Robert Lindsay: Ben Harper

Quotes 

• Ben Harper : Nice? Men don't want nice! Not on a first date! In fact, the nastier, the better!

• Susan Harper : Who do you think's attractive?

  Ben Harper : [pause]  You, darling.

  Susan Harper : Apart from me.

  Ben Harper : We're not opening that door.

  Susan Harper : What door?

  Ben Harper : When I say someone's attractive, you get the hump. But if I don't say someone's attractive, you say who is attractive, and then it goes on and on in an endless loop until I tell you who is attractive and then you get the hump. Either way, you get the hump.

• Ben Harper : Yeah, Roger may be irritating, bumptious, tote-chirpy in the mornings, noisy, persistent, thick-skinned, can't take 'get out' for an answer, constantly visiting, naive, gauche - he makes a snorting noise when he clears his throat, but... he's a man!

• Susan Harper : [about Roger]  But he'll never get a girlfriend without my help.

  Ben Harper : Look, just leave it to me, OK? We'll try the man's way. And if that doesn't work, we'll do it the wrong way. All Roger needs is a few pointers from the master in the art of love.

  Susan Harper : Good. And while he's at it, get him to help you.