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Reviews
Seriously Weird (2002)
Seriously a Waste of time
YTV has a history of bringing the viewing audience shows that seem half empty. We have the punch line, annoying kid gets cursed by an interdimensional being after offending him. But we never reach a point in which we actually see the curse. Weird things happen. But this is not what the being threatens Harris with. The being stated that he was going to ruin Harris' life. This hardly happens. Thus turning a half way decent idea into pure crap.
Some episodes are slightly entertaining. While others make you want to hunt down the writers, and do bad things to them. Plain and simple, this is a serious waste of time.
Tru Calling (2003)
True Waste Of Time
This year's winner of the worst show on television is ... "Tru Calling." This show is filled with characters viewers will want to see dead before the first commercial. Eliza Dushku is a good young actress but she needs to be centered around a good cast. Which you won't find here. Although some of the acting is decent, this show is consumed with several bland roles. The pilot has a plot that resembles something out of a rejected ,"Tales from the Crypt," episode. This show is boring, slow moving, and it will make you wish you had something better to do. And of course you do. You can change the channel until Fox cans this filler waste of human existence.
Scary Movie 3 (2003)
This movie gives Gigli a run for it's money.
Eminem once pondered the question,"What happens when bad meets evil." Let the pondering cease. This movie drags on like a midget hooked up to a low rider. It's willingness to over sell unfunny jokes is almost unbearable. There's a huge piece missing in this movie. Perhaps the Wayans brothers were needed more than the producers want to admit. This film doesn't even deserve a position in the franchise. They should simply call it ,"Bad Movie." Maybe then it could live up to it's name. Producers were unwise to believe that Anna Faris could carry most of the comedy . The truth of the matter is she plays second banana to the eternally unfunny Charlie Sheen, and the bland Simon Rex. Also the movies they choose to spoof were the wrong choices. Most of the actors chosen were bad. Only the few lone holdouts from the previous films were funny. Almost every single spoof either falls flat or simply is overdone. There are some mildly entertaining jokes and puns in this film. But whenever Zucker has a laugh, he tries to stretch it and fails. Instead of being one gag after another, this movie's scenes are often too long thus making them boring. The first two movies didn't wait in the water for a miracle like this movie does. They simple told jokes and did puns. The overselling of jokes is done to try to make things seem funnier than they are. It's old folks humor told in a young person's franchise. Perhaps Zucker is too old and out of touch with what is funny. This movie isn't just bad, it's evil.
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Pulp Hack and Slash
What do you get when you add one part japanese anime, one part kung fu revenge movie, then mix together with the genius that is Tarantino? You get Kill Bill Volume One. Some say this movie isn't for everyone. Yet, it is. Who wouldn't want to see a movie about revenge? Trust me folks, the best part of this movie is that you will agree with the character's motives. You want,"The Bride," to have her revenge. You want every last one of those shameful pricks to pay for what they did. This movie is driven by it's audience's need to see justice.
Tarantino bravely tries to tell a story without even having a story. In this film, we have straps of a story. It's as if we all have amnesia along with Uma. The only thing we can remember throughout this film is that someone has to pay.
This film has several laugh out loud moments. While it never strays from it's overall tone. Kill Bill is a shot in the arm for a genre that needs more thoughtful pieces like this.
Once Were Warriors (1994)
True to life tale of woe
"Once Were Warriors," is a shocking tail of woe, set against the backdrop of a Maori family. This movie tells a story through it's collection of flawed and imperfect characters. A story about life, and how it can fall to nothingness. This film has beauty, sorrow, and an unflinching need to stay true to reality."Once were warriors," is a film that shows how bad a life can get. It showcases how one mistake can trip into another. How it all can come back and haunt you in the most horrible ways. Yet in the end this movie is not about how bad life can get; it's about what you do to change it.
MP Da Last Don (1998)
The Almost Last Don
MP's The Last Don was suppose to be a companion item along with his supposedly final album. That was the plan. I remember there being a slight delay on the film, so it came out a few months after the album.
This movie is Percy Miller's version of two classic films. One being an urban classic ,"New Jack City." The other being the all time classic, "The Godfather." Sure this movie has a B quality in it, and it's also rather violent for a short film. But this film is actually good. Since Master P hails from one of the most historically criminal areas of the U.S., and also is a reformed criminal there is some truth in this movie. If you get past the oddities of this film it's quite enjoyable.
The weak points are the basketball and half-Italian storyline.Although there is a delightful strip club scene. As far as rap movies go, Miller is Fellini. What does that say about hip-hop films?
Emerald Cove (1993)
Emerald Cove, gone but not forgotten.
Emerald Cove originally appeared as a short segment during the dying days of the Mickey Mouse Club. It starred the second tier of the kid empire. On the first tier was the wannabe pop group, "The Party." On the bottom were the youngsters like Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears. JC, from N Sync played one of many mindless surfers in this beach drama. This may sound like a train wreck but it wasn't all that bad. The weak points were that it had too many characters. None of which were all that interesting.
MMC had a track record of putting a live action show in the middle of their daily show. The Secret of Lost Creek, was broken into several parts and shown over a long amount of time. The movie was maybe an hour and twenty minutes, yet Disney stretched it into months. The Ernie Reyes Jr vehicle ,"Secret Bodyguard," also had a lengthy. All three shows played at various times during the MMC run.
Emerald Cove was different because they used the show's talent.So in theory the show would work because the viewers already knew the show's cast from MMC. In life most theories end up being wrong.This show proved that. The acting was at times was bad. Also the plots all had been done before. Themes such as ,"My friend likes you, but you like me, what will we do! There was even a seemingly stoned surfer caught in a love triangle. Also the usual poor guy chases rich girl. And the all time favorite street music producer chases angelic urban singer theme shows up here. A string of the segments was combined into making a few half-hour episodes.
Tony Lucca went on to do almost the same show a few years later with Keri Russell. It was called," Malibu Shores." This show can be described as the repressed first cousin of Malibu Shores. Thank goodness neither show ran too long.