Review of Immaculate

Immaculate (2024)
3/10
Jurassic Jesus
25 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
I do not get the appeal of Sydney Sweeney. Perhaps in this case playing a nun and taking the focus off her chest and onto her face spotlighted the flaw in which Syd exists in. Which is an oblong blank face.

Can we stop pretending she is anything but chest? Or are we still in this odd phase where she is the "new look" Hollywood will go with.

Okay, so she's a nun here. And the powers that be leave no time in pointing out her attractive face. The Italian Customs agents, to be precise. Why? Who knows. Perhaps it's to give her the sense of leering foreboding. Works better if her character understood Italian.

She's an American who has elected to be a nun at this creepy Italian place (sound familiar? "Suspiria", duh). Shortly after encountering weird bumps in the night, she is informed she's pregnant! Oh...and by Immaculate Conception. Get it? The title. Just break the 4th wall and stare in the camera, Syd.

Any way, the secret is that the church has one of the nails that Christ was nailed to the cross with. Eye roll. And this creepy convent has been experimenting with impregnating nuns with the blood DNA lingering on that nail.

Yeeeeep. Seriously.

I would say this is truly b-level silliness. But it's shot so somberly, it's hard to fall under the category of "so bad, it's good" Ari Aster has nothing to worry about.

The ending leaves a lot to be desired. Half the audience will want to see if the baby looks normal and Jesus-like, the other half will have already left the theater. Either way, she smashes it with a rock. None of this makes sense to her character or the links to the clues as to whether this creation is definitively evil. She just ups and kills it.

Seriously.
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