joshvonhousen Reviews

The Good Dinosaur (2015)

Has Some Good Moments

[5/10 · 25 April 2016]

The strength in Pixar's "The Good Dinosaur" lies within it's quiet moments. These moments show great maturity and pacing and everything that a film like this should have. These scenes are perfect.

Unfortunately, the whole movie isn't like this. I know, it's a kids movie, but, who knows? Maybe a film with complete silence and atmosphere could prove to be successful!

The two scenes that work are as follows. There is a part where the main dinosaur, named Arlo makes his family by putting sticks in the ground and then making a circle around them. Then, Spot does the same. Arlo buries the stick that represents his father and Spot buries all of the sticks besides the one that represents himself. The whole scene has very little dialogue and is very moving.

The second is when Spot finds a group of other humans. Spot greets them, and Arlo lets him leave. But, then Spot comes back, but Arlo convinces him that he needs to be with his own kind. This scene is COMPLETELY SILENT and is the best scene in the movie. It's all reliant on the faces and atmosphere.

The rest of the movie was just a typical road movie with bad voice acting. The landscapes look good, though.

Dope (2015)

Good Things Wrapped In A Mediocre Package

[6/10 · 14 April 2016]

"A movie about nerds who love 90's hip-hop showing up a gangster? Yes, please!" was my initial reaction to this movie when I saw it on Netflix. So, last night, I stayed up and watched the movie. And...? Well, I think there's plenty of enjoyable things in this movie, but there's also just some dumb stuff that I can't get past that make this movie a little odd to me.

First of all, I really like Malcolm. He is an enjoyable lead, relate-able and is well developed, not to mention that the actor gives a solid performance. It's easy to care about this character.

I also really liked the set-up of the movie. It had an interesting idea and seemed to have a good way of carrying it out.

Thirdly, I also loved the comedy. There are some legitimately funny moments in this movie.

But...... Let's get into the bad.

This is a bland looking movie. The cinematography is pretty standard, the set design in lack luster, and, outside of Malcolm's clothing, nothing really draws your eye to the screen. Just blah.

The side characters. I have no connections to these side characters. Dicky I only remember because she was a lesbian. That's her only character trait. The other friend is also bland. He's so bland, I don't even remember his name. But the WORST was Malcolm's love interest. I don't remember her name, either. She just seems so self- centered, and all we know is that she dated this one guy and wants to go to Six Flags. Not enough to make me invested in her.

Lastly, the film doesn't know when to end. Seriously. It has, like, 4 different endings. I thought it was over when Malcolm revealed his plan to a man that screwed him over. The music swelled, and the line was given a lot of emphasis. But, NOPE! There's another ending where Malcolm gives a big speech, the music swells, and then there's a line with a lot of focus on it. Is it over? Nope! Chuck Testa! Then there's a boring third ending with the a fore mentioned love interest that we don't care about. There was a fourth ending, and that one is the best. It just ends with a sort of cliff hanger, and I appreciated that ending. The first ending and last ending are just fine. But, they just had too much to cram in and it became too crowded.

So, this film is pretty funny and mostly enjoyable, but I don't think I'm going to watch it again any time soon.

Inside Out (I) (2015)

Not TERRIBLE, But It Has Too Many Problems

[6/10 · 14 March 2016]

Now, I was extremely late when it came to watching this movie, and by then, it had already won the Oscar for Best Animated Picture (Note: A Studio Ghibli film lost to this!) and had read tons and tons of glowing reviews and heard everyone talk about how "life- changing" it is. So, naturally, my expectations were pretty high.....

Well, let's just get right into it. This movie just has way too many inconsistencies in it for me to, in good conscience, enjoy it. First, by the end of the movie, I was still kind of confused on how this world in Riley's head works. It just leaves so much unexplained. Why is it that the orbs only change color when Sadness touches them? How come this has never happened before? Why can't Joy turn them back? Of course, these small problems only add to the OTHER problems I have...

When they first move to San Francisco, Riley's mom asks how her day was, and the emotions scramble to find a positive memory form that day. So, they pull one right off of that days shelf and put it on the weird hover-projector thing. This causes Riley not only to remember it, but also feel happy. Until Sadness effs if up. But, later in the movie, when Riley is playing hockey with her new team, Fear gets a positive memory about playing hockey and tries to put it in the core memories. But, it doesn't work and they have no idea what to do. Why don't they just put it on the projector? Seems to work just fine in these kinds of situations...

