irritating performance. With mannerisms copied from Friends star Lisa Kudrow (plays Phoebe, the most annoying of the six of them and that's hard to pull-off) and looks faintly reminiscent of Anne Heche, one suspects the makers originally actually wanted Heche, but were too terrified to employ her after the lesbian furore.
As for Matthew Broderick, well his career has been very unusual indeed. Two seminal and hugely popular 80s flicks War Games and Ferris Bueller's Day Off, were followed for a short time by moderate obscurity. However, Broderick was re-born as an actor with three marvellous low-budget, low audience films: The Freshman, Torch Song Trilogy and The Night We Never Met. So, after all this considerable hard work to establish credibility, Godzilla is a genuine come down. His quirky, boyish scientist caricature, Nick Tatapoulos, ("worm guy") does not achieve the dry wit, cynicism or charisma of say a Jeff Goldblum creation and his lines are awful, "She thinks I'm cute". Where did I leave that puke bag?
However, Broderick is by no means the worst culprit and a very ropey plot and script infest this film's innards like a tapeworm. In the first 80 minutes the lack of actual suspense is shocking and the film's values even worse. We are led to believe that the reason this aberration is stomping around Manhattan is because of French nuclear testing. Not the Americans of course. Now that wouldn't do to admit American failings. Worst of all, though, are the plugs or indeed digs at the Warner Brothers and Disney stores mentioned in the script. The mere mention of these film companies reeks of cynical product placing and the impending preparation of a Godzilla theme ride at Universal Studios or the like.
Of course, the constant bombardment of Godzilla hype has been arguably the largest marketing exercise ever undertaken. Larger even than the first Batman film and even more disappointing. So, what is there to recommend it? Well the last forty minutes or so are a dramatic improvement. This is chiefly down to an egg-hatching scene straight out of Aliens, where hundreds of tiny Godzillas spring to life in Madison Square Garden. Reminiscent of Jurassic Park, the velociraptor-like beasts stalk our collection of stereotypes around a plethora of dark corridors, and the effect is all rather gripping. As is the car chase that follows.
However, one decent sequence does not make a great monster flick and the combination of a diabolical script, idiotic stereotypes, excessive hype and a dreadful leading lady should be enough to deter you seeing this drivel until appears on Sky Movies. Blimey, they've got me at it now.
Of course, this dirty great beast need not have the IQ of Stephen Hawkins, but most audiences need to see a whiff of personality, however small.
You could identify/sympathise with The Beast From The Black Lagoon because however dastardly his acts, he always looked somewhat lost and forlorn. And, of course, this distinctly amateurish Godzilla, comes nowhere near the beauty of King Kong - one of the greatest spurned lovers of all time. But surely it's the actors that count, not the monster? Well, it's not a great sign when you're backing the lizard to gobble up the leads.
Damsel in distress Maria Pitilo (Audrey) is no Faye Wray. She arguably delivers the film's most irritating performance. With mannerisms copied from Friends star Lisa Kudrow (plays Phoebe, the most annoying of the six of them and that's hard to pull-off) and looks faintly reminiscent of Anne Heche, one suspects the makers originally actually wanted Heche, but were too terrified to employ her after the lesbian furore.
As for Matthew Broderick, well his career has been very unusual indeed. Two seminal and hugely popular 80s flicks War Games and Ferris Bueller's Day Off, were followed for a short time by moderate obscurity. However, Broderick was re-born as an actor with three marvellous low-budget, low audience films: The Freshman, Torch Song Trilogy and The Night We Never Met. So, after all this considerable hard work to establish credibility, Godzilla is a genuine come down. His quirky, boyish scientist caricature, Nick Tatapoulos, ("worm guy") does not achieve the dry wit, cynicism or charisma of say a Jeff Goldblum creation and his lines are awful, "She thinks I'm cute". Where did I leave that puke bag?
However, Broderick is by no means the worst culprit and a very ropey plot and script infest this film's innards like a tapeworm. In the first 80 minutes the lack of actual suspense is shocking and the film's values even worse. We are led to believe that the reason this aberration is stomping around Manhattan is because of French nuclear testing. Not the Americans of course. Now that wouldn't do to admit American failings. Worst of all, though, are the plugs or indeed digs at the Warner Brothers and Disney stores mentioned in the script. The mere mention of these film companies reeks of cynical product placing and the impending preparation of a Godzilla theme ride at Universal Studios or the like.
Of course, the constant bombardment of Godzilla hype has been arguably the largest marketing exercise ever undertaken. Larger even than the first Batman film and even more disappointing. So, what is there to recommend it? Well the last forty minutes or so are a dramatic improvement. This is chiefly down to an egg-hatching scene straight out of Aliens, where hundreds of tiny Godzillas spring to life in Madison Square Garden. Reminiscent of Jurassic Park, the velociraptor-like beasts stalk our collection of stereotypes around a plethora of dark corridors, and the effect is all rather gripping. As is the car chase that follows.
However, one decent sequence does not make a great monster flick and the combination of a diabolical script, idiotic stereotypes, excessive hype and a dreadful leading lady should be enough to deter you seeing this drivel until appears on Sky Movies. Blimey, they've got me at it now.