enazwo Reviews

The Green Hornet (2011)

Groan, grimace,

[4/10 · 20 January 2011]

I watched The Green Hornet when I was kid and loved the theme play by the great Al Hirt, and was amazed by Bruce Lee's Kato....This movie was not entirely bad but it was made by people who don't get it, and probably did not care either. They just wanted to make a quick buck while making another piece of top forty pap for the masses.

What was amazing about Bruce Lee's Kato? Well he really did all those amazing stunts without wires or CGI and the America loved being amazed by a human being really doing this. With wires and CGI Kato loses anything remotely amazing or awe inspiring. All this Kato achieved was pedestrian action that had nothing cool or unique about it. So what he could make a good cup of coffee.

The one scene where Britt and Kato where fighting in Britt's mansion reminded me of the Pink Panther and his butler..perhaps that's what Rogen was channeling. But it was laughable and not a good way.

The original Green Hornet was popular because of Bruce Lee so much in fact it was referred to as The Kato Show in Japan. They took the most important key element of the show and turned him into a caricature with true cinematic impotence.

Star Trek (2009)

My brother old school Trekkies...it is indeed very Good!

[8/10 · 8 May 2009]

Yes it is sad there is no Shatner....however you are not given any time to contemplate his absence because this movie waste no time in putting the story into Warp Drive.....There is many things that this movie takes the time to acknowledge about what us "Trekkies" already know that you have to say, "thank you" to the writers and that maverick director...but shortly the rug is pulled out from underneath the "Star Trek" universe....very clever and original......

I actually was trying to resist liking this movie...being an old school Trekkie......The movie won me over in about 15 minutes..... Yes this young cat playing Captain Kirk.....tried to make the role his own...and I admire his effort....but...perhaps because of what I know of the character, and the natural, association with the Shatner....it was inevitable that the audacious and cavalier personality of Shatner played to my heart strings.

But for you newbies to Star Trek, and skeptics....well...I think you're going to enjoy the future....It has been awhile since I wanted to go out and see a movie again the very next day...

Summer is off to a good start.....

Hearts in Atlantis (2001)

Heart of Hopkins

[9/10 · 25 March 2009]

Hearts in Atlantis Another great Anthony Hopkins performance in "Hearts in Atlantis" based upon best selling author Stephen King 's short story "Lowmen in Yellow Coats" from the book of short stories "Hearts in Atlantis".

In a wonderfully acted and directed piece "Hearts in Atlantis" tells the story of Robert Garfield, (David Morse), as he reflects back on his youth.

After receiving an old and tattered baseball glove in the mail, with a letter notifying Robert of the passing of a childhood friend, Robert departs to attend his friend's funeral and also to face the ghosts of his youth.

At the funeral Robert learns of the passing of his childhood sweetheart, Carol Gerber, (Mika Boorem). This hits Robert unexpected, and particularly heart breaking.

Robert then returns to the house of his youth, now abandoned and condemned, where he begins to vividly recall his youth and in particular, his coming of age, when a enigmatic boarder named Ted Brautigan, (Anthony Hopkins) arrives.

Bobby's mother is suspicious of Ted, however Bobby is intrigued by Ted's wise and disarming, demeanor. Part of Bobby's interest, in Ted, is his father died when Bobby was younger and, as result has not had a father figure around.

Bobby's mother, Elizabeth, (Hope Davis) neglects Bobby's emotional and material needs in order to fulfill her selfish obsessions. This will have tragic consequences for Elizabeth, as she will experience a cruel epiphany of her own design.

Though the story centers around Bobby, it's Ted who captivates us as we learn there is more to him then just a mysterious stranger.

Anthony Hopkins demonstrates why he's one of the finest actors around when he relates, to Bobby, the tale of the legendary Bronco Nagurski, of the Chicago Bears. Hopkins weaves a hypnotic magical tale that captures young Bobby's imagination, not so much as Hopkins enraptures the audience.

I have heard it said that Hopkins could read the phone book and make it sound like a thespian masterpiece. I could not agree more with that sentiment.

Bobby's childhood friends of John "Sully" Sullivan, (Will Rothhaar) and Carol Gerber are rich and deeply connected with Bobby's maturing emotions. Stephen King is the undisputed master, in many aspects of writing, but in my opinion, especially childhood relationships.

