iron t Reviews

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Oh my God!

[28 November 2002]

I could not finish this movie! I turned it off after 70 minutes and I have NEVER given up on any movie no matter how excruciating it was (and I watch a LOT of movies). But I could not comprehend me sitting through 2 more hours of this. It's no surprise I didn't like it since I couldn't finish reading the book in high school either ( and it was for a class.) I now know I couldn't be a professional film critic because it would mean having to sit through the next two installments.

The Sixth Sense (1999)

worst film of the year

[7/10 · 26 August 1999]

Here's a homework assignment for everyone who has hyperventilated with hyperbole over this film and praised its ending. Go read Ambrose Bierce's short story, OCCURRENCE AT OWL CREEK BRIDGE, and then rent Adrian Lyne's JACOB'S LADDER. And if neither of them surprised or shocked you, then you will know how I felt after watching this trash. There is nothing scary, enlightening or moving about this film. It's a sugar-coated, sappy film with no edge at all, and strictly for fans of GHOST. The so-called twist does not redeem it at all and there is just nothing good I can say about SIXTH SENSE.

Point Break (1991)

Best bad movie ever made

[1/10 · 26 August 1999]

This flick is to big budget films what PLAN 9 and ROBOT MONSTER were to low budget films: laughably entertaining! Just listen to the plot: a former football star joins the FBI and his first assignment is to see if a group of surfers are responsible for a "wave" of bank robberies where the suspects are dressed like ex-presidents (a device lifted from BEST SELLER). For absolutely no reason, the surfers skydive. The philosophical soliloquies by their leader Bodhi are hysterical and would make Rodin cringe. it's a shame this movie is so bad because Kathryn Bigelow does a good job directing it. Keanu Reeves isn't a believable hero, and his ignorance makes the POLICE ACADEMY crew look professional. Swayze and his surfers aren't credible villains, because let's face it, you watch their activities and you see a bunch of alienated kids looking for a good time rather some truly cold blooded criminals. The skydiving scenes seem thrown in because the producers couldn't find a rational place for them in any other film. They must have said "this film is bad enough on paper, we might as well throw this into the mix." All in all, a wipeout, but if you want a better film with a similar premise, check out STONE COLD with a REAL former football star, and villains who are believable in their ruthlessness.

The Last Boy Scout (1991)

cynicism and sarcasm distinguish it

[8/10 · 26 August 1999]

The plot about an assassination attempt on a politician so that pro sports gambling can be legal isn't the stuff of great action pictures. However, this picture works because of the cynical sarcasm of the two lead characters (something I can relate to). It results in some great dialogue, and despite their negativity, Joe and Jimmy (Willis and Wayans) both have codes of honor that are admirable. Shane Black's script retains the edge that his LETHAL WEAPON had that was absent from the sequels (which he didn't write). The technical elements are well handled here too.

Fallen (1998)

very unoriginal

[3/10 · 20 August 1999]

I'd have given this film four stars if not for the fact that it's the exact same movie as THE FIRST POWER, which was exactly the same as SHOCKER, which was very similar to THE HORROR SHOW, which copied a lot from THE HIDDEN. If you haven't seen these, you're probably among those who have praised FALLEN. And if you haven't seen FALLEN, check one of those underappreciated films out instead.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Overhype didn't hurt it

[7/10 · 19 August 1999]

I saw this on a double bill with SIXTH SENSE at the drive-in, and based on user comments, I thought I would hate this one and like SIXTH SENSE. But the opposite is true. It's not the scariest movie ever, but it is creepy and is a testament to today's Hollywood mentality that you don't need ARMAGEDDON-sized budgets to make a good hit film. The independent film community should be proud of this accomplishment. the tension that develops is realistically portrayed, but the ending doesn't hit as hard as I thought it would. Fans of this film should go rent 84 CHARLIE MOPIC, a mock Vietnam documentary done in very much the same style as this.

The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Good, but hardly a classic

[7/10 · 13 August 1999]

calling this the scariest movie ever made or one of the best is a bit much. What it is is a suspenseful, well acted thriller with a villain who is physically as well as verbally aggressive (kind of a rarity). It's also noteworthy for giving us a tough, but still vulnerable heroine (also a rarity). But I don't understand why people applaud his escape at the end; to me it's just as much of a cheat as so many horror movies where the killer is seen in the last frames. I also don't think Lecter is as scary as Scorpio in DIRTY HARRY or THE HITCHER's John Ryder. But as a horror fan, I was glad to see a lot of respect paid by the Academy to this.

