In comparison to other Jurassic Park movies, this one was awful. It was basically the exact same thing that has been done in every other installment, PLUS so many plot holes, the theater smelled of swiss cheese.
The first few minutes were pretty similar to the opening scene of the first Jurassic park ... but in the water. It was a good scene nonetheless, and did what it was intended to do, which is grab the viewer's attention much like a dog whistle does to dogs. These types of scenes are basically a prerequisite now for any action movie, especially if they then have to divert to more boring scenes right after as filler, or to give you some back story, etc. It is what happened here.
For the next couple of minutes we watched what would amount to all of Jeff Goldblum's cameo in the movie, which personally, I wish he had not been in, only because I prefer to have remembered him as the wise-cracking, Chaos-Theory spouting, flirty, strutting, young "rock star", and not the white-bearded old guy we saw.
After that, you have scenes which could literally be used in videos for the cure of insomnia, where we get to meet the guy we all know is going to be the bad guy. The only thing he was missing, was a handlebar mustachio, and not even Babe's friend, Farmer Arthur Hoggett (James Cromwell) could save those wasted minutes.
Cut to Owen and Claire's tear-jerking reunion (tear-jerking only because of its boredom), and we finally get to the barn door opening on one of the worst parts of the movie: the introduction to the tough as nails Latina and the nerdy black guy. Here, I have to honestly ask if it ever occurred to Claire (ahem), to get a nerdy computer guy who ISN'T afraid of his own shadow and isn't annoying as all heck? Like what did this guy have that any other computer guy who isn't as annoying and scared, not have, in order to solely qualify him as the guy you'd take to an island with KILLER DINOSAURS? For heavens sake. As for the Latina, well most of my friends are Latinas, and I can tell you that there is a far stretch from sassy to downright behetch. I'm not saying they should have gone for the sexpot stereotyped Latina, but did this one have to be so ... unlikable?
That's just the beginning of this un-epic ride and I have to admit that I kind of tuned out after that, or wasn't really wholly immersed. It was fairly entertaining for a while, although again, everything you see was already done in other JPs. Even the bad guys on the island were cast out of the bad guys on the island before, except that before, they were more believable. Case in point, while I REALLY believe that true evil exists in the world and some people are more demons than people, the evilness in the main evil guy was split between evil and cartoonishly bad. Which brings me to the "auction".
If ever there was a more hackneyed version of an illegal auction, it should be famous. This version was pretty bad. You have the bad guys in a dark, subterranean lair (WHY can't the auction be held with lights on? LOL), and they all look as if the stepped out of some comic book called 'Bad Guys in Bolero Ties and Leather'. The only thing that was missing, was a guy with a hook for a hand. When will Hollywood get that if you put together a convention of real bad guys from the dark web, they WON'T look like this.
The part that really, really, really, really, really, broke my heart though, was the scene where Owen and Claire are being held in a cell, and Claire asks Owen "Do you remember the first time you ever saw a dinosaur?" It was a clear indication, at least to me, that even the creators of this crappola knew this movie sucked big time, so they wanted to manipulate the audience into trying to feel those same emotions - the emotions we first felt when we saw that first dinosaur on the glorious screen of the original Jurassic Park. It backfired in that, oh yes, I remembered, and thought, man, we've sure gone downhill.
As for the big spoiler/reveal? The little girl is a clone. Now, it seems as if this was meant to mean something and to be part of the plot in some way that affects something else, but it isn't. If you had not guessed it before it's revealed, or even if you did, it makes not one iota of a difference to the movie. At all.
Which brings me to the last part of my review. I understand.
I understand that this movie was just filler in order to bring us certain things we need to know before the real blockbuster, without taking anything away from that movie. If I am right, and this is indeed the case, then as the good former engineer of the old Jurassic Park, John "Ray" Arnold (Samuel Jackson) said, "Hang on to your butt's", the next one is going to be a doozie.
The first few minutes were pretty similar to the opening scene of the first Jurassic park ... but in the water. It was a good scene nonetheless, and did what it was intended to do, which is grab the viewer's attention much like a dog whistle does to dogs. These types of scenes are basically a prerequisite now for any action movie, especially if they then have to divert to more boring scenes right after as filler, or to give you some back story, etc. It is what happened here.
For the next couple of minutes we watched what would amount to all of Jeff Goldblum's cameo in the movie, which personally, I wish he had not been in, only because I prefer to have remembered him as the wise-cracking, Chaos-Theory spouting, flirty, strutting, young "rock star", and not the white-bearded old guy we saw.
After that, you have scenes which could literally be used in videos for the cure of insomnia, where we get to meet the guy we all know is going to be the bad guy. The only thing he was missing, was a handlebar mustachio, and not even Babe's friend, Farmer Arthur Hoggett (James Cromwell) could save those wasted minutes.
Cut to Owen and Claire's tear-jerking reunion (tear-jerking only because of its boredom), and we finally get to the barn door opening on one of the worst parts of the movie: the introduction to the tough as nails Latina and the nerdy black guy. Here, I have to honestly ask if it ever occurred to Claire (ahem), to get a nerdy computer guy who ISN'T afraid of his own shadow and isn't annoying as all heck? Like what did this guy have that any other computer guy who isn't as annoying and scared, not have, in order to solely qualify him as the guy you'd take to an island with KILLER DINOSAURS? For heavens sake. As for the Latina, well most of my friends are Latinas, and I can tell you that there is a far stretch from sassy to downright behetch. I'm not saying they should have gone for the sexpot stereotyped Latina, but did this one have to be so ... unlikable?
That's just the beginning of this un-epic ride and I have to admit that I kind of tuned out after that, or wasn't really wholly immersed. It was fairly entertaining for a while, although again, everything you see was already done in other JPs. Even the bad guys on the island were cast out of the bad guys on the island before, except that before, they were more believable. Case in point, while I REALLY believe that true evil exists in the world and some people are more demons than people, the evilness in the main evil guy was split between evil and cartoonishly bad. Which brings me to the "auction".
If ever there was a more hackneyed version of an illegal auction, it should be famous. This version was pretty bad. You have the bad guys in a dark, subterranean lair (WHY can't the auction be held with lights on? LOL), and they all look as if the stepped out of some comic book called 'Bad Guys in Bolero Ties and Leather'. The only thing that was missing, was a guy with a hook for a hand. When will Hollywood get that if you put together a convention of real bad guys from the dark web, they WON'T look like this.
The part that really, really, really, really, really, broke my heart though, was the scene where Owen and Claire are being held in a cell, and Claire asks Owen "Do you remember the first time you ever saw a dinosaur?" It was a clear indication, at least to me, that even the creators of this crappola knew this movie sucked big time, so they wanted to manipulate the audience into trying to feel those same emotions - the emotions we first felt when we saw that first dinosaur on the glorious screen of the original Jurassic Park. It backfired in that, oh yes, I remembered, and thought, man, we've sure gone downhill.
As for the big spoiler/reveal? The little girl is a clone. Now, it seems as if this was meant to mean something and to be part of the plot in some way that affects something else, but it isn't. If you had not guessed it before it's revealed, or even if you did, it makes not one iota of a difference to the movie. At all.
Which brings me to the last part of my review. I understand.
I understand that this movie was just filler in order to bring us certain things we need to know before the real blockbuster, without taking anything away from that movie. If I am right, and this is indeed the case, then as the good former engineer of the old Jurassic Park, John "Ray" Arnold (Samuel Jackson) said, "Hang on to your butt's", the next one is going to be a doozie.