Committed_to_nitrate Reviews

The Red King (2024– )

Proper Tasty Vintage Cheese

[8/10 · 4 May 2024]

Who needs originality! This has every cliché known to man - accept that and just enjoy this near fabulous entertainment.

The plot isn't too dissimilar to HOT FUZZ - a strait laced, by-the-book police officer is posted to an idyllic yet decidedly weird isolated community. It's populated by a collection of marvellously over the top stereotypes who seemingly all hate the new arrival. There's weird rituals, lots of thunder and lightning, the predictable sound of crows squawking in the fog and then we get the murder.

It's a complete rip-off of every spooky police story from WICKER MAN to SCOOBY DOO but it does it so well it's almost fabulous. The team behind this really know what they're doing and have essentially made "a best of" every quirky suspense tv show in the last twenty years.

Once you've finished moaning about the utter unoriginality of this you'll probably love it. Although completely formulaic, it's really professionally made to be entertaining. The acting is spot on and very naturalistic making this nonsense seem entirely believable. Super-gorgeous Anjli Mohindra plays the Simon Pegg type up tight police officer complete with the usual issues all police detectives seem to have in every other tv show. She tackles her crazily over complicated character with gusto and although she's a real pain in the bum, she's such a superb actress that you're immediately on her side.

Game Night (I) (2018)

Gets better by the minute!

[8/10 · 1 May 2024]

I was surprised how good this was. I must admit, when it began I wasn't actually too sure that I'd see it through but its clever twisting plot, its genuinely funny humour and its very likeable characters quickly won me over. I almost felt like clapping at the end!

It has a similar structure to those old American 1930s screwball comedies with a multitude of twists and turns so you're never quite sure what's going to happen next. Were Howard Hawks around today, this is the kind of thing he's be doing. It's not however just the clever script which keeps you smiling or the dynamic direction which at times really mounts up the tension to keep you on the edge of your seat, it's the characters. They're just so naturally likeable. As you'd expect Rachel McAdams is brilliant and so is someone I've never heard of before called Jason Bateman - I realised about halfway through that he wasn't Mark Wahlberg!

The Regime (2024)

Just gets better and better

[9/10 · 24 April 2024]

Absolutely engrossing and enjoyable series. It begins as a quirky dark comedy then when you've got to know the characters it evolves into one of the tensest, edge of the seat thrillers.

Kate Winslet is phenomenal as the utterly awful, seriously awful president. She's the most over-entitled, spoilt, obnoxious person imaginable with no awareness of her own inadequacies. She's an amalgam of every evil dictator blended with a bit of Liz Truss and Princess Margaret. Weirdly she somehow manages to make this monster the sexiest character I've seen on tv in years. You know you shouldn't be on her side but as the revolution ensues, you feel like if you were there, you'd do anything to help her.

It's superbly written, perfectly acted and that you're still laughing at the same time you're sweating with fear makes this something special.

....and Hugh Grant is, as always, brilliant too.

Ripley (2024)

The best cinematography I've ever seen

[9/10 · 15 April 2024]

Although an utterly engrossing and fascinating story, what is so memorable about this is how it looks. Over the years films and TV shows have often tried to be arty, frequently resulting in pompous and cringy pretentiousness. Without wanting to sound pretentious myself, this is the truest most beautiful piece of art I've seen for many a year. It gives you that same awe inspiring feeling of amazement as when you walk into St Vitus Cathedral or see the Taj Mahal for the first time.

This is as close to perfection as you can get but to be critical and needlessly picky, I suppose it could be said that it feels a little slow at times. Audiences used to fast moving, all-action dramas might not appreciate this as much as some of us. That pace which gradually ramps up is necessary. It allows you not just to get to know Ripley (played brilliantly by Andrew Scott) but to get to know exactly how he feels and what he's thinking. The genius of this production is that we find ourselves rooting for Ripley, a thoroughly detestable human being. He's got no redeeming features whatsoever yet as much as we grow to passionately detest him, we find ourselves hoping against hope that he's going to get away with it all. It's so exceptionally well written that we're taken on the journey with him and all of his emotional experiences and anxieties.

Is it right to enjoy such unpleasantness?

Adventures of a Taxi Driver (1976)

Art flourishes in times of economic adversity.

