Soap (TV Series)

Episode #3.22 (1980)

Billy Crystal: Jodie Dallas

Quotes 

• [at the custody hearing, Carol has spun a manipulative lie in court, reducing everyone, including Jodie's lawyer, to tears] 

  Mallou : That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

  Jodie : It's a fairy tale. It's not real.

  Mallou : Neither is "Bambi". Doesn't matter, it's moving, isn't it? Remember the bunny?

• [Carol and her mother have shamelessly perjured against Jodie at the custody hearing] 

  Jodie : What do these notes mean we've been taking? What good are they? What good are these law books, for god's sakes? Nobody tells the truth around here! I mean am I going mad, or what?

  Judge Small : Restrain him! Restrain him, please.

  [the bailiffs grab Jodie] 

  Jodie : Why don't you just tar and feather me, for god's sakes.

  Judge Small : Mr. Dallas, one more word out of you and I am gonna hold you in contempt!

  Jodie : Only one more word? I have plenty of more words, your honor! How about mockery and disgrace?

  [the bailiffs start to drag Jodie out] 

  Jodie : Because I've been hearing these words since this travesty began!