johnpaver Reviews

God 2.0 (2023)

Not bad for a student film

[5/10 · 30 December 2023]

One thing which spoils the film is the sound quality. I had to have the subtitles on the whole time because the dialogue was often very muffled indeed, and I could not hear what was being said.

It's something of a guessing game as to what the "god" is in the film because it clearly isn't God. "god" and Religion are presented in the way an Atheist would present them, an Atheist having the usual uneducated, and limited understanding of God and Religion.

The clues are there if you pay attention so the denouement is not surprising at all. Rabid Atheist, and rabid Leftist Ashley is the one who is uneducated in God and Religion. I can't decide whether it is the film's writer who is uneducated, or whether this was as the writer intended.

Anyway, it's worth a watch, just remember to put the subtitles on.

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Cause and Effect (1992) Season 5, Episode 18

Stolen from A.E. van Vogt

[10/10 · 21 November 2023]

This is a very good story, but then it would be since it was plagiarised almost word for word from "Not the First" by A. E. van Vogt. Yet another of his works has been used without crediting him or paying his estate for the privilege of using his story.

If memory serves, the only thing added in this TNG episode is that they get out of the loop.

All of the other parts of the story are there, crew members realising things have happened before, more and more deja vu events, and they try to get out of the loop but can't.

Do yourself a favour, and read the original, then complain to the makers of TNG that this story was stolen from A. E. van Vogt.

A Christmas Carol (2019)

Don't make everything into Game of Yawns. Sorry, Thrones.

[1/10 · 27 December 2019]

This is a dreadful "re-written" PC-version of a classic. But it does not work. I only persevered with it because of Guy Pearce (who is too good to be in this rubbish).

Very little of Dickens's story and dialogue remain. Scrooge was the victim of a paedophile schoolteacher. Scrooge's sister packs a gun. Mrs Cratchet is black. Christianity has been removed and replaced with (literally) Black Magic. Oh, and you get a bare bottom. Did we really need that, BBC?

The three spirits and the ghost of Bob Marley have been called by Mrs Cratchet. Why? Because Scrooge did not want sex with her for money. Mrs Cratchet would have been happy with getting money for sex but she feels very insulted that Scrooge does not want her. Oh, and she's black.

There is no redemption, and Christmas has little to do with this garbage.

Air Rage (2001 Video)

Complete nonsense but very entertaining

[5/10 · 18 March 2005]

There is so much wrong with this film it is impossible to know where to begin. What really did it for me was when a five foot two, 110 pound air stewardess beat the cr@p out of a six foot six 240 pound brick out-house of a marine with a kettle! I couldn't stop laughing. But the laughs didn't stop there! I don't think I will be spoiling too much either if I tell you that the same air stewardess throws another marine out of the door after beating him up with that kettle again, and shoots a third one at 40 paces holding a machine gun with one hand. To finish off, our heroine, who doesn't know which bit of the 'plane is the front, makes the smoothest landing ever of a 747!!

Don't ask silly questions as to why a General was carrying highly classified information on his own with no protection on a commercial flight! Or why you didn't know Buck Rogers was in the film until the end titles!

Superb entertainment.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Yawn.

[1/10 · 28 June 2002]

This film is not even slightly scary. It's not even slightly interesting. From the reaction of everybody else in the cinema, I was not alone in finding this film to be a complete waste of two hours and £4.50.

Do yourself a favour and avoid it!

633 Squadron (1964)

Superb score plus comedy Gestapo officer.

[10/10 · 3 March 2002]

The music is superb. The film on the whole is very entertaining but is spoilt by having a British Wing Commander being played (badly) by an American (which was to pander to American audiences no doubt).

Keep a look out for a young Mike Baldwin, the cook from Crossroads, and a female Gestapo officer who is the comedy element in this film. Classic.

Pi (1998)

Good but not original.

[9/10 · 24 February 2002]

The plot is not as original as many reviewers seem to think. After 10 minutes I found myself wondering if the screenplay had been based loosely on Umberto Eco's "Foucault's Pendulum" (which was published around 1990). As the film went on I became more and more convinced I was right.

