Valley Girl (2020)
4/10
Sigh.
9 September 2020
I'm a big fan of the original. I grew up during the Valley Girl era, only in a valley in Northern rather than Southern California. I leaned heavily towards the punk/post punk side of things, but I have fond memories of the more mainstream styles and music of that time. Seeing The Plimsouls playing in a club in a movie was a BIG DEAL to an 80's music nerd, as was hearing Bonnie Hayes, Sparks and Modern English when it was still rare to hear those types of bands on mainstream radio.

But this movie just feels too far removed to really get how we were back then. The styling is just all wrong. Punks in the early 80's had really short and razor-styled haircuts. It was a radical departure from the long surfer mops and floppy mullets that your average dude was rocking back then. Short, tightly cut hair looked revolutionary back then. Some sloppily-dressed guy like the lead actor with messy, longish floppy hair would have been seen as a stoner, not a punk. Or maybe, they got the look confused with the grunge styles of a decade later. But punk? No way. Nic Cage wasn't 100% authentic either, but his hair was spot-on, and his style really set him apart from the preppy jocks.

The casting of the original was so inspired. Nic Cage was just starting to step into his acting style, and he was sexy, and totally believable as the edgy guy who was an undercover hottie, and also possessed of a big heart and soul. But Deborah Foreman-she was so PERFECT. She had this luminous quality about her, with a lithe, delicate build, perfect 80's feathered hair, a very clean and fresh face with sparkling eyes, and a winsome sweetness and elegant poise and grace that made her totally believable as "that girl" that made Cage's character fall so incredibly hard. The girl in this remake just doesn't have the sparkle and ease that Foreman had in spades. And they made yet another styling error by spackling on the very 2020-style heavy, layered makeup. That's nowhere close to the preppy-Val look, which was very clean and minimal. And the hair? That was merely 2010s-style barrel-rolls that every overly made-up girl and celebrity of that time, laden with pounds of extensions, thought was a throwback to the 70's/80's feathered look. It's not even close. That's another big style difference-80's girls never wore extensions, fake eyelashes, fake tans, or fake bolt-on breasts. A lean, natural body, a tan actually from being outside on a California beach, and healthy, natural hair was how us 80's girls did things. If you were a punk girl, you probably chopped your hair into a spiky asymmetrical wedge, and fiddled around with bleach and dyes.

I don't see the need to go on much more-this movie didn't need to be made. And whomever was in charge of the costume and makeup stylings really should have listened to someone who was actually around during that era.
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