Hotbody Reviews

Hard Candy (2005)

Great acting! Plot... Not so hot...

[5/10 · 24 April 2006]

The acting was top notch. I must say, the performance of some (Patrick Wilson and Ellen Page) of the five listed actors was phenomenal. On the other hand, if you want a plausible plot, look elsewhere. I suppose with a bit more research the writer, Brian Wilson, could have tightened up the major inconsistencies that turned an interesting premise into a movie that we tried so hard to like but could not except for the acting.

The idea of a 14-year-old pedophile stalker unleashing havoc upon a 32 year old "short eyes" who happens to be a photographer could be somewhat appealing. However, maybe this is due to both main characters are sick individuals, the idea of common sense self preservation skills appear to be lacking. In addition, the neighbor (Sandra Oh) makes an appearance in the movie that goes absolutely nowhere, her role was completely unnecessary and added nothing to the movie.

Basically, after a fair amount of creepy pedophile meets Lolita in heat kind of activity the movie starts going downhill in an ever-increasing rate. The psychological drama becomes stranger as the characters develop. The kid toucher (Jeff) pulls as many verbal tricks of manipulation that backfire under the great amusement of the psychopathic little nymph. The little girl (Hayley) is ripe with sarcasm and the occasional game being played in return.

The whole thing falls apart if anyone cares to think about what they are watching. The character development leaves too many unanswered questions. The characters need much more explanation than what the movie ends with. I believe this could have been done without dumbing anything down.

As it is, the movie was reasonably shot. The cliché CCD camera effects do not add anything. The premise is unbelievable due to the number flaws of the plot. The only hope for this movie is that the subject matter of the plot is "shocking" enough to get a little attention. However, anyone who wants a plausible and solid plot, go watch something else and hope that this movie is rewritten.

8 Mile (2002)

Critics agree, it's a movie...

[5/10 · 26 March 2003]

Yo... Come on now...

8 mile's a flick bout shae whitee in da hood, Creative mix mastering vocals are understood,

Poetry slams to music ain't really nothing new, Paying $8 buck a ticket could make you wanna stew,

Rent it if you have to, don't expect nuttin fresh, I'd enjoyed it a lot more to see someone slamming John Tesh.

Yawn... White boy in trailer park with alcoholic mom does slams in da hood. Shae whitee has some brother friends, a dumb friend and racial hostility. Has ex-girlfriend for no appearant reason. Meets new girl with stupid hairdo. New girl sleeps with everything. Gangs are in there to attempt to make some sort of story other than "Trailer Trash Goes to Recording Studio".

Will the real Slim Shadee please stand up? (and go back to your trailer...)

100 Kilos (2001 Video)

Some movies are good enough to go straight to video release.

[2/10 · 3 February 2003]

Yo! Da ghetto boyz r in da hood. Deyz in da houze. Deyz everywhere...

Ok, we all (more or less) know about Ronand Regan and company all having some involvement in selling drugs for the Contra Rebels. Yes this was the biggest case of political corruptness the United States has ever seen and will ever see for some time. Of course since all the media for the most part are owned by global corporations that have no interest in doing stories on a subject matter that protrays them in a bad light, we heard very little about it (unless you went to independant news sources like the Guardian).

As awful a crime as this was (govt essentially brokering deals to bring in drugs to the urban areas for sales to raise funds for military projects abroad), this movie was worse. I won't go into the 3 digit budget this film commands. I won't go into the fine cinematography or the well written and scripted plot. It sucked, plain and simple. If you have nothing better than assisted breathing to do, then this fime might be on your, "i'll get around to it someday but I am in no rush" list.

A couple of urban boyz (when not on a well kept tennis court) decided to do something better in life other than stealing cars for a living. So they sold drugs. Sold more drugs, read poorly scripted curse words, drove a nonfunctioning prop car around and met the cast of Super Fly and I am Gonna Git You Sucka.

If life is like this in the urban world (I haven't seen anything like this in LA, Baltimore, DC or NYC) then basically the boyz need to get up of their asses and stop being in movies like this. Selling drugs looks like a good idea compared to being in a movie like this. In addition most of the people inthis movie used fake names out of embarrassment I suspect. Alan Smithee even used a fake name for this film.

There's Something About Mary (1998)

There's something about crap.

