smellysock-71770 Reviews

Moonshot (2022)

Surprisingly good yet disturbing mirror of Corporate America today

[8/10 · 1 April 2022]

Set in a future hell-world, it highlights the dystopia we inhabit today. Yes, 21st century. USA is that hell-world. Corporations rule all. They even rule Mars.

And that corporate flight to Mars, complete with the Google-esque application process that resembles that of a modern tek company, captures the California -casual, smile to your face and stab you when you turn your back, mentality of people today..

Ambulance (2022)

I watched this movie so you won't have to.

[1/10 · 22 March 2022]

Ambulance 2022 was an abortion. It's hard to make a crime/action movie this bad, but its creators were successful. Indeed, it was unwatchable, and I write this review rather than finish watching.

How does Ambulance 2022 suck? Let us enumerate a few of the ways.

1. 22 minutes in, and nothing has happened. The characters have spent the entire first act sitting around gossiping about issues that have nothing to do with the plot. By now, this movie has gone off track and no longer follows the accepted 3 Act plot structure that many movies need to follow in order maintain some semblance of a plot. The Freytag plot triangle or whatever it's called, had been broken. I guess Michael Bay thinks he's being creative.

2. "Go go go."

An automatic deal breaker in any movie is when a main character says "Go go go."

Now, aFter around 40 minutes, the main chars are all taking turns shouting "Go Go Go." it's always three "goes" shouted. Never 2 goes. Never one "go". And seldom not more than 3, but when the writers are desperate to come up with soem dialogue, they might throw in a few more "Goes."

It turns out they are robbing a bank. At least I think that's what they're doing, but the window is backgrounded because I'm writing a review. Something has gone wrong with the robbery, and all they can do is stand around and shout "Go go go" at each other. Why don't they shut up and go? I hear sirens. The police are on their way.

By now, the writers have bored me to the point where I no longer care what happens to them.

Anyway, something else goes wrong, and they end up in an ambulance, without giving away spoilers.

3. About an hour in, and they're still in an ambulance. It's full of template tension creation plot devices. It feels like they have a list of tension creating devices, and they're rolling dice to decide which generic plot device to use. Shall we use a gimmick from Speed? No? How about Speed 2? Speed 4? Okay, Speed 5 plot device it is. Now they put in something from FAst and Furious. Nothing interesting.

4. This is a 2 hour 20 minute movie. Uh oh.

One of the main chars commented that the ambulance has a brand new V8 engine. Taht means it's a safe bet that most of the movie will be a never ending ambulance chase.

If you like never ending ambulance chases, this movie is for you. You might also like this movie if you liked Fast and Furious 9.

Kids (1995)

Misophonia--An hour and a half of filthy noises.

[1/10 · 20 March 2022]

Misophonia is a disorder in which certain sounds trigger emotional or physiological responses that some might perceive as unreasonable given the circumstance. Those who have misophonia might describe it as when a sound "drives you crazy." Their reactions can range from anger and annoyance to panic and the need to flee. Or murder.

The opening scene is sloppy kissing sounds. Squick smack squck.

Ick.

You can hear the saliva stretching and popping in their mouths.

Gross.

The characters are not likeable. The boy, the leading male, is the kind of kid in the 9th grade gym locker room who was always bragging about the brain-dead twits he'd had coitus with. He inflicts his filthy stories on you whyile your changing out of your PE clothes. It's panties this. Titties that. My dick blah blah blah my dick. He won't shut up. You want to get away from him asap. You want to punch him. Maybe you did and got suspended for a few days. It was totally worth it.

I rate this movie: UNWATCHABLE.

It's bad in the way Bleu is the Warmest Color is bad but not quite as bad. AT least the morons in the movie aren't chewing with their mouths open the whole movie.