antileft Reviews

Prometheus (I) (2012)

Too average a movie

[5/10 · 17 September 2012]

Prometheus comes to me as a sort of major disappointment, or better said, a par on the course of this year's movie offerings, all over- hyped,budget-sucking behemoths that have suspended the most crucial element, namely, logic, a simply story-telling art, that has obviously been dealt a coup de grace once for all. Well, boys and girls, as this is the case, and you like watching your Phds in some arcane type of anti-knowledge in say sociology,economics and public relations, neatly dangling from the wall of your cushy H-Wood's offices, do not be surprised if the overall profits are the lowest in the decade,well, you know, I ain't paying for this intellectual manure any more-Avengers, Immortals II, John Carter,The Hunger Games, the latest Resident evil,sorry, IMHO, this year has been by far the worst in my living memory as the quality of your products is concerned,when that product is rotten to the core. And the aforementioned film is only a tad better, namely, the initial 20 minutes are any Sci-fi freak's virtual wet dream- the idea of the humanity's beginnings,encompassing religion and Darwinism ,the design of the Prometheus space craft,its interior, equipment,based on the possible future development of present-day technology, the character of David, Ash' distant precursor, the setting of the LV planet, really eye-catching and simply beautiful. But then, problems star piling with the hyper-speed,and they are, unfortunately, galore, namely, the selection of actors-the main one, somebody named Naomy or something,she is atrocious, unwatchable, completely unsuited for the breeches of the likes of S.Weaver, even though P. should have nothing to do with Alien series, she hasn't convinced me at all, and the same can be said for that geologist dude with the horrible Scottish dialect, Jesus on the pogo stick,you would never select such a character to go on such a dangerous and expensive mission. Then the remaining story line, once the crew discovers the life creators' base, is utterly predictable– bunch of running to and fro, a dynamic duo that gets trapped in the dark corridors,and then– as a horror moment for modern day teen girls,raised on The Hunger Games and Twilight series,then you know how uneventful, even hilarious this movie is, gets attacked by some sort of a snake-like creature,about which you are told zilch,and then the meeting with one of the makers, and the required completely unnecessary overextended 20-something minute finale, and you are left with that empty feeling-and an even emptier wallet. And P. is, imagine this if you can, a better product of this year. Well, the future really looks bleak for the studio's moguls, but its their own fault

Damnation Alley (1977)

This 'film'is a veritable torture tool!

[1/10 · 8 March 2011]

If my memory serves me right, then in 1977 the mighty Fox had two Sci-Fi projects in production, one being this manure, for which for the reasons that my mightily limited upper head cannot possibly fathom, the aforementioned Fox honchos had lavished with literally sacs of money, probably expecting it to become the number one blockbuster hit of, well, eternity, and the other one, so the legend goes, for which one George Lucas had to literally beg on the street corners, probably also having to perform in the circuses like some sort of a beastly apparition from the freaky incidents of nature around the states to finance and secure what eventually turned out to be the cinematic phenomenon that has turned H-Wood on its head, setting new standards for this business to say the least Well, to go back to the topic at hand, namely, this ultra-ugly duckling of a film, The Damnation, claiming to derive its premise on some sort of a Sci-Fi literary classic penned by R.Zelazny, is your ultimate pleasure killer, that long sought-after missing link in the Parnassus of the dreadful,wasteful, a product of such disgustingly low taste that it is inconceivable what kind of ˝humanoid˝ could denigrate himself so much to sit and watch this for, well, 30 seconds It is supposed to be a post-apocalyptic road-movie, you know, after a nuclear Armaggedon , a bunch of four soldiers, decide to go to Albany in order to find survivors, and on their way they experience the following incredible events: they find a woman (no sex is even hinted at, naturally, these guys are totally de-sexualized), a teen boy, a car junk yard, and, as a sole 'action' scene, they manage to survive a biblical flood that happens suddenly and totally illogically-it must have something to do with the Earth's axis being tilted or something, and ,finally, arrive to their desired destination with people cheering and having fun, as if the nuclear exchange hasn't occurred, and the movie ends ! Just like that There are even some quasi-effects involved, like legions of slithering cockroaches and some irritatingly unbearable sound effects that would make even the likes of Ed Wood cringe and apologize, so frustratingly horrible this is To sum up: this comes as a cinematic answer to the infamous medieval iron maiden, or maybe the rack, I just can't decide

Piranha 3D (2010)

Piranhas are the only 'humanists' left today, literally!

