From the minds that brought us the original Teenage Mutant Turtles, Coneheads and the sequel, (yes this film has a sequel), "the NEW Adventures of Pinocchio" comes the umpteenth adaptation of Carlo Collodi's, (Lorenzi), 1883 novel "Pinocchio." Truly, there's only been one good adaptation of the story, and that was the 1940's Walt Disney classic "Pinocchio."
Since 1940, there have been dozens of adaptations, all of them absolutely terrible, (some consider 'A.I.: Artificial Intelligence' and adaptation, and while it borrows from Collodi's novel, I wouldn't call it an adaptation, more of an homage or inspired by). From Roberto Benigni's carreer ending 2002 adaptation, (for some shocking reason, he's made another version, out in 2019), or the ridiculously titled 'Pinocchio 3000,' none of them, aside from Disney's original, have had a reason to exist. Of all of the asinine, poorly made, or stupid versions, Steve Barron's "The Adventures of Pinocchio" is the worst.
Martin Landau, in his most depressing role, plays Geppetto, as an 1800's version of an 'incel' who's obsessed with the one woman who looked his way 40 years prior. For seemingly no reason at all, he carves a puppet and it comes to life. What follows are a series of unconnected events that involve supposedly funny misunderstandings and misadventures; None of which are funny or adventurous.
As with most live-action adventures, this adaptation loses the magic and suspension of disbelief that animation offers. However, with the dead, immobile glare of Pinocchio's eyes, the turning of kids into donkeys, along the creepy men and women surrounding the titular character, the film takes an unintentional, unsettling tone.
Finally, when Pinocchio was given life in other adaptations, he's portrayed here as a robotic like, shell of a person, who has no self-awareness, doesn't understand object permanence, and would spectacularly fail the Turing Test. Other moments too, are deeply unsettling; the inside of the whale looks like the actual inside of a whale, (i.e., absolutely disgusting), and the aforementioned Donkey scene.
Everything misfires - the pacing, the terrible acting, Landau and Kerr are awful, but probably at the direction of Barron, and Rob Schneider is... well, Rob Schneider; the cinematography is nausea inducing and poorly lit, and, for such a well worn story, the way the screenwriters, (there are 4 of them), lay out the story, makes for an absolutely confusing, boring and nonsensical film.
This isn't just a bad movie, or a movie that's 'so bad it's good.' Like Pinocchio himself, the film is a gross misrepresentation of something real, a golem standing in for what should or could be an entertaining film. This is a boring, unsettling, upsetting, gross, banal and depressing film. Watch the 1940's original.
If you ever come across this version, do what Landau's character should have done to Pinocchio the moment he comes to life - throw it into fire.
Since 1940, there have been dozens of adaptations, all of them absolutely terrible, (some consider 'A.I.: Artificial Intelligence' and adaptation, and while it borrows from Collodi's novel, I wouldn't call it an adaptation, more of an homage or inspired by). From Roberto Benigni's carreer ending 2002 adaptation, (for some shocking reason, he's made another version, out in 2019), or the ridiculously titled 'Pinocchio 3000,' none of them, aside from Disney's original, have had a reason to exist. Of all of the asinine, poorly made, or stupid versions, Steve Barron's "The Adventures of Pinocchio" is the worst.
Martin Landau, in his most depressing role, plays Geppetto, as an 1800's version of an 'incel' who's obsessed with the one woman who looked his way 40 years prior. For seemingly no reason at all, he carves a puppet and it comes to life. What follows are a series of unconnected events that involve supposedly funny misunderstandings and misadventures; None of which are funny or adventurous.
As with most live-action adventures, this adaptation loses the magic and suspension of disbelief that animation offers. However, with the dead, immobile glare of Pinocchio's eyes, the turning of kids into donkeys, along the creepy men and women surrounding the titular character, the film takes an unintentional, unsettling tone.
Finally, when Pinocchio was given life in other adaptations, he's portrayed here as a robotic like, shell of a person, who has no self-awareness, doesn't understand object permanence, and would spectacularly fail the Turing Test. Other moments too, are deeply unsettling; the inside of the whale looks like the actual inside of a whale, (i.e., absolutely disgusting), and the aforementioned Donkey scene.
Everything misfires - the pacing, the terrible acting, Landau and Kerr are awful, but probably at the direction of Barron, and Rob Schneider is... well, Rob Schneider; the cinematography is nausea inducing and poorly lit, and, for such a well worn story, the way the screenwriters, (there are 4 of them), lay out the story, makes for an absolutely confusing, boring and nonsensical film.
This isn't just a bad movie, or a movie that's 'so bad it's good.' Like Pinocchio himself, the film is a gross misrepresentation of something real, a golem standing in for what should or could be an entertaining film. This is a boring, unsettling, upsetting, gross, banal and depressing film. Watch the 1940's original.
If you ever come across this version, do what Landau's character should have done to Pinocchio the moment he comes to life - throw it into fire.