bwilkus Reviews

Mission to Mars (2000)

Horrid

[2/10 · 28 November 2006]

One of the worst sci-fi films I have seen in a long time. This movie is completely lacking, and the acting is actually rather poor. This movie falls in line with other Hollywood cheese-fests like The Rock and ID4. Several attempts to create suspenseful moments are completely lost, and the characters' reactions to various things are just pathetic. I don't know who wrote the script, but it is gag-worthy. And the story is really bad too. So why is this single Martian just chillin' on Mars waiting for mankind to show up? Why does it feel the need to show our 3 astronauts how life on earth was created? It almost seems like this was the central idea for the film, but the writers just could not construct a valid story around it...

Anyone who gives this film a good rating obviously has no idea what good sci-fi is....either that or they just like to be spoon-fed cheesy Hollywood rubbish.

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead (1990)

Boring, unwatchable nonsense for the art-house pseudo-intellectual

[3/10 · 26 January 2006]

While the movie is produced well, and stars two of my favorite actors, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead was an utterly boring display of nonsense. Maybe I am just a "stupid-American", but the whole Shakespeare thing does not, and has not translated into modern film entertainment for me, ever. This film, is just a pseudo-intellectual's wet dream. Be cautious of those who said they liked this movie, because most likely they are just a pretentious, coffee house, art geek who wants to think they are better and smarter than everyone else. All that being said, the enormous talents that are Gary Oldman and Tim Roth could not even make this film remotely watchable. Oh, by the way, Richard Dreyfuss is HORRIBLY annoying....and he just keeps coming back....over and over again.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)

Complete Hollywood Rubbish

[4/10 · 17 June 2005]

Cheesy story, boring as-if action that's been done a million times, what else can I say, just lame Hollywood garbage at its finest. I'm glad I got to see this for free, because it was really a waste of time. There is only one good part, and that is when Mr. Smith hits a guy in the head with a golf club. Other than than the movie does not offer anything more than a few shots of Lip Lady (Jolie) in fish nets for all the guys who think she is hot (c'mon, she really is just plain freakish with all that plastic surgery) and some shots of Brad Pitt with his shirt off for all the 14 year old girls who will probably go see this movie for that reason alone. This movie would have been better if they would have actually killed each other, and thus, brought the film to an end after about 40 minutes. I gave Mr. & Mrs. Smith a 4/10 because at least it was produced well and had some decent stunts and special fx, but other than that, I would say it is almost as bad the The Matrix 2 and 3.

The Changeling (1980)

I don't understand why so many people think this movie is scary, cause its just not...

[4/10 · 1 June 2005]

I just finished watching this film about 10 minutes ago. I was compelled to add my comment here so as to offset some of the reviews here on IMDb that claim this movie is the "scariest movie ever". I know now that I am vastly different than most of the people who saw this film and commented on it, because at no point during my viewing of this film was I all creeped out. The Exorcist was creepy. The Omen was creepy. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre genuinely disturbed me. This movie is not only boring, but TOTALLY predictable. The story is also quite pointless, leaving anyone with a brain to wonder why the ghost is doing what he is doing, and what the general point of the film was to begin with. As for the acting, I have no complaints. And if it wasn't for the decent acting, this movie would have sucked 10 times more than it already does. Maybe if I was like 8 years old, this movie would have been a little scarier, but at the ripe age of 29, and with hundreds of GOOD horror movies watched, I have to rate this film with a 4 out of 10. If you want a really good haunted house film, watch The Legend of Hell House.

Immortal (2004)

Wow, I can't even begin to understand why this movie is getting cr@p reviews!

[8/10 · 6 April 2005]

I watched this film a couple nights ago and I really haven't been able to get it out of my head. I loved the film and thought the story was fantastic and interesting. I really don't understand why so many people are crapping on this film, even as a fan of Bilal's comic books, I thought this was a masterpiece. However, I do understand how some thought the CG characters looked a little dated, and honestly, I agree. True, Golem and the first CG segment in the Animatrix (Final Flight of the Osiris) have set the standards for CG characters, but one should really try to look beyond this when watching Immortel. I do not think these characters detract from the beauty of the film at all. As for the live action characters, the acting is perfectly fine, I don't understand how so many people can crap on the acting, especially taking into consideration that the film was written and performed in English, by a French director with a French cast. Basically, I think this film deserves a much wider release so more people can see it and judge for themselves. 8/10

Silent Running (1972)

Good idea, very poor execution....