[6/10 · 13 October 2010]

Talking about a serious hard-core horror, of the kind that is based on the coherent storyline, where the premise is centered on the very essence of the word horror- to horrify, scare the wits out of the expectant viewers, than Piranha is the ultimate piece that does not spit in the face of its Joe Dante's 1978 classic, on the contrary, it pays it its due homage, expanding it all the time with the use of the modern technology, e.g. the MTV camera angles and computer effects, making the aforementioned carnivorous predators look really lithe and disgusting, even going to their evolutionary beginnings, e.g. to their very first predecessors, and what you get is not for, well, optimists and zealots of green movements of this and that name, colour and political connections, as when the earthquake hits, you are in for a whole new kind of ride, e.g. you are just an average chunk of bipedal meat on some clumsy cartilaginous support and the schools of piranhas are not exactly picky, they come and pick you apart literally to the very bones, and even Darwin would sit down and seriously reconsider his theory of evolution, which according to this flick is based upon the speed and ferocity of tearing, cutting, dicing, maiming and interspecies fighting for the last morsel of, yes, your own human flesh ( just behold the scene with the man's better part, a comic relief ?, no, this wasn't made to make your daily existence more bearable, on the contrary, this, I repeat, is a serious horror stuff on par with Hellraiser, Reanimator, Demons, even Alien series, you'd better prepare the vomiting bag or have a remote close by ! ). It is made in the same vein as Stallone's Rambo IV, and you cannot but conclude that there are more and more artists who do not see any light at the end of the corridor and are not afraid or stifled, e.g. self-censored to say so. Shortly, one of few watchable movies of the year.

Predators (2010)

Avoid at all cost ! It is even worse!

[1/10 · 8 October 2010]

Even though this film is directed by a Hungarian newcomer and produced in Troublemaker studios, it is still a humongous disappointment, like practically every major flick of this season ( Inception, Iron man II ), which for me has been absolutely the worst season regarding the quality of cinematic products, which have become exactly and nothing more than this, bland, overextended, overbearing, off-putting in every way, something out of economists's magic sleeve, read where every connection with the good old tradition of simple storytelling to please and excite is instantly thrown out of the window, with fluff remaining, e.g. the basis is built around the' ingenuity 'of teen computer programmers from Calcutta and the musical score from the original film, and the rest is a bunch of little-known actors who are ordered to : a) run all the time b) look surprisingly silly c) invent something resembling semi-dialogs on the way and, mind this, even utter them audibly ! And the only remnant of the story is, well, the existence of two types of predator creatures, who have been in some sort of feud for some inexplicable reason, and a supposedly nasty grand finale with the predictable final victory for us, and a survival of the only female character a must ! Unfortunately ! Stick to the originals ! Even AVPs are light years ahead of this trash .

Inception (2010)

Number one turkey of the year!

[1/10 · 2 August 2010]

This is ,unfortunately, a cinematic catastrophe, and all my expectations that I might have had before like this being the most original film of the year that might open a new page in the sci-fi genre, proved completely and utterly misconceived, to say the least. This is simply the most overrated film after Nolan's Dark Knight, supposedly intended to represent a pinnacle of intellectualism, originality, and ideas never before even hinted at. But, all in all, this is nothing but two and a half hours of utter and sheer nonsense, a real viewing terror, a debasement of a genre! It is in the limitless realm of quasi-Freudian, or is it Yungian ?, philosophy, e.g., a dream fixing, and the main actors are faced with a difficult task of deciphering the way to create the dream within the dream within the dream, and when you expect to see some true scary Freudian elements or dream symbolisms of destruction and, God Forbid, sex, no, you are left in the cold with your feet dangling in the aforementioned 'within loops', as sexuality, as we all know, is the source of all the modern evils, and as this film is intended for all and sundry, e.g. like a pleasant, 'wellness ' relaxation after a really exhausting 3-hour shopping spree, the family must let some steam off in the nearby cinema, and ,voila, Inception is here with a correctly calibrated dose of illogical shooting and explosions ( at least I got to see the technology and weapons the Alpine units today use ), and ,yes, not only DiCaprio survives , everybody else fares the same, so have no fear, Nolan is here! But, the damn time, it just won't follow the film's logic, 140 minutes is a heck of a time to kill the boiling fury over this total waste of money, time and personal dignity. Thank God for Star Wars, Star Trek, Alien series and a million other films. Crisis in the screenplay department has really surpassed the worst personal expectations, now even the illiterate are writing … Just horrible

The Book of Eli (2010)

Mad Max with a Bible ! And a mean –looking sword!

[27 May 2010]

What a surprise, I hadn't had much expectations prior to watching this little sci-fi post-apocalyptic piece of celluloid gem . I has all the attributes of another of quasi Mad Max spin – offs that flourished on the video in the mid 80s, low budget, hardly worth mentioning.But The Book is a completely new ballgame , and some ! The story of a lonely wanderer in the American deserts 30 years after the flash, desperately seeking –or as we learn soon- being led by some inner voice to somewhere, carrying a book ,which – as it turns out - holds the key to human salvation ,and it has nothing to do with agriculture , energy building or a vaccine , no , brother, it deals directly with the reestablishing of the most basic idea of survival ,on why to keep on persevering in the middle of emptiness , hopelessness , vacuousness … There are some parallels with the literary sci-fi classics like Canticle for Leibowitz and Fahrenheit 451 , and that should be enough to take some two hours to enjoy in this . Especially if you have the likes of Mr. D.Washington , G.Oldman , M.Gambon , and , to my greatest surprise, no other than Mrs. J.Beals from Flashdance in it .And I can hardly wait for the next product by my favourite black directors , the Hughes brothers ! And listen carefully to the really ominously beautiful score !