How come everyone else's emotions resemble them, but Riley's emotions are completely random? Just bothers me...

Also, this film is kind of repetitive. They try to get to an island in her mind, but it goes down. That's pretty much it. It honestly just feels like the writers were just making it up as they go along. I mean, at one point, we see these workers sending memories for the long- term memory storage to Headquarters. Why don't our two mains go through that thing? We established that they ca FIT in those tubes that emotions go through. That's how they GOT THERE!

This film could've worked really well as a short film, but it just felt as though they were really trying to reach that 1hr and 1/2 mark.

People call this film "original". I don't see it. I mean, none of these characters really seem that original. The only resemblance of creativity in this movie is the scene where they try to wake up Riley in her dream state. The rest just felt like stalling and I just can't get behind it.

Overall, it's not a bad movie, but there's just these small issues that add up to this mess. It's fine as a movie, but a HUGE let down as a Pixar movie and an Oscar winner.

Dancer in the Dark (2000)

Crying In The Dark When It's Over

[10/10 · 10 March 2016]

Well, I'm not an especially big fan of the work of Lars Von Trier, and i had actually never listened to Bjork's music at all before this movie. Lars von Trier has just never impressed me as a filmmaker. I've always admired the visuals in his movie, like the opening of Melancholia and Antichrist, but none of the movies I had seen from him seemed to be anything special. Until I saw this movie. Now, I'm still not a Von Trier fanboy, but, goodness, I love this movie. It definitely is not for everyone. The style of the movie may be hard for some people to look past, and, admittedly, it was hard for me to digest for the first half-hour or so. But, after the first song "Cvalda", I was completely sold on this movie. I didn't even notice the grainy style of the old digital camera. It's a movie that is definitely more subtle than other Von Trier films. Now, it's not incredibly subtle, but there are some things I noticed the second time around that I didn't catch the first time. For example, during the song sequences, the colors are actually brighter and more vibrant, but it's almost invisible in a first viewing. At least, it was to me. I was raised on musicals, and this one does hold up in its own quirky way. The music is Bjork, and if you are familiar with her, then you will know what to expect. I didn't, and to hear music like this kind of took me aback. However, most of the singing is very good, and this movie completely sold me on Bjork's singing abilities, and I'm glad I was introduced to her through this movie. And, it is a very emotional movie. When it was over, me and my uncle (with whom I watched it with) just sat there in complete silence. Needless to say, the story and music and ending added up to make a fantastic movie. It was so impressive to me, that the very next day, I watched it again. The style is still somewhat odd to me, but it's grown on me. Not for everyone, but if want something that's experimental or emotional or both, check it out.

WordGirl (2007–2015)

Surprised!

[8/10 · 3 March 2016]

Well, as a rather harsh critic of shows like Full House and that piece of crap The Big Bang Theory, I can say that I had no expectation of this show being any good.But, through clever writing and enjoyable characters, this show actually SURPRISED me!

In one episode, two of the villains fall in love and whenever they see each other, we hear the cheesy music that we're used to hearing in rom-coms and all that. But, then, it's revealed to be a character with a faulty boombox that keeps turning on at random moments.

Lady Redundant Woman? Even her name is clever!

Look, I'm not saying that it's Breaking Bad status, but if you have a child, you can turn this on and find yourself entertained, too.

Full House (1987–1995)

Oh, No!

[1/10 · 17 February 2016]

Full House is a shameful excuse for a TV show.I mean, The Big Bang Theory is an awful show, but I still gave that one a 2 star review because it sometimes (very rarely) makes me laugh. However, this show isn't inventive in any way, and it sure as hell isn't funny. This is a show that has HYPNOTIZED my generation, so much so that Netflix is reviving the show under the name "Fuller House" (KILL ME!). This show is the kind of show that your parents turn on if they want you to shut up, so a lot of kids around my age grew up watching it, and they see it as a "childhood classic". However, if they were to watch it now, they'd see how trite and pandering it is. The whole show just revolves around cute children doing cute things. Seriously, they have not one but TWO sets of twin children in this show. Even TV shows like Arthur had characters that were unique and seemed like they could be real people, whereas this is just a perfect family that has the most first-world problems I've ever heard. And, as I've mentioned before, the jokes aren't even funny. "The baby's sleeping like a baby"............ Um, where's the joke? I honestly don't understand it. And, all the jokes are on the same level as bad. Listen, if you like this show, that's okay. It's not your fault. It's your parents fault for being terrible, terrible people and turning on this garbage instead of something that had actual substance like Batman: The Animated Series.