Anyway, this is an interesting film but not to most people's taste I suspect (if you like crap such as "Independence Day" and buddy cop films then give "Pi" a miss!). I did find the use of monochrome film very pretentious!

I wouldn't call this "Sci-Fi" but then that's not the film's fault.

If you enjoyed this film then I recommend you read "Foucault's Pendulum".

9/10 including 2 bonus points for not being predictable boring crap like 99.999% of the rubbish Hollywood churns out.

Where Eagles Dare (1968)

Superb Action Entertainment

[10/10 · 19 January 2002]

I feel that a large number of reviewers are completely missing the purpose of this film.

Why do we watch films? Because we want to be entertained!

Does it matter if several thousand heavily armed German soldiers cannot shoot the side of a barn? Who cares if helicopters hadn't been invented? Does it really matter that Richard Burton has a bottomless bag of explosives and barely flinches when he gets shot? (I laughed until it hurt when he merely wrapped a hankie round his hand and carried on as if nothing had happened!).

This film sets out to entertain and it succeeds brilliantly. The music is superb and the acting is appropriately hammy (especially from the Gestapo officer complete with comedy accent).

I have yet to see a film which is remotely realistic and I'd like to keep it that way!

10 out of 10.

Also recommended: "Fear Is The Key"; "Book of Life", and "Sons of the Desert".

Carry on at Your Convenience (1971)

Superb schoolboy toilet humour!

[10/10 · 4 January 2002]

This is my favourite "Carry On" film.

It has a gag per minute. Most of the gags are "telegraphed" and predictable but for me this makes them so much funnier.

The film is about a toilet making factory owned by WC Boggs (note to US readers - a toilet in England is called a "bog"). 90% of the gags are related one way or another to toilets or biological functions.

If you like slapstick and toilet humour then you will love this film.

If you are pretentious and claim only to like "serious" humour then take that corn-cob out of your Khyber and watch this film anyway.

Also recommended: "Carry on Abroad"; "Carry on Matron"; "Holiday on the Buses", and "Mutiny on the Buses".

Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

A very boring and over-rated film.

[1/10 · 2 January 2002]

I think this is the first film I saw (in 1978 when I was 16) where I realised that "hyped", "megabuck" films are not necessarily any good. In fact, my experience is that the majority of hyped films are very poor which is why they have to be hyped. The best films are not hyped but become very popular through personal recommendation (for example: "The Shawshank Redemption", "Stand By Me", and "Brazil").

I was very bored with this film from the beginning (though it is nowhere near as tedious and naff as "Independence Day"). It has very little plot and seems to consist of a series of incidents which are sometimes connected and sometimes not (rather like an Arthur C Clark novel). Special effects are not enough to make up for a poor screenplay.

The one good thing about this film is the soundtrack by (which I bought). I think it was by John Williams (who seems to rely heavily on Stravinsky, Dvorak, Charles Ives and Aaron Copland). I recommend that you buy the soundtrack but miss the film. (Or better still, buy pieces by these four composers!)

One film I recommend which is in a similar vein is "Morons From Outer Space". This superbly extracts the Michael from "Close Encounters" and is a very entertaining and funny film. (Although non-English viewers may have trouble understanding the accents of some of the main characters!)

I would like to have given this film 0/10 but (illogically) the lowest score we can give is 1/10.

Independence Day (1996)

This is the worst film I've ever seen. Avoid it!

[1/10 · 30 December 2001]

The basic plot (Martians invade the Earth) is as old as the hills and was much better done in the 50's film "War of the Worlds" and the more recent "Mars Attacks". Other than this, "Independence Day" has no plot.

It has very little else. There is no plot development, no character development, no tension, nothing! I was hoping that the Martians would win in the first 10 minutes so that this appalling film would end.

Alas, this is a very long and boring film. What it does have in abundance is very bad acting and awful dialogue. See "Mars Attacks" instead!