paintedwallpaper Reviews

Creepshow (1982)

One of my top 5 all time favorites.

[10/10 · 2 January 2007]

There is really something to this film. It has charisma, something lacking in so many horror films. It is extremely grizzly in some scenes, but it never loses its style and charm. OK, its zany and immature in some ways, however, that lends a friendly vibe, making Creepshow seem innocent in the way the old Grimm's Fairy tales were.

I love this scary movie. It has zombies, and monsters, and creepy crawlies, yet it also has quality actors, interesting story lines, and a wacky comic book style that will appeal to fans of movies like Tommy. The best thing about this movie is that its perfect for spooky sleepovers and you can find it for like 3 bucks online in good condition.

Maniac (1980)

gory, unsympathetic slasher flick

[7/10 · 30 December 2006]

I picked this movie up on VHS for ten dollars after hearing about it on several horror forums. I'm not sure what to make of it really, but i can't say it was a bad slasher flick.

Maniac is slightly predictable and mostly realistic, which is pretty much the norm with serial killer movies. What sets this film apart is the disturbing lack of pathos a viewer will feel for the killer. The directer makes no attempt for sympathy for the maniac; he is a dirty scumbag with little charisma, his killings are terrible, and you want to see him get his. There is moderate suspense, plenty of blood (courtesy of Tom Savini, who makes a cameo as a sexually frustrated man who get his head blown off his shoulders), and the dialog isn't too bad.

This is not a classic, but it isn't generic, and it has a style of its own. Horror fans should see it.

The Omen (2006)

Head is spinning, and not because of demonic possession.

[5/10 · 8 June 2006]

666 the dark day. Once a century do those number appear as a date on the calender. yes! and what do we get for all that dark energy? The Omen Remake-- a new dreadful type of evil that strikes the horror fan at his weakness, His/Her love and respect of the influential groundbreaking horror movies.

This movie provides two hours of mediocre entertainment of supernatural blah blah blah. It is not scary. Better horror has come out in the last few years people. Go see Hostel, or High Tension, or take a chance on an older horror movie like Session 9, or Ginger Snaps if you want character driven horror. As far as remakes go, not one in the last 15 years has matched the entertainment of the original, even though one or two of them may have been scary. The Night Of The Dead Remake was the last horror remake to take an old screenplay and really breathe some creativity into it.

TOR is not so much a remake, but a polished copy with the same screenplay! Gregory Peck is still the man, and Leiv Schrieber cries too much! It is all how you remember it but all with a weird cast of more familiar faces from recent movies. Kind of like asking your girlfriend to try on an outfit of your ex-girlfriends; its never a good fit and it is likely to cost you a good relationship. I'm sorry, (Insert name of Remake here) but it's not working out, so I am not going to see you anymore.

All you zombies do not show your faces and spawn of Satan celebrate in hell (where the party's at anyway) because if you go see The Omen Remake than the Exorcist remake with Dakota Fanning as Regan is not far behind.

Narok (2005)

Interesting, with some good scenes.

[7/10 · 11 April 2006]

Both me and my compadre had some serious expectations for this film. It fell short of those expectations but it still managed to entertain.

First the disappointments. The characters were all stereotypes. Some aspects didn't make sense and some twists were predictable.. The moralistic scenes tended to drag a bit. Finally, the demons and the devil were kind of a let down from a European standpoint; however this movie is from Thailand, so maybe the scariest things the writers could drum up were barbarians.

This movie did show interesting mythology, and hell is truly a loathsome place to be. The torture was hard to watch, and the boiling oil effects were extra neat. Some parts were truly inspired, such as the scene with the ghoulish children. The fun in this film is the campiness, which is bad because a truly terrifying and nightmarish film on hell has yet to be made, but is good because the film does deliver entertainment. You get the feeling that if the movie was taken seriously it would suck just by how the dramatic scenes are so hammy. Anyway, I thought this film was pretty entertaining.

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Just another mediocre remake of a unique horror movie.

[6/10 · 16 March 2006]

