Cruise Into Terror (1978 TV Movie)
4/10
The title is better than the movie
29 February 2024
Warning: Spoilers
The premise is this : after an encounter with an evil object, a pleasure cruise turns into a generalized mano-a-mano battle with the world, the flesh and the devil. It's an intriguing premise which, done well, could have resulted in an admirable horror movie. Sadly enough no one seems to have put a great deal of thought into the story and screenplay. Even a minimum of self-criticism would have uncovered the absurdity of finding an Egyptian tomb anywhere near the Gulf of Mexico.

That's right, the plot deals with people discovering a two-thousand-year-old Egyptian tomb on the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico. As ideas go, this one is dumber than a gym full of bodybuilders on steroids. One might as well make a movie about queen Marie-Antoinette falling to her death in the Grand Canyon as a result of an Inuit curse.

It is hard to escape the conclusion that "Cruise into terror" originated from a desire to do something - anything - with a number of available resources. ("Listen up gang, that ship is ours till May, so we've got two months left in which to make a ship-related movie. Espionage is passé, nobody would pay a cent in order to watch a medical drama about scurvy and we haven't got the budget for a musical extravaganza. Perhaps, dunno, a horror movie ? By the way, we've still got those 'Valley of the Kings' props lying around. Haven't used the damn things since 1965.")

"Cruise into terror" is also notable for featuring one of the most malleable and accommodating sea captains ever. When it comes to withstanding the wishes and suggestions of the passengers, this particular captain has about as much backbone as a piece of Turkish delight. Walk around in the engine room ? Why not, that's what cruises are made for ! Go scuba diving in unfamiliar waters ? Sure ! Organize an impromptu diving session during an unscheduled stop ? Okeydokey ! Disturb a centuries-old archaeological site ? Enjoy ! Recover a historically and culturally relevant artifact without any kind of official permit ? You're young only once !

So this is not the man to keep everybody on the straight and narrow. Had the ending taken a different direction, we might have seen our ship hoist the Jolly Roger and depart in search of lighthouses to attack.

Strangely enough "Cruise into terror" does have a certain campy, cheesy charm, perhaps due to the 1970's atmosphere. Or perhaps the movie proves that some actors, such as the great Ray Milland, are so superb that they can indeed make a silk purse out of a sow's ear...
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