Ted retains young Bobby's assistance in reading, Ted, the daily newspaper, and alarmingly as a lookout for Lowmen. At first Bobby is concerned that Ted has a shady criminal past, but Ted allays his suspicions with his avuncular manner. Yet Bobby's fear becomes genuine worry for Ted because he does not want to loose this special man who has become his friend, adviser, and guide of insight.

Ted's description of the Lowmen hints at something sinister and pervasive that creates real dread for Bobby and Ted.

I cannot begin to say enough about how Anthony Hopkins made this a deeply satisfying movie experience. His performance alone would be enough for me to recommend this movie. And yes all the performances were grand and deeply enjoyable. And combined with Hopkins acting, and Kings writing, for a time, my Heart was in Atlantis.

Quantum of Solace (2008)

Gritty Hands on Bond.

[7/10 · 14 November 2008]

As most here, I was totally blown away by "Casino Royale"....and "Casino Royale" is to Bond movies what "Raiders of the Lost Ark" is to Indiana Jones....So I did kind of go in with lowered expectations....But I have to say I did enjoy the movie. Yes I did miss some of the sophisticated suave Bond stylings....yet this almost brutal..unapologetic Bond I found entertaining, distracting....and successful escapism. With that being said....I hope they don't stay with this formula...as I don't think the franchise would have ever attained the success, it has enjoyed, if it had employed this kind of dark and gritty sort of Bond...However it does make for an entertaining time at the movies...

Dungeons & Dragons (2000)

Did you see the size of that Dwarf?

[2/10 · 21 October 2008]

Did you see the size of that Dwarf? This much anticipated movie of 2000, titled as the very popular role-playing game, should do much to further the question of "What were they thinking?" A great deal of the movie is spend in grandiose costume and CG sets with the actors, primarily one Jeremy Irons, as Profion an evil wizard, over acting in the most laughable manner. Which is odd because Jeremy Irons has never really done anything remotely laughable.

Irons had company in the theatre of the absurd acting style and that was with back up villain played by Bruce Payne as, Damodar in blue lipstick and shaved pate, delivering lines like a macho Tim-Frankenfurter-Curry.

And that is what is at odds with some of the primary components of this movie. I'm sure they did not want the villains to be completely laughable because they would have wanted them to generate enough fear or dread from the audience so they would be concerned for the welfare of the goods guys.

Then you have the good guys, Justin Whalin as Ridley and Marlon Wayans as Snails, who are suppose to have the kind of lighted hearted swashbuckling, devil-may-care, attitude which has been a foregone cliché' in the forms of Han Solo and Indiana Jones. However in D&D the lead character, Ridley, was more like a generic Starbuck from the TV series Battlestar Galactica. Marlon Wayans as the reluctant Snails had lines that were suppose to be comic relief but were flat and lackluster.

I do want to say that I am a huge fan of the Sword and Sorcery genre. I have read many of the great books from Robert Jordan, "The Wheel of Time" series, Terry Brooks the "Shannara" series, and as well as the first three Dragon Lance novels by Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman. I really enjoyed those books. So don't get me wrong I do love the genre and I know what it takes to make a good Sword and Sorcery story, yet I was expecting more out of this movie.

The character of the Empress Savina, played by Thora Birch was so visually reminiscent of Queen Amidala from the Phantom Menace that I could not help but be reminded of Amidala every time Birch was on the screen in those over the top costumes.

The story to D&D is real predictable. You know the standard, "OH my God the Princess, Empress-whatever- is in trouble and the evil mean guy is going to ruin everything for her and that will be terrible because she is so nice and concerned about her people-and she's a hot looking unit to boot- so we have to get some reluctant swashbucklers to go through a whole bunch of cool exciting stuff and find a magical thing that will make everything better just in the nick of time before evil mean guy can make the Princess or I mean the Empress lose everything and cry her pretty Hollywood mascara saturated eyes out.

There is a scene in this movie where the character Ridley has to navigate a maze to obtain an important component in finding the magical "thing" to help the Princess err I mean the Empress. This was like a cross from "Return of the Jedi" and all The "Indiana Jones" flicks combined. I couldn't believe there wasn't one original pitfall in the whole thing.

