My Family (TV Series)

One of the Boys (2007)

Zoë Wanamaker: Susan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Susan Harper : Look, all I'm trying to say is if you go through life with your head in the sand, all people will see is an ass.

• Ben : Did I ever tell you when me and Charlie stole a keg of beer from the college bar?

  Susan Harper : And it exploded in the back seat of the car?

  Ben : And right here...

  Susan Harper : ...you still have the scar? No, you never told me.

• Ben : [about college]  Oh yeah! Those were the best years of my life!

  Susan Harper : [Gives Ben a stern look] 

  Ben : Before I met you, obviously!

• Susan Harper : Ben, I know you're excited Charlie's back from the States, but can you make sure you're here to say hello to Nerys?

  Ben : Yep, yep! Course! Nerys? Nerys? Who's Nerys?

  Susan Harper : Roger's mum.

  Ben : Roger's got a mother?

  Susan Harper : I know. It was a shock for me too. I thought he was reared by the Teletubbies!

• Ben : Did I ever tell you when me and Charlie went cow tipping?

  Susan Harper : Cow tipping? What's cow tipping?

  Ben : Cow is sleep in field, push cow, cow falls over, pfft - cow tipping!

  Susan Harper : You mean like fly tipping?

  Ben : Yeah... what?

  Susan Harper : And the cow fell on you?

  Ben : Yep! And right here...

  Susan Harper : You still have the scar?

  Susan Harper : Yeah...

• Janey : You know my friend Amanda with the shop? Well, she wants to sell me a share in the property while she's off travelling!

  Susan Harper : What kind of shop?

  Janey : Vintage clothing. Stuff from the 60s and 70s.

  Susan Harper : Oh, you should look in your father's wardrobe! How much do you need?

  Janey : It's the big thing.

  Susan Harper : How much?

  Janey : Did I mention it'll sell itself?

  Susan Harper : How much?

  Janey : £10,000.

  Ben : [Sniggers]  I said we should cut out this pointless preamble!

  Janey : Guys, I'm a reliable investment! You can trust me with your money!

  Ben : I'd sooner trust Nick Leeson with my money!

• Janey : I've already fixed a meeting with the bank on Wednesday. They'll give me the loan. I've got a business plan that'll knock them sideways!

  Susan Harper : Good for you, darling! But you might want to take a balaclava and a shotgun!

• Charlie Briggs : [about her sex change]  If Ben's the same chap I knew, this is going to be a bit of a shock to him.

  Susan Harper : Trust me, he's the same chap! Go on, give us a twirl! Fantastic!

  Charlie Briggs : So you do think this is going to throw him?

  Susan Harper : Charlie, he gets thrown when I buy him a new toothbrush!

• Charlie Briggs : Susan, you know him better than anyone. I was hoping that you could help me break this to him.

  Susan Harper : It'll put him on edge and make him really uncomfortable.

  Charlie Briggs : I understand.

  Susan Harper : No, I'd be delighted!

• Susan Harper : You know, Charlie? I really admire what you've done. You're very brave.

  Charlie Briggs : This is easy. You're married to Ben - now that's real courage!

• Ben : Why did you do it?

  Charlie Briggs : I just was unhappy. Do you know what it's like to wake up miserable every single day?

  Ben : [pause]  No, I... But Charlie, if you were that depressed, why didn't you have a glass of Scotch like the rest of us?

  Susan Harper : And that's why Ben's a dentist, not a psychiatrist.

• Ben : It just seems so weird, you know. I mean, you know, me and Charlie used to hang out in the students union bar, see bands, get drunk together...

  Susan Harper : And you can't do that with a woman?

  Ben : Yeah, er, no... It's just not the same, though, is it?

  Susan Harper : Why not? I can get drunk with the best of them.

  Ben : You don't have to tell me - three kids bear testament to that!

• Susan Harper : [Pins Roger down on the table]  Right, Roger! Do you love Abi?

  Roger Bailey : Er... yes!

  Susan Harper : Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?

  Roger Bailey : But, er... yes!

  Susan Harper : Do you want you and your mother to resemble a Krankies tribute act in 20 years' time?

  Roger Bailey : Yes! I mean, no! Er... I don't think so!

  Susan Harper : Right, then! Sort it out with Abi - before you lose her!

  Roger Bailey : Point taken, Susan! If somewhat, harshly delivered!

• Ben : Tell me it's not true, Susan!

  Susan Harper : I'm afraid it is!

  Ben : Oh, come on! Mikey!

  Michael Harper : Sorry, dad!

  Ben : The world is such an unjust place!

  Susan Harper : Don't you think you're overreacting slightly?

  Ben : But they would have been happy in Wales! Couldn't you still convince them?

  Susan Harper : I'm afraid not. Roger told Nerys he loved Abi and that they wanted to stay down here!

  Ben : But they wanted to go yesterday. What changed their minds?

  Susan Harper : Search me.