Pagan Warrior (2019) User Reviews

British Krampus

[selfdestructo · 4/10 · 20 April 2023]

Yikes! If you're a fan of bad cinema, this one's definitely good for a few laughs.

A band of, I don't know, FIVE vikings, overtake an English castle by hunting down its royalty (consisting of, I don't know, 5 people)... all of them, medieval fair rejects. So the king ("Rollo" the candy snack) is rescued by a couple witches, and they summon Krampus, the Yuletide Demon, to get the castle back!

No shortage of awful dialogue, and it is OBSCENE the number of times the curse is explained (and it's a simple one). The witches even blunder the whole thing. It's kind of unclear when this all takes place, as there is a typo in the introduction. Apparently the casting pool was thin (not just for the obvious reasons I described); The accents are all over the place. The two witches are from completely different regions, I swear the queen is Indian and speaks in an Indian accent (linkedin says she's English), and one of the vikings distinctly speaks with an American accent on occasion. Worth a buck at Dollar Tree (and no more).

They will kill everything.

[nogodnomasters · 1/10 · 20 February 2020]

In the year 812 Sussex (1812 in one place) the Vikings threaten and take over the castle. King Rollo makes a deal with the Yule Devil to rid the land of the Vikings, a tidbit the history books missed.

The film was made by Renaissance Fair rejects who had no skills in acting. The fight choreography was the worst since "Dolemite". A horrible film from start to finish.

Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.

Gut busting claptrap

[Woodyanders · 8/10 · 7 December 2021]

A gang of savage Vikings made up of about six people (!) somehow manage to take over a Saxon castle. The disgraced King Rollo asks a helpful witch to conjure up lethal yule demon Krampus (Darrell Griggs in gnarly make-up) to kill everyone in the castle.

Directors Nick Minaj and Louisa Warren treat the ridiculous story with jaw-dropping seriousness, thereby ensuring that this ludicrous tosh is an absolute howler from start to finish. Moreover, the clunky swordfights, broadly drawn villains, and hammy overacting from the Vikings further enhance the overall abundant unintentional hilarity. A total schlocky hoot and a half!

'Pagan Warrior' needs to be on your B-Movie naughty list, Yule be mythically mad to miss it!!!!

[Weirdling_Wolf · 7/10 · 8 April 2022]

A Saxon castle is miraculously overrun by a weirdly miniscule band of marauding 'Vikings', King Rollo (Peter Cosgrove) and his queen are grievously injured and his beloved daughter Avery (Jessica O'Toole) are crudely captured by the shouty, weasel-faced Ubbe (Carey Thring), the king's badly gored, terminally ailing body is hexed back to life by a pair of mumsy wood-dwelling witches and a fateful bargain is made with a hell-summoned, black-mawed Krampus (Darrell Griggs) to slay his outlander enemies and rightfully reclaim his throne, needless to say it all goes epically and hilariously Pete Tong! Going after Pagan Warrior's myriad failings is no less sporting than shooting outsized salmon in a barrel with a bazooka, but it is the director's bizarre lack of irony and witheringly earnest seriousness that ultimately won me over, as 'Pagan Warrior' is endearing rather than cinematically competent, much like a toddler's first, frantic attempts at art is outwardly encouraged, but is inwardly ruthlessly satirized!

What you effectively have here is a game group of overeager chums boisterously Larping about in the country, the undernourished 'Vikings' look like Sabaton groupies, while the majestically bearded Peter Cosgrove vaingloriously attempts his best Sean Harris impression as King Rollo, the 'acting' only rarely rises above the monotonous mumblings of a school nativity play, but the penurious producers wisely invested their Poundland budget in the creepily charismatic, Viking slaying Krampus , proving to be a remarkably effective beastie, a toothsomely theatrical terror that colourfully channels Mortiis and 'Funny man' to amusing effect. The plucky can-do film-makers all deserve a Blue Peter badge for their elephantine efforts, as it takes some bulletproof chutzpah to attempt a period Blood n' Thunder Viking romance with a camcorder and 4 months' lunch money! But, I am wholly convinced it is the inadvertently hilarious film's heroic absurdity that should deservedly earn it a loyal legion of wrong-headed Z-movie fanatics!

Psychotronic-minded aficionados of 'The Room', 'Plan 9 from Outer Space' and 'Robot Monster' are, perhaps, the ideal beer-sozzled demographic for the more esoteric pleasures to be found in 'Pagan Warrior', but it must also be said that I clearly have more faith in 'Pagan Warrior' than the disingenuous designers of the artwork, since it erroneously features two suitably steely-looking characters that absolutely do not appear in the film! 'Pagan Warrior' needs to be on your B-Movie naughty list, Yule be mythically mad to miss it!!!!

The next Santa Claus vs The Martians?

[dcsimm9 · 10/10 · 1 January 2021]

Ok, so this movie is awful. The writing is awful, the acting is awful, the camera work is awful, the editing is awful, the make-up is awful... But to this movie's credit, it's great fun to mock while under the influence of certain substances.

Vikings vs Krampus!

[parry_na · 7/10 · 20 February 2021]

Louisa Warren, who previously produced such horror fare as 2018's 'Curse of the Scarecrow' and 'Tooth Fairy' the following year, releases her most accomplished film to date - and there's no doubting the scale of its ambition. This is one of six films she directed in 2019 and quite easily my favourite of those I have seen.

It's a mixed bag to be sure, with many of its problems occurring because of obvious low budget (mainly a small cast of actors trying to look like a horde), but some details are sloppy too. The date given for the setting is given as 812 and 1812 at the beginning, and in the end credits, the monster of the piece is billed both as 'Krampas' and 'Krampus'.

That's the negatives out of the way for the most part. The location is stunning, the storyline is nicely paced. The various deaths (some of which take ages) are fairly bloodless, relying on gooey sound effects to convey non-present gore (my guess is they didn't want to stain the costumes with fake gore). There are some terrific overhead shots. But the main praise goes to the main man, Krampus: Darrell Griggs gives a terrific, towering performance sporting a supreme make-up job which even survives the scrutiny of harsh daylight filming (pity it didn't stretch to his comparatively human-looking hands though).

Far from perfect, this is nevertheless a good solid production that deserves support. I just wish they'd stuck with the original title - 'Vikings vs. Krampus' is a cracker! My score is 7 out of 10.

Awesome!

[richard-calvert-408-173982 · 10/10 · 26 June 2020]

This is exactly what I wanted. I wanted blood, gore, drama, hack and slash and that's what I got. Film is here to entertain and I was very entertained. More viking movies please and thanks!