The Black Hole (1979)

An instantaneous placement on my manure flick list

[1/10 · 29 March 2010]

After seeing this for the first time , I cannot but conclude that everything in this movie stinks. Forget about the miserable state of effects industry at the time , but then again Star WArs had been made three years before this manure , so no excuse here stands the test of pure illogical, non existent , tiny-weeny shred of screenplay. Obviously , everyone was in a frantic race to cash in on the Star Wars craze , so , to hell with the dialogues , and the unnecessary excess baggage , called cause and effect ,which were the first to go overboard into the bottomless pit of,yes, its namesake, the black hole – the back end , maybe ?! And to achieve something ,the producers added a star cast at the time , ( E. Borgnine , A. Perkins ,etc. ) ,undoubtfully regretting every second they had to spend on the set of this Walt Disney 's flick . And the so-called story- there is some dude , crazy scientist that is , who supposedly disappeared with his spaceship on some mission , now found by some other space ship with one of the most atrocious and off-putting ,incomprehensible and reprehensible names in history , residing on the edge of the universe on some space station , run by robots , and some of them look exactly like your good old trash can with gigantic bug - like eyes, and I think , one of them , who 's driving you crazy with his slurred voice and clunkiness, is voiced by none other than J. Pesci, while the other can will kill you with his deep , Zizek-like philosophical proverbs and brainstorms that he 's constantly popping out, and they are not humorous , no, this is , I mind you , an utterly serious piece of cinematic product , based on pre - R.Thorne and S. Hawking's theories of the black hole , and -to make everything as short as possible,after some fight,somehow , the befuddled escapees unwillingly and unwittingly get sucked into the very same black vortex , and ,according to the title , when you have finally awaited the great revelation , namely the events beyond the event horizon , the film ends ! The end credits …And it lasts one and a half hour plus some change … Jeez , what a disaster

Precious (II) (2009)

This planet is hell of all inhabited worlds.

[10/10 · 15 March 2010]

The fact that this movie 's won two Oscars must come as no surprise ,or the feeling that some dark and sinister forces had been conspiring in the name of equality in order to show the present status of the Harlem underprivileged , is completely misplaced ,as this film is simply one of the most brutal-gritty –non horror horror things done in decades , maybe ever! It is in the same league as Once Were Warriors, Happiness , Requiem for a Dream etc. ,where black and white fairy tales for the adults –equality, freedom , love- simply do not exist , CANNOT exist. This veritable celluloid Dante's inferno must at once become the must-study material at the medical universities , as you won't find another example of such a bestial relationship between mother and her daughter ,where, simply, the worst is the norm –physical and sexual abuses , raping ,poverty , you can even smell the urine ,the human dirt,the myriads of modern forgotten slaves , slowly rotting in projects ,where TV is a universal drug ,where hopelessness prevails, where black and Latino men are just HIV infected boars ,looking for a piece of dope and a woman to quickly indulge their only impulse they have –sexual voraciousness . And children left on shoulders of under-aged mothers ,with no hope anywhere. And the performances of the main actors are just amazingly stratospheric, you 've got the unpleasant feeling that secret cameras 'd been installed and the snippets of life minutely recorded ,and real people are there , not actors ! And that two of these are no other than Ms.M. Carey and Mr. L. Kravitz ,who act as if they had been first tier actors with decades of experience !! Incredible achievement,truly shocking, definitely only for those with strong stomachs .

Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (2005)

Economists of the world , unite !

[10/10 · 11 March 2010]

Whoever wants to understand the roots of today's economic melt-down , must see this documentary,which must be viewed as a veritable document not only of an era that unfortunately DID NOT go away, but especially of the limitless potential of human greed and evil ,where every trick is studied and implemented , all then packaged in nebulous and vague ,but socially accepted and desired 'wrappings ' like intelligence, genius , bravery ,thinking outside the box , as was the Enron's main motto- Ask why. It is unbelievable how easily financial control simply fails, as a good marriage – read connections-read blat , 'fakelaki' etc.-is enough to change everything held secret,untouchable by societies through the time immemorial -the law ,which is the basic and only bulwark against chaos and barbarism , which , again , seems to be sweeping across the board , continents and races.I am eagerly waiting for Enron's spiritual brother, that is a documentary , based on the life and time of the greatest crook in history – B. Madoff, where the special emphasis should be given to the complete lack of any control ,where the supervisory body even got to be terribly afraid of the aforementioned 'genious '- the word by the way denotes an evil spirit ! - with the degree in –what else – economics,which is willy-nilly obviously the socially desired 'education 'for the totally wicked and really totally degenerated and basest in humanity the world over.As if the sadists won long long time ago

Ninja Assassin (2009)

I survived its first thirty minutes!