Cool Cat Saves the Kids (2015)

Highly Recommend!

[17 February 2016]

I don't know where to put this movie on a scale of 1 to 10. I mean, it's a terrible, terrible movie, no doubt. However, it is just "so bad it's good". I mean, this movie is just so outlandish that you can't help but laugh at it. And, I don't just mean laughing at the pedophilic undertones, or that part in the movie where, in the background, you see a man walk outside of his house, sees a giant mother effin' cat and then slowly walks backwards inside his house, but I mean EVERYTHING about this movie. I mean, wow, all the acting is TERRIBLE! The only person who seems to be decent is Maria, but she'll need some work before I can see she actually has promise. Everyone else is like Tommy Wiseau had a child with Nicholas Cage. The dialogue is so unnatural. The truth is, nothing about this movie works for its intentions. However, it does work in being unbelievably entertaining. So, if you're looking for a movie to make you laugh in disbelief, I highly recommend this movie. Simple as that.

Spring Breakers (2012)

Well...

[6/10 · 16 February 2016]

I recently heard a lot about this film, one from my classmates at school saying that it is a terrible movie. And, I believed them. I remember seeing the previews and thinking "Just another crappy teen party movie." But, then I heard an interesting piece of information: this film was directed by Harmony Korine. You know, that critically acclaimed director who has one of the most experimental styles in film today. So, this struck my interest. So, I rented it, and here's my thoughts. I saw another review on here that has the summary title, "A Lot Of Style, Not Enough Plot" or something around those lines. And, those are probably my feelings, too. This film is drenched in art house nuances, from the lighting to weird constant repeated line voice overs. I also enjoyed that during the party sequences, the camera switches to this weird, distorted kind of thing that looks absolutely incredible. James Franco, Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudges (However you spell that) all give great performances. However, that's all the good I can really say about this movie. I mean, the story is nothing that interesting, but the style was enough to keep me interested in the running time. Check it out for some artsy, avant-garde film making.

A Serbian Film (2010)

Better Than I Expected

[7/10 · 3 February 2016]

Well, a lot has been said about this film, mainly in regards to its explicit content, which IS explicit. However, this had lead to a lot of negative reviews of the film, with many probably coming from people who didn't even see it, but are trying their hardest to make sure this film has low ratings. However, it is not okay to say a film is a bad film based on the content of it. Look at A Clockwork Orange, one of the most critically acclaimed films ever made. When it was first released, was very controversial for its depictions of rape. Now, it sits very comfortably in the top 100 of the IMDb Top 250 list. Now, am I saying that this is the next Clockwork Orange? No, I wouldn't go that far. I'm saying that just because a film has content that may be unacceptable, it IS a pretty good movie. The cinematography of this film is very nice, and lighting is used very effectively in many scenes. It is a nice film to look at in terms of camera work and feel. The acting is also very good. Just the looks the actor that plays Milos can give are haunting, and everyone gives a convincing performance. The make up is also very good. I'm not going to get into specifics, as it will spoil the movie, but it is very, very good. Listen (or, read) I could go into full analysis mode, but I won't. I'll just say that in technical aspects, it's obvious that this film had a lot of effort put into it, and is more than just a "shock film". If you are interested in film and what it can do, check it out. But, if you're a wimp, don't.

Fargo (1996)

Not Bad, But...

[4/10 · 27 January 2016]

Well, as a "film buff", I've set out to watch anything and everything. And, after hearing a ton of hype for Fargo, I decided to give it a try. Now, the first half of the movie was actually pretty interesting. William H. Macy's character is one that is convincing, and is the kind of character that you just love to hate. His character is interesting, and I was getting invested. But, then the movie makes a big misstep in my opinion. That is, making Marge Gunderson the main character of this movie.I don't like this character at all. I think the performance is stiff, lifeless and her character is just so annoying. I expected this movie to be kind of similar to A Clockwork Orange, that being that even though this man is a criminal and kind of vicious, you still want to see him succeed. But, Marge is not interesting. There is zero development for her, and I don't care about her. Now, there is a lot said about the dark humor in this movie. I hear people saying that you don't know whether to humored or shocked by this movie. Well, outside of the scene where Marge is talking to the prostitutes, nothing was really humorous, and nothing in this movie was shocking. I dunno. I was born after this movie came out, so maybe it was shocking at the time, but nowadays, this is actually pretty tame. Actually, no! There was no way this was shocking to anyone even then because movies like A clockwork Orange and Reservoir Dogs had already come out by then! Look, this film does have some good performances, and the cinematography is decent, but I really can't see myself watching it more than the 2 times I already have! By no means a bad movie, and if you like it, that's fine, but i just didn't get the appeal of it.