You know I always thought Dragons were supposed to be formidable and intelligent. At least in all the books I read they were. Remember George Lucas's early eighties production of "Dragon Slayer"? That dragon for its time was awesome and fearsome. The Dragons in this movie were so blatantly computer generated that there wasn't anything remotely sentient or frightening about them. I don't know if they want people to think that in the world of Dungeons and Dragons the Dragons look cool as unapologetically CG creations? The grand finale battle scenes were disturbing in that I kept thinking, "What are those X-wing fighters flying around out there?" You see there were so many dragons flying around and spraying fire out causing other dragons to go crashing to earth like jets or X-wing fighters in a dogfight. It was very distracting, as it had no look of realism. It just didn't feel like a movie that took place in the time of Dungeons and Dragons.

By the way did you see the size of that Dwarf?

Wanted (2008)

Preposterous Action and Orgy of Glorified Violence.

[3/10 · 30 June 2008]

A slick looking hyper-adrenaline-rush contrived-flick with an absurdity quotient 15 points off the credibility scale, may entertain some whom may still believe that Mad Max was a real person, and that Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy, and Wrestlmania are real.

Yesh there are fine performances by McAvoy and Mr. Freeman, Jolie looks fine and sultry in a smoky come hither-I'm gonna beat your ass then apply my considerable lippage to yours-kinda way.

But the general premise of a "Fraternity" of Assassins and there naturally gifted enhanced physical abilities wears wispy thin in the opening sequence, where an Assassin can manage to pump up his heart rate and adrenaline so he can run and propel himself through significantly sturdy Office Building plate glass window-with out having to blink or close his eyes-then able to still have enough momentum to streak-in mid air-across almost to another building while shooting pistols and automatic weapons accurately, before losing a few feet of elevation and crash through another plate glass Office building.

The movie attempts to get clever with the plot and doesn't work with any believability at the end, and actually caused me to groan out loud.

Of course this movie has a steady stream of well crafted action sequences that will surely keep most entertained; well those who secretly wish they could be an Assassin with Angelina Jolie as their personal trainer.

The movie manages to directly insult it's audience towards the end, and I was like, "I am no such thing", well that's not exactly what I was thinking but you get the drift.

There is also a laughable attempt at visual allegory towards the end, hinting at the "oh what a tangled web we weave..etc, etc, blah, blah." I don't mind suspending my disbelief on a movie where there is some attempt to explain the unbelievable premise, such as "Ironman" "The Incredible Hulk" etc. but this flick I just couldn't hang with.

The Happening (2008)

It was Happening for me.

[8/10 · 18 June 2008]

I enjoyed this movie knowing I would be in the minority, as I tend to be a bit more discerning in my taste in both books and movies.

It is of course understandable why the masses-who have been raised on the top forty pap of todays commercially engineered fare, where demographics are used to gauge and tweak the final product in order to harvest the highest take at the box office-would dislike this movie.

MNS I consider to be a modern day artist with a great creative imagination. It takes courage to try and produce an original and creative story that would perplex your average run-of-the-mill, garden variety movie goer, who is easier entertained by comic book plot machinations, where the hero and the villain are drawn out for them, requiring nothing of the movie goers own mental participation.

Today our planet, is being inundated with man's scrapping of the planets skin to get at the earthy pustules of fuel, cyclones kill thousands, earthquakes kill more, record tornados, rivers cresting and flooding the mid-west,brain eating lake amoebas, bird flu, mrsa, Ebola, acid rain, flesh eating virus, and man pours millions of tons of contaminates into the air, dumps billions of tons of sewage into the rivers, streams, lakes, and the sea. Last year it snowed in down town Bagdad when it hasn't happened in distant memory, and on the same day a tornado touched down in Vancouer Washington where they have never had tornado's.......so why couldn't the earth evolve a self defense mechanism? Or maybe it has.....and we're beginning to reap the evil we have sown.

It so easy to want to see a movie where the villains are laser toting aliens from outer space, or drug crazed murderers, sporting the latest shades, and cool glocks. Or the glamorized conflicted hero who eventually destroy their Nemesis with violence. These movies of course most be decorated up with the latest special effects, explosions, car chases, and/or erotic couplings to further spike the response of the numbed cerebral cortex's of the programmed movie masses so they fork over their money like zombies.

No one wants to consider that the collective defense of the planet's flora could ever evolve a way to save itself from the planets real enemy.....us. Movie goers do not want to think of themselves as the evil enemy of Mother Earth....because then how could the movie have a happy ending?

This movie also requires the viewer to fill in some of the blanks, MNS doesn't spell it out for you, yet he puts in all the hints, the evidence for you to follow....This is a good satisfying movie, but it is not for everyone. It requires the movie goer to think in the bigger scope of our imagination, where on this bluish orb teeming with life, hurtling through the cold vacuum of eternity, that maybe we really are the earth's terminal illness....and the planet is reacting, with spasms, fevers, and anti bodies..........

