"Road House" is a remake of the 1989 cult classic action film of the same name. Directed by Doug Liman ("The Bourne Identity", "Mr. & Mrs. Smith", "Edge of Tomorrow") and starring Jake Gyllenhaal in the lead role, it serves no real purpose other than to prove that modern remakes of popular 80s films will always be inferior to the original product.
Since retiring, former UFC fighter Elwood Dalton (Jake Gyllenhaal) has made a living scamming fighters within the underground circuit, attracting plenty of notoriety in the process. One night, Dalton is approached by a woman named Frankie (Jessica Williams), who offers him the job as the head bouncer at her disorderly roadhouse located in Florida Keys. Despite some initial reluctance, Dalton accepts the job and heads over to Frankie's roadhouse known simply as "The Road House". Upon beginning work, Dalton soon learns that his job is going to be much harder than he had anticipated, as the local area is filled with violent motorcycle gangs, corrupt law enforcement, and greedy businessmen intent on making life difficult for anyone unfortunate enough to cross their paths.
If there were ever a definitive decade for guilty pleasure movies, most would agree it would have to be the 1980s. From the overindulgent special effects of David Lynch's "Dune" to the cheesy love story laced with synthesiser music of "Top Gun", the 80s aesthetic of "so-bad-it's-good" remains unmatched even to this day, with many of these films attaining loyal cult followings for this very reason. One such movie that fills this role perfectly is 1989's "Road House", a Patrick Swayze-led project that has gone on to become a quintessential 80s guilty pleasure movie, containing just about everything that is ridiculous about cinema from this decade. In yet another attempt to cash in on people's nostalgia of the 80s, the 2024 remake of "Road House" tries to replicate all of the original's over-the-top qualities to appeal to a modern audience, but like all the others it fails in every way possible.
The most notable reason why this film just doesn't work is in its failure to understand why audiences found the 1989 version so entertaining in the first place. You can say what you will about the overall quality of the original film from a critical standpoint, but it at least knew how to set up its lead character and invest us in what could happen to him throughout the story. For the first two thirds of this film, instead of spending time developing its characters and establishing its plot, all we get are repetitive fight scenes that begin and end the exact same way. Someone causes trouble in the Road House, Dalton tries to prevent things from escalating further, the problematic person ignores Dalton and tries to fight him, Dalton quickly gains the upper hand and ejects the person from the premises. Rinse and repeat.
Although the original film did contain scenes just like this, they at least had some build up and an element of fun to help you look forward to watching Patrick Swayze's Dalton handling himself efficiently in hand-to-hand combat. Here, all of the fights seem like copy-paste versions of each other, only with different thugs each time. It's as if the screenwriters for this remake watched the original and assumed that the only reason people liked it was solely for the fight scenes, but that's simply not the case. Audiences like myself enjoyed watching Swayze's Dalton form a connection with the staff of the Road House before getting into the nitty-gritty fist fights he is known for. Unfortunately, this film does nothing like that with Gyllenhaal's Dalton, preferring to keep him emotionally distant from everyone he comes into contact with, at least until we're already 60% into the film's runtime. As a result, it's near impossible to care about anything that happens to this version of Dalton, as we just cannot relate to him on any personal level.
To add insult to injury, none of the fight scenes this time around are framed efficiently enough to leave any lasting impact. One of the reasons people enjoyed the fighting in the original was how realistic these scenes looked, as they all seemed as though they were happening right in the very moment at the actual location in question. In this film, there were several instances where it was obvious that CGI and green screen was being used to make it look like the people were fighting somewhere they obviously weren't. Though this may be excusable in other movies, it felt completely unnecessary here considering most of the fights took place inside the Road House as opposed to somewhere exotic like the inside of a volcano.
This leads to another major problem with the remake, the lack of grit and an appealing atmosphere. The excessive use of CG effects causes all of the fight scenes to look so clean and sterile, as though the actors are obviously performing within a controlled environment without any sense of danger from their surroundings. Because of this, there is little to no excitement in watching people fight one other since everything plays out in the same safe and predictable style each time. At least the original film gave off the impression that the characters are in places that could pose a threat to their safety, but here I never once felt as though anybody was in the location they were supposed to be due to the lacklustre special effects. When you can't even get the fighting scenes right in a "Road House" remake, you know you've messed up somewhere.
