Kooblie-Gooblie Reviews

Don't Wake the Dead (2008)

Der Flying Guillotine

[5/10 · 2 March 2009]

A group of girls go to a castle to help an old friend set up for a rock concert, but when they arrive they find out that they are there on the 66th anniversary of a Nazi séance that brought dead Templar knights back to life. The Templars return from the dead but so do the Nazis. Then a descendant of one of the men who fought the Nazis shows up and fights the undead using skills he gained in the Orient. Sound confusing? Well it is.

Andreas Schnaas's new movie is easily his best looking but like most of his previous ones, Don't Wake the Dead is way too complex for its own good, has way too much nonsense (the final battle is intercut against a 10-minute rock concert) and is edited poorly. There are several great actors in this movie, and many who are very hard to understand (like Demonium). The castle they are in looks amazing and the Templars look great, appearing like a nod to the Blind Dead films.

It is not a good movie, but if you want a lot of cheesy gore, nudity, and the Shaw brothers Flying Guillotine for some reason - this is the movie for you. It defies all convention, which - after all - makes it a Schnaas movie.

Barricade (2007 Video)

Cool gory movie from Germany. Worth watching!

[7/10 · 6 April 2007]

I am a big horror movies fan and I followed this movie for a while on myspace. I like German splatter movies and I was excited about this one. I never saw any of Timo Rose's movies before. When i saw it, I was not surprised at all. It is like most German splat movies but with more gore than most of them. I thought it was really cool.

Some friends go into the woods and get attacked by cannibals. It is not an original plot but it is fun in this movie. Germany looks really pretty and the editing is cool. It is definitely better than most direct-to-DVD stuff that gets made anymore.

I would recommend this movie to any gore fans out there. Even though the acting is not great, it is better than most z-movies. It is great for some friends to sit down and watch with some beer. You will laugh at the cheesiness and gag at the gore.

Premutos: The Fallen Angel (1997)

Great gory fun on no budget at all!

[7/10 · 6 April 2007]

This is one of the goriest movies ever made. it is really low budget and looks amateur sometimes, but it is still really awesome.

I have seen this movie many times and I always laugh at the cheesiness, but I love the splatter. There is so much gore in this film, it will shock you.

The best thing is that when the film is over, there is actually a counter to show you how many people were killed in the movie. You can tell by that that they weren't taking themselves seriously.

It involves demons and archangels and buckets of blood. Any fans of German horror will love it.

7 out of 10!

Nikos the Impaler (2003)

Schnaas' best yet

[8/10 · 21 May 2003]

Nikos the Impaler is without a doubt Schnaas best film. After his Violent S*** movies and the relatively tame Demonium, Nikos the Impaler is a breath of fresh air in the otherwise dying genre of the gore film.

The movie stars Andreas Schnaas as Nikos the Impaler, a barbarian from Romania that history has forgotten. In the beginning, we see him killed by a group of peasants and he eats his own guts. Nasty, but only the beginning. He swears he will return and in typical horror movie fashion, he sure does.

He is brought back at an art gallery that is having a display of Romanian artwork. Once resurrected, he starts chopping up everyone in sight. No one is safe from him, as he splits college students, gallery guests, and the elderly into gory chunks. One guy has his face chopped in half. Another has her entire body split in two. Very good stuff all around!

After a while, Nikos takes it to the streets and starting causing a mess all over New York. He goes to a health club, a movie theater, a dyke bar, a video store, and wanders the streets killing anyone and everyone he finds. I think this when the movie really shines, as it starts getting really funny. That's right, funny.

Nikos is essentially a comedy in the vein of Peter Jacksons Dead/Alive. There is so much gore, you simply have to laugh at it. It surpasses being disgusting and turns into a weird slapstick comedy that is simply impossible to resist.

The acting in the movie is pretty bad, but there is no reason to care. Schnaas says ten words in the whole movie, most of which you cannot understand. Felissa Rose of Sleepaway Camp does a good job as the only straight-faced character (until the NINJAS show up!). Joe Zaso of Demonium is a major ham, but it works well in the surreal surroundings. The college guys are very funny, although most of their "sweet" and "dude" dialogue seems ad-libbed. The gallery guests are all extremely varied. Some work, some don't. The gallery owner seems to have trouble with her lines and looks like a older Barbie doll from the 1940s. The art critic chews up his scenes with lots of profanity. The fat guy slurs his lines with plenty of machismo. The cops all seem really funny.

All in all, the film is pretty amazing. It is painfully obvious how low budget the film is, but they seem to stretch every dollar to its absolut limit. The police wear poofy hats that look like were civil war props. A superimposed New York skyline is hilariously out of place behind screaming characters. And the final showdown takes place in an alley that looks like it came from an old stage production.