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Finally a Romantic Movie for Guys

[7/10 · 16 June 2008]

So often us guys have to endure going to romantic comedies, or date flicks so we can entice the lovely objects of our affection to continue to spend "quality" time with us. And more often then not it comes at an expense that goes beyond the mere dollar value of the excursion. That expense is having to tolerate some rather dubious plots, dialog and an ending you could see coming a mile away on your way to the movie theatre.

Now for a guy a long comes "The Incredible Hulk", and it so lovely a date movie for guys. It has a beautiful intelligent girl, Betty Ross (Liv Tyler) who stands by her man. And no matter how angry and destructive he gets, no matter how unfashionable and tattered his clothes get, she stands by her man; Hulk that is, (Eddie Norton), and though he now only has a rain drenched cave for him to sleep in Betty stays by Hulk's side and even snuggles with him; and together they hold the cold, wet, and lonely dark night at bay.

They wake to face hostile world together.

I sincerely enjoyed this movie, and I am probably the only one who also enjoyed Ang Lee's thoughtful "Hulk". I think that is all right to enjoy both, though they are different interpretations, they both were quite satisfying to me....now if I could only find me a Betty Ross, and I wouldn't have to watch my temper, worry about my ragged clothes, or the dark lair I live in.

10,000 BC (2008)

So real, so accurate, so incredible, so technical, so sucky

[3/10 · 7 March 2008]

I really wanted to like this movie. I went in with an open mind and sat there ready to be entertained. It did not take long for me to begin groaning, and not from butt cramps mind you, but from absurdity.

So let me explain, Okay I thought the opening narrative should have been nixed and perhaps some hieroglyphic style text on some lost cave wall, explaining the legend of the blue eye, but that's just me.

Where I really lost hope was with the Bob Marley tribe of Mammoth Hunters. The dreadlocks threw me for a loop, and I know that maybe, and I emphasis maybe because of antiquated hygiene their hair might turn out that way, but then how did they get their teeth so perfectly artificially white? Then the one gals perfectly waxed eye brows looked very nice, so nice in fact I wondered who in the tribe has the salon? The CGI mammoths and "spear tooths" were okay at best. The beginning hunt scene of the mammoths was so like ah...........well imagine if you were in Alaska and you decided to hunt a grizzly bear and you stabbed Mr. grizzly bear with say ah.......let me see.......why yes you decided to hunt Mr. grizzly bear with a fondue fork and you successfully slay the beast...not sure if you're getting my drift here but alas, alas the most wonderfully delightful tasty absurdity is saved for the very last, and I shan't spoil such a morsel for you.

There were other points of sheer Tom Foolery with the dialog being so modern, I almost expected the lead Bob Morley dude to say, "Let's go bust a cap in their asses".

Anyone remember that movie "Quest for Fire"? Well there was no English nor was there subtitles and that movie came across so much more real, sincere in its execution.

Oh well the good thing is they will probably make a sequel to this called, "9,999 BC", I can hardly wait.......Mmm

Rambo (2008)

Holy Freaking Jumping Violent Catfish

[9/10 · 26 January 2008]

Yeah I know this is Rambo, not Shakspeare, not anything but what it is, and it is what it is, John Rambo. An outcast, ostracized Vietnam Vet. How many of you know any real Vietnam Vets out there? I know a few, my uncle was a Green Beret who served in Nam, he came back alive, but wasn't exactly the Avon Lady, if get my drift.

This movie gave me my bang for my buck. I have also been a Stallone fan, even through the lean times. He's an easy target for ridicule, but he's always delivered the goods.

When I see a movie I know what I'm getting into, like when I saw "Remains of the Day", "Atonement", "Map of the World". or if it's "The Princess Bride", "Lonesome Dove" or the "LotR" trilogy, I know going in. And Stallone has hit another Home run, that's right two Home runs in a row now, "Rocky Balboa" and "Rambo".

Do not go see this movie if you're a cynic, peacock, or self ordained movie snob. Do us, and yourself a favor do not see this. Okay? But if you love "On the edge of your seat action", "Hold your breath tension", "Adrenline pumping" "Old School Nineteen Eightes shoot up action", that pulls no punches; then do your self a favor and put your pedal to the medal, and get on down to the theatre at Warp Factor 9 and treat yourself to an awesome-fun, pure escapism, mindless, popcorn munching great time.

