Catacombs (1988)
3/10
Not classy enough; not trashy enough.
13 April 2021
In the 16th Century, a group of monks trap a demon in the catacombs under the Abbey of San Pietro en Valle in Italy. Centuries later, the demon is accidentally freed and possesses visiting teacher Elizabeth Magrino (Laura Schaefer).

David Schmoeller started his directorial career with the excellent offbeat horror Tourist Trap and followed that with the oddball Klaus Kinski chiller Crawlspace, but his later career saw him turn to schlocky B-movies for Charles Band's Full Moon studio. With its religious setting and a cool Omen-esque score by Pino Donaggio, it initially seems as though Catacombs might be a little classier, but in the end, it just another piece of straight-to-video nonsense, but one that isn't trashy enough to be fun: the film is very light on the gore and features no gratuitous nudity whatsoever, redheaded beauty Schaefer staying fully clothed throughout.

Half of the film consists of shots of people walking down a spiral staircase and through the tunnels of the catacombs; everyone does it at least once. Much of the remainder sees the same people pretending to be struck by the demon's supernatural force. It all gets very boring. There's not much in the way of special effects to speak of, the budget only allowing for a smoke machine, a wind machine, some white slap and a pair of black contact lenses. The much touted 'Jesus coming alive on the cross' scene is very disappointing: it's just a bloke wearing a nappy, a bad wig and fake beard, and the subsequent killing of a monk with one of the crucifixion nails is totally gore-free.

The ending, in which Father John Durham (Timothy Van Patten) banishes the demon with a heavenly beam of light reflected off a golden monstrance, makes no sense at all and closes the film in a very unsatisfactory manner.
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