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Reviews
Finding Dory (2016)
Keeps hitting walls
The film is very funny, and there is wonderful creativity and imagination at play here. But these movies, all movies, are about the building of momentum, and Finding Dory can't seem to link it's set pieces effectively. It reaches a jog but keeps stumbling. You clench in your seat, you want it to keep moving. I can't believe 3000 people can work on a movie but no one sat the director down and told him there are too many slow, stirring scenes with piano twinkling in the background where characters convince Dory that she is special. There are at least four and every time they murder whatever rhythm the film had going. They tread on the groove. They are dull, superfluous. This message is built into the plot, we feel it, we don't need to be told it. There needs to be only one of these scenes, and it needs to come before the climax. The climax has THREE. Heck I was antsy, god knows what the 3 year old's will be doing.
Like I said, the movie is very funny, it almost feels like it was written for adults. The jokes are for the internet generation. They feel like memes. When a truck flies off a cliff in slow motion spilling fish everywhere and a salmon slaps two sea lions to the tune of "What a wonderful world" the movie becomes absurdist. I felt like I was watching a video that would crop up on my Facebook feed, edited by a stoner. Frankly the jokes might be a touch too strange, they undermine the reality of this world. They are funny but phony. Too meta. Perhaps they belong in a different film.
Look, the point is you will enjoy this film. It's thoroughly enjoyable. But I just don't think there is enough adventure here to have kids coming back, and kids are really the only ones who come back.
SLiDE (2011)
All dressed up with nothing to say.
Let me just say i think slide is a great production, visually it's very slick. Acting, for the most part, is great, my highlight being Emily Robins' devious, sultry but ultimately kind Scarlett, she just seemed the most real out of all the main characters. But unfortunately for "Slide" that isn't saying much, and also pointing out the shows main problem. While lots of effort has gone into creating a "Cool" atmosphere, with hip and happening music, young and attractive party goers and rocking clubs, almost none has gone into creating any semblance of character construction. The everyman at the heart of slide, Ed Newman, whose trials and tribulations trying to get laid, that we are obviously meant to sympathise or relate too, are nothing but cliché. Ed is a characiture of the teenage boy. Yes Slide, teenage boys are horny, but that isn't their defining characteristic. Ed is basically one joke masquerading as a personality and as a result intensely unsympathetic and boring. The same goes for most of the characters. Luke, the pretty boy,is royally shafted in this department, having the least to do. Eva is the cool rebellious one but doesn't seem to do anything to fulfill this stereotype other than graffiti and have pink hair. She is for the most part, kind and considerate, like all the others. (They're all so nice Slide has a hell of a time trying to create conflict, generally it has to rely on the fabricated conceit that if you sleep with anyone, it is the equivalent of somehow betraying all your friends.) Which leads me to my next problem. The dialogue. Surprisingly this is probably one of Slide's greatest strengths, it's witty, quick and funny, reminiscent of a Diablo Cody movie, and deserves credit. The only thing is, all the characters speak the same. There's no differentiation between them, no trace of separate personalities. There's sassiness, certainly, but it's the same for them all. They all make the same glib, ironic, sarcastic remarks and pop culture references that eventually just get tired. In the end Slide is trying to imitate the success of skins, but understands none of the latter's subtlety and subversive complexity, not to mention beauty. Yes beauty, alright? Slide seems to think it's the height of entertainment to see teenagers dancing for five minutes, which it does a lot, i mean A lot. Whole sequences are filled with the 'slide 5' having pool parties, drinking on a rooftop, doing drugs in a playground or dancing at a concert. Slide seems to mis-understand the simple rule: watching other people have fun isn't fun.
Psychonauts (2005)
the greatest game ever made!!
hey YOU. yes you! do you delight in originality, creativity, surrealism and the delightfully bizarre? Then psychonauts is the game for you. And don't worry if you don't, because this game is also for you!
It's almost impossible to sum up psychonauts as a whole. I don't really know why, or how..all i know that it is unequivocally the greatest game ever made. I think the closest I can get to beginning to grasp the brilliance of psychonauts is by listing some of the events that it features, out of context: -A deep voiced turtles' brain in a psychic death tank.- -A giant mutated lungfish called Linda.- -Homicidal girl scouts.- -A giant flying theater critic that shoots adjectives like 'vulgar' and 'uninteresting'- -Fiery dream milk flung by a psychotic milkman.- -A mental projection of napoleon that likes breaking bridges and a cougar with pyrokinesis.
SO WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING. sitting here reading this review..the nerve of you! GO OUT AND PLAY THIS GAME OR YOU WILL HAVE LIVED ONLY HALF A LIFE!
Cloverfield (2008)
An amazing feat in immersion, tension and excitement
Cloverfield is the film equivalent of a roller-coaster ride, pure thrills. The story begins with a group of twenty somethings in New York celebrating the departing of one of their kind, Rob, who has accepted a job in Japan. Hud, a layabout with feelings for another girl at the party, is given the job of documenting the night on the home video camera. It is through what Hud films, that we see everything that happens throughout the night and as the party progresses we get a good feeling for each individual character and their respective romances and qualms with one another. Then the events take a turn for the worse when the city is rocked by ominous rumblings and subsequent power outages. Suddenly the city is under attack by 'something' and the friends find themselves running for their lives from a gigantic creature (and various smaller ones)that are wreaking havoc.