The original The Hills Have Eyes was an OK horror film, if not a bit slow and a bit rough around the edges. The remake lacks the raw realism of the 1980 version and it borrows too heavily from other recent remakes (including their flaws). It has Texas Chainsaw Massacre all over it and the mutant village reminded me of the House of Wax. Don't you think these remakes are following a formula? 20 minutes of bonding (pop culture jokes) between characters from popular TV shows or teen angst movies, then 20 minutes of wandering around to build suspense that is ineffective because everything has a familiar and predictable feel. The wandering around ends when the stupidest character reads a newspaper clipping (killers love to make scrapbooks, always) and gets killed before he can warn anyone. Instead of using creative writing the writers make the characters so stupid that that they put themselves in dangerous situations; unfortunately, people like seeing whimpering Nimrods die which makes suspenseful pacing becomes wasted time. What's with the gratuitous ammo wasting (a trained policeman firing randomly into the dark and his son waiting until the bandits are acres away before shooting)? When the daughter was heard screaming in the trailer why did the helpless mother and older daughter go see what was going on instead of the men with guns; somebody dangerous set your dad on fire(he didn't spontaneously combust), and now that person is raping your sister. When the dog was attacking the ax wielding ogre, why not take the chance to bash the ogre's brains in instead of poorly barricading yourself in a plywood bathroom? So you shot Mr. Cleft lip in the arm and he fell... shoot him in the head! Don't put your gun down right next to him; you don't know how many other mutants there are out there, and he might be playing possum. Plus, the mutant that was feeding on your mom was 30 feet away and unarmed... do you take time to aim a shot to kill him? No. What you do is waste all your shots while running away just to set up an overly elaborate trailer explosion. I am not impressed with the writing of this film, the only thing clever about it were the make-up/blood effects, but everything else has been done so many times that i could hardly get excited about anything happening on screen. I am a fan of B-Movies, and there is fun to be had here (the audience was not scared at all but laughing the whole time), but please, no more hurried remakes, people! These are the movies that got me into horror, and you are beginning to hurt my feelings as well as insult my intelligence.

Luther the Geek (1989)

a Klucking awful movie

[2/10 · 23 August 2005]

I consider myself a big fan of low budget horror movies. The more bizarre and imaginative the film, the more blood and guts, the better, and i really fall in love with cheaply done flicks if they are done right. Luther starts out well enough... his origin at the circus, a creepy run at a supermarket, an attack of an old lady, and his disturbing occupation of a woman's farmhouse all set the mood nicely. A hot sex/ shower scene ensues when the woman's daughter and daughter's boyfriend arrives at the house. When Luther steals the boyfriends motorbike the movie takes a turn for the worse.

The characters are presented with numerous opportunities to: A) save their loved ones, B) get the police to help, C) escape, or (most importantly) D) KILL LUTHER!!! I can't feel empathy or fear for characters that are too stupid to help themselves. Chareters snub chances to arm themselves with guns and knives while Luther is away. A policeman eventually arrives and is equally ineffective in stopping Luther, even though at one point he has a rifle squarely aimed at Luther while Luther clucks and does his rendition of the polish chicken dance. I found myself futilely coaching my television: "Make sure he's dead!", "Hes gone, get out of there!", or "Just kill him already!"

Luther is a bloodthirsty savage, but he is hardly Hannibal Lecter. If you can't outsmart this egghead, you deserve what's coming to you. By halfway through the movie you'll be so lethargic to the fates of the half-wits that only morbid curiosity will sustain you to last to the mildly amusing ending. This movie was noted as one of Fangoria's 101 greatest movies you've never seen... well Fangoria is half-right in the case of Luther the Geek.

Brain Damage (1988)

campy original horror at its best.

[10/10 · 11 June 2005]

you know, i just went to see House of Wax the other day, and ten years after scream came out why are the same boring plots with the same boring characters doing the same stupid mistakes our only option for horror these days.

i suggest going back 20 years to the 70's and 80's if you want to find some great horror. horror then was low budget but imaginative. the movies had interesting story lines and were not shy about blood and gore. a good stepping stone for this sub-genre is one of my current favorites, Brain Damage. It starts off on a very surreal note, but mixes its strangeness with an accurate portrayal of a young man hopelessly addicted to the mother of all drugs. his dealer is perhaps the most unique little monster in all of horror, Aylmer (pronounced "elmer").

Aylmer is a purple cucumber shaped alien with a tiny smiling face and a soft warm voice. he finds a host, and injects his host with a blue liquid that comes out of one of Aylmer's fangs. this "brain juice" jacks up its host into a hullucionary state. while the host is in la-la land, Aylmer makes a victim of whoever the host comes in contact with, eating the victims brains.

as vile as all that sounds, it is hard to see Aylmer as evil. he is just such a nice little guy. plus he is unique in his appearance, personality, and attacks, which all go a long way with me in a modern world of horror villains pushed off an assembly line.

this movie is not winning an Oscar. it is strange and campy and violent. but if that is what you desire in a film, this hidden gem may become one of your favorites!

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

great donation to the series

[7/10 · 23 April 2005]

Savini's death make-up and Jason effects are at their peak. worth watching for tommy's freak out at the end. Crispen Glover is in it, and performs the ultimate BAD 1980's dance scene, worse than anything in footloose. The body count reaches a great height and the nudity and sex is as gratuitous as ever. I personally feel that this is the best of the original 4 Friday movies, coming in a close race with the third Jason. I've seen all the movies more times than i can count and this one holds up surprisingly strong among all eleven films. For those of you who are Friday fans, if you haven't seen this one, you are missing out on a key moment in Jason's history, so go pick this one up today.