Change Your Image
breacain
Reviews
Chi Girl (1999)
Terrifyingly brilliant!
Every female should see this movie to get an outsider's view of how some of us can sabotage ourselves so completely. Maybe it should be required viewing in junior high, and then again in college? Maybe men should see it too, just to understand this particular brand of psychosis.
Difficult to watch, but really smart.
If you think you hate men, think dating sucks, and wonder why men only seem to want to date "Barbie types," maybe this is for you. Especially if you fancy yourself smart and cool and wonder why no man appreciates that. The character Heather is played brilliantly and realistically as the girl who gets it all wrong.
Surprise! It's not your big butt keeping men away, it's your attitude! So brush your hair, get out of your sweatpants and enjoy the day!
She's So Lovely (1997)
Truly Lovely
I didn't know what to expect from this film, but whatever I got is about ten times better than whatever I was expecting, if that makes sense.
The characters are so likable. And the acting is just phenomenal. There were several scenes I had to back up and watch again just because some of the layers of small gestures and expressions and emotional choices are so genius, I just couldn't believe how thoughtfully turned out it all was.
(Hint: Watch Penn's face when he is asking his tired, pregnant wife to put on heels and a nice dress for going out. Men, that is how you get your woman to say "YES!")
And I love the theme of honesty in this movie. The characters are all more honest with themselves and each other than anyone you'll meet in the world, and they're also more tolerant of other people's honesty than real people are. It's beautiful, and it's not "brutal" honesty. And everything is beautiful until that honesty is taken away (by good intentions).
Yes, I agree they oversimplified the whole missing ten years thing, but I don't mind because this was such a stunningly original, surprising little love story.
Remarkable.
Oh, and extra credit for including Tito Larriva!
The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
I WALKED OUT. (contains huge spoiler.)
If you loved "The Bourne Identity" As much as I did, save your memories and skip this one.
For me, a huge part of why "Identity" was so great was the interaction between Jason and Marie. (That and the awesome action scenes, right?) So why would any filmmaker with access to such a brilliant talent as Franke Potente (spoiler right here) kill her character in the first fifteen minutes?
Why?
I was so shocked and p***ed. Probably my fault for not reading the books? I hurled my soda at the screen (something I have never done) and I walked out (something else I have never done but regretted not doing for "Hackers.")
Grrrrr... I just got back and I am still as outraged and bewildered as Jason Bourne.
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
IT'S A FINE FLICK, BUT...........
Okay. Okay. I realize this movie is "The Legend of Ron Burgundy" and not "The Legend of Veronica Corningstone." But I couldn't help being just a tiny, tiny bit disappointed. It's a comedy, not a documentary about women in broadcast journalism, and even so, I was dying for it to scratch a little deeper. Will Farrell said he was inspired to write Anchorman when he saw a colleague of Jessica Savitch on TV reminiscing about his loutish behavior. So why not take it a little further? As the credits rolled, there was a listing of journalists who were thanked for their insight.
All men!!!
No mention of the warrior women who survived the real Ron Burgundys! (Who, by the way, make Farrell's character seem like a prince.) Insight from these women could only have enriched the movie. It definitely would have been appropriate to honor these pioneers with a special dedication to Christine Craft, Linda Ellerbee, Connie Chung, Barbara Walters, the late Miss Savitch, or Chris Chubbuck, the anchorwoman who committed suicide on live TV 30 years ago today.
Sex and the City (1998)
Stupid Chicks + Stupid Choices = Big Yawn
Another affront, another show that makes me want to apologize for being female. I don't give a hoot about the alleged controversy in this show. (Conservatives have their warning right there in the title and don't need to froth themselves up over it.) The fashion-slavery wouldn't bother me if the clothes weren't so ugly -- Admit it! And please - SJP has a horse face and the physique of a breadstick. Hoo-boy! What's truly distressing is that these characters are hopelessly dumb and immature ... and they are treated as ROLE MODELS! Excuse me? IF ONLY being a modern, empowered woman of the world could be achieved solely through oodles of casual sex. IF ONLY our biggest problems were dating problems. I think the storylines, the fashions, the navel gazing, the wasting precious time and energy on inappropriate men, might all fit if the characters were all 15 years younger. These broads have been around the block (big, busy Manhattan blocks, lest we forget for two seconds!) far too many times to be this ... pathetic! That's what they are. Pathetic. MY SISTERS, DON'T BUY THE HYPE! YOU CAN ASPIRE TO GREATER THINGS THAN COSMOS AND MANOLOS!
Lush Life (1996)
Only The Good Die Young.
