Are You Being Served? (TV Series)

Our Figures Are Slipping (1973)

Frank Thornton: Captain Peacock

Photos 

Quotes 

• Captain Stephen Peacock : On the chest of a barmaid from Sale, Was tattooed all the prices of ale. Whilst on her behind, for the sake of the blind, was precisely the same, but in Braille.

• Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : [Mr. Grainger is snoring on his chair]  Poor old soul, he's been on his feet all day. He probably goes to sleep about this time on the train.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : Mr. Grainger?

  Mr. Rumbold : Mr. Grainger?

  Miss Brahms : Mr. Grainger?

  Mrs. Slocombe : Miss Brahms! Mr. Grainger?

  Miss Brahms : Baldy?

  Mr. Rumbold : One hesitates to lay hands on him. Still...

  Mr. Lucas : Oh no, no, no. I wouldn't if I were you, Mr, Rumbold. No, no. Just think. Sudden shock, heart attack, kicks the bucket. News Of The World: "Aged Worker Dies At Hands Of Overseer". That wouldn't look good for Grace Brothers.

  Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Excuse me, Captain Peacock. I think I know what to do.

  [coughs] 

  Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Are you free, Mr. Grainger?

  Mr. Ernest Grainger : Yes, I'm free, Mr. Humphries.

• Captain Stephen Peacock : Mrs. Slocombe, do you feel like having cocoa and buns, now?

  Mrs. Slocombe : I never feel like having cocoa and buns. If I'd known the firm was going to be so stingy, I'd have gone out and had a Wimpy cheeseburger.

  Mr. Rumbold : I believe there's some cheese in the buns.

  Miss Brahms : I don't like cheese.

  Mr. Lucas : There's not very much cheese in the buns.

• Mrs. Slocombe : Good morning, Captain Peacock.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : Eight fifty-eight.

  [hands her a pencil to sign in] 

  Mrs. Slocombe : As departmental head of ladies' ready-mades, I hardly think it necessary for me to clock in like a char.

• Captain Stephen Peacock : What has happened to Miss Brahms?

  Mrs. Slocombe : She isn't late, she's powdering her nose.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : She ought to sign in first.

  Mrs. Slocombe : It was very urgent that she powdered it when she did. And I gave her permission so to do.

• Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : [Signing in at work]  Good morning Captain Peacock.

  [Looks at his watch] 

  Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Eight fifty-nine and ten... ten seconds, yes. I would have been here at eight fifty-eight, but I caught my hand bag in the lift.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : Hand bag?

  Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Well, it's Miss Brahms' actually. She left it on the stairs. She must have been in rather a hurry. Besides, I wouldn't be seen dead with imitation crocodile, not with these shoes anyway.

• Miss Brahms : Sorry I'm late, Captain Peacock.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : That's all right, Miss Brahms.

  Mr. Lucas : Oh, it's all right for her, is it?

  Captain Stephen Peacock : She has been powdering her nose.

  Mr. Lucas : Well, why is it so shiny then?

• Captain Stephen Peacock : Mr. Grainger, would you step this way please, if you're free.

  Mr. Ernest Grainger : Yes, I'm... I'm free, Captain Peacock.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : Mr. Humphries, Mr. Lucas?

  Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Free, Captain Peacock.

  Mr. Lucas : Oh, very free, Captain Peacock.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : Step this way.

• Captain Stephen Peacock : Mr. Grainger, are you free?

  Mr. Ernest Grainger : Oh, yes, yes, I'm free...

• Mr. Rumbold : That was a very smart bit of selling, Mr. Lucas. You see, the smile does the trick.

  Mr. Lucas : Oh, it does indeed, Mr. Rumbold, yes.

  Mr. Rumbold : You obviously know your stock very well. Even I was unaware we had a vicuna coat.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : We haven't. Mr. Lucas sold Mr. Grace his own coat.

  Mr. Rumbold : Mr. Lucas sold Mr. Grace, Mr. Lucas's coat?

  Captain Stephen Peacock : No... Mr. Lucas sold Mr. Grace, Mr. Grace's coat.

• Captain Stephen Peacock : Mrs. Slocombe, I hope your cat won't suffer unduly from its enforced confinement.

  Mrs. Slocombe : Oh, it's not confined. It's shut up.