Murphy Brown (TV Series)

Birth 101 (1992)

Candice Bergen: Murphy Brown

Quotes 

• [after giving birth] 

  Murphy : Oh god, my body's making milk. It's like one day discovering you can get bacon out of your elbow.

• Murphy : [in labor]  Jim, cut me open! Cut me open and get this kid out of me! Use a scalpel, use a pocket-knife, use a rotten, stinking melon-baller if you have to, just do it!

  [Corky comes in with a plastic cup] 

  Corky : Here's some ice cubes, Murphy. Can I put some in your mouth, I see your hands are full.

  Murphy : Screw the ice cubes, Corky! You're a woman, you gotta help me! Smother me with the pillow! Do it for sisterhood! Do it for Betty Friedan! Kill me now!

  Jim : [looking at the monitor]  She's going to blow!

  [everyone ducks as the next contraction hits and Murphy screams] 

• Miles Silverberg : [on Murphy's baby video]  But I want you to know that your mother behaved as best she could... under the circumstances.

  [Cut to Murphy's hospital room, where she is in labor and throttling Miles] 

  Murphy : [screaming]  You son of a bitch! You *man*! You did this to me! You and every other man! I'm taking you with me!

• Murphy : How can I go through delivery without my lamaz coach?

  Miles Silverberg : I called your house for hours, but there was no answer. So finally I just drove over to leave'em a note. I heard your phone ringing and I thought it might be him, so I broke one of the windows to let myself in, they bandaged it in the emergency room. Anyway, I guess the noise woke up old man Swinson next door and he started yelling that he had a gun and was going to shoot. I yelled, "Shut up old man Swinson!". And then you would not believe what happened, he started to shoot. The man is standing there in his bathroom and slippers firing aimlessly into the night. I started zigzagging through the yard, the whole time I'm thinking, "It always comes down to this, doesn't it? A crazy Gentile with a gun." I ran across the street, got into my car, and I was able to get away.

  Murphy : Nice Miles! Why don't you go over to Iraq and try to overthrow Hussein!