[3/10 · 4 April 2005]

OK, this is another of the many early sci-fi movies from the 1970s that actually has a novel idea, but is executed so poorly that the movie is almost unbearable to watch. Not only is the pacing of this movie painfully slow, there are a few montages were I actually had to mute the volume because the music was so sickeningly bad and cheesy. The thing is, this film is about a few remaining "forests" that are left in existence in several greenhouses maintained in outer-space on large space ships, and one man's struggle to save the last one. Sounds interesting, right? It is actually a cool idea about a serious subject (preservation of our forests here on earth) which I am all for, but after watching this movie, I couldn't help but quote Eric Cartman: "What a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap!" Aside from all of this, I guess the film has some decent visuals and the acting is OK, although I prefer Dern as the crazy, gun-nut neighbor in the Burbs as opposed to a crazy, but sappy outer-space hippie. 3/10

Crime Zone (1988)

Whoa, this movie kinda sucks....kinda hard...

[3/10 · 31 December 2004]

Well, what can I say? I have seen a lot of low budget, poorly produced sci-fi and horror flicks, and I *usually* can find something of value in them, but this movie from 1988 is by far one of the worst. Crime Zone makes Albert Pyun's Cyborg look like a masterpiece. Let's see....where to start.....the lighting, props, costumes and effects are REALLY poor. I mean, people aren't stupid, it's obviously a bb gun Helen carries around through the last half of the film. I think I saw the same gun at Wal*mart last week. I don't even want to discuss the plot let alone the acting. I don't know how David Carradine got mixed up in this film, because the other actors are quite lame. I guess Sherilyn Fenn is OK, but Peter Nelson and Michael Shaner are REALLY lame, I think even I could act better. Lets not forget about the score. My god, it sounds like it was made with a Toys 'R' Us kids Casio keyboard. I gave the movie a 3/10 because some company actually had the balls to release this p.o.s.. Now I know why it hasn't been released on DVD yet. Maybe Criterion should put out a special collector's edition of it! Haha. I think I even liked Troll 2 better, and that is really freakin sad....

Saturn 3 (1980)

A little dated but nonetheless very well done...

[7/10 · 30 December 2004]

I first watched Saturn 3 with my father when I was about 12 years old and I remembered liking it and being creeped out by it as a kid. So I revisited the film again last night. Even though it has been over 15 years since I first saw this film, I still really enjoyed it. I was very surprised to see so many negative comments here on IMDb. All in all, the film is a little dated, but it still contains some very striking visuals and original ideas. The sets used for this film were extremely well detailed and thought out, as were the costumes and props. "Hector" is perhaps one of the coolest looking cyborg/robot characters ever conceived. The scene where he is first "booted up" and filled with "cyber-blood" is just vivid and stunning. After watching this film, it was also *quite* obvious that this movie influenced some of the more modern science fiction masterpieces like Robocop, the (1st) Matrix and James Cameron's Aliens. Several of the reviews harshly criticized the acting and the story, but I however found no problems in this department. Nowadays we seldom see good films with a small cast and a simple story. Not every movie has to be as advanced and as complex as films like Minority Report. And I am sorry, but Mark Hamill and Keanu Reeves can't hold a candle to Kirk Douglas and Harvey Keitel when it comes to acting. I think people are trying to compare this film to all the super budget modern sci-fi movies. Or perhaps this movie is regarded as "crap" by many because they think Star Wars is the end all, be all sci-fi movie of all time, which in my opinion, Star Wars is MUCH more cheesy and way too light-hearted to take seriously. If you like serious, dark sci-fi flicks, be sure to check this one out. Don't listen to all those Star Wars nerds who crap on this film. Judge it for yourself. 7/10

The Punisher (2004)

THE WHOLE THING SHOULD BE A DELETED SCENE. AWFUL - 2/10

[2/10 · 3 October 2004]

