'The Barn 2' starts off on Halloween night, and I'm up against it with this movie.
Severely handicapped, I tells ya. For starters, the library's link won't let me save it to USB.
It keeps buffering as the library's connection speed must have the alacrity of a senior citizen club. And it'll only be a matter of time before some junkie comes, sits next to me, and starts yacking at the gills without invitation. And to make matters worse, I'm using headphones from the 80s with only one earpiece that functions properly. And every time I pause the movie, all these pop-up windows keep appearing. I have to click them off every time the movie is haulted. It's annoying. At an hour and 35 minutes, I'm only allotted 2 hours at the library, I'm cutting this fine with all the annoying pause breaks. So continuity flow is a problem also.
Having been told to skip part one, I'm going into this one blind. Did I miss something though, as the start of part two retells a bit of the last one, and that pumpkin character with the fire eyes looks pretty decent.
And so, a bunch of boy scouts are snuffed out in gruesome fashion, as there's obviously a mole in their ranks. From part one, I take it.
At the 6-minute mark, there's a massive double chin on display from the uneducated chick balancing a pencil on her nose. She says that the boys only come out for two things, implying her boobs, but everyone knows she's really referring to her double neck.
Another sorority house movie? Gamma Tell Si. It's not the 80s anymore. This movie's falling into the deadly trap of past horror movies; most of these birds look thirty and over. Wouldn't they be more suited to pole dancing in mature nightclubs for tips and tricks? That'd be a great name for an X-rated movie, 'Tips or Tricks.'
I know this Frank Zappa character. He's here broadcasting on a home TV network for outdated MTV junkies. This TV storyline goes nowhere.
It must be known that I endured 12 minutes of 'Galaxina' and only 10 minutes of 'A Name for Evil' last night and couldn't finish my term paper for either. It was beyond painful.
Doc Brown cameos for a brief period as the character Hairy Tolstoy, or something. He tells another campfire story of a myth that will no doubt materialize in this movie later on. I don't find urban legends creepy or intriguing at all. Generally, someone will jump out after he finishes telling his tale. It's old hat.
A weirdo holding a box of plastic junk from Ollie's pops out, and there's your punctuation mark on the urban legend.
A throwback to the 80s sees a montage of nostalgia accompanied by a Def Leopard or Slayer song. The year 2023 cannot recreate the past with a simple soundtrack from a different era. It doesn't make it authentic.
Some of these actors are concealing British accents.
This chick in the Bengals Halloween costume has absolutely nothing on that melting piece of pulchritude in 2018's 'Halloween.' That chick was divine, and I'd ask for seconds with her. It was a shame she never returned in 'Halloween Kills' or 'Halloween Ends.'
Other than the pumpkin killer with the candle eyes, the other baddie costumes are of cheap design. The actors employed for this movie are not likeable either. I can't find anyone to cheer for. Probably the mature 40s math teacher wearing the glasses. She reminds me of Miss Davis from 'Varsity Blues.'
"Wow, girls, you like my scaring techniques?" How'd modern-day actors portraying nerds become pretty boys?
A town hall meeting is held to pass legislation on the banning of Halloween, but not much devotion is paid to this storyline as the director is more interested in bopping off characters who weren't even introduced earlier. There's no emotional investment in any of the characters, although that nameless naked chick with the 8/10 body who was just killed will be missed. That corn on the cobb character looks like it has a bad case of acne.
Here in the library, surrounded by seniors and library sharks - I mean staff - and one lady eating a beef pastry to my left, I have to be mindful of any nudity, so I'm using my Word document to censor anything mature that pops up, like the double-chin chick's death scene. A few points are warranted for the hot wax and pumpkin seeds spat on the other girl. Wax sure is hot on the skin.
The killer from 'Pledge Night' was a better killer than any of these, and Young Sid didn't even use any prosthetics or Spirit Halloween masks.
