Dear holy hell nothing about this movie works at all.
And why doesn't it? On paper, it had everything going for it. Tried and true material? Check. Hugely popular star? Check. Lavish budget? Check. Gene Kelly, who maybe hadn't had a lot of directorial experience, nevertheless knew his way around a movie musical. Producer/writer Ernest Lehman had adapted two of what were arguably the most successful movie musicals of all time, "West Side Story" and "The Sound of Music." Good grief, is this the same man who had brought "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" to the screen just three years earlier?
Barbra Streisand and Walter Matthau deliver a master class in how to have absolutely no chemistry together. Streisand struts through the film like she's Mae West, but then will inexplicably slip into a Southern accent here and there, which is super confusing because aren't they in New York? Matthau growls and barks at everyone, and yet is so irresistible that he has two beautiful women willing to die for him, and that's even after they've heard him sing. O.k. one of those women seems slightly demented and sings an entire song about hats, but still. The other is Dolly herself, who spends the movie setting up overly-complicated scenarios in order to make him realize he loves her instead, or at least just decides to marry her by default. I didn't understand any of this. Meanwhile, there are some young 'uns whose love lives Dolly also interferes with, leading me to conclude that this woman needed a hobby. One of them is Tommy Tune, who's fourteen feet tall and in love with Matthau's niece (or daughter or some other kind of relation -- who cares?). The other is Michael Crawford, who tries as hard as he can to make this movie unwatchable all by himself. Crawford can't deliver a line without opening his mouth really wide and making the sound of someone trying to tell someone else that he's having a stroke. Dolly never seems to figure out what the rest of us do, which is that both of these young lads are gay and would be better off matched with each other.
The title song comes in the second half of the movie. It's all about how much everyone has missed Dolly and how great it is to have her back in society. This song doesn't make any sense either, because the first song of the movie is all about how well known Dolly is and literally every person who lives in New York City recognizes her as she walks down the street. Why is it so nice to have her back where she belongs if she was never gone in the first place? For a musical that isn't about anything, it's really hard to follow. I also felt bad for all the people in the restaurant who were just waiting for their food but instead had to watch 20 waiters in a half-hour long dance number. They manhandle all the food so much during this number that I would certainly not want to eat whatever was put on my plate.
Did I mention that nothing in this movie works?
At the end, Matthau realizes he loves Dolly and wants to marry her, not because anything leading up to that point prepares us for it, but just because the movie wants him to. I was fine with it, because it meant the movie was almost over.
The Academy nominated "Midnight Cowboy" for Best Picture in 1969 and then had a panic attack that they would lose the family audience for their award show. This is the only conceivable reason I can come up with for them nominating this lumbering abomination for Best Picture as well. Just let that sink in for a minute -- "Hello, Dolly!" competed with "Midnight Cowboy"(!) for the Best Picture of 1969.
"Dolly" did win three Oscars, for Art Direction, Adapted Musical Score, and Sound. It received nominations for Best Cinematography, Best Costume Design, and Best Film Editing. Yes, film editing. As if there isn't about an hour and a half of padding in this movie that could have been removed. In fact, maybe this would have been better as a short film. Or maybe just listen to the Broadway cast recording?
Grade: D
And why doesn't it? On paper, it had everything going for it. Tried and true material? Check. Hugely popular star? Check. Lavish budget? Check. Gene Kelly, who maybe hadn't had a lot of directorial experience, nevertheless knew his way around a movie musical. Producer/writer Ernest Lehman had adapted two of what were arguably the most successful movie musicals of all time, "West Side Story" and "The Sound of Music." Good grief, is this the same man who had brought "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" to the screen just three years earlier?
Barbra Streisand and Walter Matthau deliver a master class in how to have absolutely no chemistry together. Streisand struts through the film like she's Mae West, but then will inexplicably slip into a Southern accent here and there, which is super confusing because aren't they in New York? Matthau growls and barks at everyone, and yet is so irresistible that he has two beautiful women willing to die for him, and that's even after they've heard him sing. O.k. one of those women seems slightly demented and sings an entire song about hats, but still. The other is Dolly herself, who spends the movie setting up overly-complicated scenarios in order to make him realize he loves her instead, or at least just decides to marry her by default. I didn't understand any of this. Meanwhile, there are some young 'uns whose love lives Dolly also interferes with, leading me to conclude that this woman needed a hobby. One of them is Tommy Tune, who's fourteen feet tall and in love with Matthau's niece (or daughter or some other kind of relation -- who cares?). The other is Michael Crawford, who tries as hard as he can to make this movie unwatchable all by himself. Crawford can't deliver a line without opening his mouth really wide and making the sound of someone trying to tell someone else that he's having a stroke. Dolly never seems to figure out what the rest of us do, which is that both of these young lads are gay and would be better off matched with each other.
The title song comes in the second half of the movie. It's all about how much everyone has missed Dolly and how great it is to have her back in society. This song doesn't make any sense either, because the first song of the movie is all about how well known Dolly is and literally every person who lives in New York City recognizes her as she walks down the street. Why is it so nice to have her back where she belongs if she was never gone in the first place? For a musical that isn't about anything, it's really hard to follow. I also felt bad for all the people in the restaurant who were just waiting for their food but instead had to watch 20 waiters in a half-hour long dance number. They manhandle all the food so much during this number that I would certainly not want to eat whatever was put on my plate.
Did I mention that nothing in this movie works?
At the end, Matthau realizes he loves Dolly and wants to marry her, not because anything leading up to that point prepares us for it, but just because the movie wants him to. I was fine with it, because it meant the movie was almost over.
The Academy nominated "Midnight Cowboy" for Best Picture in 1969 and then had a panic attack that they would lose the family audience for their award show. This is the only conceivable reason I can come up with for them nominating this lumbering abomination for Best Picture as well. Just let that sink in for a minute -- "Hello, Dolly!" competed with "Midnight Cowboy"(!) for the Best Picture of 1969.
"Dolly" did win three Oscars, for Art Direction, Adapted Musical Score, and Sound. It received nominations for Best Cinematography, Best Costume Design, and Best Film Editing. Yes, film editing. As if there isn't about an hour and a half of padding in this movie that could have been removed. In fact, maybe this would have been better as a short film. Or maybe just listen to the Broadway cast recording?
Grade: D