The film also fails to elicit any real laughs, which is something that helped the original attain the cult status it still holds today. Sure, there are moments that are clearly intended to make the audience laugh, but they all feel poorly integrated into the story. For example, when we are introduced to Conor McGregor's character, he is shown proudly wandering around an Italian town completely naked after being forcibly ejected from a woman's bedroom. As he searches for clothes at a nearby market, he decides to headbutt an innocent passerby to steal his outfit and later burn down the market immediately afterwards. Normally I would laugh at the excessiveness of a scene like this, but instead it felt like it was trying too hard to be funny and edgy rather than add something important to the story, or lack thereof. Then again, it's not like the original film didn't have similar ridiculous moments as well, so what didn't make me laugh just might make several others guffaw in disbelief.
None of the characters are interesting enough for us to care about in the long run, coming off as one dimensional caricatures of who they are all supposed to be. Even the otherwise watchable Jake Gyllenhaal has very little to do other than fight people in the exact same repetitive style from beginning to end. Though Gyllenhaal tries his best with the material given to him, there's no denying that he lacks the iconic charisma and screen presence of the late Patrick Swayze. Had Gyllenhaal's Dalton been written better, I would say that the film would be worth watching just for him, but I'm struggling to remember anything remotely important about his character other than that he's simply good at fighting.
Additionally, the two lead villains are just so cartoonishly absurd that they feel as though they were plucked right out of the 80s and made to interact with the world of the 2020s. For instance, the main antagonist is a wealthy real estate developer who runs a drug empire and wants to expand his development onto the land where the Road House is located. The actions of this character are so bizarre, like when he requests to be shaved with an old blade on his boat while traversing rough seas. If you can consider that character to be the brains, then the brawn would have to be Conor McGregor in his first acting role. However, all McGregor does in this film is punch things and pick fights simply because he feels like it, all while brandishing a menacing grin on his face. It's hard to tell if all these creative decisions were added as an ironic attempt at leaving a lasting impression on today's audience, but it just comes across as woefully desperate in my point of view.
For an already unnecessary remake of a popular guilty pleasure, this 2024 version of "Road House" just cannot find a way to distinguish itself any more than as a poor imitation of an arguably better original. The 1989 film might be considered bad by some, but it at least has a certain charm that has allowed it remain in the "so-good-it's-bad" category even after more than three decades. On the other hand, while this remake is indeed a bad film, it is bad in an uninteresting way; the kind that leaves you scratching your head as to why it was even made in the first place other than to capitalise on nostalgia. I cannot imagine this version ever achieving cult status like its 80s counterpart, but I could be wrong considering the general public's tendency to find appeal in almost anything. With that said, I believe it will be the original film that future generations choose to keep in high esteem.
I rate it 4/10.
Since retiring, former UFC fighter Elwood Dalton (Jake Gyllenhaal) has made a living scamming fighters within the underground circuit, attracting plenty of notoriety in the process. One night, Dalton is approached by a woman named Frankie (Jessica Williams), who offers him the job as the head bouncer at her disorderly roadhouse located in Florida Keys. Despite some initial reluctance, Dalton accepts the job and heads over to Frankie's roadhouse known simply as "The Road House". Upon beginning work, Dalton soon learns that his job is going to be much harder than he had anticipated, as the local area is filled with violent motorcycle gangs, corrupt law enforcement, and greedy businessmen intent on making life difficult for anyone unfortunate enough to cross their paths.
If there were ever a definitive decade for guilty pleasure movies, most would agree it would have to be the 1980s. From the overindulgent special effects of David Lynch's "Dune" to the cheesy love story laced with synthesiser music of "Top Gun", the 80s aesthetic of "so-bad-it's-good" remains unmatched even to this day, with many of these films attaining loyal cult followings for this very reason. One such movie that fills this role perfectly is 1989's "Road House", a Patrick Swayze-led project that has gone on to become a quintessential 80s guilty pleasure movie, containing just about everything that is ridiculous about cinema from this decade. In yet another attempt to cash in on people's nostalgia of the 80s, the 2024 remake of "Road House" tries to replicate all of the original's over-the-top qualities to appeal to a modern audience, but like all the others it fails in every way possible.
The most notable reason why this film just doesn't work is in its failure to understand why audiences found the 1989 version so entertaining in the first place. You can say what you will about the overall quality of the original film from a critical standpoint, but it at least knew how to set up its lead character and invest us in what could happen to him throughout the story. For the first two thirds of this film, instead of spending time developing its characters and establishing its plot, all we get are repetitive fight scenes that begin and end the exact same way. Someone causes trouble in the Road House, Dalton tries to prevent things from escalating further, the problematic person ignores Dalton and tries to fight him, Dalton quickly gains the upper hand and ejects the person from the premises. Rinse and repeat.