The Hateful Eight (2015)

One Of The Best Of 2015!

[10/10 · 27 January 2016]

Now, a lot has been said about this film in regards to how slow going it is, and, to be fair, it IS really slow going for the first hour or so. But, once Samuel L. Jackson tells his tale of forced oral sex, things really start to switch around. The story soon picks up and becomes a very taut and suspenseful story. In many respects, this film is better than Django Unchained, and here's why. First of all, the story. Django was just your simple revenge film. Yes, it was a great movie (You know, besides Jamie Foxx), but the story itself wasn't all that new or inventive. However, The Hateful Eight is a story of distrust and mystery that is very original. The only movie that I could possibly compare this to in terms of story is Reservoir Dogs, Tarantino's debut film (Michael Madsen's even in it!). Secondly, the setting. The first 35 minuets or so of this movie takes place on a stagecoach. But, the whole rest of the movie takes place in this small cabin. It almost gives the movie this claustrophobic feeling. Plus, it shows how much Tarantino can do with hardly anything at all. It does so much with so little in terms of suspense, action and atmosphere. Plus, every single actor in this movie is absolutely perfect in their role. The performance that stands out to me the most in Jennifer Jason Leigh as Daisy Domergue. She is AMAZING here! I buy every line she says, every look she gives. Plus, the make-up artist in this movie did a fantastic job making her look absolutely beaten to a pulp. The cinematography is also great, in case you expected any less from a Tarantino film. Now, there are some nitpicky things you could point out in this film, but before you do that, I would encourage you to watch the Nostalgia Critic editorial "When Is It Right To Nitpick?" But, the last half of this movie is very suspenseful. You want to find out who the liar is and their motivation and whether or not our characters make it out alive. I saw this movie twice in theaters, and even the second time around, even though I already knew what was going to happen in the end, I was still on the edge of my seat! I would've watched it a third time, but our local theater took it out. It's a movie that has fantastic rewatchability. It's not necessarily for fans of Tarantino is general. Although it is probably one of the goriest Tarantino films, it is not for the masses. It IS slow going, but, if you're patient, the payoff is incredible.

The Big Bang Theory (2007–2019)

Why do people keep watching this show?

[2/10 · 3 December 2015]

Hi,consistent Big Bang Theory viewer. I used to be like you, laughing at all of Sheldon's antics, and being concerned over the relationship of Penny and Leonard. I used to love this show. So, why am I currently writing a two star of this show that is TV's #1 comedy? Well, I realized that it is absolutely complete utter friggin' crap! Get ready to feel my pretentiousness in full effect. First, let's examine the characters. All these characters are STEREOTYPES! I'm sorry if this is your wake up call, but these characters are more stereotypical than the racist robots from Transformers 2. First, we have a dumb blonde, a "nerd" that takes everything literally, a super horny nerd who doesn't have the best luck with girls, the "cool" nerd who is found to be attractive, the nervous guy who can't talk to girls, the obnoxiously loud Jewish parent... need I go on? The Humor? Well, I definitely have something to say about that. All the humor relies on either Sheldon taking something literally because he's so socially awkward, to which you, the average reviewer responds "Oh, that Sheldon. He's so out of his element! Hahahahahaha!", or the stupid kind of humor that anyone could understand. And that's the major problem I have with this show. It doesn't try to be clever or complex like Arrested Development or Community, but rather just tries to tell basic jokes. It doesn't tell "science jokes" but rather tells "jokes about science". What I mean by that is, instead of saying something like "Girls are like quantum physics: They act differently when you're not observing them." they say something like "we'd better solve this problem with SCIENCE!" Basically, it's not a smart show for smart people, but a dumb show pretending to be a smart show.

Fun in Balloon Land (1965)

Just read it.