[1/10 · 3 November 2002]

I laughed (quite guffaws) twice during this movie. If it could have sucked worse, I might have been impressed. But in a culture that thinks that Jerry Sinefeld and Carrottop are funny (they are the same person to me). The story could have been told in five minutes and it could have been told by Cameron Diaz wearing a tight shirt with no bra jumping on a trampoline and would have had the same box office numbers, if not better. I felt like I lost 10 hours of life watching this disaster of a video. Watching "Route 666" was a better use of time.

In the Bedroom (2001)

Sucks, sucks, sucks!

[2/10 · 15 January 2002]

Joel and the bots should see this movie. This movie could have been done in five minutes leaving the rest on the cutting room floor. Older woman, younger guy, psycho ex, concerned parents... Doesn't take a rocket scientist nor even a sub orbital-space engineer to figure out this boring piece of tripe.

Pearl Harbor (2001)

What a piece of garbage!?!?

[1/10 · 23 June 2001]

If I want to see revisionist history, I'll watch any version of Titanic. The special effects were ok by today's standards, but sitting through a pathetic, sappy and predictable love story for a few hours to watch a few minutes of special effects, is insane. I would suggest, if you are forced at gunpoint, to get your ticket... Do anything for a few hours and then head in for the last 40 mins or so of the movie. You will feel much better not having wasted 3 hours of your life.

Pearl Harbor (2001)

Titanic done Disney...

[1/10 · 29 May 2001]

This movie is a huge waste of time. I saw it for free and I want my time back. This movie is garbage. 2 1/2 hours of love story and 30 mins of special effects does not cut it for a WW2 movie. If you want to see a good WW2 movie, go see Tora, Tora, Tora. The idea of fictional characters in a historical setting is idiotic, especially in this movie. Disney have managed to insult everyone, especially the veterans of this war in making garbage like this. Disney should stick to animated films for children instead of polluting history with garbage like this.

The love story made me puke. This movie should not have been written around an historical event. It was mostly fiction. Don't waste your time or money.

The Journey: Absolution (1997)

Richard Grieco, a tough guy... BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

[1/10 · 9 October 2000]

Joel and the robots could have a field day with this piece of tripe. Dick (21 Jump Street) Grieco has either put on weight or is wearing a padded shirt. None the less, Dick is supposed to be a tough military dude, yet he obviously has a few hours a day to pluck those dainty eyebrows of his. This movie takes place in a military base in a frozen wasteland (in many ways it resembles Grieco's acting career). An uppity punk discovers a secret society within the base and after watching the ritual, my eyes started to bleed. Please, if there is a god, destroy this film.

Omega Doom (1996)

Somebody, please stop Rutger Hauer!

[3/10 · 12 September 2000]

In a dark and dismal world, Rutger has obviously found passage through a land of endless fatty food buffets. This movie was bad enough on its own, but add a nearly comical robot to be cut to pieces, a gun, a bunch of women borrowed from a Robert Palmer video set (and almost as active), and a waddling Rutger Hauer; what do you have? Something Troma would have refused to release on their Sex & Violence office webcam.

Of Unknown Origin (1983)

Three words: spiked baseball bat

[10/10 · 4 June 2000]

Take a "B" movie idea and put it together with clever cinematography, good acting and a reasonable budget, and you will have one of the finest movies of this genre ever made. Peter Weller basically does a one man job on this movie. I have a new found respect for him after this. In this move he plays a straight arrow guy, generally normal, likes to research before making a move. A pretty normal guy however, in this movie we get to enjoy the breakdown of his being while he has to come to terms with the forces of nature (or the Super Natural or Xeno Nature). For everyone who has ever gotten frustrated by a hellish problem or works in a job that should have more cathartic releases, see this movie!

The Omega Code (1999)

My Son was sacrificed for this?

[1/10 · 5 March 2000]

MAN DAMN IT! This movie should be expunged from existance. It was so bad it made Mary's eyes bleed! This movie was a huge waste on money. I hope the religious right sponsers for this flop get crucified. The only way this could have been worse is if el Diablo (adam sandler) was paid $20million to be in this movie.

Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)

I will buy this masterpiece on DVD

[10/10 · 15 August 1999]

I could have sworn the Coen brothers meet Mr. Tarentino and came up with this brilliant film. I loved this film as a dark comedy about the world of competition, capitalism, and christianity. It is a hilarious warped approach to the perverted world of beauty pagents. The plot is simple enough, a 'survival of the fittest' predator trying to dominate through intimidation and dirty tricks, succumbs to good and wholesome virtue, and general good character.

In reality the far right will get their panties in a bunch by this film since their spokesmodel loses. The general good nature of the K. Dunst's character prevails overall.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978)

Raping?

