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Reviews
Within (2005)
One of the worst I've seen
When I checked out the review for this film after I'd watched it, I was surprised that there were people giving it good ratings.
This is a film of bad camera-work. Everything 'frightening' happens off screen, usually accompanied with a closeup of someone yelling "Did you see/hear that?" Well, no, we didn't see that! We can't! And when there weren't any close-ups, the camera was doing something weird like rotating upside down, or shaking back and forth really, really quickly, to either convey action or to make us physically sick.
The characters were unlikeable because every two minutes, they started screaming the same thing over and over again. I don't care if that's what it would 'really' be like, I did not rent a scary movie to see reasonable things! I expect unreasonable things, like aliens, demons, or good acting! They were stupid, too- Let's go have intimate relations in a cave! With all of our clothes on! Speaking of which, the ending somewhat contradicts what Domingo said immediately before he died. This bugged me a bit, though not nearly as much as the fact that the ending resulted in a... serious invasion of one girl's privacy.
No plot, no climax, no good acting, terrible camera-work. What's left? Oh, right. The ending may have had a 'twist' but generally with horror movies, the twist at the end actually has understandable relevance to what occurred during the film. Sixth Sense does- it explains a lot. Hide and Seek did, too. But the Cavern had a lame twist that served as an 'explanation', if you could call it that as it doesn't. Explain. Anything.
Don't see it. Please.
Ring Around the Rosie (2006)
Don't see it!
I never thought I would see a movie that trumped American Werewolf in London for stupidity, but I have, and this is certainly it.
You know how you're watching a movie and you're not really sure what's going on for the first few minutes? Well, thats what happened in this film, except it only makes sense five minutes before it ends. That is literally the only reason I finished watching this.
First of all, I don't care how hot the lead character is, she's an idiot. She's alone at a house with only this creepy grounds keeper and he's like "lets go for a walk in the forest by the cliff where no one can hear you scream" and she's all like "ok". She's an idiot. Seriously.
I watched this with my mom. She figured out early on *major spoiler* that the girl was raped by her grandfather when she went to the house each summer 17 years ago. ***end spoiler*** Now, you may have watched this movie and be wondering what I was talking about. Well, this is because they never ever mention that specifically. It's like they think they've left you enough clues to figure it out but they haven't.
Finally, the 'frightening' scene with the girl in the reflection. At first I thought this was very well done, but then I rewound it. If you watch closely, you actually she the girl duck down slowly. Yeah, real spooky.
The Visitation (2006)
Don't Bother
This movie.... well, it was only worth seeing because at the very end, one of the characters yelled out "WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?!???!?!?!" It was very cheesy, the acting wasn't that good. The acting could have been better, but it wasn't. I still don't know how many times the dog actually died during the course of this film, and I likely never will. The storyline itself was rather tough to follow, and I found myself incredibly bored by the end of it. It used very little special effects but the ones it did were terrible. It made a few attempts to seem like the Ring with the TV turning on to this smoky image of a windmill, but it just made me more confused and I laughed at it.
An American Werewolf in London (1981)
Could've Been Worse- They Could Have Used Sock Puppets
What can be said about American Werewolf in London? First of all, the actors cannot do what their name implies. There would be far more emotion if they were cardboard stick figures with speech bubbles. Ugh.
Normally while I'm watching a movie I will do play-by-play commentary. Normally, this annoys others. However, while we watched this movie, it was seemingly encouraged. Especially when he turns into a werewolf! "Oh! Oh my gosh, my head! My head, it hurts so much! I'll rip my shirt off! Yes, that'll stop it from hurting! Wait, it didn't work! Maybe if I take off my pants neatly and carefully!" Honestly, this movie's plot could not be seen if it were right in front of you. It is nonexistent. The film ends abruptly and it wasn't soon enough.
Ugh. I was honestly startled to find out it was not only made into a collector's edition, but it had a sequel. And the special features! Wow! Bloopers that aren't funny and don't have audio! An 15 minute long piece about the actor's hand being cast which was dreadful yet somehow more interesting than the film itself! Do not rent it. Nothing is worth the torture.