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thebluebasil
Reviews
The X Files: I Want to Believe (2008)
Not chilling; just cold.
I'm sorry, but this has got to be the second worst film of 2008 for me, after Meet The Spartans. It is rare nowadays to chance upon a movie where virtually every line of dialogue is dripping with cliché. Combine that with far too many 20-second close up shots of Mulder and Scully's frigid faces and you get a pathetic excuse of a film that should've been sent straight to video.
I'm so unbelievably disappointed with this cinematic faeces. The premise of the film is absolute rubbish; the plot is reed thin and the acting numb. My movie companion commented that you could substitute random actors in place of Mulder and Scully (very randomly, Bobby Lee and Jennifer Hudson) and the movie could be marketed as something else entirely. There was NOTHING of the original TV series that was honoured and/or preserved for the movie.
I hate this film with a cold, cold vengeance. It's like being wrapped in a duvet on a humid night and I want to believe that this is nothing but a horrible nightmare.
Family Guy (1999)
Adding irony to insult to injury
Despite the apparent structural similarity with The Simpsons - loud fat dad, housewifey mum, 3 children, a pet, typical suburban home, Family Guy is actually functionally and stylistically opposite to The Simpsons. Its avid use (and sometimes too much) of cutaway gags has been its main stay since the first season. While some hit the nail on the head (The Rhea Perlman and Danny Devito bit in Season 5 is spine-snappingly hilarious), others are less successful, coming across as contrived. And they can be annoying, especially when they don't advance the story line. (The Jesus bits are entirely unfunny and insulting)
The chemistry between Stewie and Brian Griffin lends itself to pure comedy gold, so much so that Chris and Meg only manage to fulfill the role of the obligatory teenagers in your typical dysfunctional family.
However, the feature film Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story, is MINDNUMBINGLY horrible. Thank goodness it went straight to DVD.
Contrary to tiresome comparisons with the perennial Simpsons, Seth Macfarlane's approach with Family Guy is actually very different - it's much more politically incorrect, and amazingly, a lot more brazen.
Creator of Ren and Stimpy, John Kricfalusi, famously criticized Family Guy for having "extremely low" graphic standards from a cartoonist's standpoint. I don't think it looks that bad though, the detailing and accuracy of some of the spoofs are quite successful.
All in all, a great series to go with a great big bowl of chips smothered in ranch sauce and ass jokes.
Sex and the City (2008)
Product placement at its best. Same can't be said about the movie
The only positive thought that ran through my mind after watching the gala premiere of the film is "Damn, that new Mercedes Benz GLK is fine."
As a series, Sex and the City was like a sliver of pan fried foie gras - cruel, taboo, but delicious. The movie, however, was as flaccid as Spam; it was entirely unsuccessful in its attempt to achieve thorough character development/portrayal in a couple of hours.
Think of it this way, if you cringe at the thought of FRIENDS coming together to make a movie, SATC is exactly the same. There's simply too much history within the series that can be sufficiently revisited/covered in the movie.
We get it, you have a lot of clothes, SJP and minions. But then again, even those Blahniks couldn't save you from being convincingly labelled as the world's unsexiest woman, could they? A reed thin plot, horrible ending and one dimensional acting adds up to quite a big boob at the cinemas this summer. To quote Heidi Klum, "you're eizer in, or you're out." I think you know where I'm going with this.
Taxidermia (2006)
Many layers like a giant, dribbling slab of bacon
I was privileged to watch this film days before its final run in Singapore at The Picturehouse. And what a treat it was. Taxidermia, from start to finish, is outrageous and carnal, but never vulgar in its approach and execution. The word "Taxidermia" in itself refers to the stuffing and preserving of living things, in a bid to achieve "temporary immortality".
The cinematography of the film stays true to the different eras the three generations of men experienced individually. The bizarre, off-the-wall characteristics of the three underscore their hunger for the very same ambitions to gain acceptance and fulfillment.
The scurrilous and brutal imagery in the film are certainly not without meaning; this redeeming feature alone sets it apart from the far too common gross-out functions we've come to accept from bigger titles.
Besides being blemished by the handful of niggling inconsistencies in its character portrayal and plot, my biggest beef with this film is that the representation of the three men is sometimes too distinct; you get a feeling that you're watching three separate films, mashed together into one. But of course, I'm nitpicking here.
Taxidermia is a stellar effort that is definitely worth your money. The world has not seen enough of the brilliance that is György Pálfi. Just remember to leave all food at the door!
El orfanato (2007)
Hauntingly beautiful in every respect
Movies like El Orfanato are few and far in between. My tastes in movies are tragically mainstream and yet I found myself entirely immersed in the genius that is Juan Antonio Bayona's pièce de résistance.
Every single element of the movie culminates in an organic whole. Laura (played by the brilliant Belén Rueda) returns to the architecturally stunning mansion that she was once housed in as an orphaned child. As the story progresses she becomes acquainted with the poignant concept of 'historical baggage'.
I personally wouldn't classify this as a horror movie, because unlike typical Hollywood Ra-Ras, this film dares to tell a story. The plot is a sublime masterpiece and everyone was left gasping at the revelation of the plot. Another noteworthy aspect of the film is the prudent use of music to create mood; you become one with the mansion in front of you, and Rueda's phenomenal acting draws you in, whether you like it or not.
Highly, highly recommended. A gripping film for the whole family.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)
Deserves to walk the plank.
In summary: Dreadful with a capital D. One of Hollywood's worst.
This is a long overdue review but a necessary one nevertheless. I had the misfortune of attending the gala premiere of this film in late-May 2007, and never have I been so physically uncomfortable in a cinema hall before.
True fans of the P.O.T.C. franchise will cringe at this cinematic debacle. An incoherent plot, insipid cinematography, contrived comedic timing and uninspired acting all add up to two hours of pure torture. The premise of the first two movies were gripping and compelling; and it was no surprise that At World's End enjoyed very successful opening weekend box office sales, given that people were ready for a fabulous final installment of the trilogy. At World's End, however, is the cinematic equivalent of garnishing an exquisitely made soufflé with a piece of lard.
The over-reliance and over-emphasis on Jack Sparrow's drunken stupor silliness becomes old after 17 minutes. The maelstrom-fighting scene lasted no less than 45 minutes, by which time most of the audience were actually struggling to keep the coke and popcorn down. Keira Knightley's stubborn refusal to display emotion of any sort was equally vomit inducing. I've also seen pedal-powered wheelchairs that had more relevance than Chow Yun Fatt's random bizarre appearance.
Perhaps the only redeeming factor of the movie was the fact that the set and props were admittedly intricate and very well-crafted. The CGI was top-notch as well. But if Mr Bruckheimer and Mr Verbinski sunk into the backseats of their Bentleys and thought, "Okay, the plot's rubbish, the acting is beyond awful, but hey! The CGI's great and we've got Jack Sparrow, that's enough to plaster up the festering wounds of this horror show", they were sorely mistaken.
No warm-blooded human being will walk out of this movie feeling satisfied and entertained. If you're looking to get some great swashbuckling underwater action with oodles of creepy sea creatures and brazen barnacles, I highly recommend any episode of Spongebob Squarepants.