My Family (TV Series)

The Last Supper (2001)

Zoë Wanamaker: Susan Harper

Quotes 

• Priest : You can't argue someone to death.

  Susan : Yes, you can.

  Priest : No, you can't.

  Susan : Well, that's your opinion!

  Priest : Yes, it is.

  Susan : Well, you're wrong!

  Priest : In God's eyes, you're not guilty.

  Susan : Oh, what does He Know?

• Janey Harper : Uh, Mum, I can't believe it. One dead guy, and all of a sudden you've gone goth.

  Susan : Does everything, no matter how awful, come down to fashion?

  Janey Harper : Well, yeah.

• [First lines - Susan is dressed as one of The Beatles] 

  Ben : Don't tell me - you've done something with your hair.

  Susan : I'm happy one of us is enjoying my humiliation!

  Ben : And I'm happy if you're happy.

  Susan : Well, I'm not! I can't believe they're making us wear these stupid costumes!

  Ben : I don't know. It's not so bad.

  Susan : Yesterday, I was a Beefeater.

  Ben : Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...

  Susan : I'm serious, Ben! Ever since that American company took over, it's been miserable!

  Ben : Oh.

  Susan : They have me cramming in more tours, hawking cheap souvenirs and working longer hours.

  Ben : I know, it's like you've been working 'Eight Days A Week' and... it's... it's not fair.

  Susan : Don't do that again!

  Ben : No, I'll 'Let It... ' drop.

• Susan : My boss is coming for dinner, so I want some help cleaning up around here.

  Michael Harper : I think the place looks OK.

  Susan : Which is why you wear glasses! This place is a mess!

  Janey Harper : No, it's not. It looks lived-in.

  Susan : By a herd of goats!

• Susan : I need you to clean the guest toilet.

  Ben : Why? Why clean the guest toilet? We only clean the guest toilet when we've got a gun... we've got a guest?

  Susan : Scott phoned from the airport. I invited him round for dinner.

  Ben : Ah, Susan. Look, does it have to be tonight? I mean, couldn't Scott come round for dinner another night... Scott? Who's Scott?

  Susan : You know Scott Tailor, my new boss?

  Ben : Oh, yeah. I know him as 'that cretinous toad'.

  Susan : He's in from America and he wants to dine in a typical English home with typical English food.

  Ben : Oh. What's he coming here for, then?

  Susan : Ben, much as I'd love to engage in witty repartee with you, I don't have the time and you don't have the wit.

• Susan : Nick!

  Nick Harper : [Tries to run from Susan, but fails]  Love to help, mum. But I've got this fake limp.

  Susan : Fake limp?

  Nick Harper : I'm sorry. I'm a really bad liar, so why waste our time?

  Susan : Get £20 from my purse and take Janey and Michael out for dinner.

  Nick Harper : £20? Do you think £20 will do it?

  Susan : Alright, £30.

  Nick Harper : Ah, only £30? Do I have to remind you of my fake disability?

  Susan : £40!

  Ben : [from the other room]  £50 if you leave now!

  Susan : Aaah! Another week's work done!

• Susan : Don't take Michael out to a pub.

  Nick Harper : Oh, come on, mum! I know better than to do something like that!

  Ben : What? The last time, you tried to pass him off as a midget!

• Scott Tailor : [Eats Susan's shepherd's pie]  Mmmm! That is delicious!

  Ben : Really?

  Susan : Some people appreciate fine cuisine!

  Scott Tailor : I haven't had a meal this tasty since the chicken supreme on easyJet!

  [Susan frowns and Ben smiles] 

• Susan : I was... I was... I was *this* close!

  Ben : Hmm? What, to losing your job?

  Susan : To winning him over. I've got him on the ropes.

  Ben : You've got him in our bed - with acid reflux, whatever that is.

  Susan : Come on. There is a bright side to all of this.

  Ben : Susan, he's wearing my bath robes, using my toothbrush, sleeping on my pillow. That is not a bright side. That is the fires of Hell!

• Susan : So, Scott, I was hoping we could discuss the direction the company is heading. I have a few suggestions I'd like to run by you.

  Scott Tailor : Absolutely! I love hearing fresh ideas!

  [to his tape recorder] 

  Scott Tailor : Note to myself: Susan may have some interesting ideas for the company.

  Susan : Well, I was thinking, we should consider getting rid of the costumes. While they are novel, I feel that they actually distract tourists from the things they should be experiencing.

  Scott Tailor : Interesting. Hold that thought.

  [to his tape recorder] 

  Scott Tailor : Not to myself: cancel that last note!

• Susan : Take your International London tour, for instance.

  Scott Tailor : What about it?

  Susan : Well, just look at the itinerary: the Gap store, lunch at McDonald's, Niketown, followed up by Planet Hollywood. At the end of the day, they don't even know they've been in London!

  Scott Tailor : That's why you're dressed as a Beefeater!

  Susan : There's more to history than stupid costumes!

  Scott Tailor : Er, Sue? History is old news!

  Susan : Note to self: this man is an idiot!

• Susan : Sue, it's a fact. We've done the studies. People don't come to England for the history. People come to England to see where Diana died.

  Scott Tailor : Then they would need to go to Paris!

  Susan : You see? That's the British 'Can't do' attitude I'm talking about!

  Scott Tailor : As opposed to the American 'Will do anything for a buck' attitude?

• Susan : [Arguing with Susan]  Do I have to remind you who you're talking to?

  Scott Tailor : No! I have an attention span!

  Susan : What's that supposed to mean?

  Scott Tailor : Perhaps I should put on my sarcastic outfit, then you might get it!

