laflammemark Reviews

Birth/Rebirth (2023)

A nearly good movie

[5/10 · 20 May 2024]

What a great plot. What an unnerving take on a very old concept. What an uncomfortable, thought provoking idea in this age of medical miracles.

This movie had a lot going for it. So, why did it feel so tepid to me? Why did it feel so lackluster and unfinished? When the credits rolled, I was actually shocked. Why, I thought the story was just getting going. That's it? We're done?

My main problem was with the character of the mother. At no time did I feel like we were following the story of a woman near mad with grief. At no time did I feel like we were watching a mother coming to grips with the horrifying joy of seeing her dead daughter alive again.

In spite of the heaviness of the topic, the movie started to feel light at times, like a buddy movie with a dead kid as a subplot. I dunno. It feels like this one should have been knocked out of the park, but in all the places it should have hit, it missed. All the punches were pulled and in the end I found myself yawning instead of screaming.

The movie was acted well, for the most part, and I'll say this because nobody else has - the finest performance by far was by the little dead/undead girl who had almost no lines at all. For the life of me, I don't understand how you can get a six year old girl to play a role so convincingly. All through the Mary Shellyesque ordeal, the girl seemed just the right level of dazed, disoriented and, let's face it, half dead.

The girl's performance was magnificent. You found yourself cheering for her even as you desperately wanted to recoil from her in horror.

The others? The two big stars? They were just like the rest of this flaccid offering: meh.

The Perfect Host (2010)

Two great actors in a truly stupid movie

[5/10 · 27 April 2024]

Why do I have to write 600 words when my title says all that I want to say. There's nothing I need to add. Here we had two really great actors performing in a script written by a junior high kid. At least that's what it feels like.

To say there are improbabilities all over this movie would be to put it too mildly. As we reached the midway point of the film, I was already thinking it should be wrapping up. Truly, this is a movie that could have been done better at half the length.

And my instincts were right because the last 40 minutes or so of this movie were so insipid, I don't know if I can ever watch Frasier again without cringing.

David Hyde Pierce was perfect in this role. An apparent serial killer turns the table on a bad guy with a big heart. But the writers just kept jumping sharks. I could name a good half dozen sharks that were vaulted in this eye-rolling movie, but I've reached my 600 words and it really doesn't deserve more than that.

Great performances, God awful plot.

Trust (I) (2010)

You'll watch the whole thing with gritted teeth and balled fists

[10/10 · 24 April 2024]

This was an extremely hard movie to watch, and I've seen Back Roads!

I don't know the last time I've seen something this frustrating, gloomy and rage-inducing, and that's all while you're also grappling with great sympathy for all involved.

I also can't name the last time I saw an actress put in a performance this powerful. The acting was superb across the board, but the lead? LIana Liberato? She was on another level. And that performance was absolutely necessary to tell the story of this sad affair with so many casualties.

I suppose I should say a good word or two about the man who played the villain. The actor WAS good, but I spent so much time reviling him and wanting to see his face splattered across a fist that I don't wish to see him again any time soon... Which is probably the highest praise of them all.

It's not a fun watch. You won't have a good time with it, but it's an engaging film and an important one.

Just don't make me watch it again any time soon.

Back Roads (2018)

The anti-feel good movie

[8/10 · 23 April 2024]

There ought to be a separate classification for movies like this one. There is absolutely no joy in watching it, although it's captivating and well done in every way. The film itself is rock solid.

It's the subject matter that will leave you feeling sad and dirty.

This is a tale of human misery and a reminder that some people start their lives with every disadvantage you can imagine. It's not always easy to like ol' Harley, our main character, although you sure as hell will cheer for him.

The movie starts out grim and it gets grimmer still the more you watch. The fact that people all over the country live lives like this doesn't make this any easier to bear.

It's a well crafted, well filmed and extremely well acted movie. Just don't expect to come away from it with joy in your heart and a song on your lips.

An American Haunting (2005)

Just awful

[2/10 · 12 April 2024]

For the first ten minutes of this film, I thought i was onto something. It had the setting, some top shelf acting and the kind of atmosphere you drool over if you're a horror fan.

Shortly after, the movie fell apart, and in a variety of spectacular ways.