It's been eight years and I am still aching over the loss of "Lush Life." Wonderful characters, struggling urbanites getting by and sharing a cramped but colorful studio apartment in the city. Hysterically funny situations. "Lush Life" was canceled after the first episode, and only three episodes ever aired. I wish I taped them. Did you? Can we work out a deal? This was a truly original and hilarious show. I loved the episode where all their gay friends are trying to pose as Margot's boyfriend to ward off her ex. Or how 'bout when George fakes her own death so her paintings will sell for more money? This was way funnier and way more realistic depiction of being young and poor in the big city than "Friends" or "Sex and the City," two shows that honestly blew.
Christina's House (2000)
So bad it's... bad.
I got the feeling this screenplay was written in like 1977 at the height of teen exploitation slasher flicks, then moldered forgotten on a studio shelf for 25 years or so till someone somehow got it made when someone lost a bet, much like Halle Berry did when she made "Baps." This poor, dumb flick could have been saved with even a teaspoon of wit or irony - anywhere! - the way Freddy Kruger or Buffy the Vampire Slayer do it. The plot was really slow and realllllllly dumb, the characters were incomplete and dull, and the big climactic payoff was not nearly big or surprising enough. Oh, and it was not interesting. Is it the worst movie ever? Hmmm... "Showgirls" and "Coyote Ugly" at least had some itsy little shred of entertainment value - yes, even throwing popcorn at the screen and groaning counts as entertainment. But this does not, so yes. It may be the worst movie ever.
Mischief (1985)
WHY ARE YOU GUYS GIVING THIS MOVIE GOOD REVIEWS?
It's like someone's dad died and left him his collection of 50's LPs, and he said "I know, I'll make a movie. I'll cram every single one of these popular songs into it, and I'll make it like a cross between American Graffiti and Animal House."
Well, someone failed.
There's every cliche in the book. Snotty rich kids, scrappy poor kids, bitchy blondes, boy leaping out girl's window to avoid her parents, and a lot of other stuff that's been done and done. Done before, and done better.
The creators just threw all these random bits and bobs together like a sloppy Winchester Mystery Movie with no sense of flow, and each scene has like three or four different songs, switching music so frequently as to be incredibly annoying.
I am shocked that anyone would watch it twice. Let alone once all the way through.
Erin Brockovich (2000)
good versus evil. good wins.
and the best part is, it's all true.
i was never impressed with julia roberts, and i squawked first and loudest when she won the oscar. i was outraged. then, i finally saw the movie. whoa.
it's an amazing story, an amazing movie, and if you ever see the real erin brockovich in interviews, you'll see that it's an amazing performance.
call me jaded. i am not so shocked at the outrageous stuff pg&e did. but i am shocked that there are people in the world like erin brockovich, people willing to work SO hard for what is right. i literally thank god that people like her share this planet with me.
they should call this movie "see, there are a few good humans left in the world!"
Heist (2001)
What a Sad Waste of Talent! (possible spoilers)
First with the utterly unpleasant "State and Main," it was apparent that Mamet is getting cranky in his old age. And I mean even by Mamet standards, cranky. Now with "Heist," he has gone plain lazy.
It tries very hard to be a slick movie and maybe a subtle homage to the hip gangster movies from the '70s. Unfortunately, they lost me in the first five minutes.
POSSIBLE SPOILER HERE:
The movie starts with a fascinating diamond heist to demonstrate how smooth and professional and experienced Hackman's crew is. All kinds of disguises, secret signals, sleight of hand, drugged security guards... We are gripped. We just know this is gonna be a great movie. Then the job, along with the movie, falls apart when they are spotted by ... a security camera.
You mean to tell me a crew as sharp as this couldn't have anticipated a security camera?
I just couldn't believe it. The characters make other dumb amateur mistakes, too, that are totally untrue to who we're told they are. It's just sad to see such brilliant people (I'm talking to you, Mr. Rockwell!) embarrassing themselves in this slipshod chunk of junk.
Mr. Mamet, I think you've exhausted our turf. You've done all you can do with smooth crooks and dirty liars and the dark side of human nature. If you can't try a new avenue, maybe you should take a break.
A long, long break.
Mr. Wrong (1996)
a comedy about domestic violence? that is WRONG!
I always thought Ellen DeGeneres was so much better and smarter than this.
Whose idea was it?
I'm all for laughing into the abyss, politically incorrect stuff, gallows humor, etc. Would I have liked this movie any better if it had succeeded on that level? I don't know.
But really.
Who said "okay" to a movie about a woman who is drugged and kidnapped at gunpoint by a deranged suitor who convinces her family and friends to help him force a wedding on her because he loves her and she is the one who is crazy?
This has happened more than once out here in the real world, and it hasn't been funny yet.
Shame on everyone involved in this clueless, insensitive waste of time.
Lilo & Stitch (2002)
Pass the poi, mahalo!