Oh by the way, Stallone YOU ROCK!

The Golden Compass (2007)

Polished Mediocrity

[6/10 · 3 December 2007]

When the movie starts out explaining the whole "dust" deal it was a little flimsy and forced for me, as I kept thinking to myself, "Yeah I know this is an alternate reality, but 'Dust?' I mean so what do they call the stuff they sweep up off their floors?" I know I'm reading too much into it. I'm sorry I did not read the books so I was dependent on the movie to provide enough supporting details so that I could get a handle on the plot. Unfortunately I was spoiled with the LotR's FotR, where there was a very visually powerful, excellent narrative to explain the premise of the story.

Yet there were many things to like about the movie, for me personally it is always a pure pleasure to watch Nicole Kidman, I have been a fan of hers since Moulin Rouge and The Others. Kidman's talents are self evident. However the movie just doesn't take off for me.

Let me say that Sam Elliot can certainly brighten up any film. It was an odd dichotomy with Mr. Elliot's western genre charm in a sci/fi fantasy setting. How could this of worked I asked myself. I didn't let it concern me none too much and just went with it as I really liked his character in this.

The anti religious tones that people have been making a fuss over, are really kind of deeply buried in allegory and metaphors here. So I guess you'd really have to be determined to find them, so I wouldn't let that ruckus play a role in determining to see this movie. As for solely movie entertainment it is well done, but for me it just doesn't have that chemistry or magic like when I saw FotR where I had gone out the next day to see FotR again, and again.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)

LSD Pirates of the Caribbean.

[3/10 · 18 June 2007]

Okay, I know this movie is a HUGE international success, but that don't mean anything. I mean really the majority isn't always right, just check your history for that.

So let's analyze this shallowly "In Depp" flick. Other then the Hollywood contrived turd teeth, there isn't one remotely probable authentic "Pirate trait" anywhere with in a Ka Zillion million one hundred thousand ba billion lite nautical years of this preposterous, pretentious, and decaying gas bloated flick.

Money can buy many things but it cannot buy intrinsic value. But alas my little pretty popcorn munchers, there's so much to be distracted by. There's this, there's that. And there is some off fluff and air puffed frosting. Not to mention it all cost so much to produce. So that alone is worth the fashionable wasting of your time-and easily earned cash-to see, so you can brag, and verbally preen in front of your friends gushing "Oh I saw Pirates and it was three hours long and I had too go to the bathroom much, and often."

Mission: Impossible III (2006)

I'ts a good summer flick, forget the ballyhoo

[8/10 · 14 May 2006]

Okay Tom is high on the media's radar, so what. Come on, didn't he get robbed of an Oscar for "Born on the Fourth of July"? Did he not also get so robbed for an Oscar in "Magnolias"? And so what he's in love with a hot chick. Who hasn't "Sang it, shout it, tell the world about it" when you've been in love. There's worst things to say in the media now-a-days, if you know what I mean.

"Love" it isn't a mean thing. And besides who hasn't done it on a couch?

So here's the deal the movie "M-I-III" is-what-it-is, and that's a summer action movie.

Like duh, it's not pretending to be Shakespeare, or even Shakespeare with Explosions, it is what it claims to be and it delivers the goods. Nuff said.

Lighen up, golly-durn-ding-dang

From Hell (2001)

Remarkable, and original

[8/10 · 10 November 2005]

Is this a cinematic landmark? Not quite, and yet almost. However it doesn't disqualify it from a worthy expenditure of a connoisseur of night movies.

I wish that I could find fault with Depp in general, as I have never agreed with his charmed life's spewage. Yet, unarguably he is phenomenally talented, and it cannot be denied, especially by a US peasant such as myself.

So with that being said, this is a flick that is exceptional in it's scope and is relentless in the free exploration of possibilities of the times.

Controvery, is the least this story, would have been greeted with, had it come out during it's times. Yet it can still rattle a few nerves, while being original, and very will done.

Yeah

A Knight's Tale (2001)

A Good Night of Knightly Fun

[7/10 · 4 November 2005]

A Knights Tale Jesting and Jousting There is no way I should have liked this movie. As a matter of fact I'm astounded that I enjoyed myself so much.