I'm not sure the director of this one knew what he wanted the movie to be after he snapped the clapperboard for the first time. You could say it was a general haunting movie, but it lacked even the basic stuff that makes those types of movie good.

For one thing, there was no build up. The hauntings began early on and once they got going, they never relented. Stuff flying through the air, a poor girl getting thrashed about, windows exploding...

Scary stuff, no doubt, but there was no pause in between all this poltergeist action. It was just non-stop calamity to the point where you wonder if maybe there is no ghost afoot here, maybe there's an earthquake.

There were scenes that you thought might be good, but they turned out to be only dreams. Or visions. Or hallucinations, I dunno. It's hard to keep track of who's doing what in this jumbled, clumsy mess of a movie.

As others have noted, this was one big missed opportunity. With a little more subtlety and better writing (they could have hired a third grader for this) they could have had something special, and something historically sound, to boot.

This film was a disaster. I don't know how you take Donald Sutherland, Sissy Spacek and a story of 19th century witchery and make it dull, but they did it.

Apartment 143 (2011)

The same old thing yet much better done

[9/10 · 5 April 2024]

I wish like hell we didn't have to file 600 words just to review a movie. Sometimes you just want to get in, say your piece and get out. My piece on this movie: it's fantastic. It's incredibly well acted for one thing, especially on the part of actor who played Mr. White. He has a long scene toward the end of it which he really knocks out of the park.

The movie also has more depth than is usual with this kind of found footage, things going bump all over the place, kind of movie. It has a back story and some emotional baggage to lug around. It makes the viewer that much more invested in the characters and thus, the scares are more profound.

And there are plenty of well crafted scares in this one. If I have one complaint, it's that they supplemented those organic scares with those of a more trite and cheesy variety. Those who have see the flick probably know what scene in particular I'm talking about.

But overall, this was on of the better surprises I've encountered during a months long horror movie binge. It'll stick with me, especially now that I'm turning off the lights and going to bed.

You ain't mad at ME, Caitlyn. Right?

Where's Rose (2021)

I don't think I do not understand what did not just happen

[5/10 · 1 March 2024]

My main question after finishing this one was: What?

Seriously, I have no idea what this movie was about or how it wrapped up. It began with a simple enough plot: A little girl goes missing and when she's found, her overachieving older brother feels there's something different about the lass.

And thus ends the only part of the movie I understood. Maybe there's a lot of symbolism flying over my head here, but to my eye, they just mangled this story to a bloody, unrecognizable pulp and put haunting music over it to fool you into thinking it was a horror movie.

I'd be worried about spoiling the ending for new viewers, but truthfully, bros. I don't think I could if I tried. I honestly don't know if this was a story of madness, a creature feature, or a tender Lifetime film about the importance of family, or perhaps a cautionary tale about the trouble with killing siblings.

I thought the little girl was a fine actress. She was downright spooky at times. So there. I said something about the movie, can you just leave me alone now?

Horror in the High Desert (2021)

Unnerved in my living room

[9/10 · 25 February 2024]

I don't know if I can adequately express how much I appreciated and enjoyed this very clever film.

For the first half, I simply enjoyed a compelling story, and in my mind, it didn't matter if this was a real documentary or a fictional one. It felt real enough, that's for damn sure, it was well put together.

Then we get to the meat of the story, and hot damn. Going along for the ride with poor, peer-pressure Gary was not something I would sign up for in real life. What he found out there in the great expanse of Nevada desert was terrifying in its mystery. Hear that strange music off in the distance? Smell that wood smoke way out here, miles from civilization? Can you believe Gary came back here just because some internet knuckleheads dared him to?

I really respect the patience and skill with which this director told us his story. I can't think of another movie quite like it. I enjoyed the hell out if and in the final 20 minutes or so, I was completely unnerved.

Great movie. The low ratings, I suspect, are from those who don't have the patience or imagination to sit through a slow and masterful build up.

Quicksand (2019)

Perfection

[10/10 · 18 February 2024]

I keep a list of all the shows and movies that I believe achieve perfection. It's not a long list. Some of the shows I love the most - Breaking Bad, for example - are not on it. There are a lot of movies and shows that I think are just fantastic and yet I don't consider them perfect. There are always flaws too be found. Maybe a show goes on a little too long or just not far enough. Maybe it's pacing. Maybe it's too much filler.