Wild Things (1998)

It's not just a sleazy thriller

[7/10 · 10 August 1999]

I finally saw this almost 18 months after it first came out. Everybody made it sound like the only reason to watch is for the sleazy elements. They're great and all, but they neglected to mention that this is right up there with MARATHON MAN and BLOOD SIMPLE for having good plot twists throughout. John McNaughton continues to be a director to watch for.

The Gauntlet (1977)

Not his best film, but the most entertaining

[1 August 1999]

This is my favorite Clint Eastwood movie. The story is predictable by today's standards (it was basically remade as MIDNIGHT RUN), but in 1977 it had a lot of original ideas. The police department head as villain was still a fresh concept. The action scenes are excellent, as is the cinematography of the desert southwest. The actual gauntlet during the finale is still an amazing sequence that hasn't been topped. Plus you get the usual witty dialogue.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

Lucas' heart wasn't in this one

[4/10 · 27 May 1999]

Okay, there are two kinds of people. There are those who consider the STAR WARS saga to be one of the eight wonders of the world, then there are those like myself who enjoyed the trilogy, but have don't see the need to watch over and over and over.... I can only give the latter category a marginal recommendation on this. Sure, all the technical elements are there for special effects, but there's less of a good story in this one. The origin story of this whole new trilogy is only going to appeal to the fanatics. The fact that Lucas held off on this one because he wanted to wait for advanced computer effects tells me where his heart is. This film is more upbeat than THE MATRIX, but both films comment on today's society that is so impersonal and only wants to provide you with the best technology can offer as a way to avoid personal interaction. While MATRIX conveys this message within the film, MENACE conveys this message in the sense that there are no strong characters with traits you remember after it's over. You only remember some of the neat imagery. In summary, I'm in no hurry to see episode 2.

The Patriot (1998)

Seagal's weakest

[22 May 1999]

Hey, it's perfectly okay with me when action stars try something different, but many fail because of weak stories. Case in point, this eco-thriller with a high body count (38) but virtually no fight scenes. Surprisingly, less than 1% of the body count is courtesy of the master. Thus, so much of this film depends on the story, but it's not very involving due to sketchy villains. End result: a disappointment. Although this never made it to theatres, hopefully we haven't seen the last of his big screen capers. Seagal, listen to your fans and not your critics! Go back to action films.

Fire Down Below (1997)

Pretty restrained

[21 May 1999]

Bad guys trying to destroy the environment never learn their lesson, and Seagal apparently didn't learn his from ON DEADLY GROUND. This is a more restrained film, but suffers from the same heavy-handedness, not to mention fight scenes that are sped up for no reason. Maybe today's stuntmen can't handle him anymore? It's not all bad though, because you do get to see the master stand up and play guitar in front of a crowd at a hoedown.

The Glimmer Man (1996)

Classic seagal

[21 May 1999]

Seagal doesn't try anything he shouldn't here. Just another action-packed 90 minutes of excitement. The story has some plot holes in it unfortunately, but seeing Seagal in his original, non-preachy style makes this worth it and easy to overlook the flaws. Recommended to fans who were disappointed by THE PATRIOT.

Executive Decision (1996)

*** stars

[7/10 · 21 May 1999]

Have you noticed all Seagal movies are never longer than 105 minutes? That's because the man doesn't waste time. If he hadn't got killed 40 minutes into this one, the movie would have been a lot shorter as he would have efficiently wiped out these hijackers. Despite that, this is a reasonably suspenseful "assemble the squad" action flick. Seagal's the best action star around, but it might help his box office career if took some more supporting roles like this one.

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995)

Nobody does it better

[10/10 · 21 May 1999]

Carly Simon may have been referring to James Bond in her 1977 hit, "Nobody Does It Better," but she could just as easily been referring to Seagal. Some people had the gall to say John Maclaine made Rambo look like a wimp when DIE HARD came out. Let me tell you, Rybeck makes Maclaine look as tough as a breakaway vase. The hostage storyline may be old, but watching Seagal handle all the bad guys so quickly and efficiently is more exciting than watching Maclaine jump off a building any day. The train wreck finale is much more exciting than Richard Kimble's train dodging in THE FUGITIVE. Rybeck actually jumps from car to car as each one blows up behind him on a bridge, and then grabs a ladder on a helicopter. Indiana Jones would've died trying that one. To reiterate, Seagal leaves every action star in the dust.