"A Knights Tale" is without a doubt one of the most poorly researched and technically inaccurate timepiece movies to ever hit the screen. The odd thing is that apparently the makers of this film were well aware of these oversights as they also heaped a number of anarchism's on top for good measure.

This movie defines going to the movies for a good time. I think really this movie is more about having a good time enjoying oneself then it is about being a knight and jousting.

The story begins with the death of a aging tournament knight before the final round of a tournament. His three starving squires are in quandary so one of them, William Thatcher, (Heath Ledger, "Ten Things I Hate About You", "The Patriot"), dons the knight suit and ineptly wins the final round of the tournament.

William concocts a hair-brained scheme to masquerade as real knight, arguing, "A man can change his stars" to his two fellow squires. After some hi jinks and carrying on, his partners, Roland, (Mark Addy), and Wat, (Alan Tudky), reluctantly agree.

So they use a portion of their winnings for training and begin training to get William ready for a fast approaching tournament.

On their way to the tournament they encounter the character Chaucer, played with wallowing comic brilliance by Paul Bettany. Chaucer added tons-o-humor and spiced the story up in an unexpected way.

This movie had all the simplistic entertainment tools you could imagine and hammed them up with a drunken relish. There's the courageous love of a father for his son, the goodness and loyalty of friends, forbidden love separated by class, women's equality, unexpected honor by the ruling class, and a bad guy in black.

The use of 70's and 80's rock anthems threw me for a loop, especially in the beginning, which nearly caused me to instantly start hating the movie. Then it occurred to me that, "Oh they're being funny".

So if you are a movie timepiece purist you will be doing yourself, as well as the rest of us, a favor by avoiding "A Knight's Tale". This movie is played for fun and great laughs.

Once again it still amazes me that I could have enjoyed myself so much at this movie. And for the record I was not drunk or on medication either.

Sometimes we experience things that are an unexpected pleasure and generally we don't get over analytical. After seeing "A Knight's Tale" I did spend some time accessing my reasons why I liked this movie so much. Ultimately though I just went with the feeling of "Hey just be thankful something this fun and exciting comes along every now and then."

Tomcats (2001)

Shakespeare move over!

[1/10 · 5 April 2005]

Rare and auspicious are the moments in film-making when greatness stands as a defining monument for the rest of the industry to measure themselves against and for us to immerse in that glorious moment.

Some stories transcend their time and aspire to the lofty reaches of a classic and the stuff of legends. Throw in the refined skills of an ensemble cast of thespians who are at the very top of their game.

"Where has all the originality gone?" It is here, as this story and it's cast sashay through a plot and story that will not only educate but also entertain even the most seasoned of Shakespearean/action/love story connoisseurs.

I cannot begin to imagine where the writers dreamed up this extraordinary tale. Where do geniuses get this kind of inspiration? I now have hope for mankind, knowing that this kind of talent still exists gives me hope that we will make it to the stars and beyond, perhaps to the very gates of heaven.

I have, like others before me, dreamed of greatness. Though I did not write this movie I did see it and because of this movie's noble greatness, I feel as if I have been elevated to a higher level of being, a higher level of spiritual wholeness.

It is no wonder this kind of glory eludes most of us. What would become of our world if we all could attain this level of magnificence? We would probably be consumed in a white fire of super-nova glory as we evolve into trans-dimensional spiritual beings capable of omnipotent creative power.

The most important thing to know, with all your heart and the very essence of your being, is that "Tomcats" is nothing like what I have been talking about. "Tomcats" is the antithesis of all I mentioned. It could very well destroy our world. For as some reviewers rate a movie on a star system, i.e. 1 through 5 stars, or even zero stars, I'm going to rate "Tomcats" a black hole.

I am willing to donate money to a cause that will put a stop to these kinds of atrocities that, as of late, seem to be running amuck at box offices. I'm not even adverse to the use of nuclear weapons. It must stop. How much more of this can we take before aliens from outer space come down here and blow up our planet because we have so many stupid, crass, vulgar, unimaginative, and degrading movies spewing out of Hollywood? I'm not even going to dignify this movie by mentioning anyone's name that starred or produced it. I'm not even going to waste my time describing the story, since we've seen it a ba-zillion times, and all of the past versions were at least a ga-zillion times better.

By the way my head nearly imploded during this movie, but with supreme selfless effort and lots-o-luck I survived to warn the public. You have been warned.

Troy (2004)

Not so bad, not so good.