It ain't easy for a show to make the perfect list, but Quicksand did it. It made the list the first time I watched it and it's held up through two subsequent rewatches.

In my opinion, the show length falls into the Goldilocks Zone. It's not too short, it's not too long, it's juuuuust right. These filmmakers knew the story they wanted to tell and they told it perfectly, with no fat on them bones.

The acting was top notch across the board, but man, how I was mesmerized by the lead actress. She was at times vulnerable and kind and at times cold and hard. The actress made those transitions flawlessly and that performance sealed the deal. This is perfection in my view. I expect to feel the same the next time I watch it because this is one I will revisit again and again.

Train to Busan (2016)

There's always that one guy...

[10/10 · 15 February 2024]

I hate to echo everybody else around here, but what are you gonna do? This really IS one of the best zombie movies ever made. It has the action. It has the horror and it has the gore.

But above all that, Train to Busan also has one hell of a nice story, and some nicely developed characters to tell it. All the actors were top notch in this, but I gotta reserve my greatest praise for the child actress, who just seemed to outshine everybody, zombies included.

Once this things going, it's full steam ahead. Zombie brawling all over the place and yet none of it feels contrived or gratuitous, as you'll find with so many other zombie flicks. This movie was just masterfully put together. Everything about it hit all the right notes. By the end of it, I was on my feet, pacing the floor, gnawing a fingernail and screaming at the TV.

Must shut up before I spoil anything.

Also, the zombies do pretty well as antagonists in this movie, but there's also one living, non-flesh eating man you will come to hate.

You'll know him when you see him.

A Nearly Normal Family (2023)

Stellaaaaaa!

[10/10 · 14 February 2024]

What, are you kidding? This is a ten all day long, in my book. I know it's a quality show because by the end of it, I was on my feet, pacing back and forth and yelling at the TV a lot.

I thought this one was done masterfully. They paced it well, they didn't hurry the story, and they used flashbacks neatly and not ham handedly.

I don't know how well this would have come off without a lead actress as talented as this one. Stella was mysterious. An enigma. At times she seemed unknowable. Was she an irredeemable wild child, or a sweet kid trying to find herself? You find out around the same time that SHE finds out, i think. Stella's evolution is a major part of the success of this show.

Amina was pretty great, too.

One of the best shows I've seen in a long time.

Devil's Pass (2013)

Waaaaaaaaaay funner than expected

[8/10 · 4 February 2024]

You know what? I quite liked this movie. Didn't expect to even finish it, but it hooked me real quick. Once things get going, it doesn't really relent until we find ourselves at a mind bender of an ending.

I like that they developed these characters enough so that we knew a little bit about each of them. They weren't just cookie cut outs like you find in a lot of these movies.

The genuine facts about Dyatlov Pass are artfully blended in with the story so that the history is always like there like an unseen character. I didn't think I cared very much for the sort of shift in genres at the end of the movie, but then they took it in a really cool direction so all is forgiven. No regrets watching this one at all.

Proxy (I) (2013)

Nearly an average movie

[5/10 · 2 February 2024]

Somewhere in this jumbled mess of a movie are the bones of a decent story. For the first half hour, it seemed like that story would emerge. Maybe it did, I dunno. It's hard to tell with all the wasted fat they draped over those bones. These storytellers seemed to want to go in five directions at once and all I can tell you is that they never went the right way.

In a sense, "Proxy" feels like two distinct movies, the first one middling, the second one crap. And at some point, the filmmakers got lazy. The tattooed girlfriend is about six different cliches rolled into one and her dialogue feels like it was written by a coddled teenager trying to come off as streetwise.

The aftermath of a very important murder is presented so poorly it borders on laughable. The police, investigating the murder of a child and the double shotgun blasting of the killer didn't notice an abandoned truck parked outside? They never went to the killer's home in search of clues to the baffling murder? Hell, when the dad calls the detective with a potential clue, the detective on the case barely remembers him. I don't care if you're in downtown Chicago. The murder of an 8 year old boy and the killing of the woman who drowned him would be big news.

