My Family (TV Series)
The Last Supper (2001)
Gabriel Thomson: Michael Harper
Quotes
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Michael Harper : [On his laptop] Do you have to watch TV in here?
Janey Harper : Er, am I bothering you?
Michael Harper : Yes.
Janey Harper : Then that answers your question!
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[Nick jumps on the sofa and the others rate him]
Michael Harper : I'll give it an 8.5.
Janey Harper : Ah, I seem more like a 3.
Nick Harper : A 3? I'm a perfect performer! My extension was flawless!
Janey Harper : Yeah, but you get a five-point deduction - mum saw you!
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Susan : My boss is coming for dinner, so I want some help cleaning up around here.
Michael Harper : I think the place looks OK.
Susan : Which is why you wear glasses! This place is a mess!
Janey Harper : No, it's not. It looks lived-in.
Susan : By a herd of goats!
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Nick Harper : How did you get home?
Michael Harper : Like you care.
Nick Harper : I don't. I'm just curious!
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Ben : Erm... Susan, erm... Scott has, erm... moved on.
Susan : Oh, don't be silly, Ben! He wouldn't have left without saying goodbye!
Ben : Ah, er... he might!
Susan : Why send a boy to do a man's job? Michael, go and wake him.
Ben : No! I don't... I don't want anyone up there, OK?
Susan : Ben, what's going on?
Ben : He's, erm... H-h-h-he's... he's...
Nick Harper : Superman!
Ben : He's... he's... Oh, for God's sake - he's dead!
Susan : WHAT?
Nick Harper : OK, scratch Superman!
Ben : Yeah!
Susan : Oh, my God!
Ben : I just... I didn't want to tell you in front of the kids.
Michael Harper : There's a dead body, here?
Janey Harper : That's so awful and sad.
Susan : Where are you going?
Janey Harper : [Excited] Well, I have to tell my friends!
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Ben : Er, Michael? I thought your mother told you to stay downstairs.
Michael Harper : But the body's upstairs. By the way, my preliminary investigation indicates cardiopulmonary attack. Estimated time of death between 2.25 and 3.45.
Ben : Just let the officers do their job, OK?
Inspector : Actually, he's spot on!
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Ben : [Laying out a new bed] Janey, a little help?
Janey Harper : I don't see why you get a new bed and I don't.
Ben : Next time someone dies in your bed, we'll buy you a new one! Now come on, I want to get this mattress downstairs!
Janey Harper : What's the magic word?
Ben : I haven't got time for this! Please, look... Let's get rid of this one before the new mattress arrives!
Janey Harper : Magic word?
Ben : Please?
Janey Harper : That's not it. Try again.
Ben : There's about to be someone else dead on this mattress!
Janey Harper : The magic word is 'money'!
Ben : Yeah, right! Mikey, come on! Give us a hand! Come on!
Michael Harper : She's got a point, dad. Surely, you don't want us to work without compensation?
Ben : Very funny! Now, after three - ready?
Janey Harper : This isn't a sweatshop, you know?
Ben : One...
Michael Harper : You wouldn't want to run foul of the child labour laws.
Ben : Michael, I'm your father, not your boss!
Michael Harper : That's really just semantics, isn't it?
Ben : Look! Just pack it in, the pair of you! If you don't help now, I'm going to ground you for a month!
Janey Harper : Yeah, right! We both know the last thing you want is us hanging around you for a month!
Ben : Yeah... right! Hah! Just try me!
[pause]
Ben : Fine! OK! £5 each?
[Michael and Janey finally move the bed]