Don't let this make you stray, though. These faults are by no means bad things. They make the movie even more fun to watch. Nikos the Impaler is truly one of those pictures that is so deliciously bad, its good. Stereotypical characters, cheesy plot, wacky gore... a real b-movie fan simply cannot ask for more these days. This movie is the least-trendy, most in-your-face film I have seen in ages.

Good work, Andreas Schnaas! Now make me a sequel!

House on Haunted Hill (1999)

Just when you thought horror was dead...

[10/10 · 4 November 1999]

Along comes HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL. Okay, it might not be a remake, but it certainly lives up to the high expectations of the Vincent Price original. Not only does this film have some of the all-out creepiest scenes in cinematic history, but it's also chock full of gore, comedy, and surprisingly good acting. As a fan of both Jeffrey Combs and Geoffrey Rush, I was most pleased with their excellent performances. However, I was shocked to find myself laughing at Chris Kattan, who I'm sure many of us have had a death wish for since NIGHT AT THE ROXBURY came out. Well, regardless, HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL is a fantastic new horror film that should become an instant hit. Perhaps the re-emergence of actually creepy horror will strike a nerve in Hollywood and we fans could see more films like this. Congrats to Dark Castle Entertainment for an amazing first film! I hope all the others are just as good!

Anthropophagous 2000 (1999)

Gory low-budget at its best!!!

[10/10 · 18 October 1999]

Critics and fans alike can rejoice with this, the newest feature from Germany's master of low-budget scares, Andreas Schnaas.

ANTHROPOPHAGOUS 2000 is nasty, gruesome, and just completely sickening, but certainly fun to watch. Filmed with completely professional actors and in some gorgeous locations, its really true that Andreas has taken leaps and bounds in filmmaking. This worthy remake of THE GRIM REAPER could use only one thing - a U.S. release! Maybe then, fans could see the beauty of some true German madness!!!

Erotic Nights of the Living Dead (1980)

Pointless dirty fun

[14 September 1999]

Okay, PORNO HOLOCAUST certainly isn't going to win any awards, but it's a fun, dirty movie from a classic director. Joe D'Amato has given us some REAL characters in a totally insane situation, but wallows in the fact that it's all in good fun. The players continually screw their brains out until they reach the deserted jungle island... at which time they continue screwing. The film builds to a climax (no pun intended) when a well-endowed native man appears to crush a few skulls and choke some folks to death. Then we've got MORE SEX, a little violence, and... you guessed it... MORE SEX! It may be the lowest form of entertainment, vulgar, and completely inappropriate, but who cares??? It's fun!

Bog (1979)

Look, look! Hey, look over there! Look!

[29 August 1999]

There must be many different ways to look at BOG. I, however, can't find any of them. One has to wonder why the creators of this cinematic gem never chose to insert a "The" before the title, why an actress obviously plays two parts, or why the titular "bog" in question is actually a lake. Possibly the only defining moments in this film can be seen during the preview. Pay special attention to the cop who, completely off-cue, screams out "Look, look! Hey, look over there! Look!" Now there's some classic dialogue.

The Wax Mask (1997)

A good film, but could have been better...

[3 July 1999]

THE WAX MASK starts out promising enough with a group of police officers inspecting a grisly double murder on the eve of New Year's, but quickly spirals downward into your typical slasher film by the grand finale. Although the film is full of incredible sights and above-average special effects, the characters aren't quite structured enough to hold one's interest for more than a half hour. It is also the first 30 minutes of the movie that hold the best scares as a smartass brothel patron finds himself locked inside the wax museum on a dark and stormy night. Director Sergio Stivaletti took certain liberties with Gaston Leroux' original tale, but the outcome is somewhat refreshing. The mixture of both classic prosthetic make-up and computer generated effects is blended together seamlessly and leaves the audience with a new understanding of the classic tale "Terror in the Wax Museum." So aside from its faults, THE WAX MASK is a fun, spooky jaunt from those mad minds in Italy. If ever stuck inside on a dark and stormy night, this one may be right up your alley.

Violent Shit (1989)

Violent indeed, shit... no.

[10/10 · 28 March 1999]

Although I was a bit hesitant when first watching VIOLENT SHIT, I soon found myself absorbed in the henious murders that Karl begins comitting about halfway through the film. The budget may have been very low and the acting (even in German) is a joke, but the special effects take the cake with this sweet baby. Not only is there one of the nastiest decapitations in film history, but we're also treated to the most gruesome visions of dismemberment, splaying, castration, and torture ever put to film! Keep the film muted, strip yourself of moviemaking standards, and sit back. VIOLENT SHIT is frighteningly gory fun!