And speaking of news, the way these writers presented the media was atrocious. At one point, the mother of the dead child calls in offering up an interview. "Sorry, ma'am," the reporter tells her. "We already ran a segment on that case.." Are you FREAKIN' kidding me? Have you MET the media? Mothers of dead children get immediate and close attention always.

In the newspaper, the names of the victims of the bizarre killing are named because "they requested privacy," according to the newspaper clipping. Again, have you MET the media? That's not how that works.

This movie was sloppy, ambling and poorly executed. It's about a half hour of intrigue followed by 90 minutes of looking at your watch. It was so disappointing to me, I'm not going to even fumble for a clever last line with which to conclude this review.

So take that.

The Eyes of My Mother (2016)

Ed Gein with lady parts

[9/10 · 1 February 2024]

By the halfway point of this movie, I was convinced I hated it. The movie was so dark and disordered it seemed like it would find no place to go.

Then it got somewhere and for a little while there, I longed for the moments when I was bored and perplexed rather than horrified.

This is a dark and deeply unsettling film. It's presented to us in mature form - the director here has no intention of walking us through his ghastly story. He tells the tale at his own pace and that pace eventually becomes a demented gallop into madness.

The lead actress here is operating on another level. I mean, she made me love her, then hate her and ultimately, she made me fear her. I mean, I was genuinely repulsed by the lass, and she did all this without any screaming or theatrics. When you get right down to it, Kika Magalhães only plays this character at one speed and that speed is lunacy. Dazzling, mesmerizing lunacy of the darkest kind.

What a strange and unique and magnificent movie. I feel like I just spent and hour and some change inside the mind of the lady version of Ed Gein. It's not a place I want to go back to any time soon, but I'm glad I visited.

Terrified (2017)

Can't say I've seen anything like it

[7/10 · 31 January 2024]

I'll tell you what. There were so many ghosts and ghouls and jump scares in this one that I started to get a little numb from it. They could have gone a little more subtle, but you've got appreciate a director who says, the hell with it, we're throwing everything at them. Get that kitchen sink, boys, because that goes too.

It's definitely scary in places and the jump scares are earned and mighty effective. What was the story? Beats me. I still don't really know what i just watched, but catch me visiting anyone in THAT neighborhood.

My biggest complaint is this. I wanted to know more about that dead little boy. That dead little boy was terrifying. A week in the grave and here he is sitting at the kitchen table and waiting for breakfast, all green and stinky? THAT'S the story I want to follow. Hell, if they dispensed with everything else and just gave me the dead kid, I would have been happy. I mean, he's dead, but every once in a while you can detect a little bit of movement. And how the hell did he get to that kitchen table in the first place?

Little kids crawling from their graves is a scary notion. The other haunts were scary, too, I guess, but they didn't have much personality. I knew nothing about them and wasn't real curious. They just kept coming and coming and coming.

Fun little flick.

Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum (2018)

Korea's Blair Witch Project

[10/10 · 30 January 2024]

After great deliberation, assessing all the various stylistic choices presented in this film, I now feel confident in offering my rating of HOLY !!#$@!!!

And I mean that! This movie is like a freight train of horror bearing down on you for like an hour straight. The filmmakers here do so many things so very well, I was actively uncomfortable for a solid two-thirds of the movie.

I really like everything about this one, including the way it knows when to be subtle and when to grab the viewer by the delicates and shake him. Or something, I dunno. I'm still pretty shook.

Some shots were so fantastic, they left me feeling like I was standing alone in the dank dark of this terrifying place. I found myself desperate to have other characters appear on screen so I wouldn't feel so abandoned. Not a lot of movies can achieve that kind of discomfort.

There have been so many found footage duds since Blair Witch set the standard. Sooo many duds. It's really nice to see someone finally manage to match that old classic shot for horrifying shot.

If you like horror, this is one of those movies that simply cannot fail you. It's got everything. One of the unnerviest I've seen in a good long while. And I don't care if that's not actually a word. I tell you I'm shook!

The Parish (2019)

So, who's the good guy?

[5/10 · 30 January 2024]

Man, I hate to leave a review when I didn't actually finish a movie, but this one really got under my skin.

It got under my skin because with writing just a little bit sharper, it could have been something special. You got your creepy nuns. You got your hulking ghost janitor and you got your blood gushing dead husband trying to deliver messages from beyond the grave.

