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Reviews
Gangster No. 1 (2000)
Can't Decide
I liked everything about this move, with one exception, and I can't decide if it's nitpicking or not. Malcolm McDowell is wonderful and I was impressed with Paul Bettany, but they just don't look alike, especially since everyone knows exactly how McDowell looked in 1968. It just bothered me that the other actors, especially Thewlis, had an excellent makeup job done, while Bettany was simply replaced. I mean, it might've looked ok if it was set in, say, 2030, but by 1999, Gangster 55 looks much older than everybody, but then, he was a tortured soul....
No Such Thing (2001)
I feel sorry for these people
I don't usually look at user comments, but I had to see all the people who got tricked into seeing a Hal Hartley movie thinking they were going to see the girl teach the monster about love and how great it feels to use its powers for good and how society can learn to not judge people by what's on the outside. Anyway, I thought it would be funny, but it's more sad. At least maybe Hal Hartley got some of their money, and that's a good thing. 9/10
The Mummy and the Cowpuncher (1912)
Punch that Cow!
Boy, the cows go flying in this one, but thanks to the mummy, everything ends up okay.
Cool Hand Luke (1967)
Top-notch Egg Movie
I was on edge the whole time...Would he eat all 50 eggs? I was like Kennedy; I thought he could do it. On the other hand I could see how the others had their doubts. You'll have to see for yourself, but I promise you won't be disappointed in the climax to this stunning egg melodrama.
Virus (1999)
Not bad enough (the problem with these big star movies)
Normally, I expect a movie of this genre to fit one of the following criteria: (1)actually suspenseful, (2)intentionally funny (esp. one-liners), or (3)unintentionally funny. This movie, like virtually all of its predecessors, doesn't even come close to (1), but who would expect it to? Its attempts at humor ("whoa, he's gone postal!") are so miserable that they almost fall into category (3). But the main problem is one this movie shares with so many of its major studio pals: the acting, dialogue, effects, etc. are just not bad enough to make me laugh. If a movie is going to fail on every other level, then it should just go for the glory and be all-out stupid. See Deep Rising for an example of how to get both (2) and (3) done right at the same time. (Also, the big ending boat explosion is better by orders of magnitude.) If you want to see (3) done really well, see Biohazard: the Alien Force. Steve Latshaw is the master of this.
Then again, the big robot was pretty cool.
Biohazard: The Alien Force (1994)
A post-euclidean tour de force
I never thought that a straight to video, EP format film could be so engrossingly luscious. The sparse, unembellished dialougue would make Hemingway proud, and the Faulkneresque surrealism tops it off. A bold, yet flawless combination results. For example, when the bio-baby's mother uses a basketball under her shirt to simulate pregnancy, the sport's inherent physical violence foreshadows the creature's ultimate nature. Conversely, when the four-door Pontiac, just before being struck by the missile, is replaced by a two-door Buick, it becomes apparent that means of this sort will only reveal the chaos that must ensue whenever anyone employs violence. The only virtue of the car which remains unchanged is its color, red, which needs no explanation. Similarly, when the editor inverts the negative of the crashing helicopter, well, the imagery is readily apparent. This film, while disturbing, will forever change not only the way you look at filmmaking, but your view of life itself.