[5/10 · 18 May 2004]

I'm not sure about the wisdom of casting pretty boy Pitt as Achilles. Though Pitt is extraordinarily talented, as in Snatch, Legends of the Fall, he was not formidable enough to be a legendary Greek warrior. The scene in which Achilles is training his cousin with wood practice swords look so much like the neighbor kids playing around.

I was disappointed with the scene where supposedly Achilles and Hector face off in a battle and everyone stands around to watch as if it was an after school fight in the apple orchard.

I was impressed with Eric Bana's Hector and enjoyed his moments on the screen.

However Orlando Bloom is another pretty boy who was not convincing. I will always fondly remember him as Legolas.

One enjoyable part for me was that I found myself cheering for both Hector and Achilles and was torn by their climatic finale.

Summer eye candy, popcorn munching, sword and sandal epic that, though not great, is light years better then Van Helsing.

Van Helsing (2004)

Oh my God! 110% pure glitzy spilth and detritus

[1/10 · 10 May 2004]

Not since shattering my ankle and pulling my femur out of its hip socket, in a spectacular car wreck, have I experienced such agonizing torture.

The plot and story of Van Helsing is of such an outrageous, far-fetched and preposterous nature that it leaves one staggeringly baffled to where nothing in the movie has any chance of making a lick of sense or have a flicker of appeal.

Hugh why? Oh why did you do it? Is it really all about the money? If it is-so early on in your career-about the money then shame on you.

Kate you're desperate since Pearl Harbor to establish your self. I understand, but really other then looking smashing in that leather corset and awesome hip boots, you didn't do your self any favors.

There's such a massive overwhelming use of sub quality CGI that entire sections of the film are nothing but laughable at best.

There's only the thinnest, wispiest, and flimsiest attempt to explain the gathering together of some legendary monsters. It is just awful, I'm sorry but it is.

I'm ashamed of myself for sitting through this loud piece of monumental balderdash.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Yes loved the books, and I love this Movie..So there

[10/10 · 8 January 2004]

Grand, sweeping, and at times monumental. But nevertheless captures your emotions for the characters in the nostalgic manner, of Tolkien's writing, that makes it-lump-in-your-throat-difficult to say good-bye to these beloved characters.

Yes I will treasure this movie and its predecessors till the end of my days.

Daredevil (2003)

Dumdevil and the League Preposterous Posers

[3/10 · 17 February 2003]

Okay I know it's based on a comic book character. Okay I know it's about a superhero with special powers. But why could Electra jump so far and high? Did she have bionic legs or something. Her legs did look good though.

The fight scenes look so blatantly choreographed it almost seemed like there was a momentary pause in each punch, kick, or block so a cool pose could be struck.

Do you know how hard you would have to throw a paper clip to penetrate the blubbery jowels of bar bum to kill him? Like really, really, super-duper, hypersonic hard. Not like cool Hollywood wrist-flipping Colon Farewell's girly moves.

And what is up with the dialogue? They could have at least tried. And why was the by-day-lawyer such an impotent character?

So here's the deal, if you get biohazard waste sprayed in your eyes, you somehow get this sonar thing as a trade off. And because you can't see anymore you can swan dive fearlessly off skyscrapers, jump great distances because your eyes are gone? Oh okay I see, it all makes perfect sense if you don't think about.

Chicago (2002)

Not Mo-Ro, not great, not bad, just so so.

[4/10 · 5 January 2003]

Musicals had been long absent from the screen, then the wildly smashing and original Moulin Rouge revitalized the genre. Then of course with MoRo's success there's going to be some attempts to cash in on the rejuvenated bandwagon. So with much fanfare and ado "Chicago" is served up, garnished with garish hyperbole.

"Chicago's" story is a back-drop to the song and dance scenes, which is by design because of the nature of musicals. Though "Chicago" is a stylish and polished piece it just does not take off for me. And there's an undeniable traditional Broadway style lurking beneath the entire contrived production, that reminded me why musicals had fallen out of favor, at least with me.

Richard Gere just did not seem natural in the song and dance numbers with his forced rictus like smile. I chuckled to myself and not in the way that the makers had intended when Gere made his appearance. Though I have to give him a nod for enthusiasm.

Zeta-Jones, though phenomenally agile and graceful, looked a little clunky when standing next to the svelte Zellwegger. Both displayed exceptional talent and displayed classic curves and costumes.

My favorite performance was that of the underrated John C. Reilly. His character was both sad and funny, and his song about being invisible was spot on.