[1/10 · 9 March 2010]

To name a film with something like this must always come as a dire warning as nothing good-read - watchable is in the store ,but that anything this bad could have been produced ,even conceived is beyond anyone! This is n-dimensions beyond any Hong Kong Kung Fu shtick , it is no less that the worst blotch on dear Bruce Lee˙s memory. Hey ,in those days they knew what the story was , what acting was,what stunt action was , and either gore was shown or not, it was always there ,palpable ,it simply sent you shivering . But here - a quasi-European mishmash of everything –read nothing and even less-starring some woman Obama lookalike,who has managed to unravel some ancient mystery involving a Japanese cult ,abducting children and forcibly turning them into top – tier murderers,who have been instrumental in ,supposedly, keeping the flow of history intact by removing the politically dangerous-Batman Begins anyone ? !And in this ancient cult, the serious master speaks to his silent students in ,yes –English !? And these ninjas are so good that even bullets cannot stop them , but what about ,say , a nuclear detonation ,I bet ,even to survive that they were trained according to some thousand –year old wisdom The screen writer or a bunch of , and a director must have been PhD holders in economics,and when their credit-swap schemes collapsed ,they scrammed ,changing the identities and their dear ' metiers ' ,and fortunately for us , they crashed and tanked horribly ,now probably deciding on their future prospects-hey, I suggest applying for the job at the Toyota cars quality control. You've got all it takes...

The Box (I) (2009)

An imbecilic nightmare

[2/10 · 2 March 2010]

Whenever someone decides to base his cinematographic 'ouvre' on something French,as in this case on dear Sartre, more precisely his overrated Behind the Closed Door , a complete cinematographic disaster is inevitable ,and to make the already horrific situation even more unbearably unwatchable,some newcomer decides to wrap this progressive modernist shtick into the sci-fi genre ,and ,presto something called The Box jumps out of itself ,and it is ,unfortunately ,not a rabbit ! Imagine even the cast - C.Diaz as a professor of French lit ,who one day receives the aforementioned object which might change her life forever,and when you might expect a rerun of Fincher's incredible The Game ,also secretly pining for something akin to the original Hellraiser series,you get all slapped up,staring misty –eyed in wonderment and awe,as you cannot grasp this celluloid manure's single minute,and then some dude arrives ,who 's been electrocuted by a lightning bolt while watching the Mariner rockets blasting towards Mars,and survives ,being in contact with some super race ,which controls the light ,and of course then using this ultra serious bloke to whack off the bad earthlings,and please , God ,forgive me , but in spite of everything ,yes ,it does last two hours , and is totally serious and …Masses did not come ,rightfully so ,instead choosing to flock to theatres to watch Avatar, Star Trek ,Trasformers II . And Dear Ms. Diaz, you have convinced me - you definitely cannot act ! 'Quelle houreur ' ,this is ,the horror ,the horror...

Avatar (2009)

This WILL NOT create a new Sci – Fi cultural movement

[6/10 · 21 December 2009]

It is amazing that the movie of this sort gobbles up at least 300 million bucks in the middle of a financial meltdown, a product ,whose costs could support a whole set of economies , not to mention –even countries ? And Mr Cameron still believes that he is on top of the world ,e.g. that movie industry's calendar begins with before and after Titanic ? OK , the visuals are breath-taking , mind-boggling, absolutely amazing , and kudos to him for having engaged / commissioned the best and the brightest in the field, viz. ILM , Weta .etc. ,and the Oscars here are a given , but the idea of the movie – The Navis race , uncannily resembling the black Earthlings, on the distant Pandora , an Earth-like planet , living in total harmony with their planet and in direct communion with their ancestors , are to be wiped out by us , the ugly white - Christian – read – brutal – uncouth - dirty – and materialistic, egged on by the insatiable thirst for profits and profits alone , all encapsulated in the greedy boss in the form of G.Ribisi and ,who else but the ,again ,crazed military commander with an axe to grind with the Pandora's savages ? Am I to understand the message that this white brutal ugly Americans and oppressive western European males are always messing up with the ways of , say – Iraqis , Afgans or their separate tribal habits and heritage ,and foiling ,worse, desecrating their ' innocent 'ways, their absolute love they have always had for everyone ( Funny , I have never heard Soviets – e.g. Russian commies apologizing for their 'cultural ' proselytizing ?! ) .And the planet itself is teeming with life ,all again bearing a conspicuous resemblance to the one on Earth ,say ferns ,trees ,a sort of Jurrasic feel permeating the film , but I had expected to see some original,ugly ,Giger-like , terrifying forms and creatures ,but no dice ,it is a multi-million dollar investment ,and , kiddies , come in mighty droves ,it is your beloved hippo , a bit changed and coloured , and the horsey ,a bit changed and coloured , and there are dragons aplenty ,and they can be tamed ! Mr. Cameron should have followed his own gut-tearing Aliens , but ,alas, it is those ugly investors again ,demanding the cash torrent,not , god forbid , a trickle , so have no fear, kiddo ,and bring your mommies and sisters as well , we'll have fun ! The final battle is astounding ,but the Navis winning with spears and arrows against robotized walkers, jet helicopters and all sort of various mean-looking killing machines ,that's a long one , I really hoped they might throw dragons ' urine on soldiers ! All in all , a visually perfect Sci-Fi odyssey ,but erroneously based on the Gea's theory of the mother Earth , Al Gore's pseudo-scientific babble ( we had fouled up the Earth ,but lost on Pandora , and , sadly we are going back to the oceans of black and grey goo !) ,and I really wonder if there weren't some Greenpeace beatniks involved in this ! I would recommend District 9 more , incomparably cheaper and more up-to-date with current problems worldwide ( racism, criminal genetics etc. ) .