I rented this film, as a fan of the Punisher, and as a fan of movies in general, and I must say, (all comic book movie failures aside) this is quite possibly the worst film I have seen in a long time. The story is god awful, predictable and contrived. The dialogue is horrid, and to make it even worse, the acting is fairly pathetic. Tom Jane IS NOT the Punisher, he has neither the look nor the physique. Travola is just plain silly and he is not at all convincing as a villain. But this is really not why this movie sucked so bad. The failure is really in the story and execution of the film. It is cheesy, pointless and obviously a film designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator. The only cool thing about this film was the Pontiac GTO that they quickly destroyed, but this was obviously a huge bite-off of Mad Max, just like his side-by-side sawed-off shotgun, and the way his wife and kid got ran down by the truck. It's OK to be influenced by other movies, but to virtually copy them is just plain pathetic. And by the way, I think that Tampa actually does have a police dept and a fire dept. Its funny how they never seem to show up during any of the action. Anyway, I won't go on for much longer, but I must tell you, the cherry on top of this giant turd, was at the end, when all the cars blow up just right, so that that a flaming Punisher skull can be seen from the skies above. Wow, that was soooooo cooooool….how about no, Scott? In the word's of Eric Cartman, 'WEEK! LAME!' 2/10

Samouraïs (2002)

I knew it was going to suck, but I rented it anyway...

[1 August 2004]

My video store has been getting in an increasing amount of these types of movies in. What I mean by "these types" of movies: Movies that you just can't resist picking up of the shelf as you laugh to yourself about how stupid you KNOW it would be, and then you put it back on the shelf never to ever rent it. BUT, last night we rented one of these movies, and it happened to be Samouraïs. This movie had every bit of stupid plot, lame characters, and cheesy action you could ask for. However, I will say this, the fight choreography was actually decent, and some of the f/x were ok too. But as a whole, this movie bites bigtime. So, if you are like me, and you sometimes just have to rent a lamer like this to get a laugh, rent Samouraïs. 3/10

Club Dread (2004)

I loved Super Troopers, but don't waste your time on this one...

[1 June 2004]

I don't quite understand how these guys went from Super Troopers, to this horribly lame movie...but I can state this:

Super Troopers has...

1) Funny characters 2) Good jokes 3) Funny situations 4) A decent story

Club Dread has...

1) Weak characters 2) Lame, if any, jokes 3) Stupid situations 4) A pretty boring, un-original story.

I give it a 3, it probably should get a 5, but because I loved Super Troopers so much, my expectations of the Broken Lizard crew were high. These guys made a comedy cult classic with Super Troopers, but a total flop with Club Dread.

However, if I was still 13, I would have loved this movie because you do get to see a lot of girls' jugs throughout the whole thing. But, unfortunately, I'm not 13 anymore....

The Red Spectacles (1987)

VERY disappointing, expected so much more...

[3/10 · 10 March 2004]

After watching Avalon (which was decent only because of the very nice digital fx), and several anime films written by Oshii, including Jin-Roh (which is fantastic) I decided I should check out the Oshii cinema trilogy box set. Being that the Red Spectacles and Stray Dog are related, I will comment here on both. And let me tell you, it was one of the biggest wastes of money I have spent in a while. I first watched Stray Dogs and then The Red Spectacles. I am sad to say that these films are quite possibly the most boring two movies I have ever seen. For only about 10 minutes in each film do you get to see some action between the the characters, who are only dressed in the "Panzer Cop" outfits for a few fleeting scenes. The rest of the time you will see some very drawn out scenes filled with boring dialogue in some less than impressive locations. I really don't understand the motivation behind these two films at all. I love the Wolf Brigade outfits and the idea behind the plot, but the films themselves leave much to be desired. I would suggest NOT watching these films, and certainly do not buy the box set like I did, unless you enjoy wasting money. Oh, and if you are wondering what I think about the 3rd movie in the set, Talking Head, I couldn't even bring myself to watch it before I purged the box set from my DVD collection via eBay at a $20 loss. If you want cool Japanese live action, check out Returner, or Ichii the Killer or the Zeiram series.

Warriors of Virtue (1997)

One of the worst movies I have ever seen...

