M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Love and Marriage (1975)
Gary Burghoff: Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly
Quotes
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Hawkeye : [after Mrs. Kwang has been having labor pains] I think she's going into labor.
Radar : What does that mean?
Hawkeye : It means she's about to give birth.
Radar : Right here? On this bus? In front of me!
Hawkeye : Yeah, right here on this bus! What do I do? Give her a transfer? I need your help, can you get up please? Come back here.
Radar : [Hawkeye and Radar help Mrs. Kwang to lay down] Be careful, don't strain yourself. Easy, i'm gonna lift you now, easy.
[helps hawkeye put Mrs. Kwang on stretcher]
Radar : Listen, maybe if we lift her feet up it will slow things up a little!
Hawkeye : Go get my bag. Where were you when they were teaching this in school?
Radar : I must have been out that year.
Hawkeye : I'm gonna need your help.
Radar : But i'm no good at delivering babies! When the cat had kittens, they sent me to the movies!
Hawkeye : Radar, there's nothing to it, it's a natural experience.
Radar : So is fainting!
Mrs. Kwang : [Cries out in pain]
Radar : Ahh!
Hawkeye : Don't worry, you'll be alright.
Radar : Shouldn't I get some hot water or something?
Hawkeye : There's no time for that.
Radar : I'd be very glad to get out and look for some! Maybe there's a hot river near here, like at Yellowstone!
Hawkeye : Come on, I need your help! Just hold her hand, me and her will do the rest.
Radar : Oh, no, no, no no!
Hawkeye : [to mrs. Kwang] You'll be alright.
Radar : Oh yeah, easy for you.
Hawkeye : [Lifts up Mrs. Kwangs dress to deliver the baby]
Radar : *Oh don't do that! Ahh! Oh my god!*
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Hawkeye : Mr. Kwang's wife is having a baby!
Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : Her first!
Hawkeye : And what makes it really exciting is that Mr. Kwang's the father!
Lt. Colonel Henry Blake : [apathetically] Uh-huh.
Radar : [sweetly] Oh, geez sir, it sure would be swell if we could get this Korean mommy and daddy, with their little baby all together in the same place.
Lt. Colonel Henry Blake : Will you cut it out?