How could you possibly fail with all that going on?

For me, it all went sour about halfway through when I realized I didn't really like anyone in the movie.

The mom? I suppose they tried writing her as the tough, protective mama, determined to persevere in spite of bone deep grief because her daughter needs here and all that.

But the lady didn't come off that way at all. To me, she was a snotty, arrogant, petulant Karen who dismissed with a sneer every single person who tried to help her. By the midway point of the movie, every snide remark she uttered in order to assert that she was smarter than everyone else was, to me, like the sound of someone twisting Styrofoam in their hands. I hate that sound!

The daughter was petulant and whiny, too, but hey, she's a teenager, she's allowed to be the those things. Ultimately, with no one to cheer for and the plot inching forward with the gusto of a sickly slug, I decided to bail on the flick.

As the tattoo says, I have no regerts.

We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011)

One of the best movies I've ever seen

[10/10 · 21 January 2024]

What a movie this is. What a terrible, beautiful, horrific movie I just sat through, galvanized starting with the very first scene; terrified by the last of it.

Imagine being the mother of a child who seems to have been born bad. A cruel and hateful child who, even as a toddler, seems to get off on tormenting his mother out of unfounded spite. Imagine trying to show unconditional love to that kid even as you suspect he might border on evil. This whole movie is about that mother trying her hardest to love that kid even when it's clear that what crawled out of her womb was pure corruption. Blech. It's a real hard movie to watch a lot of the time. By the time the climax came, I found myself standing in the middle of my room, stunned and speechless. That doesn't happen often. I actually had to step outside for a minute to absorb it.

The movie tells it's story in way that seems disordered at first but which is actually quite elegant. It's not a horror movie, by any stretch of the imagination. Not in the conventional way, anyway. It needs it's own classification. Not horror, maybe, but horrific. It kind of defies description. I've never seen anything quite like it and I'm confounded why it isn't more acclaimed. Just a gut punch of a movie. It's going to stick with me a long while.

It seems a shock and a pity to me that Tilda Swinton, along with all three of the Kevins, didn't bring home sacks full of the big awards for this one.

The Atoning (2017)

A really great movie... for a while

[7/10 · 20 January 2024]

I really liked this movie. By the time it was two-thirds over, I was thinking we had a hell of a good sleeper on our hands; a movie that did everything right and yet was inexplicably not getting any love from the critics.

The plot was tantalizing, if not completely original. There aren't a whole lot of genuine scares in this one, but the ones that are there are really good, both jumpy and unsettling.

I thought the acting was decent across the board, and the lead actress in particular really captivated me. She didn't have to say anything at all, her face did all the talking. Here was a mother who was alternately defiant, terrified, enraged, sad and then defiant all over again, and you could see that all play out on her quivering chin.

After the one hour mark, these filmmakers must have decided that they needed to use their special effects budget and so out came the shoe polish covered "demons," performing what looked a lot like interpretative dance.

These underworld characters were corny, overused and entirely unnecessary. For the life of me, it looked like the film director just ran frantically around town looking for people he could use as these hastily introduced extras. "Hey, guy working the pit at Midas Muffler. You wanna earn a few bucks? Here, let me slather you with glue and then throw some charcoal at you. Yeah, yeah. That's the look. Now, let's see you dance. You DO dance, don't you?" A good ride, I guess, but that ending really took the wind out of it. And the denouement itself made little sense. SPOILER AHEAD: If Tom, the kid-killing dad was doomed to Hell to begin with, why did his family get subjected to that in-between world at all? And why did the underworld show polish people wait so long to drag him into the abyss? It would have made better sense if he'd gone willingly with them. That would have been poignant, in fact. Maybe the Afterworld demanded that Tom make an unselfish choice to free his family from the consequences of his sins. That would have given the movie a point. But now, the charcoal people just ran him through with a sword and dragged him into the Closet of Doom or whatever the hell that was. A hastily written ending and a sloppy one at that.

But otherwise, it was an hour and ten minutes of quality entertainment followed by 30 minutes of "what th..."

