4/10
Oh shoot me.. another teen-angst based vampire flick.
6 January 2017
I'm going to abandon my usual restraint with this one. I typically try to find the good in a film, but really this movie brings us nothing new. It's just another teen-angst movie, with a bunch of little emo kids letting the hopelessness of youth get to them, and a bunch of adults secretly thinking to themselves, "It's so nice to not be a teenager anymore. How did I ever survive youth in the first place?" Oh, and throw in what is apparently a vampire or two. Just for giggles.

The film moves along very slowly, with no surprises along the way. It's pretty easy to tell what's going to happen, because we've seen it before. Many, many times, in many other movies.

Oh wait, there was one surprise.. the horrendous acting of the female lead. I normally wouldn't pick on her, because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I know that poor acting can be a result of bad directing, writing, etc. But in this case, while the writing is not great it was sufficient. The directing was at least decent. Which gives our heroine no excuse for slurring her lines to the point of being completely unintelligible. Any lines that are delivered with clarity are done so with the absolute deadpan, emotionless state of a hopeless emo kid. It may fit the film, but it sure is boring to watch.

To be fair, there was some good acting in here. The investigator was great. A real jerk who does his job well, cutting to the heart of the matter with brutal and piercing intensity. Kudos to Neill Flemming, who was clearly the most seasoned actor in this mess.

Of course, the heart of the matter was difficult to ascertain, since the writers didn't feel it necessary to actually understand the motives of any of the characters. That was not important in this movie, only miserable teens were important.

In fact, it had the distinct feeling of trying to one up a certain other much loved teeny vampire film, which shall remain unnamed. Only it fails.

*****SPOILER BELOW*****

Then there was the blond friend, who actually gave a fair performance before she died by being slapped. Yeah, you heard me. Slapped. People sure are delicate in the movies these days.

In the film, "Doll Graveyard" there's a scene where a girl dies by falling three feet. Until now that was the most ridiculous death scene I've ever viewed. But now we have a contender. You can now die by being slapped. Wow.
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