[10 March 2004]

This movie is quite possibly the stupidest kid's film ever made, and don't get me wrong, I like many films made for kids (Cloak & Dagger, Goonies, The Sandlot, The Dark Crystal, etc, etc). The story and whole premise is completely idiotic, and the Kangaroo costumes must have been left overs from the equally horrible Tank Girl adaptation. I don't even know how one would come up with the concept for this film, let alone get a budget for it. Anyway, this film doesn't deserve any more of my time (or yours for that matter) and I just hope that those reading this heed my warning and stay clear of this waste of raw materials. (I mean it, don't even rent it for your kids, they don't deserve such treatment at such an age.)

Five Elements Ninjas (1982)

The absolute be Kung-fu film ever.

[24 November 2003]

Well, there are enough comments on this film already, so I will only say this. I saw the movie for the first time when I was a young lad, and now I am almost 30, and have yet to see a more violent action packed kung-fu movie than this one. BUT, YOU MUST FIND THE UN-CUT VERSION to really see this movie in it's true form. ALERT: THE US DVD VERSION IS CUT, YES FOLKS, CUT, SO BEWARE.

Bad Boy Bubby (1993)

Surprisingly good, but not for the week minded mainstream.

[8/10 · 28 October 2003]

I found Bad Boy Bubby after searching high and low to discover the source of a sample used by one of my favorite bands (Deutsch Nepal). While the movie is sometimes disturbing and unsettling, it is quite a feat of bravery in filmmaking. It's no wonder the film remains underground, but it does deserve to be released officially on DVD. Nicholas Hope gives an outstanding performance, as does Claire Benito and Ralph Cotterill. I don't want to spoil the plot of the movie, but be ready for some saddening depravity, mixed with childish curiosity and some innocent but twisted murdering. Bad Boy Bubby is a must see for any fan of alternative/underground films.

Ladyhawke (1985)

Neat fantasy love story but has one BIG problem...

[5/10 · 29 October 2002]

Ladyhawke is a very nice fantasy love story with pretty cool stars. BUT....THIS MOVIE HAS THE !WORST! AND I MEAN MOST HORRIBLE soundtrack EVER. I have seen plenty of movies with bad soundtracks, but NONE can compete with how lame the Ladyhawke soundtrack is. If a movie's score could ever ruin a good film, here is a prime example of where this happened......but all in all, Ladyhawke is one you should see for yourself, because the film itself is quite good....

Haiku Tunnel (2001)

Wannabe office humor, a real sleeper

[2/10 · 28 October 2002]

I don't know what kind of person would think this movie was funny, but for me, this was a real sleeper. I think I might have chuckled slightly once or twice during the film, but overall the humor was quite lame and the cast did nothing to help it along. Forget this film and rent Office Space if you want real office humor. I wasted five bucks renting this one...

Avalon (2001)

Cool video game fantasy about virtual reality war games

[28 October 2002]

Hmmm, when I saw the trailer for this film, I was VERY excited to see it. The visuals looked awesome and the action scenes looked as good as some of the stuff from The Matrix. However, after I bought the DVD and watched the whole thing, I was a bit disappointed. When you watch the film, remember that only parts were directed by Mamoru Oshii, and the rest by the Polish director (I can't remember his name off hand). The opening few minutes of the movie are smashing. Absolutely fantastic. BUT, the remainder of the film, is quite boring and repetitive. Throughout the film there are a few more small segments directed by Mamoru Oshii, and these scenes really make the film worth watching, twice or three times at least. The story is really cool also, but not held up enough to make it very interesting. Overall, the film has some stunning visual scenes (those directed by Mamoru Oshii) but lacks as a whole...

Hardware (1990)

Cool post-civilization sci-fi

[9/10 · 28 October 2002]

Well, I for one think Hardware is a fantastic film. For those out there who trashed this film in reviews, I think you need to consider a few things.

This film was probably made on a fairly low budget, but as an aspiring film maker myself, I could only hope that something I produce could be this good. The film has some very striking visuals of a ruined earth and the overall 'feel' of the film is dark and full of struggle. The characters were well casted and well thought out. The action sequences are very good as well.

Hardware also has one the best soundtracks I have ever heard. In my opinion, it is on par with some of my other favorite soundtracks (Blade Runner, Terminator)

BUT, this movie is not for the mainstream viewer. If you want flashy high budget sci-fi like the stuff Spielberg is doing now, Hardware is not for you. But if you want a gritty and dark ruined earth type of film, check this one out. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this movie at all. I can't wait for it to get released on DVD.