Death Machine (1994)

Talent is all that matters!

[7/10 · 7 December 2009]

Watching this little movie after a decade or more , gave me the creeps again , still fresh , original , where the talent and actors' dedication , attention to detail , and the story count , and another proof that young directors must learn their ropes from the scratch ,and not from a 100 - million budget hand-outs , that turn their product into mush and the material to eternally laugh about! The movie is based on the shenanigans of a large weapons manufacturer corporation called Chaank, which has been accused of using children to produce super warriors and their new executive appointee , brilliantly portrayed by a little known E.Pouget with a tiny personal secret, who is determined to find out what exactly ' s been happening in the bowels of the beast , under the leadership of a brilliant young prodigy appropriately named J.Dante , played by B.Douriff ,and you have got to see this character , a sort of post-punk hippie with dreadlocks and an insatiable appetite for porn in all forms, who has secretly devised an ugly gadget ,and then the whole business gets very nasty , when every access and door is hermetically sealed,and the Dante guy sets a few conditions ,the most important being ' to interface ' with his unrequited blond obsession, or else the beast will get you ! If this movie reminds you of some other classics , namely –Hardware , Alien , Carpenter's movies ,you are on the right track , as all the actors even bear the familiar names ,e.g. Scott Ridley , Yutani , Carpenter etc. Briefly , still fresh , amusing , and above all, hardcore , and utterly bleak !

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

A Most serious insult of any form of intelligence

[26 October 2009]

Although not being a teen , I must say that I feel sorry for the teens and younger boys of today ,as they are being force fed with the intellectual cinematic manure of this type ,where even the most common type of boyish fun is desecrated in the most basic way, namely , since when have they been given ,or ,even,desired on their own to have a girlish GI Joe, as there are even two characters of this sort in this self-proclaimed film ,naturally , one for the baddies,who in the end sees her wrong ways and turns to the good side ,but ,hey boys,stick to your issue of Playboy ,having been 'borrowed' from your older brother's secret under bed stash ,as these girlie 'soldiers' will not show you even an ounce of femininity in no way, sorry ,this film is not made to corrupt your innocent souls in spite of constant senseless explosions , an Eiffel Tower that crushes all the bridges around it without any casualties,and triumphant Opel cars that overtake,oversize and generally humiliate every sort and make of a French vehicle,as if that in itself would be such a horrendous feat of Biblical proportions .And the story ,or its simulacrum – suffice to say that the most superficial fight between good and evil ,wrapped in the science-fiction aura ,which is completely overblown , read impossible,as how can you for example have old French jalopies congesting the Parisian traffic and the super-duper indestructible body armor ,uncanily resembling the one from the great Crysis game,and the ultra secret baddies' base under the Pole ? And the visuals are on the laughable level , you 'd better play the aforementioned game , it is more convincing than this ! That you are in for a really bumpy ride should be clear from the most ludicrously overextended title in recent history itself ! At least something with 1 hundred plus millions of dollars thrown into a bottomless pit, putting this in the same league as the creme de la creme of this year's turkeys , namely, The Unborn ,The Orphan...

WALL·E (2008)

What a cartoon!

[9/10 · 26 October 2009]

I have never thought that a cartoon , done in a classic ,e.g.-Disneyan way, by using the armada of talented artists and their drawing ,sketching etc. hand skills ,or , all these on the rows of computers , could be more humanistic that a non-animated product , a feature film , but , what Disney - the Pixar geniuses have achieved with this , is simply, beyond words ,and I have to reiterate here that what stands out is the basic building block of any work of art , that is the need to tell , describe , warn ,where talent simply lashes out ,and as is the case with Wall-E ,where the story carries everything, and the perfect digital animation ,voice characterization ( the main computer's voice is no other than Madame S.Weaver's ,and the same goes for her as for Mr . C.Eastwood , namely , the 'older' she is ,the better she is !), musical scenes are all fused into this cinematic evergreen ! Yes, as an adult and a sort of a movie buff , I simply cannot believe what kind of satisfaction and personal hopes of a better world in the middle of an interpersonal , financial and moral crisis this cartoon has reignited in me , again stressing the most basic cosmic and religious rule that love is possible ,that a better world is possible , that peace is possible ! And , what more can you wish for !

District 9 (2009)

Slovenian ' film – makers ', learn from this ( fat chance ! )

[7/10 · 18 September 2009]