[10/10 · 13 August 1999]

This is one of the cult classics of fine fag^H^H^H er... fruit films. What else is there to be said about this shining example of what you can do with no budget and a helicopter accident on film? A fine example of why we are trying to forget the 70's and bell bottoms. Needless to say, don't watch this film with any expectations. Viva la puberty love!

Dark Star (1974)

Benson Arizona, the same stars in the sky...

[10/10 · 13 August 1999]

Their best work (John Carpenter and Dan O'Bannon). Never since their college days (1973) have they produced a finer film. Certainly the low budget ($20,000 ?) produced the finest per buck extravaganza. The beachball which was the finest alien, in which you can see many similarities in the horrific HR Giger Alien. All of the genius in this film was so obvious that it may have been missed and then seen in later films.

Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)

So close to reality, it's scary

[10/10 · 26 July 1999]

One of the finest movies ever! A true to life documentary about the gun wielding Lutherans in Minnesota and the scary world of beauty pagents! This is a MUST SEE!!! Stop wasting your time reading this, go and see it NOW! Also, its nice to see that W. Szeto can have a job outside of Mad TV...

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

Humor on many levels

[10/10 · 4 July 1999]

Trey Parker and co. are once again, surpassing the standards of movie making. South Park is hilarious on so many different levels, I will have to go see it a few more times just so that I can attempt to wrest everything out of this movie. On the basest most guttoral level there is the general South Park humor, which amounts to Bevis and Butthead style potty jokes. Buries only a skinflap deeper, are the associations with Les Miserables, Little Mermaid, Star Wars and a pleathora of others. Even more so, the raised erect finger at self important and ever finger pointing entities such as the MPAA and all the f*cking censors and right winged finatics are jibed at as well. These guys (Parker and Stone) are too intelligent for most of the ba****ds you might run across. Oh well, take your ginko biloba and hope to be able to follow this film. Don't get stuck on the obvious.

Wild Wild West (1999)

4 days and counting

[3/10 · 4 July 1999]

Yawn, nothing to think about in this movie. A movie for the masses with 4 days to kill. Bring a sleeping bag because the movie drags on and on. W. Smith is even more boring and less character than when he was in ID4. Mr. Smith, never do anything less than Men In Black ever again! This movie bites.

Big Daddy (1999)

How can Sandler keep getting work?

[1/10 · 27 June 1999]

Adam Sandler, once again he proves that you cannot go broke underestimating the taste of the US public. There must be hypnosis used to draw people to his movies. What I saw was entirely forgettable. Aside from someone slapping their kid around because they wouldn't stop talking (in the audience), there was nothing of mention in the movie. Adam Sandler makes Pauly Shore sound entertaining. If you liked 'Water Boy,' 'Biodome,' or 'Manos, Hands of Fate' you might be able to enjoy this film...

The Spanish Prisoner (1997)

Not bad, hence 7

[7/10 · 25 January 1999]

This movie wasn't bad, but was not enveloping. I felt this was far too scripted and not acted. Too much like an apathetic play and not of the caliber of some of the actors. In no way can this be related to Fargo...

There's Something About Mary (1998)

You cannot under-estimate the taste of the US public

[1/10 · 16 January 1999]

This movie sucks. Dumb and Dumber was art compared to crap like this. I cannot express how poor "Something About Mary" was. If criminal sentences could be handed out for making movies that should never have been made, this movie would earn a stiff penalty. I like movies in poor taste (Pink Flamingos) or juvenile comedy (Basketball) but crap like "something about mary" should not have lasted longer than its first showing.

There's Something About Mary (1998)

There's something wrong about Mary

[1/10 · 12 October 1998]

Finally, a movie has come out that proves that one cannot under-estimate the taste of the population. "Dumb and Dumber" was feeble, but we got exactly what the title called it. On hearing all the rave reviews of "There's Something About Mary", I, like the mindless consumer I am once in a while, took the bait and lost $7 and a few hours. I would have been more satisfied giving the money to a homeless person to support a drug habit, at least someone would have enjoyed that for a little while.

"There's Something About Mary" was slow, and was about as funny as current SNL. Seven bucks for about as many weak laughs was not worth it. "Dune" was funnier than this...

L.A. Confidential (1997)

An excellent movie if you leave early.

[6/10 · 31 July 1998]

The movie was excellent. It was very well done, except the movie gives too much information at the end. I'd rather think about what happened than to be told everything. The end of the movie was for those who did not pay any attention to the plot.