FourNineFoxtrot Reviews

Outcast (I) (2014)

Better than its production value

[7/10 · 4 August 2015]

Outcast is a surprisingly competent rendition of a clichéd story; The Good Boy-Prince is forced to flee as The Evil Prince tries to usurp The Kingdom. Featuring the inevitable Mysterious White Stranger riding to the rescue. Predictable, yes, but competently handled.

Hayden Christiansen isn't a terrible actor. He turns in a perfectly adequate if not memorable performance. Of course, acting beside Nicolas Cage would probably make anyone look better by comparison. I don't know what happened to the man, but whatever acting chops he had have slipped away. Cage tries very hard to chew the scenery... and mostly chokes on it. Fortunately, the rest of the cast does a craftsman-like job of it. Liu Yifei and Andy On give decent performances. The kid who plays the prince manages not to be annoying, which is high praise for a teen actor.

The action is frequent and pretty good. Fairly bloody, some gore. Not a stylized martial arts flick, but plenty of swordplay. The writing, if not inspired, also isn't especially cringe-worthy. The scenery is beautiful and the cinematography surpasses the acting talent in competence by a goodly margin. It's quite a pretty movie, actually.

One of the better B-movies I've seen.

The Bank Job (2008)

Pretty good heist movie.

[7/10 · 8 August 2008]

Interesting story, decent to good acting, and a healthy fill of violence, plus a bit of humor, make this a pretty solid movie.

Statham does pretty much what he always does, and does it about as well as he ever does. Not as much an action movie as his recent films, but effectively the same character.

Others have said that, for a movie set in the 70's, it really doesn't feel like one. This, I think, is true: I don't expect sepia tones and a constant barrage of classic rock, but a more pronounced period piece feel would probably have elevated this movie. Or at least given it some style.

Which leads to my only serious gripe about the movie: No style. It left me cold. Had none of the fun and eccentricity of thematically similar, but stylistically different Guy Richie movies (Snatch and Lock, Stock), which Statham also figured prominently in. It may be unfair to compare this film to those, but the comparison was, well, unavoidable. Without that extra... something... this movie falls a bit short. It wasn't quite good enough to make it as a more serious heist movie, and the humor that was there seemed to indicate an uncertainty as to what kind of movie was being made: Were they trying to emulate Guy Richie, or Michael Mann? Too serious for the former, too light for the latter.

A good effort, and not a bad movie. Not amazing, but solid.

Never Back Down (2008)

Entertaining, as long as you don't think too hard.

[6/10 · 8 August 2008]

Yes, it's just a revamped Karate Kid.

But with MMA, not just Karate, although I did have the occasional urge to shout "Cobra Kai!" when the bad guy came on screen.

Some cool action, basically just MMA (like in the UFC) that's been "hollywoodized" to be showy, "underground", and performed by supposed teenagers.

Djimon Hounsou is wasted on this film, but does fairly well at being the token real actor, giving it some tenuous legitimacy. On the upside, probably a more believable martial arts instructor than Pat Morita... physically, at least.

It's a great movie to just turn off your brain to, and watch lots of girls in bikinis and guys beating each other up. Pleasant, mindless T&A/Action.

Vantage Point (2008)

Vantage Point was poised on the edge of being a great movie...

[6/10 · 6 August 2008]

And then it lost its balance, windmilled its arms, and fell flat on its butt, looking vaguely silly.

The pacing of this movie is great. The telling of the same action from everyone's point of view, Rashomon-like, actually worked pretty well. There wasn't too much overlap, and the same material wasn't shown over and over (at least, not too much). This device really made it feel like these events were happening at breakneck speed. Definitely the movie's strongest point.

The acting was pretty good. No real standouts as being either terrific or terrible. Impressively unnoticeable. The cinematography was actually very good. One of the better-looking movies (without everything being CGI) that I've seen in a long time, despite the well-founded problems in location confusion (Mexico isn't Spain).

The basic problem with the movie, aside from some plot holes that detracted a bit from the film's effectiveness, was that the plot itself was simultaneously overly complex, and yet never fleshed out properly. If the movie were a painting, it would be something very, very busy, but lacking in depth and detail.

Interesting, entertaining, but ultimately implausible and not particularly satisfying.

Worth a rent. I might even buy it... in a few years... when it's cheap.

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)

Uwe Boll is in danger of making a good movie.

[6/10 · 23 April 2008]

I've seen a few Uwe Boll films. Most of them have only one redeeming quality: Unintentional humor.

This movie, however, was different. For the first time, I was almost impressed by the movie; not just the amount of money wasted, or the number of otherwise-decent actors inexplicably recruited into it, but the actual story and execution.

While watching, I couldn't help but feel that there was a good movie here, hidden underneath the satirically inept directing and bafflingly awkward dialogue. It's as though Uwe Boll would periodically say, "People, the movie is coming along far too well; everyone do something stupid for a scene or two. Can't go raising everybody's expectations of me." Despite the Uwe Boll trademarks of stilted dialogue, poor character development, and generally murky storytelling, the movie was entertaining and well-paced. Almost despite the directing, the plot had some semblance of logic, and none of the actors were particularly horrible.

Don't get me wrong; it's not a good movie by any normal criteria, and has a host of problems. The point here is that, for Uwe Boll, this is fantastically good.

With a little polish, and a better dialogue writer, this would have made a solid, entertaining high-budget B-movie, the kind that summer blockbusters and popcorn nights on the couch at home are made of.

Revolver (2005)

Worthless

[1/10 · 20 March 2008]

This is a pointless, poorly plotted, deliberately ambiguous movie that culminates in an orgy of pompous, bite-sized, quasi-psychological drivel. The sort of meaningless prattle barely worthy of the kind of self-help guru whose testimonials air on late night TV between "Girls Gone Wild" ads and Bowflex Infomercials.

It tries for depth, and fails. It tries for meaning, and fails. It tries for cleverness, and fails.

This movie succeeds only in insulting the viewer with the cinematic equivalent of "I'm so much smarter than you that I don't NEED to make sense."

I'll be honest. I enjoyed bashing this movie, because it doesn't respect the viewer. If, as a viewer, I don't get respect... then I don't give it.

Epic Movie (2007)

Worst movie ever made.

[1/10 · 17 June 2007]

Utterly worthless. No redeeming qualities. Waste of the interminable period during which it seemed to linger on. If I had it to do over, I would spend that time doing something productive, like stapling my genitalia with a staple gun. That certainly would have been less painful than this movie. The people who made this atrocity should be shot. I've seen home movies more entertaining. I just finished watching, and I had to resist the very strong urge to gouge out my eyes, a la Oedipus. I had to do some heavy drinking just to make it through this crap-pile. I'm almost certainly dumber for having watched this movie... it seems to suck the intelligence out of the room. I've already wasted more time bashing this movie than I spent laughing during it (which, by the way, is not at all). Certainly this blight on cinematic history deserves no more of my time. Let me finish by saying:

AVOID THIS MOVIE! IT'S THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE! YOU WILL REGRET WATCHING THIS, AND IT MAY WELL CAUSE YOU TO GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES IN DISGUST!