A South-African Sci-Fi with photo realistic effects made by perhaps the second best effect company – Weta f/x , a film that was a financial and visual surprise of the year , a film that has infused the genre with new stylistic approach ( i.e. –just watch the first thirty minutes made as a sort of documentary ( in sci-fi genre , no less ! ) , where the whole story with the arrival of a gigantic space ship with more than a million creatures ,who look like a hybrid between a cockroach and a shrimp ,emaciated and having been eating on each other in order to survive, is explained ,as the huge human clean-up operation to relocate the very same 'shrimps' away from the encircled area near Jo-burg ( and that's another beauty of the film , namely ,forget about aliens razing downtown Washington , New York or , in a few cases Paris , it's the South Africa's turn now !) , is about to commence ,as the residents have soon become fed up , sorry , hostile towards the new arrivals , who have not done anything wrong , except that they look 'ugly ', i.e. too non –human , and are eating all the time ,and ,presto facto, the bustling trade with the Nigerian gang members selling ,mind this , the aliens' favorite food – cat meat, and , another original creations , namely an interspecies prostitution is also taken care of and in full swing !! But as is to be expected , the whole day bureaucratic stroll turns out a bit differently ,and the whole truth about the alien race and human desire to relocate - decimate – incarcerate – get hold of their weapons is slowly revealed with the surprising twist at the end !A psycho-social study of humans , racial tensions , lies ,greed ,domination ,unsolved historical black spots still painfully lurking in the background ( concentration camps – aliens'holding ground if you prefer - were first built in South Africa ), exploitation smack in your face ! A debut of highest quality for Mr. N. Blomkamp !

The Boat That Rocked (2009)

Love is on the boat

[7/10 · 14 September 2009]

Finally , a movie with a soul that is ,well, as big as the Rock 'n 'Roll .The story about the illegal pirate station that was broadcasting 24/7 at the end of the 60's somewhere in the North Sea ,and the material , o boy , the music that has endeared this genre to practically everyone on this planet .And the fact that the government forbade this music in Mother England , that was something new to me ( talking about the democratic gene ? ) .Simply , everything that we want from a movie : simplicity , off-beat acting by everyone ( S.P. Hoffman ,E.Thompson in a hilarious cameo ,K.Brannagh- watch him closely , he must be brought to bigger budget movies , he is simply incredible –I deeply recommend Conspiracy ) , and music galore. If you are utterly disgusted with politics and your favorite economists and their silent counterparts – politicos – expecting God and Gods to come to the rescue in these direst of possible times ( Is there the smell of gunpowder in the air ? ) , then do see this little British surprise of the year !

The Beach (I) (2000)

Perfect for the unbearably hot recession-hit summer months

[6/10 · 6 August 2009]

After seeing the movie for the first time , I must conclude that it is a very good product by D.Boyle , perhaps the most popular and financially successful British director to date ,whose film canon includes an impressive array of various genres , ranging from comedies ( Trainspotting ) to Sci - Fi with Sunshine ,and his last academy winner The Slumdog Millionaire .The Beach is a most welcome film for this Indian summer, as it deals with ,well, a last strip of paradise ,whose precise location is a sort of modern tourist legend, and the arrival of three youngsters ,led by Leo De Caprio , who discover a sort of modern hippie commune there, where love – read -sex and partner sharing – soft drugs –the island is virtually ideal for growing opiates !, briefly- carefree ' joie de vivre ' are the only rule ,and where the only contacts to the Thai mainland are restricted to the monthly procurement of necessities done only by the select few .The eternal bliss is , of course, doomed , as the inevitable ,namely the forces of nature ( diseases ,injuries –there are no doctors there ,and if the need be , you cannot - once on the mainland – return or disclose the location ! , and the most destructive one ,that is the most human one , jealousy ) dictate the lives there as well .This movie shows the true nature of modern tourist industry that cares not a fig about national , religious or cultural sensibilities( observe the depiction of now infamous Thai sex tourism ,making one wonder if there is really nothing else except girls and the indulgence of the most perverted sexual whims and proclivities !) , and draws its power from human gullibility , and , first and foremost, vacuous, meaningless and jaded human lives under the slogan of ' Enjoy '.

Far Cry (2008)

Dante's hellish bottom layer has a new resident ,guess who !!

[1/10 · 13 July 2009]

I stumbled upon this so - called film by chance ,and as I had once tried to play the game ,I said what the heck , let's see the film .And, boy , was I surprised –riled – deadly amazed–disgusted only after about 10 minutes of this manure .That I was in for a horrendously bumpy ride on the supposedly best German highway, I did not expect , but I should 've known better after facing the introduction ,emblazoned with ,yes , prepare thyself and forgive them not ,God , none and nothing other than the infamous Uwe Boll !!! I had heard some chat and warnings on the net ,but that something could be so bad ,I really did not , we , the innocent flock of viewers ,DID NOT deserve ! This is on par with Slovenian so-called movies and TV comedy series that our self-proclaimed national TV station is force - feeding its innocent and especially gullible citizens to withstand and even positively support ( God and Gods ,forgive them NOT ! ) ! I wouldn't let the Bolldude flip burgers in a prison with cross-dressers or clean the flip-flops ,so incompetent and miserable he is ( I hope he doesn't drive ,if yes ,please warn me in advance of his whereabouts !) .And the reason for this outrage , ah, the film : some Aryan dude ,who is a sailor –contractor , one day takes on board some semi-good looking red-haired bimbo journalist-she opposes being called a reporter , mind you !- chick to transport her to some island that is off limits for the public as there she is supposed to meet her uncle Max ,who has meanwhile already been transformed into some genetically improved humanoid super warrior , and , you 've got to see these poor 'monsters' , namely , they are all dead white and , they are impervious to any bullet unless hit in the eyes or mouth,so ,naturally they don't utter a squeak, but they are killed and… I can't take it no more !And the crown achievement , the aforementioned couple supposedly has sex ,and then he keeps asking her how good he was !Flaming thunderbolts ! And to finish this review ,the sponsor of this so-called film is VW!! You have been more than properly warned ! O, God