[3/10 · 13 April 2024]

This isn't as good as ...OF A PRIVATE EYE which isn't saying much but it's watchable and although 'a 70s sex comedy' it isn't offensive, sexist or vulgar - well it's a bit vulgar but not sordid and seedy. If you can accept that there's lots of bare breasts, this is almost good clean fun....well, 'fun' might be an exaggeration.

The seventies gave us Scorsese, Coppola, Spielberg, Bertolucci... in England however one of our most popular filmmakers was Stanley Long! This sort of puerile drivel was bizarrely what normal people liked to see. This was considered main-stream entertainment in the 70s.

The growth in popularity of these ultra-cheap 'sex comedies' seemed to mirror the plummet of the economy. Like the growth of escapist films in the 1930s depression, these naff comedies were what England wanted to take their mind off the sorry state of the country. To be fair, they seemed to do the job at the time but for us today, other than nostalgia value, they're like taking a vaccine for an illness you haven't got.

The problem with this film, like most of these is that it simply isn't funny. The ADVENTURES OF series were not as bad as the pitiful CONFESSIONS OF series. These at least had stories (of a sort) and likeable characters. Barry Evans, Robert Lindsay and Judy Geeson were talented actors which give this the edge over those awful Robin Askwith films.

Mary & George (2024– )

A worthy sequel to THE TUDORS

[8/10 · 31 March 2024]

This is a very enjoyable and enlightening drama about relationships, ambition and power. The story could be set in Wall Street, Dallas or modern day London but it's in the fascinating and dynamic days of the early 1600s.

It's told totally through the life and experience of Mary Beaumont so don't expect a history of King James. So there's no commissioning of the Bible, nothing about how he skilfully avoided getting involved in the 30 years war or his penchant for killing witches. The James in this story is just the James who becomes enamoured with young men. Although not everything we see is based on fact, the basic history hasn't been altered too much which makes a nice change to a lot of what's made these days.

Similarly, seen through the eyes of Mary, George isn't the atrocious and incompetent member of the government responsible for countless disasters he was in reality. He was in truth promoted way above his skill grade and indeed in this story he's unaware of his own inadequacies - which was one of his biggest character flaws so it's a pretty accurate representation of him.

This offers very much a 2024 perspective on the story. In twenty years time or so this will probably look as dated as those period dramas made in the 1970s but for now it really works. Some people have criticised the accents and the 'modern' manners of speech. Since the English spoken back then probably sounded more American than modern English does, that's a pointless criticism but there does seem to be a lot of gratuitous swearing.

What makes this different to the historical dramas were used to that profundity of swearing and quite a lot of sex. That might put a few people off but its bawdy script does capture a certain mood which was a characteristic of James' court. It is therefore a refreshingly accurate depiction of England at the start of the seventeenth century and good fun.

Confessions of a Pop Performer (1975)

Candidate for the worst film ever!

[1/10 · 21 March 2024]

This can be summed up in three words: It's not funny.

The first of this series, WINDOW CLEANER was pretty atrocious but had a sort of cheeky originality to it. If you could barely tolerate that first one, avoid this, somehow they made it ten times worse. Whereas the first one was directed by Val Guest, someone who, having been involved with comedy from the days of Will Hay at least knew what comedy was. This one wasn't only not directed by him but seemingly not directed at all.

It is just staggeringly unfunny. Gormless Robin Askwith unconvincingly tripping up and dropping things does not constitute comedy. Slapstick, which is what I think this tries to convey requires acting not just messing about. Comedy requires either jokes, humour, amusing characters and a script, this drivel doesn't even have a story which can hold your attention for more than a couple of minutes. How it compensates for being extraordinarily boring is to have lots of naked ladies usually inexplicably cavorting with Robin Askwith. Amazingly the producers have managed to do the impossible: take a dozen stark naked attractive young ladies and make the most unsexy, unerotic and un-titillating film you're ever likely to see - and I'm including OPPENHEIMER in that. Without getting to know who they are first, however attractive they are, these girls you just come onto the screen, take off their clothes and ...come on the screen is not sexy. This feels as though it was made by a group of thirteen year old boys who had only just discovered that girls had strange wobbly bits that they didn't. The producers would probably argue that the tiresome inclusion of the wobbly bits wasn't meant to be sexy, it was meant to be funny. Well, it's not - for all their flaws, nudity in the CARRY ON FILMS was used for comedic effect.