[1/10 · 16 November 2015]

Where do I even begin? The opening song? Okay! Well, this song is worse than Randy Newman. "We're having fun in Balloonland" No, we are not! "Down in cow-jumping-over-the-moon-land. Look at the float, ain't it ducky?" Ducky? What does that even mean? If it has anything to do with the movie Down And Dirty Duck, I'm not going to like this at all! "Hey, kids, now aren't we lucky?" Not if we're watching this garbage! This film was made by Giant Balloon Parades, Incorporated, so what that means is that this piece of crap is just propaganda for their company. Needless to say, they're not really around anymore. Anywho, the first scene we get after the Neutral Milk Hotel sound quality opening (Note: I actually love NMH, but that joke was way to good to resist) is a woman sitting in a chair, looking at the director to give her the cue to start reading. Seriously! She is totally waiting for her cue! After her bad acting, for some reason Sonny wakes up and finds himself in Balloon Land. Deepest sympathies, Sonny. Apparently, some magic spell has made everyone fall asleep, and the magical balloon prince has to kiss the princess so everyone can wake up. So, then we see these two 50-feet balloons kissing, which in this is just them slamming their faces together like you would do with your action figures as a child. Whatever. After that, this pedophile wizard takes Sonny underwater (I guess he has gills now) and Sonny spends his time being a jerk to a lobster by running slowly and saying "Can't catch me!" over and over. Also, the octopus threatens to choke Sonny (Please do!) but he doesn't. This movie is only 15 minutes in, but it's 52 minutes long, so they then cut to the most boring parade ever witnessed. At first, she is way too unenthusiastic to be a part of this. And I don't blame her. These are the most pointless balloons ever conceived. Seriously, they even have a balloon of a mouse running up the clock a la the "Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock" rhyme. But then the narrator gets into the parade. And I mean INTO. "Wow, kids. Look at the soldier. He's so long and tall and straight. I'd let you guard me any time." What the heck? Fifty Shades of Balloons? Then the cinematographer starts creepily filming children in the crowd. Then the movie is over and they sing the opening song, but in the past tense. That is Fun In Balloon Land. What's good about this movie? The only positive is that one of Sonny's friends is actually pretty adorable, but beyond that, this is the WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN! THE ACTING STINKS, THE EFFECTS SUCK, THE PLOT... WHAT PLOT?!!! IT'S THE WORST EXCUSE FOR A MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN! I'm not surprised to find that no one is credited to this movie, and I can't help but wonder what happened to the people involved with this trash. What about Sonny? The director? The cinematographer who was guerrilla filming children? Well, I have a guess about what happened to him...

Arthur's Missing Pal (2006 Video)

Vomitrocious!

[1/10 · 16 November 2015]

Oh my FREAKING HECK! HOW COULD THEY DO THIS?! *Sigh* sorry. Let me calm down. This movie is just so bad. A bigger blow to Lionsgate's name than Akeelah And The Bee. First of all, this animation is some of the absolute WORST I HAVE EVER SEEN! NOT ONLY IS IT BAD, BUT IT IS FOODFIGHT BAD. There is one scene where Arthur gets hit with a water balloon, but it doesn't eve look like it hit him. Looks like it just exploded in mid air in front of his face. Anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe the story is good? NO! This plot had been done before in one Arthur episode called "Arthur's Lost Dog" only with better animation and story and music and characters and EVERYTHING! They obviously made an effort to hire most of the original voice actors for this movie, but the characters they couldn't get the original voice actors for sound like really (and I mean REALLY) bad impersonations. Heck, they can't even get the colors of the shirts certain characters wear. Sorry, movie, but Binky wears an ORANGE shirt in the TV show, not this weird purple plaid thingy you've got him in. Also, there's one scene at the very beginning where the music goes all David Lynch on us for 5 seconds (Of Summer?) for absolutely no reason whatsoever. And the pay off was even worse. Obviously, the person that wrote this doesn't really know MUCH about these characters other than that Buster is a klutz and D.W. is a little brat and Brain is smart. It's almost like the same people that have been writing seasons 13-17 also wrote this movie. But it completely fails to miss the spirit of the show and the characters. And that is probably why I hate this so much, because it taints one of my favorite shows, not only from childhood, but of ALL TIME! A poor representation of a great franchise. Honestly, if I saw this before I saw any of the Arthur TV show, I would have never gone near anything associated with Arthur ever again! Update: I have done my research and found that Ken Scarbourough had written this film. Ken has written several episodes, some of them being very good! So, I can only deduce that when it came to writing a full-length movie, it was just too much. He is used to writing just 11 minute episodes, so I retract any comments I've made. Wait, he also has done the crappy episodes from recent seasons?!? Nevermind.