ironhorse_iv Review of My Bloody Valentine

My Bloody Valentine (2009)

Oh my! Oh my! This horror movie is bloody awful! Don't you dare, be my valentine!

[5/10 · 14 February 2017]

Much like in the original 1981 Canadian slasher film of the same name; this 2009 American 3D remake centered, around murders committed, near Valentine's Day, perpetuated by a psychopath in a miner's outfit. However, while this movie directed by Patrick Lussier seem like it was trying its own ideas, much the outline was just recycle sequences from the first movie. After all, the movie starts out the same with the methane gas explosion, but instead of having the psychopath blame the supervisors for abandoning them in the mine for a Valentine Day party; in the remake, they choose to have the miner go after the owner's son, Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles) for forgetting to vent the methane lines. Though a deleted scene does reveal, the killer was trapped while a Valentine's Day dance was being held. Still, because of this change, the focus on the gimmick of the killer sending real-life bloody hearts to his victims seems a bit, out of the blue. Why? Because, when I now, think about it, this remake barely has anything to do with Valentine Day, besides the triangle love story between Tom's best friend Axel Palmer (Kerr Smith), Axel's wife/ Tom's ex-girlfriend, Sarah (Jamie King) and himself. For the most part, the killer just killed random people that has nothing with the main plot, such as the pointless murderous rampage at the motel in the middle or the hospital in the beginning. Another problem with this movie is the awkward structure, it has. Its starts off in 1997, with too quick, over exposition newspaper clipping of the killer being trapped, that does give enough information to explain, why the miner acts the way, he does. Then, the film cut to a year later, with the killer, somehow waking up from his coma in the hospital, and having the strength to goes on a murderous rampage at a miner party that shouldn't had been there, and then, finally ten years later in 2008, when the ageless, Tom returns to reclaim his father's mine and confronting his friends who abandoned him in the mine with the killer. It's all over the place. Without spoiling the movie, too much, the movie is full of plot-holes, such as the grocery store scene and how the sheriff know about the killer being in the house, even the plot twist toward the end, doesn't make a lick of sense, when you think about it. After all, what ever happen to the miner's body in the end!? Another problem with this movie is the choice of acting. Everybody was dry and too serious. There was hardly any wit or charm. It's sad, because one of the actors, is normally enjoyable. After all, he come from a TV Show 'Supernatural' that had an episode (Season 5, 14th episode) that had the same title of this movie, and a similar plot. So, it was possible to make this movie, fun to watch. Instead, everybody felt mostly uniformly unsavory, obnoxious and unsympathetic. Because of this, I really wouldn't care, about their relationship or the character's well-beings. It really took me, out of the movie. Another thing that sicken me, was the overused of the 3D. There was so many images, being thrown in your face that it becomes deadening overkill. It gave me, a headache like the flashing news opening. Clearly, somebody was trying to rip-off, the Daily Prophet. It really doesn't fit in this type of a world. If that wasn't bad, enough. The CGI gore effects were also really bad. It's sad, because the original had some of the best visual effects, at the time. I really couldn't get behind the film, due to how cheap and fake, it look. Another thing that was jarring, was the overused of full-frontal nudity that for the most part, wasn't needed. It was very gimmicky. It must had been very uncomfortable for actress Betsy Rue as the character, Irene to bare it all. It really felt that she got exploited by writers, Todd Farmer and Zane Smith. Even the studio and producers felt that the gore and nudity might had gone too far, as they cut the film from 101 min to 94 mins for some countries like Australia. Then, there was the fact that the movie was going to be released on Friday, February 13, 2009. However, release date was pushed up three weekends to January 23, 2009 so that this film would not have to compete with Friday the 13th remake, a film with a much bigger name. Overall: while the movie was still a success at the box office. I really don't get, why some people like this movie, over the original, because it's bad. For me, it's not worth digging for. Its cheap thrills that really lack imagination. I really hate it. This movie will not get any love, from me.