Run (I) (2020)

One mother of a good flick

[8/10 · 5 January 2024]

Ah, I see the iMDB movie snobs are complaining about this one, too. Too predictable, they whine. Not realistic, they snivel. Why, I could write a movie ten times better than this and direct the hell out of it, too.

Whatever. I'm glad some reviewers appreciate the movie because I enjoyed the hell out of it. Sure, it's not a sparkling new premise, but it's a damn good twist on an old one. I mean, Anne Wilkes was scary and all, but at least she wasn't James Caan's mama. I mean, it's one thing to be tortured and held captive by a stranger, but when it's your own Ma? That's just uncomfortable in all sorts of way.

I found this one tense and enthralling from start to finish. I mean, literal edge-of-your-seat kind of stuff, and well acted on both sides the mother-daughter duo. Sarah Paulson was exceptional as the well-meaning, but horrifically warped mommy and I thought the back story was handled deftly.

Now if you'll allow me to cut it short here, I've got to go give my own mother a call so maybe she'll let me out of the basement for an hour or two.

You Are Not My Mother (2021)

The best horror movies are those with low IMDB ratings

[8/10 · 4 January 2024]

I used to make this statement as kind of a joke. Now I believe it utterly. I'm on a good roll of decent horror movies and ever single one of them gets slammed by the horror aficionados in here. It's too slooooow, they say. It's too ambiguous and gee whiz, fellas, who wants to have to think while watching a movie?

Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I really liked this one because it was nuanced and sly and there were some genuinely creepy moments in there that will produce that chill we ought seek buzzing up our spines.

This one was beautifully acted from end to end, with special nods to the two main actresses. I always liked the lore of the changeling and this one presents it in an intelligent and captivating way. Pity so few people appreciate an intelligent move these days.

The Evil Next Door (2020)

Worst neighbors ever

[8/10 · 3 January 2024]

And here we have another low rated movie that to me is better than 90 percent of the other crap out there. This movie is scary. Genuinely scary in all the right ways. Until the end, they do it without a lot of props and screeching special effects - the kind of big budget overkill that always yanks me right out of a story.

The director of this one played it smart. The horrors weren't in your face, they were the things you saw only out of the corner of your eye, if you saw them at all. These were more real world scares: literal bumps in the night and long halls crawling with shadows. That freakin' attic space? Every time the camera moved up there, I found myself cringing because man, that's not where I wanted to be at all.

Maybe this movie IS some kind of allegory exploring the difficulties a stepmom faces trying to fill a role in a kid's life. I don't know. Don't care much, either, because for 90 percent of this movie, I was uneasy and on edge. I grew to love the leading lady and grew annoyed that the little boy never, EVER had her back when Dad came around to accuse of her craziness. One little word from the little man could have gone a long way to bolster step momma's story, but not. The kid just looked on with that blank stare and said nothing at all. Thanks, kid. Next time you get dragged upside down up an attic ladder, maybe mommy dearest won't be so quick to rush to your aid.

Ah, who am I kidding? This stepmom was awesome and she had courage when courage was needed the most. When she jumped into that dark, foreboding hole in the floor without hesitation, I fell in love with her a little bit. But enough about me... My main complaint about this movie comes at the end when the creature steps out of the darkness and into the light. Is there some horror movie law that insists that every film has to have an upside down, backwards spider walking monster that makes those clickety, clackety bone crunching noises every step of the way? Because I gotta tell you, that effect has been beaten to grisly death. It's not scary anymore. That this movie indulged in that small time crap after so much restraint and subtly really annoyed and took me out of the movie for a minute or two. In the end, no real harm done. I'm not really sure about the love-conquers-all ending here, either, but it was a touching moment and since I was in love with the mom already, I looked past it.

Over the past few months, I've found that the very best horror movies out there are the ones that your average IMDB snob absolutely hates. Too slow, they say. Not enough jump scares and buckets of blood. It appears that horror movie fans of the day have been conditioned to favor big budget effects and corny cliches over a good story and gut level terror that infects the imagination more than the eyes. Sad times. This movie here is so much better than a lot of the trite rehashes that are presently bringing in 7 or 8 star ratings. Soooo much better.

The Boogeyman (I) (2023)

A monster that could be easily vanquished by one trip to Tractor Supply

[7/10 · 31 December 2023]

Never in human history has mankind had access to such a wide variety of lighting implements for virtually any lighting need.