The modern-day era, with its cancel culture and woke attitude, has no right to portray the past. This movie and the recent 'Billy the Kid' don't truly represent the past.
Sadly, Miss Davis is about to be killed by the trio of Spirit Halloween baddies. She's well endowed, but her kill, like most in this, goes for the neck or decapitation, and it doesn't look good. A lot of work must have been devoted to the make-up room, but it's poorly executed on the final print. It's fan-made B-movie stuff.
On the flip side, 'The Barn 2' suddenly turns into 'Shaun of the Dead,' and it's poorly done and rushed to boot. How'd it go from Hammer-style monsters to a zombie flick? That whole walking dead crap is past its use by date.
I think this movie is more reserved for high school kids, not the 18+ crowd. I'm too mature for this movie and could be watching something better, like, I dunno, 'Small Soldiers.'
If you're an F-grade student, then this will appeal to you. I've got more class than this and feel offended. It looks like it was filmed by friends and family, and the only people who will rate this over a 5 on IMDb are the cast, crew, and associates. It's almost like the Christian or Nickelodeon Channel daring to be a bit different and upping their family-friendly G-rated material to PG-13 stuff.
Anyone who could survive a shotgun propane tank blast must be superhuman. Of course, the baddy was defeated, but the humans survived. Remember Bruce Willis surviving the C4 blast in his apartment where everyone else died? This movie's intentionally trying to provoke me into losing my composure. I'm not going to be baited.
At times, it's like watching a Peter Jackson 'Feebles' movie. The baddies could pass as 'The Masked Singer' contestants. After being killed by the propane blast back at the diner, the baddies formulate into one giant monster like that recent 'Evil Dead Rise' end boss, and it only kills brain cells.
To the movie makers of today, stop trying to recreate the past. Make something for today's entitled generation to be proud of.
Us old-school late 70s and 80s mob had our time.
We're never going to get it back so give it up already.
It's 2023 - the future. Make something for the 2023 crowd.
Don't tell me in 50 years from now they're still going to be filming 80s themed movies.
Severely handicapped, I tells ya. For starters, the library's link won't let me save it to USB.
It keeps buffering as the library's connection speed must have the alacrity of a senior citizen club. And it'll only be a matter of time before some junkie comes, sits next to me, and starts yacking at the gills without invitation. And to make matters worse, I'm using headphones from the 80s with only one earpiece that functions properly. And every time I pause the movie, all these pop-up windows keep appearing. I have to click them off every time the movie is haulted. It's annoying. At an hour and 35 minutes, I'm only allotted 2 hours at the library, I'm cutting this fine with all the annoying pause breaks. So continuity flow is a problem also.
Having been told to skip part one, I'm going into this one blind. Did I miss something though, as the start of part two retells a bit of the last one, and that pumpkin character with the fire eyes looks pretty decent.
And so, a bunch of boy scouts are snuffed out in gruesome fashion, as there's obviously a mole in their ranks. From part one, I take it.
At the 6-minute mark, there's a massive double chin on display from the uneducated chick balancing a pencil on her nose. She says that the boys only come out for two things, implying her boobs, but everyone knows she's really referring to her double neck.
Another sorority house movie? Gamma Tell Si. It's not the 80s anymore. This movie's falling into the deadly trap of past horror movies; most of these birds look thirty and over. Wouldn't they be more suited to pole dancing in mature nightclubs for tips and tricks? That'd be a great name for an X-rated movie, 'Tips or Tricks.'
I know this Frank Zappa character. He's here broadcasting on a home TV network for outdated MTV junkies. This TV storyline goes nowhere.
It must be known that I endured 12 minutes of 'Galaxina' and only 10 minutes of 'A Name for Evil' last night and couldn't finish my term paper for either. It was beyond painful.
Doc Brown cameos for a brief period as the character Hairy Tolstoy, or something. He tells another campfire story of a myth that will no doubt materialize in this movie later on. I don't find urban legends creepy or intriguing at all. Generally, someone will jump out after he finishes telling his tale. It's old hat.