Although the original film did contain scenes just like this, they at least had some build up and an element of fun to help you look forward to watching Patrick Swayze's Dalton handling himself efficiently in hand-to-hand combat. Here, all of the fights seem like copy-paste versions of each other, only with different thugs each time. It's as if the screenwriters for this remake watched the original and assumed that the only reason people liked it was solely for the fight scenes, but that's simply not the case. Audiences like myself enjoyed watching Swayze's Dalton form a connection with the staff of the Road House before getting into the nitty-gritty fist fights he is known for. Unfortunately, this film does nothing like that with Gyllenhaal's Dalton, preferring to keep him emotionally distant from everyone he comes into contact with, at least until we're already 60% into the film's runtime. As a result, it's near impossible to care about anything that happens to this version of Dalton, as we just cannot relate to him on any personal level.
To add insult to injury, none of the fight scenes this time around are framed efficiently enough to leave any lasting impact. One of the reasons people enjoyed the fighting in the original was how realistic these scenes looked, as they all seemed as though they were happening right in the very moment at the actual location in question. In this film, there were several instances where it was obvious that CGI and green screen was being used to make it look like the people were fighting somewhere they obviously weren't. Though this may be excusable in other movies, it felt completely unnecessary here considering most of the fights took place inside the Road House as opposed to somewhere exotic like the inside of a volcano.
This leads to another major problem with the remake, the lack of grit and an appealing atmosphere. The excessive use of CG effects causes all of the fight scenes to look so clean and sterile, as though the actors are obviously performing within a controlled environment without any sense of danger from their surroundings. Because of this, there is little to no excitement in watching people fight one other since everything plays out in the same safe and predictable style each time. At least the original film gave off the impression that the characters are in places that could pose a threat to their safety, but here I never once felt as though anybody was in the location they were supposed to be due to the lacklustre special effects. When you can't even get the fighting scenes right in a "Road House" remake, you know you've messed up somewhere.
The film also fails to elicit any real laughs, which is something that helped the original attain the cult status it still holds today. Sure, there are moments that are clearly intended to make the audience laugh, but they all feel poorly integrated into the story. For example, when we are introduced to Conor McGregor's character, he is shown proudly wandering around an Italian town completely naked after being forcibly ejected from a woman's bedroom. As he searches for clothes at a nearby market, he decides to headbutt an innocent passerby to steal his outfit and later burn down the market immediately afterwards. Normally I would laugh at the excessiveness of a scene like this, but instead it felt like it was trying too hard to be funny and edgy rather than add something important to the story, or lack thereof. Then again, it's not like the original film didn't have similar ridiculous moments as well, so what didn't make me laugh just might make several others guffaw in disbelief.
None of the characters are interesting enough for us to care about in the long run, coming off as one dimensional caricatures of who they are all supposed to be. Even the otherwise watchable Jake Gyllenhaal has very little to do other than fight people in the exact same repetitive style from beginning to end. Though Gyllenhaal tries his best with the material given to him, there's no denying that he lacks the iconic charisma and screen presence of the late Patrick Swayze. Had Gyllenhaal's Dalton been written better, I would say that the film would be worth watching just for him, but I'm struggling to remember anything remotely important about his character other than that he's simply good at fighting.
Additionally, the two lead villains are just so cartoonishly absurd that they feel as though they were plucked right out of the 80s and made to interact with the world of the 2020s. For instance, the main antagonist is a wealthy real estate developer who runs a drug empire and wants to expand his development onto the land where the Road House is located. The actions of this character are so bizarre, like when he requests to be shaved with an old blade on his boat while traversing rough seas. If you can consider that character to be the brains, then the brawn would have to be Conor McGregor in his first acting role. However, all McGregor does in this film is punch things and pick fights simply because he feels like it, all while brandishing a menacing grin on his face. It's hard to tell if all these creative decisions were added as an ironic attempt at leaving a lasting impression on today's audience, but it just comes across as woefully desperate in my point of view.
For an already unnecessary remake of a popular guilty pleasure, this 2024 version of "Road House" just cannot find a way to distinguish itself any more than as a poor imitation of an arguably better original. The 1989 film might be considered bad by some, but it at least has a certain charm that has allowed it remain in the "so-good-it's-bad" category even after more than three decades. On the other hand, while this remake is indeed a bad film, it is bad in an uninteresting way; the kind that leaves you scratching your head as to why it was even made in the first place other than to capitalise on nostalgia. I cannot imagine this version ever achieving cult status like its 80s counterpart, but I could be wrong considering the general public's tendency to find appeal in almost anything. With that said, I believe it will be the original film that future generations choose to keep in high esteem.
I rate it 4/10.