You've got LED flashlights packed with thousands of lumens. Battery powered, solar powered, you name it. Even a cheap dollar store flashlight these days is capable of lighting up your entire backyard so you can see who's been stealing your underthings.

Headlamps? We got headlamps. Get one with a rechargeable battery pack and you'll never be without hands free lighting again.

Why not try the Ryobi work light, which will blast 4,200 blinding lumens at that hard to reach manifold, difficult basement job, or closet dwelling creature trying to eat your kids. It's powered by the popular ONE+ battery so you'll never be in the dark again.

Want something more budget friendly? Strap on a puck light or grab a packet of glow sticks at the dollar store (deep down, didn't you know we'd be back at the dollar store again?) and light up your world for mere pocket change.

Of course, if an ancient evil creature is menacing your family and that creature exists only in the dark, you may choose to go without all of these lighting needs and try fighting it with... Oh, I dunno. An bulk supply of tea candles? Your dead mom's almost-out-of-juice zippo lighter? Some 1970s era Christmas lights that depend on an extension cord, even though electrical power seems to be out all over the house?

Now, see here. I actually enjoyed The Boogeyman to some extent, because the scenes were shot well and it was decently acted. But come on. If even one of the bonehead characters in this movie had made just a cursory trip to Harbor Freight (I like to plug aaaall the stores,) they could have completely vanquished that rather feeble creature the very first night. Hell, what I keep in my glove compartment would have sent that Predator-wannabee packing lickety split.

I'm sorry, but when you get right down to it, that boogey creature wasn't all the powerful. In fact, the most dangerous thing it seemed to accomplish was the spreading of mold throughout the house. That's gonna cost the family a pretty penny to eradicate. Too bad they don't have a Tractor Supply, Dollar Tree or Harbor Freight in their neighborhood.

Kind of a cool movie and some scary scenes, but you have to suspend belief a little too much for it to really sink it. I mean, gee whiz, fellas. They make bright lights with little motion sensors on them now, because we live in a time of wonders.

Motherly (2021)

Catch me playing hide and seek with this family

[8/10 · 20 December 2023]

Well, it would appear that I liked this a lot more than the average bear. And it's a bit of a marvel since I almost stopped watching it 15 or so minutes in. Didn't care for the mother. Didn't care for the snotty, entitled kid, either. Come to find out, it didn't matter if you liked them or not, the story they had to tell was a solid one, and once things got rolling, it was pretty much a good time right through until the credits.

The acting was good all around here. The writing was solid and there didn't appear to be an ounce of fat on this one. The movie was not too long and not to short. It was just right.

I'm on a weird run of movies right now that I thoroughly enjoyed but which have abysmal ratings here in IMDB. When a movie scores in the low 5s or even worse, I used to just keep on scrolling, but lately I've come to see that as an endorsement. The average viewer these days seems to crave jump scares, special effects and gore above all and if a movie doesn't have enough of it, the movie is considered a dud, even if the story is good and acting strong.

This movie didn't take a billion dollars to make, but the creators did everything else right so they didn't need the cash. There's probably a lesson in there somewhere.

The Uninvited (1996 TV Movie)

Saved by the Beau

[5/10 · 17 December 2023]

Whew! Imagine how bad this movie would have been if not for Beau Bridges and Sharon Lawrence. I mean, it was pretty bad. It's essentially a compilation video with clips from several other horror movies. Nothing original to be found in this tepid made-for-TV flick. I probably would bailed after the first half hour but both Bridges and Lawrence were just damn fine. They never phoned it in even though they MUST have known what they were doing was pure cheese. They gave it their all and that made the movie almost bearable. Pretty much everyone else in this movie was a cookie cut out. There's the brash ominous psychic we've seen in one million other movies. There are all the familiar neighbors, the men dorky, the women a gaggle of gossipers. You got your basic psychiatrist to tell the poor damsel it's all in her head, the little boy, the little girl and even a nice doddering old lady to fill out the cast. None of it worth a damn, but by gum, Beau and Lawrence put some effort into it so I'm gonna do the same. I'll give it a five because it's not the most terrible thing I've seen in spite of all the cornball writing and tired old tropes.