It annoys me that some people describe these CONFESSIONS OF films as raunchier versions of the CARRY ON films. Although the CARRY ON films became tacky towards the end at least they were still sort of funny. They were proper films featuring professional comedy actors and were written by comedy scriptwriters. This waste of 8,000 feet of celluloid should not even be mentioned in the same breath as the CARRY ON films, which is saying something since a lot of them were dreadful.

And as for that so-called band - what the hell are they supposed to be doing? That's insulting to musicians.

Steptoe and Son Ride Again (1973)

STEPTOE AND SON and STEPTOE AND SON RIDE AGAIN

[6/10 · 15 March 2024]

If you're a fan of the original TV series then you'll enjoy both of these films although they are both very different. That series was of course one of the first comedy-dramas seen on TV seamlessly blending slapstick with biting social commentary and sometimes tragedy. Not wanting just to be a long TV episode, the first film tries to be a little more serious, a little more drama than comedy. Some people fund that a bit unpalatable at the time so the second film goes the other way being more of a traditional comedy film.

When you watch the first film you might wonder how on earth this is classed as a comedy because it is very dark. It does have its funny moments but overall it is quite emotionally draining as we're witness to Harold's life falling apart aided by his father's pretty horrible cruelty and mental torture. Besides YES releasing CLOSE TO THE EDGE, 1972 was not a happy year for the UK and this film gives us a voyeuristic insight into how depressing things were back then for the majority of people. Although it's heavy going at times and you're more likely to cry than laugh, it is enjoyable and satisfying. What makes this extra special is Carolyn Seymour as the girl who captures Harold's heart. She plays a stripper in a seedy club and as someone who takes her clothes off for a living she is of course very attractive but because she's such a great actress, she's also instantly likeable even though she's actually not that nice. Her character is just so real so much so that you can perhaps empathise with her most of all.

As a result of the negative backlash against the first film, the next one, in my opinion went too far the other way. Although maintaining the spirit of the original show this one decides to be a comedy and indeed it is a very funny comedy. If you're a Steptoe fan then this will make you laugh but maybe because I'm a miserable old git, I prefer the first one.

Steptoe & Son (1972)

STEPTOE AND SON and STEPTOE AND SON RIDE AGAIN

[7/10 · 15 March 2024]

If you're a fan of the original TV series then you'll enjoy both of these films although they are both very different. That series was of course one of the first comedy-dramas seen on TV seamlessly blending slapstick with biting social commentary and sometimes tragedy. Not wanting just to be a long TV episode, the first film tries to be a little more serious, a little more drama than comedy. Some people fund that a bit unpalatable at the time so the second film goes the other way being more of a traditional comedy film.

When you watch the first film you might wonder how on earth this is classed as a comedy because it is very dark. It does have its funny moments but overall it is quite emotionally draining as we're witness to Harold's life falling apart aided by his father's pretty horrible cruelty and mental torture. Besides YES releasing CLOSE TO THE EDGE, 1972 was not a happy year for the UK and this film gives us a voyeuristic insight into how depressing things were back then for the majority of people. Although it's heavy going at times and you're more likely to cry than laugh, it is enjoyable and satisfying. What makes this extra special is Carolyn Seymour as the girl who captures Harold's heart. She plays a stripper in a seedy club and as someone who takes her clothes off for a living she is of course very attractive but because she's such a great actress, she's also instantly likeable even though she's actually not that nice. Her character is just so real so much so that you can perhaps empathise with her most of all.

As a result of the negative backlash against the first film, the next one, in my opinion went too far the other way. Although maintaining the spirit of the original show this one decides to be a comedy and indeed it is a very funny comedy. If you're a Steptoe fan then this will make you laugh but maybe because I'm a miserable old git, I prefer the first one.

Adventures of a Private Eye (1977)

Don't expect Fawlty Towers

[4/10 · 4 March 2024]

This reminds me of what I think TV comedies were like in the 1970s - not the good programmes which get repeated but rather the hundreds of other ones which we've successfully purged from our collective memories. It's not the funniest comedy but it's by no means the worst. There's a fair bit of nudity but nothing you couldn't watch with your mother in the room.