Knowing (2009)

Eco – warning wrapped in Christian imagery

[4/10 · 8 July 2009]

It is obvious now that the idea of the end of our dear planet is popular, but until now it seems to me that only R.Emmerich has got it right ( The Day After Tomorrow , 2012 ),older movies to be disregarded ( e.g. Meteor , The Earthquake ) ,as everything else is simply more or else vacuous , with a storyline that sends you shivering , or ,as this is the case with Knowing , has too much empty space in between three well-depicted scenes of disaster . The idea here is in the best vein of Nostradamus' predictions , here discovered on a piece of paper in the form of numbers that the main hero N. Cage decodes easily, realizing that it is about the dates of accidents and major disasters with the Apocalyptical end nigh and unavoidable ( the major solar flare , original !) , and the group of children ,hearing inexplicable voices ,his son , of course , being among , what turns out at the end ,the chosen ones , and having been selected by the 'angels' , sort of energy –looking creatures tasked to save specimens of humans and transport them to another habitable planet , and that scene is to be looked at closely ! Christian symbolism is here more than tangible ,but there is just too much empty walking,talking and soul searching,and Mr.Cage is just too darn extra dramatical ,tragic and glum. Why do a lot of H-wood movies have to have heroes whose darling ones are deceased ,and ,the new trend , having only one parent ,who has to be a scientist no less –watch The Day the Earth Stood Still and wonder, this is just too stale and boring ?! Visual side is acceptable ,but only three scenes ,done by unknown nosy upstarts, where the angels uncannily resemble the creatures from The Close Encounters of The Third Kind ,while the rest is monotonous cinematic boredom ! And a poor commercial for Mazda vehicles , and I strongly doubt that this film will do any good to the company in terms of sales !

Dante 01 (2008)

The Unborn gets a decent competitor !For a foreign Razzy !

[1/10 · 2 July 2009]

What we all have feared ,hoping that it will never materialize, unfortunately occurred,namely, a French Sci-Fi film,and , yes , it is in the misty nebulae of deeper than the deepest philosophical meanings , interpretations and Lacan-like conclusions ! There is a top security space vessel with the skeleton crew ,but there are no wardens, only a trio of psychiatrists and a bunch of supposedly utterly murderously fixated criminals,whose crime history we never get to learn about,but they are all blessed with religiously –intelectually – deadly seriously sounding names , namely : Persefone , Lazare ,Moloch, Buddha ! to name but a few and this merry-go round starts spinning at incredible speed with the arrival of a prisoner-patient ,who is emitting a sort of religious aura-energy ,and is immediately christened by one of the prisoners as Saint Chrostopher ,who has finally arrived to save them … From something …And then we are left to witness and sigh with bottomless wonder and awe at the endless walks through corridors ,suspiciously resembling the interiors in the Cube series ,and a trio of aforementioned controllers ,who are supposedly controlling something…From someone … And then the course of the ship is changed ,and … the volcano-looking planet ,around which the station rotates,is transformed through the ' deus-et-machina ' intervention by the aforementioned Saint-dude into an Earth-looking planet no less ! And ,yes, if you haven't been annoyed / irritated / depressed enough by this , there is another mind-wrecking surprise in store , namely a narrator , Persefone in person – as a comic relief ? – who is trying to add a necessary element of terrifying explanations ,as unfortunately there is no place for free-wheeling sex (the sexes look the same here ,mind you !) .This movie rejects everything the American , well, the only quality science-fiction genre has produced so far , instead opting for the worst of the worst , namely Russian Tarkovsky-like products ( e.g. Stalker , Solaris ) ,while it also steals from Kubrick's Odyssey series. You have been properly warned , and if you have to , watch without , God forbid , a female companion , specially if you wish to impress upon her ! Better show her a Shaq comedy ! With his size shoes !

Casino (1995)

Modern gangster saga

[9/10 · 22 June 2009]

One of those movies that will surely withstand any test of time , a modern gangster classic that is also a must-study material for any student of drama ,for any acting school, or a necessary reference for the quality adaptation of a high quality literature by N.Pileggi on par with M. Puzo's The Godfather! Everything in here has its place , meaning , reason ,the characters have their psychological depth ( e.g. : Ginger's pathological dependence on her low-life pimp, who doesn't have to raise a voice for her to fulfill any of his junkie whims combined with her obsession with jewelery , expensive clothes , cars, drugs ,and consequently her indifference towards her own daughter ). Las Vegas is shown as hell on Earth ,where all the glitz , music , the most beautiful dancers and most popular entertainers are but a dream , a facade , that must lure as many 'suckers' as possible ,who simply cannot win ,and even if they do , measures as taken to bring them back to the pools and tables ,where they are destined to lose more than they might have won the previous night , and no cheap gambling tricks of any kind are possible ,as everything is constantly watched by ex-cons now in employ with the casino, with the god himself ,Mr. Sam Rothstein , flawlessly portrayed by R.DeNiro,while the money is coming,and the casino itself is but a money-churning beast with areas sealed off even for the manager himself, and when the coffers are on time and full, 'cappi de tutti capi 'are smiling and satisfied regardless of the number of unmarked graves in the desert around !And this dream has to come to an end ,and when this happens ,everything goes , the guilty and less guilty are disappeared ,as is the case with one of the most disgusting graphic scenes ever towards the end ! M.Scorcese at his best!

