Phoenix Nights (2001–2002)

Dave Spikey: Jerry 'St. Clair' Dignan, Jerry St. Clair

Photos 

Quotes 

• [talking about the inflatable Penis] 

  Jerry St Clair : We're not having that.

  Brian Potter : You're damn right Jerry, we're not having that go on take it back.

  Dodgy Eric : But Brian...

  Brian Potter : It's a family fun day man, there's kiddies running around. They can't go jumping up and down on a love length.

• Brian Potter : What's the matter with you, man?

  Jerry St Clair : What's the matter with me? I'll tell you what's the matter with me. Me first week as licensee, I'm stood here looking like a gay Satan cos somebody sold all me clothes on t'jumble. I've been rolled round t'car park all day dressed as a hernia and I've got 12 people in casualty with rubber burns.

  Brian Potter : Rubber Burns? Weren't he a Scottish poet?

• Jerry St Clair : ...and what made you apply for this job?

  Spencer : The DSS.

  Jerry St Clair : And why do you think I should give it to you?

  Spencer : Because it will be the DSS paying me wages and it won't cost you a penny.

  Jerry St Clair : Really?

  Spencer : Yeah.

  Jerry St Clair : When can you start? Welcome to the Phoenix, Spencer lad.

• Brian Potter : [finding the dead body of the Captain]  Put him in the Pennine Suite.

  Jerry St Clair : Why?

  Brian Potter : Why? Because in here's murder. Next door's natural causes.

• Brian Potter : I have a dream, people, I have a dream. If we build it, they will come.

  Les : Build what?

  Brian Potter : A new Phoenix.

  Jerry St Clair : Here we go again.

  Brian Potter : Bigger, better, faster, stronger, rising out of the ashes. A superclub, a King of clubs only this time we'll have it all. A restaurant, a bistro - we'll serve food.

  Jerry St Clair : Food eh?

  Brian Potter : But not just any old food Jerry. Proper food - scampi, chicken Kievs, garlic bread...

  Max : Garlic bread?

  Brian Potter : Garlic bread, that's right Max. Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.

• Jerry St Clair : [discovering the Captain dead]  He's dead, Brian.

  Brian Potter : Oh, my God! He can't be dead! Who's going to do the door? Who's going to do the door?