The last two Carry On films from the 1970s were rightly criticised for becoming seedy, sordid and smutty - not in keeping the traditional Carry On saucy seaside postcard spirit. Their slide into the gutter was because they were competing with the so-called sex-comedies such as the 'Confessions of' and 'Adventures of' series which unapologetically set out to give the audience daft childish humour and lots of lovely, luscious topless ladies! This film actually feels more innocent, more cosy .....almost more family friendly than the last two Carry On films! Unlike the Confessions films or the dire Carry On England, this one's got a proper story, a reasonably clever script, proper stars doing proper acting playing proper characters - some quite funny and even some of the jokes are funny. Also Christopher Neil is pretty good. He's likeable which is important in a weak film like this, he keeps you watching. Unlike the stereotypical working class cheeky chappie caricature Robin Askwith played in the Confessions films, you can relate to Christopher Neil.

As a comedy, you don't need to take precautions against the possibility of your sides splitting. As a smutty movie you don't need to worry about your grandma turning up - she'd might even enjoy it more than you! It's called a 'sex-comedy' but it's very tame, the sex scenes are there for comedic purposes only and the nudity isn't much more explicit than you'd see queuing up outside your local nightclub these days. How strange that not too long ago this was what couples would go the cinema to see. Innocent naivety!

Eskimo Nell (1975)

Would have been better if it was funny

[2/10 · 2 March 2024]

This is not one of those tacky seventies sex comedies. It's tacky, it's definitely seventies but don't expect the usual gratuitous nudity. Allegedly this is a witty criticism of the state of the British film industry - although 'witty' is quite an exaggeration.

Director Martin Campbell eventually ended up making some of the world's biggest blockbusters but you'd never guess from this. In his defence, this was only his second film and the budget he had seemed to be financed by a couple of books of green shield stamps.

Although now this feels like a pilot for a late night seventies ITV sitcom, it's not without merit. It's plot is quite funny but its amateurish production and less than clever writing really lets this down. Since this thinks it's a cut above the typical seventies sex-com it really should have demonstrated that claim but it doesn't. Perhaps I was expecting something which actually lived up its reputation?

What is unforgivable is that for the first eleven minutes Katy Manning hasn't made an appearance yet! Dr Who fans will of course know that Katy Manning was the most gorgeous 'companion' ever, if not the sexiest woman ever to appear on tv. She doesn't have the biggest part, sounds like she's got laryngitis but she brightens the whole thing up. That's needed because despite it being a comedy, there's no sense of fun in this. The characters are either cold and uninteresting or unlikeable. Nobody on screen seems to be enjoying themselves so neither does the audience.

My poor review might just be because this isn't my kind of picture - give me some Marx Brothers any day!

SS-GB (2017)

Might be ok if I could actually hear it

[4/10 · 17 February 2024]

Having enjoyed THE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE, I thought this might be an entertaining follow-on. No, it was dull, very dark, cheap-looking, slow and worst of all I could hardly hear a word of it.

This was made during the time when the BBC seemed to think that instead of a spoken script we'd prefer loud background music played over people mumbling unintelligibly.

OK, it was a daft premise as most alternative histories are but done well they can be extremely entertaining. The slightly shabby production and unmitigated misery could have been overlooked if I could have heard what they were saying but the diction was truly atrocious. To sum this up: mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble, mumble.

Carry on England (1976)

The joint worst Carry on Film

[1/10 · 11 February 2024]

RANKING: unlike the other worst one: EMMANNUELLE which was embarrassingly tacky, this one's just puerile - a child, albeit a child with a dirty mind could have written this.

TYPICAL: No, no, no - this is definitely not typical. Carry On films were written by Talbot Rothwell. This is not by Rothwell so it's nothing like a Carry On film. OK, he'd already left before CARRY ON BEHIND which was actually quite good but that was just a remake of CAMPING. Gone are all his trademark silly, smutty but ultimately funny innuendos. Instead we just get primary school humour - the height of sophistication is a running joke of Kenneth Connor falling into manure.....it's just so pathetic.

SEXY LADIES: The other essential of a Carry On film is saucy, sexy ladies. This one has some utterly gratuitous nudity which seems like it was added in the post edit. It's literally just for a few seconds and it serves no point whatsoever nor is remotely funny. However as a former real-life 1970s teenager this film's biggest disappointment for my former self was that although gorgeous Judy Geeson was the girl who suggested that the girls all went on parade topless, she didn't participate herself. All these years later, that disappointment still stings!

This is an astonishingly dreadful film and deserves to be burned.