The Unborn (2009)

Number one turkey of 2009!

[1/10 · 19 June 2009]

I stumbled upon this flick by chance ,and as I had not been properly scared ,or at least I had hoped for this treat for a long time ,as everything in the 'modern 'horror genre has to appeal to the broadest audience ,according to the infinite wisdom of the Harvard MBA holders and others , where only the clicking and clacking of the till counts, and the other infinite economics brain candies that have brought this world over the brink of utter chaos. Well, as is to expect from the previously hinted and loosely explained, I was NOT neither scared, nor satisfied in any way with this sub-moronic trash, on the contrary , dear Watson , I was deeply offended with the illiteracy on all levels , even the visual side is beyond criticism ! How did they dare even try to emulate the classic Exorcist , this is abomination , sacrilege even ! Acting is straight from a kindergarten , and clichéd feminist racism is more than obvious , namely, the white brunette, suddenly gets haunted by some visions , stemming from her having one eye of different color ( it supposedly exists in medicine , and according to the story ,some demon was brought to this world in Mengele 's experiments with children,an intriguing premise, if you are of course not troubled with a pesky little thing called literacy and basic – primary school – general knowledge ), and her sidekick is,of course, a liberated- read - lesbian – read Hillary worshiping - read modern - black girl,who is – to everyone's eternal surprise -a clairvoyant no less ! And to make everything even worse ,the main male life-saver ,but no ass-kicker, is nobody else but dear old G. Oldman in a role of some rabbi,who is also a secret exorcist ,who even admits- mind this - not knowing a whit about this cleansing business until the haunted female delivers him a cabala book and , presto facto , he becomes a true warrior , and , a set for the spiritual mambo jumbo that will turn you away from tofu and crisp salad is ready ! But this DOES have two plus points, though: a brief sex scene, and the duration , namely 85 minutes ! To puke over , fie !

Outlander (2008)

A new science-fiction genre ?

[8/10 · 19 June 2009]

This is definitely the greatest science – fiction surprise of 2008 , little advertised, having been made on less than a modest budget, but still having all that a good movie of this genre requires , namely : visuals ( Fantasy II ) ,acting ( J. Caviezel in the leading role , perhaps the most underrated actor in H-Wood today ! ), and , believe it or not , a story that IS quite original : a space craft crashes on Earth ,and only one survives , well, two , but the other thing is nonhuman , very nasty and rather horrifying- H.R.Giger would be proud - and , yes , has a huge appetite for humans, but even that is brilliantly explained , as the human race in its quest for resources obliterates anything that lives on any planet,and not asking any questions , but simply sending the fleets of colonizers after the campaign 's been done ! All well and peachy unless you find yourself somewhere in the Scandinavia in the 10th century without any fleshy super zap guns or any other useful electronic device that would give you an edge!Briefly , a hodge-podge of classic movies from The Dark Star, Alien series –you simply can˙t beat that – to Predator , combined with none other than the literary classic Beowulf , and it takes quiet a lot to do that ! H.McCain is a first time director to be watched closely!

Terminator Salvation (2009)

The fate of Chrysler is too tangible here too!

[5/10 · 10 June 2009]

It is very difficult to properly evaluate the fourth part, but it is definitely NOT the good old Arnie' s vehicle- he does pop up for a brief moment though! - and one of the essential Sci-fi movies ever . Its brightest side is undoubtedly the scenery ,i.e. the movie takes place in the future when the nuclear war has devastated almost everything, and more or less unconnected bands of humans are roaming this radioactive wasteland in the veritable Mad Max fashion , thus becoming easy prey for all kinds of robotic enemies , from very flexible ˝ biker ˝ ones , to some sort of nasty looking quasi-fish entities ,to 'HQs' and my favorite ones , namely giant human harvesters. But , and this is its main flaw, you barely get to see the standard T-800, and only one T-600 that soon gets hilariously whacked off , and where are the waves of aforementioned T-800s that we are so familiar with from previous installments anyway ? And , secondly, humans have not fared so poorly , possessing choppers , Thunderbolt planes, an intact and quite a modern and fully operational airport and ,yes, even a sub ,acting as their headquarters! Nuclear destruction would look much more thorough and terrifying, as is depicted in other Terminators! Acting is rather average, and the only one standing out is H.B. Carter as a Cyberdine-Skynet scientist with a secret , and if there is to be a sequel to this , I expect her in a leading role!Briefly, visually stunning , thanks to ILM and Stan Winston Studios, otherwise too much Sarah Connor Chronicles , it should have been branded 18 , as this is NOT your standard Saturday afternoon TV fare!

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