Kicking & Screaming (2005)

Mike Ditka: Mike Ditka

Photos 

Quotes 

• Phil Weston : You're my assistant. Okay? You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes whenever I tell you. Now go get me a juicebox!

  Mike Ditka : DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO?

  Phil Weston : I'm talkin' to the juicebox guy!

  Mike Ditka : You're crazy!

  Phil Weston : I'm not crazy, I'm just thirsty!

  Mike Ditka : WELL, YOU GO TO HELL!

  Phil Weston : No, you go to hell! While you're there, why don't you grab me a juicebox!

• Mike Ditka : Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions.

• Ann Hogan : Hi, Mr.Ditka. I was wondering - my son byong-sun is a little shy, so could I get an autograph?

  Mike Ditka : Yeah, sure, how do you spell it?

  Ann Hogan : B-Y-...

  Mike Ditka : I think I got it.

  [gives paper] 

  Donna Jones : [walking away looking at autograph]  Bing-bong?

• Mike Ditka : [team is doing push-ups]  If you guys were the Bears, I'd fine you $10,000 apiece.

• Mike Ditka : Did you just kick your son?

  Phil Weston : Yeah.

• Phil Weston : [to Barbara]  My dad, he's a coach. He knows the game, he's confident, he's smart, witty, dynamic, vicious, brutal, vindictive, a monster! And he will win by intimidation and forceful tactics if need be. I'm not like that. I don't know anyone like that. Do you?

  [quick cut to Ditka house] 

  Mike Ditka : So Paul, what's on your mind?

  Phil Weston : Actually, it's Phil.

  Mike Ditka : It's not Paul?

  Phil Weston : No.

  Mike Ditka : What's the difference? Spit it out.

  [lights a cigar] 

  Diana Ditka : Mike?

  Mike Ditka : Here, hold this.

  [gives cigar to Phil] 

  Diana Ditka : Oh no! We do not allow smoking in the house!

  Phil Weston : I'm sorry, Mrs. Ditka.

  Diana Ditka : You should be.

  Mike Ditka : [Phil hands back cigar]  I'll get rid of it, honey!

• Mike Ditka : [to the Tigers team]  Now this is gonna be the hardest, most difficult thing you ever attempted in your entire life. But you know what, when it's over...

  Phil Weston : Don't get emotional...

  Mike Ditka : When it's over...

  Phil Weston : When it's over...

  Mike Ditka : You guys are gonna be champions! My God, you're going to be champions!

  Phil Weston : Champions!

  Mike Ditka : Now let's get out there and kick some butt!

  Phil Weston : On three, 'let's have fun'.

  The Tigers : [all chant]  One, two, three, Let's have fun!

  Mike Ditka : [to Phil, mocking]  'Let's have fun,' what's THAT?

• Buck Weston : Oh, this oughtta be good. If we live long enough, we'll see Iron Mike and Aluminum Phil coaching the Tigers.

  Mike Ditka : I couldn't really hear ya, Weston. My Superbowl ring was making too much noise.

  [crowd hisses] 

• Mike Ditka : Way to go, Bing Bong!

• Phil Weston : Looks who's here! I'll give you a hint - Hall of Fame, Chicago Bears...

  Mark Avery : Sammy Sosa?

  Mike Ditka : C'mon!

  Phil Weston : Football... coached the 1986...

  Mike Ditka : '85.

  Phil Weston : Right, '85 Bears to Superbowl victory... it's Mike Ditka!

  Mark Avery : Do you know Sammy Sosa?

  Mike Ditka : Hey, zip it, kid!

• The Tigers : [winning team, shouting]  Two, four, six, eight! Who do we appreciate?

  Mike Ditka : Shut up, ya little rats!

  Phil Weston : They're just showing their appreciation.

  Mike Ditka : I don't care about appreciation, I just want to win a soccer game.

  [throws down his clipboard and walks off] 

  Phil Weston : [picks it up]  Can I have this?

  Phil Weston : Sure.

  Phil Weston : Alllllright!

• Mike Ditka : New game plan - pass the ball to the EYEtalians!

• Phil Weston : This is Gian Piero and Massimo. They're apprentice butchers.

  Mark Avery : Could the blacksmiths and candlestick makers not make it?

  Mike Ditka : Shut up!

• Ann Hogan : Coach Ditka? Hi. Our son, Byong Sun, he's very shy, and we were wondering

  [hands him a pad to autograph] 

  Mike Ditka : Sure, 'be happy to.

  Ann Hogan : Thank you so much. It's Byong Sun

  [spelling] 

  Ann Hogan : B-Y...

  Mike Ditka : [autographing]  I think I got it.

  [hands it back to them] 

  Mike Ditka : Bye bye.

  Mike Ditka : [to Phil, awkwardly]  Just... a wonderful couple.

  Ann Hogan : [looking at the autograph]  What...

  Donna Jones : "Bing Bong"?

• Mike Ditka : Every good thing starts with a Brat!

• Mike Ditka : I eat quitters for breakfast and spit out their bones.

• Mike Ditka : I'm going to push you guys like you've never been pushed before. Some of you are going to wish I was dead!

• Mike Ditka : I'm not going to soccer practice with a dirty car!