Wuthering Heights (1939)

Once Upon A Time

[10/10 · 3 February 2024]

This is the ultimate grown up fairy tale. Abandon any cynicism you have and allow yourself to be engulfed in this gorgeous fantasy. One hand it's the ultimate sentimental love story with ghosts, a beautiful girl a dashing hero and an embittered villain but on the other hand it's a powerful tragic tale of broken people in an cruel world. Together it's the most perfect Hollywood film.

There's one little scene which is so short you might miss it which reveals the sheer genius of William Wyler. It's when the 'renewed' Heathcliff attends a party at The Grange, someone's playing some Mozart and without saying a single word Laurence Olivier and Merle Oberon spot each other. They don't speak but in that minute of silence I have never heard so much spoken, never felt so much emotion, never seen so much storytelling. How can just two people looking at each other convey so much and break your heart? Not until Scorsese came along forty years later with TAXI DRIVER do we see such perfect filmmaking.

And then there's the other 100 minutes with probably the best writing Hollywood has ever produced: Charlie MacArthur and Ben Hecht's insanely emotional, sentimental yet somehow believable screenplay just gets better and better with every passing minute. If you're not crying at the end of this you are not human.

Everything is just perfect. Direction, acting, cinematography, script and of course Alfred Newman's epic score.

Don't Just Lie There, Say Something! (1974)

unfashionably funny

[8/10 · 20 January 2024]

This type of humour had made people laugh for centuries. It's not clever, it doesn't make you think, it's not even got the sophistication of a Carry On film! It's the most basic, simple and innocent type of humour - it's just funny.

Brian Rix had been doing this sort of thing for years so his act was honed to perfection. Likewise Leslie Phillips had played this character so much, it had become his life. They were both phenomenally popular in the 50s, 60s and 70s but today such 'caveman humour' is considered decidedly un-cool.

Despite my preconceptions, within five minutes I was literally laughing out loud. My other preconceptions which was shattered was how 'clean' this was. Although made during the tacky, smutty Confessions of and Adventures of films, this is remarkably nudity free and even swear word free.... it could easily have been made ten or twenty years earlier... or even been a 1930s pre-code comedy.

The highlight of this picture is the living goddess, the impossibly sexy, the jaw-droppingly gorgeous Katy Manning! Yes, that's Jo, Dr Who's companion from the early 70s. Golly, she was pretty and she's pretty funny in this too.

Although you might think this isn't your cup of tea, give it a go; if you don't laugh, just tell St Peter when you get to the Pearly Gates and he'll give your an hour and a half of your life back.

Archie (2023)

Surprisingly good!

[8/10 · 6 January 2024]

This is a very entertaining and beautifully made drama. It is not really a biography, it doesn't go through his life story - indeed it virtually glosses over his Hollywood career instead focusing on his relationship with his fourth wife in the 60s and his relationship with his mother. It does this sensitively, emotionally and intelligently.

Not simply listening his career allows the story to explore the man himself and what's wonderfully refreshing these days is that is doesn't dis him like so many biographies of celebrities tend to do these days. He wasn't perfect but he comes across as a genuinely nice guy.

Whilst the main narrative is set in the 60s, there are flashbacks into his awful childhood in Bristol. These insights into his past explains who he became. Considering these traumatic experiences, it's amazing that he turned out so normal.

It's a very watchable four hours.

Carry on Abroad (1972)

The ninth best Carry on Film

[6/10 · 23 December 2023]

RANKING: one of the best of the modern-dress ones. The humour is a bit more smutty than in some but it's not dirty - it's still funny.

TYPICAL: Like all their non-historical films since CAMPING, they're all the exact same story but with different names. By 1972 when they made this, they'd got the recipe just right, it just clicks. Whilst hardly the height of sophisticated wit, every single line of the script seems to be a silly smutty double entendre. It's almost clever! One of the running gags is a local drink which makes you see the young ladies in their underwear - it's that sort of humour so if If you like this type of thing, this will be perfect for you. Unlike the last few films they did, this one's genuinely funny because it's silly and smutty rather than rude and offensive.

