Royal Pains (TV Series)

Pilot (2009)

Paulo Costanzo: Evan R. Lawson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Hank Lawson : [looking at the not-so-grand hotel where they're going to stay]  Fit for a king, huh?

  Evan Lawson : Uh, I didn't say which country.

• Evan Lawson : [speaking into his phone]  Note to self: Become a doctor.

• Hank Lawson : You really came prepared.

  Divya : Core wound care, home diagnostics, infusion I.V.

  Hank Lawson : Why does a P.A. drive around with them in her trunk?

  Divya : Well, they were on sale.

  Hank Lawson : Divya.

  Divya : Look, I want to show you all I can bring to the table. I mean, besides my work ethic, my knowledge of the Hamptons, my relationships with the locals...

  Evan Lawson : [interrupts]  Your superbly well-toned figure.

  Divya : Don't objectify me, sidekick.

• Evan Lawson : What's my favorite sport, Hank?

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Extreme social climbing?

  Evan Lawson : [brief pause]  Yeah. Yeah.

• Evan Lawson : Bro, this is where God would party.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : [trying to speak over the noise]  If he could get in.

• Hank Lawson : Trip? What trip?

  Evan Lawson : Are you kidding? To the Hamptons! I've been telling you about this all month.

  Hank Lawson : Yeah, and all month I've been saying "No way."

  Evan Lawson : I thought you meant no way like "No WAY!"

  Hank Lawson : I haven't meant it that way since I was ten.

• Hank Lawson : Why would I want to spend tonight partying with a bunch of people whose biggest problems revolve around whether or not to send their Yorkshire terriers to therapy, huh? Give me one decent reason.

  Evan Lawson : I'm gonna give you two. You're all out of booze.

  Hank Lawson : Oh.

  Evan Lawson : Two, Netflix froze your account.

• Evan Lawson : [finding a beautiful woman knocking at the front door]  I'm still asleep, right?

  April : Um, I'm looking for Hank.

  Evan Lawson : Not if it's MY dream you're not.

• Evan Lawson : Come to the party, okay? Come on. It's an evening with New Parts Newberg. Like, how exclusive does THAT sound?

  Hank Lawson : Consider me excluded.

  Evan Lawson : What're you gonna do here?

  Hank Lawson : Relax. Think.

  Evan Lawson : Okay, cool, well, think hard - or not too hard. Whatever's better for me. But just so you know, as your brother and accountant...

  Hank Lawson : Get out or you'll cease to be either one.

  Evan Lawson : Bam. I love ya.

  Hank Lawson : I like you.

  Evan Lawson : [exiting]  Have fun with your thoughts.

• [Snaps a picture of April] 

  Evan Lawson : Sorry. I just gotta... send that to...

  Evan Lawson : [to himself]  ... everyone I've ever met.

• [a couple of pretty girls pass by] 

  Evan Lawson : How are ya?

  Dr. Hank Lawson : [semi-appalled]  Dude, they can't even vote.

  Evan Lawson : What?... What?

  Dr. Hank Lawson : It's just wrong.

• Evan Lawson : Honestly, it smells so bad... It smells like a moose had sex with a bucket of Chinese food in here, like musty... and you kind of look like Jesus and Patrick Dempsey had a child, and that child grew older and then got really sick.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : That's weird.