This is a fantastic movie, not even so much for the plot (okay) or the characters (great) but for the world we get to visit: Hawaii! But it's even better than the real Hawaii - it's a Hawaii without bugs, without the ungodly heat, and with only a few tourists. It's so charming, and the dreamy watercolor backgrounds are so stunningly beautiful, I am ready to get on a plane!
Of course, Uncle Walt had bigtime "issues" and the parents, as in most Disney flicks, are dead. In my opinion, most Disney movies have elements that are just too dark for a kid under age 10. I seriously question whether it's appropriate to ask a small child (the target audience, here) to deal with concepts as scary as being taken away from your family by a social worker, but at least it's a *whole* lot gentler than Bambi! (I would *never* subject a child to Bambi.)
Enjoy it. I'm off to shop for a surfboard!
Smooth Talk (1985)
Typical.
It's a cautionary tale from the rich old white men of Hollywood (and from JCO, whom I've never quite trusted anyway): Women, don't leave the house! It's a dangerous world out there!
Starts out as a quality flick, and it captures *perfectly* this totally giddy, intoxicating stage of life where you're a kid in an adult body, kissing boys and buying sexy clothes.
Then it becomes practically every movie ever made, and the young woman is punished terribly for her sexual curiosity. So terribly that we infer she will wind up a reclusive old maid, like her sister, and stay living with her parents til a very late age indeed.
I call it Thelma and Louise syndrome. Will someone please give me a movie about a strong woman, in charge of her life and her sexuality, who is not physically or spiritually killed in the end? Sheesh!
The Kids in the Hall (1988)
IT'S NOT TV, IT'S A LIFE PHILOSOPHY!
This is the bestest, most funniest, most stupendously brilliant, clever, weird show ever, and I miss it dearly. But I will happily watch a rerun of K.I.T.H. over a new episode of almost any other show, even if I can recite most of the sketches from memory. It's truly daring, groundbreaking comedy. Genuine risks were taken. I hope television historians give them the recognition they deserve. Plus it's the best drag you'll ever see! I adore these guys and now that K.I.T.H. is done, I enjoy following their solo careers like the demented, obsessive fan that I am!
"Good night, Son. Sleep tight, and always remember: I can murder you in your sleep."
Gilda Radner: It's Always Something (2002)
Wowie wow wow wow!
it should have been awful.
it was a dangerous premise, having mostly unknown actors portray legends, most of whom are still living. (belushi and all the other original snl cast, plus eugene levy, gene wilder, and more.)
these guys did faithful, believable renditions. (i.e. the gene wilder guy had the speech patterns down pat. and the belushi guy resisted the urge to play it loud and cartoonish.)
prepare to be disappointed by some of belushi and murray's behavior. to respect lorne michaels. to admire laraine newman.
but most of all, prepare to fall madly, deeply in love with gene wilder.
from everything i know, the storytelling was journalistically accurate, and despite the unhappy ending, it is not a sad movie.
it got a little surreal watching these impostors do recreations of classic snl sketches. i kept waiting to be offended or have my intelligence insulted or to get bored.
i loved it from beginning to end. i hope they rerun it so i can make everyone i know watch it.
Life or Something Like It (2002)
Charming, yes. Predictable, okay. Still GREAT.
If you read my other reviews you know I hate chick flicks. I loved this movie and I found it unexpectedly deep. The scene with Jolie in her pyjamas getting all of Seattle, including riot police, to sing "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" had the whole theater laughing and applauding hysterically. It was a fun ride and surprisingly moving.
The Sweetest Thing (2002)
This is how real women date in the big bad city. Get over it!
I barely registered the tacky grossout jokes because I was so moved by the relationships between the characters and the fun of it all. Not to mention a couple genuine surprises and no holes in the plot. And I would not compare it to the very irritating and unreal "Sex and the City." I saw "The Sweetest Thing" with my best girlfriend. We laughed our tails off, then danced out of the theater. It's too bad that everyone who sees this flick seems to obsess on the raunchier bits because my girl Nancy Pimental has actually given us a pretty accurate portrayal of real adult women living in the 21st century. Interesting how deeply that seems to threaten so many reviewers. Makes me sad.
Gidget (1965)
Doesn't anyone know anything about this show?
I am hopelessly addicted to this show, which is way before my time and whose reruns never reach my local TV market. I am fascinated by the stunningly progressive messages that pop up, more in the earliest episodes, I think. (Gidget is such a free thinker, and she can be very good at asserting herself.) They are frequently obliterated or directly contradicted by the old fashioned values of the day, (Gidget takes shop, learns to fix cars expertly, but doesn't apply those skills later when her date's car breaks down, because it's unfeminine) and I am wondering who was writing the scripts? What was going on?