A weirdo holding a box of plastic junk from Ollie's pops out, and there's your punctuation mark on the urban legend.
A throwback to the 80s sees a montage of nostalgia accompanied by a Def Leopard or Slayer song. The year 2023 cannot recreate the past with a simple soundtrack from a different era. It doesn't make it authentic.
Some of these actors are concealing British accents.
This chick in the Bengals Halloween costume has absolutely nothing on that melting piece of pulchritude in 2018's 'Halloween.' That chick was divine, and I'd ask for seconds with her. It was a shame she never returned in 'Halloween Kills' or 'Halloween Ends.'
Other than the pumpkin killer with the candle eyes, the other baddie costumes are of cheap design. The actors employed for this movie are not likeable either. I can't find anyone to cheer for. Probably the mature 40s math teacher wearing the glasses. She reminds me of Miss Davis from 'Varsity Blues.'
"Wow, girls, you like my scaring techniques?" How'd modern-day actors portraying nerds become pretty boys?
A town hall meeting is held to pass legislation on the banning of Halloween, but not much devotion is paid to this storyline as the director is more interested in bopping off characters who weren't even introduced earlier. There's no emotional investment in any of the characters, although that nameless naked chick with the 8/10 body who was just killed will be missed. That corn on the cobb character looks like it has a bad case of acne.
Here in the library, surrounded by seniors and library sharks - I mean staff - and one lady eating a beef pastry to my left, I have to be mindful of any nudity, so I'm using my Word document to censor anything mature that pops up, like the double-chin chick's death scene. A few points are warranted for the hot wax and pumpkin seeds spat on the other girl. Wax sure is hot on the skin.
The killer from 'Pledge Night' was a better killer than any of these, and Young Sid didn't even use any prosthetics or Spirit Halloween masks.
The modern-day era, with its cancel culture and woke attitude, has no right to portray the past. This movie and the recent 'Billy the Kid' don't truly represent the past.
Sadly, Miss Davis is about to be killed by the trio of Spirit Halloween baddies. She's well endowed, but her kill, like most in this, goes for the neck or decapitation, and it doesn't look good. A lot of work must have been devoted to the make-up room, but it's poorly executed on the final print. It's fan-made B-movie stuff.
On the flip side, 'The Barn 2' suddenly turns into 'Shaun of the Dead,' and it's poorly done and rushed to boot. How'd it go from Hammer-style monsters to a zombie flick? That whole walking dead crap is past its use by date.
I think this movie is more reserved for high school kids, not the 18+ crowd. I'm too mature for this movie and could be watching something better, like, I dunno, 'Small Soldiers.'
If you're an F-grade student, then this will appeal to you. I've got more class than this and feel offended. It looks like it was filmed by friends and family, and the only people who will rate this over a 5 on IMDb are the cast, crew, and associates. It's almost like the Christian or Nickelodeon Channel daring to be a bit different and upping their family-friendly G-rated material to PG-13 stuff.
Anyone who could survive a shotgun propane tank blast must be superhuman. Of course, the baddy was defeated, but the humans survived. Remember Bruce Willis surviving the C4 blast in his apartment where everyone else died? This movie's intentionally trying to provoke me into losing my composure. I'm not going to be baited.
At times, it's like watching a Peter Jackson 'Feebles' movie. The baddies could pass as 'The Masked Singer' contestants. After being killed by the propane blast back at the diner, the baddies formulate into one giant monster like that recent 'Evil Dead Rise' end boss, and it only kills brain cells.
To the movie makers of today, stop trying to recreate the past. Make something for today's entitled generation to be proud of.
Us old-school late 70s and 80s mob had our time.
We're never going to get it back so give it up already.
It's 2023 - the future. Make something for the 2023 crowd.
Don't tell me in 50 years from now they're still going to be filming 80s themed movies.