Seth Green: Scott Evil
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Evil : Scott, I want you to meet Daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers.
Scott Evil : What, are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
Dr. Evil : No, Scott. I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
Scott Evil : Why don't you just shoot him now? I mean, I'll go get a gun. We'll shoot him together. It'll be fun. Bang! Dead. Done.
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Scott Evil : I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
Dr. Evil : An evil vet?
Scott Evil : No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil : An evil petting zoo?
Scott Evil : You always do that!
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Scott Evil : I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!
Dr. Evil : Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.
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Austin Powers : [holding Scott hostage] It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil : Not really. Kill the little bastard, see if I care.
Scott Evil : But dad, we just had a breakthrough in group.
Dr. Evil : I had the group LIQUIDATED, you little shit! They were insolent!
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Scott Evil : I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me.
Therapist : He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.
Dr. Evil : No actually the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily, like his old man.
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Dr. Evil : All right guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism.
[guard starts dipping mechanism]
Dr. Evil : Close the tank!
Scott Evil : Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!
Dr. Evil : No no no, I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?
Scott Evil : I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out!
Dr. Evil : Scott, you just don't get it, do ya? You don't.
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Scott Evil : It's no hassle...
Dr. Evil : Sh!
Scott Evil : But...
Dr. Evil : Sh!
Scott Evil : I'm...
Dr. Evil : Sh!
Scott Evil : All I'm say...
Dr. Evil : Sh!
Scott Evil : There gonna get a...
Dr. Evil : Sh!
Scott Evil : I'm...
Dr. Evil : Sh!
Scott Evil : I'm just...
Dr. Evil : Sh!
Scott Evil : Would...
Dr. Evil : Sh!... Knock-knock.
Scott Evil : Who's there?
Dr. Evil : Sh!
Scott Evil : But...
Dr. Evil : Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.
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Frau Farbissina : Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it didn't look like you were coming back we should try to create an heir so a part of you would live forever?
Dr. Evil : Oh, sure.
Frau Farbissina : Well, after a couple of years we... got a little impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.
Dr. Evil : My son?
Frau Farbissina : Ja. SCOTT!
[Scott enters]
Dr. Evil : Hello, Scott.
Scott Evil : Hi.
Dr. Evil : I'm your father. Dr Evil.
Scott Evil : I haven't seen you my whole life, and-and now you come back and just *expect* a relationship? I hate you. What?
Dr. Evil : Could I have a hug?
Scott Evil : No.
Dr. Evil : Give me a hug.
Scott Evil : No way.
Dr. Evil : Come here.
Scott Evil : I'm not coming over there.
Dr. Evil : Let's go.
Scott Evil : Forget it.
Dr. Evil : Pronto.
Scott Evil : What are you doing?
Dr. Evil : I'm with it. I'm hip.
[trying his best to do the Macarana]
Dr. Evil : Well, don't look at me like I'm frickin' Frankenstein! Give your father a hug.
Scott Evil : You're... hey, don't touch me!
Dr. Evil : Hug, hug, hug. Hug, hug, hug.
Scott Evil : Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho!
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Scott Evil : Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French" or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool.
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Dr. Evil : Son, wouldn't you like to see what daddy does for a living?
Scott Evil : Blow me.
Dr. Evil : What?
Scott Evil : Show me.
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Therapist : We have some new-comers here today. Please say hello to Scott and his father Mr... Ev-ille?
Dr. Evil : Evil, Actually, Dr. Evil.
The Group : Hello, Scott. Hello, Dr. Evil.
Scott Evil : Hi, everybody.
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Dr. Evil : What are your plans for this evening?
Scott Evil : I thought I'd stay in. There's a good titty movie on Skinemax.
Dr. Evil : And that's how you'd like to live your life, is it?
Scott Evil : Yeah.
Dr. Evil : Pretty much. Right.
Scott Evil : What?
Dr. Evil : [he moves to press Scott's button on his furnace control box, but Frau swats his hand away with her riding crop] Ow!
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Therapist : What brings you here with us today?
Scott Evil : Well, I just really met my dad for the first time five days ago.
Dr. Evil : I was partially frozen his whole life.
Therapist : That is beautiful that you can admit to that.
Scott Evil : He comes back, and-and now he wants me to take over the family business.
Dr. Evil : But, Scott, who's gonna take over the world when I die?
Therapist : Listen to the words he used: "who's going to take over the world when I die?" It feels like that to some of us sometimes, doesn't it?