The Opposite of Sex (1998)
DON ROOS = WOMAN HATER
After seeing this nasty, depressing little waste of time that wallows in the absolute worst of human nature, I looked up Roos' resume and I now see that he obviously has severe, deep-seated Mommy Issues or somesuch because virtually every female in everything he writes is either evil, crazy or utterly pathetic. What a shame. All these brilliant actors in a story so unpleasant, playing characters (the women anyway) so hard to like or understand. There is no silver lining in this dark cloud of a movie. It is obvious that women are scary and confusing to Mr. Roos. If he ever develops a close relationship with a real live female, he'll probably be able to write them better. I'm not going to hold my breath. I'm just going to avoid his projects. Hey Don: Suck my left one you bitter, spiteful misogynist bitch.
Sports Night (1998)
Such a beautiful failure...
I can see why this wonderful show flopped.
At its best it's so packed with endearing characters, natural acting, compelling plots, masterful comedy and snappy dialogue, it's a lot like eating the richest chocolate in the world. You just can't eat more then one bite, no matter how much you enjoy it.
And, okay, at its worst Sports Night is a little like watching a child genius tapdancing and playing a tuba while reciting an original sonnet and shouting "look at me! I'm ever so clever!"
Hence: I love Sports Night. I am pleased it found a home on Comedy Central. And I simply can't watch it.
Sorry!
The Sopranos (1999)
Won't somebody please criticize this show?
It's good, but let's keep our grip, people.
I am waiting (and waiting) to hear anyone, anywhere say anything - no matter how small - negative about this admittedly excellent show. (Notice I got bupkis here but come on - even excellent shows have their weak spots, amirite?)
Or are you afraid you'll get ... dealt with?
Friends (1994)
JUST HORRIFYING
This show has always rubbed me the wrong way and I finally figured out why: These characters are just too petty and cruel. Perhaps that's why they each have only five friends to their name! (Four for Ross and Monica, hahaha!) Matthew Perry makes the show tolerable. The rest of 'em can rot.
Where the Heart Is (2000)
MAY GOD IN HIS INFINITE MERCY FORGIVE THE PRODUCERS
Good God what a load of crap. I cannot believe the rave reviews this stinky pile of poo is getting here. When guys gripe about chick flicks, this is exactly what they are talking about. And it makes me think: Is this really what my fellow chicks like? Really? Manipulative, poorly executed tripe. It is especially offensive because Portman and Judd and the rest of the cast are so talented. You wouldn't know it if this was the only flick you saw them in. (I'd only recently forgiven Judd for the unberable "Ruby in Paradise." Two strikes, Ashley!) I know I was supposed to care about the characters. The long pauses, teary closeups and Indigo Girls soundtrack told me so. This movie never came close to moving me. It's one of those that seems custome made for the Lifetime Channel. (Why do women in the 21st century still tolerate "women's movies" made by men and centered around weak, stupid victim-chicks refusing to take charge of their own lives?) It's two hour insult that made me ashamed to be female.
Me Myself I (1999)
Honestly Inspiring
The comparisons to "Sliding Doors" (which literally put me to sleep) and "Family Man" (which was not as good as "Me Myself I") are simplistic and inaccurate. Btw, this movie is also not another "It's a Wonderful Life." This may be the best chick flick ever made, but I promise it won't make men gag! It's funny and interesting enough to be relevant to a lot of people. Neither of the two lives Pamela experiences is particularly good, and what lingers with me long after seeing the film is how this everygirl takes charge of her reality, takes responsibility for her fate. It was, in a word, empowering. And now if you'll excuse me I have to go punch myself in the head for using the word "empowering." While i'm doing that, you should definitely rent this one.
Sex and the City (1998)
Stupid Chicks + Stupid Choices = Big Yawn
Another affront, another show that makes me want to apologize for being female. I don't give a hoot about the alleged controversy in this show. (Conservatives have their warning right there in the title and don't need to froth themselves up over it.) The fashion-slavery wouldn't bother me if the clothes weren't so ugly -- Admit it! And please - SJP has a horse face and the physique of a breadstick. Hoo-boy! What's truly distressing is that these characters are hopelessly dumb and immature ... and they are treated as ROLE MODELS! Excuse me? IF ONLY being a modern, empowered woman of the world could be achieved solely through oodles of casual sex. IF ONLY our biggest problems were dating problems. I think the storylines, the fashions, the navel gazing, the wasting precious time and energy on inappropriate men, might all fit if the characters were all 15 years younger. These broads have been around the block (big, busy Manhattan blocks, lest we forget for two seconds!) far too many times to be this ... pathetic! That's what they are. Pathetic. MY SISTERS, DON'T BUY THE HYPE! YOU CAN ASPIRE TO GREATER THINGS THAN COSMOS AND MANOLOS!