SEXY LADIES: The other essential of a Carry On film is saucy, sexy ladies and in this one we have them in abundance. The man (definitely a man) who did the casting must have particularly enjoyed that job. What's really surprising is how weirdly charming and innocent the gratuitous nudity is! Somewhere on set someone must have been told to ring a bell every five minutes signifying that whichever young lady was in frame at that moment they had to get their boobs out. The worthy winner of this 'adult' musical chairs game is usually Barbara Windsor. Her frequent toplessness is however never seedy and never vulgar, it's always done for laughs which makes her so endearing.

Confessions of a Window Cleaner (1974)

Nothing like as bad as you'd think!

[3/10 · 7 December 2023]

Despite preconceptions, it's not vulgar, coarse or offensive. If you can accept the fact that it's actually meant to be cheap tacky rubbish you might find this mildly entertaining.

Robin Askwith gave hope to every clueless, ugly spotty teenager that had no idea whatsoever about girls. He showed that even the most hopeless case could have countless sexual adventures.....just by becoming a window cleaner. George Formby never extolled the perks of this career like this!

You know that as soon as each sexy girl first makes her appearance, within three to four minutes she'll have lost her clothes and a minute later will be getting physical with young Mr Askwith. Yes, it is super-tacky but since it's all done for laughs it's not what you could call dirty or smutty. You wouldn't call it tasteful but it's a lot more innocent than you think.

Another thing this isn't is funny. Even if you were a 17 lad in 1974 you probably wouldn't have laughed either but it is watchable and once you've started watching it, you'll want to stick with it until the end....and not just because of the promise of more naked ladies!

Carry on Doctor (1967)

The eleventh best Carry on Film

[6/10 · 1 December 2023]

RANKING: Although this is as "average" as you can get, it's actually quite a funny one. After all these years its rare for a Carry On film to make you laugh out loud but surprisingly this manages to do that a few times.

TYPICAL: Very typical - it's a really good example. Having spent what amounted to a fortune for this team with their period, full-costume comedies it was back to filming outside Maidenhead's council offices but that enthusiasm is still there and this has tons more energy than most of the modern dress entries.

Everyone is in this including Frankie Howerd who for once doesn't try to take over. The plot is as nuts as ever but it all seems to make perfect sense when you're watching it.

SEXY LADIES: The other essential of a Carry On film is saucy, sexy ladies. This definitely is one for those Barbara Windsor fans as she does feature quite a lot - often taking her nurses' uniform off for seemingly no apparent reason whatsoever other than because she's Barbara Windsor. This one's also got the popular 1960s TV personality and singer Anita Harris who's got a really pretty smile.

Carry on Up the Khyber (1968)

The second best Carry on Film

[8/10 · 18 November 2023]

RANKING: it's a close call between this and SCREAMING as to which is the best one. Whereas SCREAMING, the 'Hammer Horror' parody in my opinion just about has the edge over this, UP THE KHYBER is probably ranked by everyone else as number one. This is probably the funniest of the whole series - it's jamb-packed with more jokes per minute than any other one. You can watch this one over and over again.

TYPICAL: this is the one most people would think of when asked to name a Carry On film. It's got virtually all the classic cast with the exception of Jim Dale who's replaced here with Roy Castle. The humour is racy but not rude.

There's actually two typical types of Carry On films - the period ones like this and the 'modern dress' ones like CAMPING.

SEXY LADIES: The other essential of a Carry On film is saucy, sexy ladies and in this one we have not so much saucy and sexy but sweet and lovely in the form of Angela Douglas.

Bodies (2023)

Could be a Dr Who episode

[8/10 · 30 October 2023]

A good old mish mash of every time loop, time travel trope all blended into one entertaining and engaging series.

OK, it deliberately nearly tells you what's happening but then decides not to. OK, it's a bit overkill in the being diverse department but so what. And OK, the plot when you think about it makes no sense but that's what makes this such an intriguing and fun watch. It looks good all four time zones, whilst not being entirely authentic it put across the mood and feel of those eras and it's also really well acted. Everyone comes across as believable as people you can really care about

If you like the more pretentious Dr Who episodes or like a time slip story this is for you!

Carry on Screaming! (1966)

The best Carry on Film

[8/10 · 14 October 2023]

RANKING: This is the funniest, most imaginative and well made film of the whole series. It's a pastiche of every Hammer horror film with a plot borrowed from the tongue in cheek horror film of 1933, MYSTERY OF THE WAX MUSEUM. The script is bursting with innuendo but without being rude or vulgar - something later films failed to manage.