On Deadly Ground (1994)

Too heavy handed

[21 May 1999]

"I don't want to have to resort to violence!" And Seagal proves it by blowing up half of Alaska! Technically, he did a very good job directing this (all the pyrotechnics, fight scenes and cinematography are good). The heavy handed script makes this one of his lesser efforts, despite some clever commando tactics left over from UNDER SIEGE. Nonetheless, I would rather watch an inferior Seagal movie than most anything from Bruce Willis, Harrison Ford or Nicolas Cage.

Under Siege (1992)

Biggest doesn't necessarily mean best

[8/10 · 21 May 1999]

Seagal's most popular film isn't his best, mainly because there is less aikido in this one, and more shootouts. Still, his commando tactics are exciting to watch as he plays tiger and mouse with some clever villains. Another problem: Tommy Lee Jones never recovered from this role. Everything he's done since is the same as Stranxis, including his Oscar winning FUGITIVE part. And people complain about Seagal stretching his roles!

Out for Justice (1991)

edgier than usual

[21 May 1999]

Seagal's ex-mobster turned cop character gives this revenge flick a unique touch. It also works because of William Forsythe's great wacko performance as the crack smoking mobster Seagal is after. The fight scenes are great as usual.

Marked for Death (1990)

Action packed

[21 May 1999]

Seagal goes to confession early in this one and actually tries reforming, but when Jamaican drug dealers target him and his family, well... he has a relapse. A perfect example of the kind of action picture he does best: short, simple and lots of good action scenes. And I have to admit, I wasn't expecting the little plot twist at the end.

Hard to Kill (1990)

a solid revenge picture

[21 May 1999]

This has the proper elements for a good revenge picture: a sympathetic lead, and villains you want to see taken care of. after this one though, Seagal didn't always try to make three dimensional characters, but it's ok because the unique way he handles situations is the reason to watch his films. Sure, the bad guys anticipate everyone else's moves too much, but the story draws you in enough to not let it bother you.

Die Hard (1988)

Influential but flawed

[7/10 · 21 May 1999]

Some people talk about this film as if it's one of the all time best. It's certainly been very influential, but let's not overlook some of the flaws. Too much time is spent on stupid supporting characters who don't believe what's going on. It detracts from what should be a breathless pace. Keeping all the action in one locale is kind of boring. I liked the sequel better because the action shifted around a lot. Hans is a villain in the Bond tradition, but the fact that he goes through this much trouble just for some money wasn't very convincing to me, nor did it make him despisable enough. STILL, I do like this film, but I just prefer action heroes who are larger than life. Three dimensional action heroes tend to come across as unbelievable to me.

Above the Law (1988)

Seagal's best

[21 May 1999]

Seagal has given us some of the best action movies ever, but in this case, the first is still the best. the action scenes are still electrifying, and the story makes a valid point without being heavy-handed like some of his later features. Solid support from Sharon Stone, Pam Grier and Henry Silva also helps.

There's Something About Mary (1998)

* star

[1/10 · 20 May 1999]

By the time I saw this, I had heard about all the allegedly funny scenes, and they're not even funny to start with. The Farelly Brothers movies are getting progressively worse. I wouldn't have considered this material funny as a teenager. And I'm no conservative either (I've seen Andrew Dice Clay in concert). It's unfair to call it "this generation's ANIMAL HOUSE." At least that film broke some new ground; MARY has much of the humor that critics who praised this film hated in films such as PORKY'S. When bad taste goes mainstream like this, it has no shock value anymore, it becomes just plain lousy like most of the sitcoms that pollute our airwaves.

Pulp Fiction (1994)

worst movie ever

[1/10 · 20 May 1999]

After 4 years, I still consider this the worst movie I have ever seen. I have yet to watch any thing else with QT's name attached to it. Everything about this film is annoying, (the presence of the ubiquitous Sam Jackson and Steve Buscemi, the weak attempts at shock value, the cameo by the director) but the one element that makes this number one on my all time worst list is the obnoxious dialogue that tries to be hip and funny. THREE'S COMPANY reruns have better dialogue (and I hate that show). It's such a shame though, because QT and I do have a lot of the same obscure tastes in movies. My advice is to try a project that tries not to be shocking, funny or hip, because PULP FICTION fails in all three departments miserably.

Extreme Prejudice (1987)

Classic Walter Hill

[10/10 · 20 May 1999]

Walter Hill is my favorite director, and I like the way he combined the best elements of APOCALYPSE NOW, DIRTY DOZEN, LONE WOLF MCQUADE and THE WILD BUNCH into one energetic movie. Most of his trademarks are here: macho dialogue, weak females, loud handguns, and multiple bullet holes in all victims. There's also a good supporting cast of familiar character actors, a decent Jerry Goldsmith score and great cinematography of the Tex-Mex border.