But in the final analysis, I found that I was not moved, charmed, nor inspired-by Chicago-the way I had been when I saw "Moulin Rouge". And unfortunately that loud, colorful, and exuberant spectre of "Moulin Rouge" hung over my expectations during my viewing of "Chicago" And I walked away singing, "It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside"

Just Married (2003)

And it already seems like long boring time.

[1/10 · 1 January 2003]

Out of remarkable boredom and having seen every other movie that's out already I talked myself into going to the New's Day "Sneak Preview" of "Just Married". Why I'm now asking myself. Well there is some redeeming aspects such as the chemistry between Ashton Krutcher and Brittany Murphy. Yet sporadic moments of chemistry cannot carry an entire movie. Very formulaic and predictable. And this is one of those movies in which the makers were thoughtful enough to include all the funny scenes in the previews. So in the final analysis "Just Married" is just boring.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

The greatest fantasy film of all time.......so far.

[10/10 · 20 December 2002]

My anticipation and enthusiasm to see this movie propelled me to see the midnight showing at a multiplex where there were 12 sold-out screens all showing at the exact same time. Needless to say it was sheer delightful mayhem.

Consider the first hour and half of TTT to be an eloquent appetizer and sumptuous salad to a filet` mignon and lobster dinner.

As mentioned by an astute earlier reviewer Peter Jackson was so wise to hire "actors" and not "stars", though now those actors-as a result of "LotR"-now are stars.

Beautiful, inspiring, dark, powerful, funny, breath taking, action-packed.

If you do not like fantasy films stay away. If you have not seen The Fellowship of the Ring stay away. All others attendance is required.

Treasure Planet (2002)

Thrilling, awe inspiring, adventure

[10/10 · 5 December 2002]

This movie captured those youthful desires to experience a fantastic adventure. This movie has a great blend of science, fantasy, and adventure. I'm an old school sci/fi fan from the works of Edgar Rice Burroughs John Carter of Mars series where the inhabitants of Mars traveled in flying ships. I think this recipe of Robert Louis Stevenson meets Edgar Rice Burroughs meets Disney is a complete total winning combination. It is disheartening to hear of the poor box office results for "Treasure Planet" opening weekend. DO NOT let those figures put you off from enjoying Disney's best animated movie since "Beauty and the Beast". I gave it 10/10 only because the vote meter does not go to 11

The Ring (2002)

Yikes! I want my mommy.

[8/10 · 4 November 2002]

"The Ring" was a movie that I thought was going to be a waste of time. I had no hopes for "The Ring" as the plot is very similar to a recent release called "feardot.com." Which was a very stylish and effective horror flick.

Basically "The Ring" is about a urban legend of a video that once you watch it you die seven days later. In the movie "feardotcom" once you log in to the site you die in approximately the same time span. There are other plot machinations that also similar which "The Ring" tries to change in a obvious 10 minute tacked on ending.

Unnervingly for me was as the first five minutes of "The Ring" started I was groaning because it reminded me of the start of countless cheap teenage drive inn slasher flicks. With two girls spending the night together alone with the parents out-on-the-town they try to scare each other with urban legends. Then one tells the story of the videotape that once you watch it you die seven days later. What follows was quite creepy and made me realize that director Gore Verbinski wanted to lull you into thinking it was going be a cheap teenage drive inn slasher flick.

One of the girls has actually seen the video, with her boyfriend and a group of their friends. Well you can imagine what their fate is.

Now a relative of the deceased girl, Rachel Keller, Naomi Watts, is an investigative reporter for the Seattle Post Intelligencer, who is asked to look into the strange death. Rachel agrees and soon comes across the video and watches it. Soon Rachel realizes that she's racing against the clock to solve the mystery before her seven days are up. Add to that, her son has accidentally seen the video too.

What follows is one of the creepiest and compelling horror movies I have seen in awhile. Pay attention or you might make the mistake of assuming there are plot holes in the story.

Also the black and white video is an eerie macabre piece of work that was a very effective component to the story.

I do find weakness with the ending as I feel it was a rushed tacked piece to avoid to close a comparison with "feardotcom"

Finally I do want to admit that "The Ring" got me to jump a couple times like I haven't jumped in years. At one point I even launched my bucket of popcorn out of my lap. Embarrassing when that happens to us, however it makes us laugh to be that startled. So I say give "The Ring" a shot.