TYPICAL: this isn't typical either of the ones which look like they were made in someone's garden shed or the flashier 'historical' films. This one's imbued with atmosphere (ok, that's mainly dry ice) and it looks and feels like a genuine Hammer horror film with the exception that the laughs here are intentional.

This is less of an ensemble piece than they usually are. Instead it's a vehicle for Harry H Corbett who at the time was a huge TV star in the tragi-comedy STEPTOE AND SON. In this he is fantastic, funny, endearing and in an odd way, almost believable as a real character. You don't notice that his role was meat to be played by Sid James - in fact, you can't imagine Sid James being this good, he adds a bit of originality to the team without crowding everyone else out.

SEXY LADIES: The other essential of a Carry On film is saucy, sexy ladies and in this one we're double treated. Sweet and lovely Angela Douglas has a small role but this film is memorable for the sheer utter magnificence of Fenella Fielding. If you look up in any dictionary the definition of 'sexy lady' it will say, 'Fenella Fielding in Carry On Screaming.' She's hilariously, over the top, jaw-droppingly hot.....she's literally smoking at one point. Wow, just wow!

Not Going Out (2006– )

Seasons 1 - 7, funny. Seasons 8 - 99 awful

[8/10 · 8 October 2023]

When it switched from being about Lee Mack trying to get off with Sally Breton, especially when Tim Vine was in it, it was hilarious. Then it was a fast and clever comedy with adult humour.

Series 8 metastasised not just into a family sit-com but the blandest, mundane, most inoffensive sort of thing possible. Mildly amusing but not funny.

The two shows are so different that they really should have changed the name of it. So much so that when you say you like Not Going Out to someone, you have to qualify that by saying: the early seasons only of course. The two shows are as different as 1970s Genesis with Peter Gabriel to 1980s Genesis with Phil Colins.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (2022– )

Old school Star Trek

[8/10 · 24 September 2023]

Great old-style, fun adventure stuff - pure entertainment. ...but whatever you do, avoid the cartoon episode 7 of the second season. This is the so-called comedy episode: it's beyond dreadful.

This feels like the true sequel to the original Star Trek. Each episode has a stand alone story but with an engaging story arc as the characters get to know each other. All the main cast are as well written as each other and all have their own episodes focusing on their own personal adventures or issues. It's a great fun series with the highlight episode being 'the musical' where they find they can only communicate in song! Echoes of BUFFY with that one.

Of the new batch of spin offs, PICARD is the most enjoyable - that's exciting, intelligent and fun but this but although much less cerebral, this is still addictive viewing. ....and it's a million times better than the tedium known as DISCOVERY which takes itself far too seriously, that's even worse than Deep Space 9!

Carry on Jack (1964)

The seventeenth best Carry on Film

[5/10 · 18 September 2023]

RANKING: This is not one of the best but it's not at the bottom either. Best described as: "watchable at a push." It's better than those from the late seventies when desperate for ticket sales they just became crude and a bit sordid and it's better than those first six which were scripted by a different writer so don't feel anything like Carry On films. The reason this isn't ranked higher is because it's silly rather than funny.

TYPICAL: This should be typical because it was the first one Talbot Rothwell wrote but he hadn't quite gotten into his stride yet. It wasn't even conceived as a Carry On film and although they stuck the Carry On prefix onto it, it doesn't feel like one. It's just an immature comedy with Kenneth Williams doing his silly voices. He is actually very amusing but not enough to fill an hour and a half - a decent script would have helped. Giving a foretaste of the "big-budget" historical ones to come (well, relatively big budget) this one looks really good. It's set in 1806 during the Napoleonic Wars, and real effort seems to have gone into its art direction to create a reasonably authentic early 19th century feel. It's a shame that this much effort didn't go into making it funny. What this feels like is that Talbot Rothwell had just come on board and was joining a very established team. Not wanting to rock the boat too much he wrote something which was more like the Norman Hudid stories of the very early Carry Ons. He'd let rip with his bawdy seaside postcard humour next time once he'd gotten his sea legs.

SEXY LADIES: The other essential of a Carry On film is saucy, sexy ladies and in this one we're treated to the loveliness of Juliet Mills. She's very sweet but maybe a little too sweet considering that she is supposed to work at Dirty Dicks, the sailors' favourite brothel. Juliet Mills does not seem the type but fits in well with the 'family friendly' style of what is essentially a 'kid's film.'