Cloverfield is an exercise in 'what if' and as this, it works incredibly well. The Handy cam style creates level of immersion i have never felt with another film. The style results in the building of tension and fear, through the fleeting glimpses we see of the monster, a leg and a tail glimpsed only for a second are much more frightening than seeing the monster in all it's CGI glory (which, inevitably, we do.) From the get go Cloverfield grabs you're attention and doesn't let go until the credits roll (though you wish they didn't have to.) Handy Cam style may have it's enemies but here it has never worked better, creating untold levels of realism. A a creative, original feast for the eyes and nerves, this film will leave you buzzing and hungry for more, just DON'T watch it on a small television!!!
El laberinto del fauno (2006)
Beautiful, haunting, heartbreaking. An instant classic.
Pans labyrinth is the story of an 11 year old girl, Ofelia, growing up during the Spanish civil war. The step-daughter of the ruthless captain, and her pregnant mothers health worsening everyday, Ofelia finds reality a cruel place. So she escapes, to her own fantasy world when she discovers a fairy lurking in the woods. Before long she is lead to a faun who informs her that she is in fact a long lost princess reincarnated. But before she can claim her rightful place on the throne she must prove herself with three dangerous tasks. As Ofelias' world deteriorates around her, her reality and fantasy worlds begin to blur together as she realises that the world is a cruel and terrible place.
Guillermo Del Toro directs this haunting tale with a beauty and style all his own. A mention of course should go to the arts department(which Guillermo himself apparently helped with) and special effects that work to bring Ofelias' amazing fantasy to life. The juxtaposition between Ofelias' fractured fairytale and the real world is balanced perfectly. All these elements come together to tell an age old tale of magic, innocence, beauty and tragedy.
A classic.
Jurassic Park (1993)
One of the greatest adventure movies ever made.
Steven Spielberg sure does know how to make a good film. And Jurrasic Park is no exception. I may only be 14, but this film is still my favourite movie of all time and righteously deserves the title of one the greatest adventure flicks ever made. I first saw this movie at a friends house, as it was released in cinemas when i was just only 1 year old. I was in awe when i saw it then, and still 8 years later i can watch this movie over and it will never lose any of it's charm, thrills or pace. It is a pity, that there has been no film, i believe, released since Jurassic Park that was truly able to capture the excitement and wonder that is a proper adventure flick. The special effects, while amazing (and still stand up proudly over 14 years later), are blended very smoothly with animatronic puppets so as to give an extra sense of realism to the beasties, and the whole thing is strung together with a fantastic sense of pacing, so you are never bored. One thing that has always bugged me, is that this film is never truly recognised as it should be. You wouldn't have to look very far to find a scene that blatantly rips off the classic kitchen scene, and yet Jurassic Park is never recognised as it really should be. I implore you, if anyone is looking to make a fun, energetic, thrilling and charming film then they need look no further for inspiration that the one, the only, the classic JURRASIC PARK.
Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)
underrated!
Drop dead gorgeous has got to be my favourite mockumentary of all time. This sweet little gem tells the story of a small town in mount rose, Minnesotta. Where Amber Atkins, a lower class girl who lives with her mum in a trailer park, aspires to become like Diane Sawyer and get out of Mount Rose and the Local Teen beauty pageant is "her only ticket outta here" But the rich Gladys Leeman has entered this year and she'll do anything to win.
Drop dead gorgeous takes a stab at pretty much anything it comes across and it does it all well. With great performances from everyone involved, this hilarious, dark, yet ultimately heartwarming mockumentary succeeds . go and get this movie out! NOW!
Zombie Honeymoon (2004)
Not as bad as you think!
This is one of those movies that you always see on the shelf of the video shop and scoff at how ridiculous it seems. But Zombie Honeymoon completely exceeded my expectations. The film centers around a young recently married couple on their, you geussed it, honeymoon. Before long the young husband is infected with a zombie-esquire disease and begins to feast on the occasional fat jogger and real-estate agent. Now it's true there are some parts in the movie that will have you chuckling or cringing, but the competent cast all give relatively good performances, especially Tracy Coogan as the young woman married to a zombie. While Zombie Honeymoon is shot on a low budget (at times this is evident.) It refreshes an otherwise stale genre and has a nice little tale about love and its boundaries at its centre. If you've got the time and if you're in the mood, then this movie is definitely worth a shot.
Seriously Weird (2002)
good, really good
Seriosuly weird is wonderful, it's original and guarantees at least one smile per episode. The actors were wonderfully cast and are REALLY good. who cares if the high school is stereotypical, the show isn't. And to seriously weirds merit, the problem isn't always solved with the main characters having to battle against a large monster (but when they do, they do it well.) For instance in one episode the whole problem is solved by Harris simply "Taking" a pudding cup. The plot outlines are excellent and really original. Seriosuly weird is definitely one of the better kids shows out there, it's a real shame it never got off the ground because it has excellent potential.
The Saddle Club (2001)
Unbeleivably cheesy
If you like cheesy cheese with extra cheese then you will love this show, if your part of the other 6 billion people on the planet then you won't. Whether it's funerals, weddings or 9 year old children in comas this show manages to make every situation it presents laughable. It's as if they locked a horse, powerpuff girls and E.R in a room and forced them to create mutant offspring. From the first episode you can instantaneously tell that this show is nothing but a vehicle for endless merchandise, sure it's packaged nicely with enough flowers and cutsey little girls to make you sick, but it just doesn't cover the horrible commercialism this show has. This became blatantly apparent when the stars of the show formed a band, and then every other minor character on the show followed suit and released one after another horrible singles. If you liked this show when it was aired then i can guarantee that you will look back on it and shudder.