• Susan : Meanwhile, the longer he stays here, the more time I have to convince him that his outlook on life is misguided and his attitudes to everything else is simply wrong!

  Ben : Susan... Susan, he's your boss, not your husband!

• [Susan and Ben are sleeping on the living room couch, while her overweight boss is sleeping in their bed upstairs] 

  Susan : Let's pretend that we're out camping. You and I. Alone with nature. Look, Ben! Look! All the stars are out! Isn't it romantic?

  Ben : Yeah... Look, you can see a crack in the ceiling - made by the weight of a man sleeping in my bed!

• Ben : Erm... Susan, erm... Scott has, erm... moved on.

  Susan : Oh, don't be silly, Ben! He wouldn't have left without saying goodbye!

  Ben : Ah, er... he might!

  Susan : Why send a boy to do a man's job? Michael, go and wake him.

  Ben : No! I don't... I don't want anyone up there, OK?

  Susan : Ben, what's going on?

  Ben : He's, erm... H-h-h-he's... he's...

  Nick Harper : Superman!

  Ben : He's... he's... Oh, for God's sake - he's dead!

  Susan : WHAT?

  Nick Harper : OK, scratch Superman!

  Ben : Yeah!

  Susan : Oh, my God!

  Ben : I just... I didn't want to tell you in front of the kids.

  Michael Harper : There's a dead body, here?

  Janey Harper : That's so awful and sad.

  Susan : Where are you going?

  Janey Harper : [Excited]  Well, I have to tell my friends!

• [the police are in the house investigating Scott's death] 

  Susan : I know what he's writing. 'She did it'.

  Ben : What? What on earth are you talking about?

  Susan : Ben, don't you see? If I hadn't argued with him, he'd still be alive! Oh, I feel so guilty!

  Ben : You argue with me all the time - you don't feel guilty about that!

  Susan : You're not dead - yet!

• Susan : So, Scott, how was your flight?

  Scott Tailor : Cheap! I traded my first class ticket in for one in economy and made myself $2,300! Ker-ching, ker-ching!

  Susan : Imagine if you flew cargo!

  Scott Tailor : If they threw in bonus miles, I would!

• Inspector : We've just about finished here.

  Susan : I did it!

  Inspector : I beg your pardon?

  Ben : It's alright. You'll have to forgive my wife. She got a psychological disorder - she won't listen!

  Susan : We had a disagreement and then... and then I killed him.

  Ben : See?

  Inspector : Oh. Just what did you kill him with?

  Susan : The full force of my argument.

  Ben : A blunt instrument!

• Nick Harper : I've advised my client not to talk without her lawyer present.

  Inspector : Who are you?

  Nick Harper : Her lawyer!

  Inspector : Oh, I see! So she can talk now?

  Nick Harper : I've also advised her not to talk when I'm present!

  Susan : H-he's my son.

  Inspector : I never would have guessed!

• Susan : Scott, welcome to London!

  Scott Tailor : Susan, thank you so much for inviting me to dinner! Oh, I brought a little... something!

  Susan : Oh, tiny little airline soaps! These will come in handy!

  Ben : Yeah, won't they, when we move to Lilliput!

• Scott Tailor : What a great house! I just love English decor!

  Susan : Well, thank you! I did it myself!

  Scott Tailor : The way that nothing matches with anything - so garish and so simple at the same time!

  Susan : Then you should feel right at home!

• Susan : Here we are! My famous shepherd's pie!

  Scott Tailor : Ah! I could eat a horse!

  Ben : Well, this is your lucky day!

• Ben : Susan, you didn't do anything. He died of a heart attack.

  Susan : Which I gave him!

  Ben : Look, if you could argue someone to death, I'd have snuffed it years ago!

• Susan : You... You don't think he'd... come back, do you?

  Ben : What? So you can argue with him some more?

  Susan : He had unfinished business.

  Ben : No, you have unfinished business! Scott's fine! He's in heaven, dressing the angels as Beefeaters!

• Priest : Welcome.

  Susan : Oh, hello! How are you?

  Priest : I'm fine. When was your last confession?

  Susan : I'm a little new to this. Forgive me.

  Priest : Alright.

  Susan : Well, that was easy!

• Priest : Shall we just get right to the confessions, then?

  Susan : Right. Right. To be honest, I... I'm not sure how this works. I've seen films...

  Priest : Well, you tell me your sins and I give you a penance. For instance, have you taken the Lord's name in vain or had any impure thoughts?

  Susan : Of course, but that's not why I'm here!

• Susan : I killed a man.

  Priest : Really?

  Susan : That is a sin, right?

  Priest : Yes! One of the biggest!

  Susan : I didn't mean to do it!

  Priest : No, no, of course not!

  Susan : You see, my boss and I were having this... healthy debate about his new company policies...

  Priest : [Excited]  Yes! Yes! Go on!

  Susan : ...all of them completely idiotic! Anyway, things got out of hand...

  Priest : [Excited]  Ooh!

  Susan : ...we had an argument and...

  Priest : And?

  Susan : ...he had a heart attack!

  Priest : [Disappointed]  That's it?

• Susan : I thought I'd feel better after confession, but I don't.

  Ben : Maybe that's because you've nothing to confess.

  Susan : I'd argue that point, but I don't want to kill you.

• Ben : Susan, you want me to be supportive - and I am. So, here goes. You are a very small person in a very big universe. And in your wonderful but insignificant life, things just happen regardless of what you say, wish or do.

  Susan : When does the support part begin?

  Ben : That was it.

  Susan : I may be a very small person, but I have very big ideas.

  Ben : And a mouth to match!