On a scale of 1 to 10 for movies, with 10 being great, this is a 0.
As a movie about emotional abuse, however, this movie is an 8. Peter is emotionally abusive, and a perfect example of emotional abuse. Here are the warning signs, in order (chronologically, not the movie order, because the movie order jumps around).
The tell-tale signs of emotional abuse are usually an inability to articulate exactly what's wrong, but you know you're feeling bad about yourself. The emotional abuser will often make snide comments, and then follow them up with something "nice" to balance it, and then go back to snide right after. It's a confusing cycle of emotions. In the movie Peter and Vandy, this started initially, when he insinuated she needed to avoid fatty foods, without her asking.
Then, when they met again, he pretended he wasn't trying to date her, and then made her feel guilty about how he felt about her, and that she'd throw away the crossword he gave her. So she says she'll date him. She might even want to date him. But that's not without manipulation and guilt on his part, which are also key characteristics of emotional abusers.
There are little red flags to watch out for, because they're usually "minor" things that are hard to call big, but all together are huge-- they're significant because they are constant character assassinations by the abuser, and chip away the abused person's self esteem.
One such red flag is later in the story, when Peter said he was "angry" that she would ask him what he was thinking about. If he is angry about a very normal question, a harmless question, how in the world do you think he'll react to actual issues? I assure you, it's a huge red flag. It's a warning sign for the other behavioral problems they have, and which the person they're around will sadly have to deal with if they stay with them.
In a later scene, Peter is a full-blown, without a doubt, emotional abuser to Vandy. He very cruelly berates her over a quirk she has while making a sandwich. And on top of that, it was a sandwich she made for him. He repeatedly calls her stupid and crazy. Anyone who has witnessed or gone through emotionally abusive situations will recognize this immediately. You're trying to take care of them, and you really do nothing wrong-- they just take out their emotions on you, and intentionally inflict that harm on you. They do know what they're doing. They're manipulative. And they'll come back and apologize.
Another thing to remember is the emotional abuser will sometimes say exactly how bad they are: they say they're evil, or they're a bad person--- trust them on this and leave. They will use this as an excuse for how they'll treat you later. Trust me, this is the truth. Leave now. Save yourself. You might try to fix them, but being with them doesn't fix them. It only breaks you. Please believe me.
Near the end of the movie, Peter decides he's not happy with Vandy--- note: Peter, and most other emotional abusers, are cynical, angry, and unhappy people, and bring that negativity to everything and everyone they deal with. So don't ever believe it's you--- it's entirely them. He's unhappy--- no surprise, because he's always unhappy. He then says he wants to leave her. This is a classic threat with emotional abusers: they threaten to leave you, so you'll beg them to stay. Treat it like a blessing and let them go. Sadly, in the movie, Vandy pleads that he never leave her. Then, discovering he is interested in someone else, Vandy thankfully leaves him. He wants her back later, and she even acknowledges he's not good with her, but sadly also takes blame that isn't hers to borrow- she thinks she's not good to him. But the truth is, entirely, that he's emotionally abusive, and stringing her along, and upset that he doesn't have anyone to berate anymore. Period.
Unfortunately she goes back to him, and unfortunately it will take time to realize how horrible he really is, for herself, and to leave on her own accord again. But, thankfully, some women leave early. But sadly, a lot of women have to reach rock bottom before they get out, and have to rebuild their self esteem. Emotional abusers rarely stop at verbal abuse; it can lead to physical abuse.
Another movie that captures emotional abuse (and physical abuse) very very well is "Reviving Ophelia" with Jane Kaczmarek. It is shockingly realistic in terms of the mindset of both the abused and the abuser.
This movie, Peter and Vandy, represents emotional abuse very well, and I want everyone who sees it to recognize the signs for both themselves and anyone else they see suffering through it. Please help them see the way out, because when they're being abused they don't realize they deserve better. They deserve better. You deserve better.
That's why I'm making a strong point of this to remind people that there's no need to stand for this emotional abuse.
Here are very good links about emotional abuse that I hope will benefit people reading this:
Please call 1-800-792-7233 , especially if you feel uncomfortable using your computer (I recommend going to the library if you need a safer computer); or if you can't talk, they have an online chat option.)
http://www.compassionpower.com/walking-on-eggshells/
http://www.thehotline.org/
http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/
http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/
Good luck and please know that you and your loved ones are worth so much more than this emotional abuse. You will survive and you will thrive. Believe me, it will all be okay.
As a movie about emotional abuse, however, this movie is an 8. Peter is emotionally abusive, and a perfect example of emotional abuse. Here are the warning signs, in order (chronologically, not the movie order, because the movie order jumps around).
The tell-tale signs of emotional abuse are usually an inability to articulate exactly what's wrong, but you know you're feeling bad about yourself. The emotional abuser will often make snide comments, and then follow them up with something "nice" to balance it, and then go back to snide right after. It's a confusing cycle of emotions. In the movie Peter and Vandy, this started initially, when he insinuated she needed to avoid fatty foods, without her asking.
Then, when they met again, he pretended he wasn't trying to date her, and then made her feel guilty about how he felt about her, and that she'd throw away the crossword he gave her. So she says she'll date him. She might even want to date him. But that's not without manipulation and guilt on his part, which are also key characteristics of emotional abusers.
There are little red flags to watch out for, because they're usually "minor" things that are hard to call big, but all together are huge-- they're significant because they are constant character assassinations by the abuser, and chip away the abused person's self esteem.
One such red flag is later in the story, when Peter said he was "angry" that she would ask him what he was thinking about. If he is angry about a very normal question, a harmless question, how in the world do you think he'll react to actual issues? I assure you, it's a huge red flag. It's a warning sign for the other behavioral problems they have, and which the person they're around will sadly have to deal with if they stay with them.
In a later scene, Peter is a full-blown, without a doubt, emotional abuser to Vandy. He very cruelly berates her over a quirk she has while making a sandwich. And on top of that, it was a sandwich she made for him. He repeatedly calls her stupid and crazy. Anyone who has witnessed or gone through emotionally abusive situations will recognize this immediately. You're trying to take care of them, and you really do nothing wrong-- they just take out their emotions on you, and intentionally inflict that harm on you. They do know what they're doing. They're manipulative. And they'll come back and apologize.
Another thing to remember is the emotional abuser will sometimes say exactly how bad they are: they say they're evil, or they're a bad person--- trust them on this and leave. They will use this as an excuse for how they'll treat you later. Trust me, this is the truth. Leave now. Save yourself. You might try to fix them, but being with them doesn't fix them. It only breaks you. Please believe me.
Near the end of the movie, Peter decides he's not happy with Vandy--- note: Peter, and most other emotional abusers, are cynical, angry, and unhappy people, and bring that negativity to everything and everyone they deal with. So don't ever believe it's you--- it's entirely them. He's unhappy--- no surprise, because he's always unhappy. He then says he wants to leave her. This is a classic threat with emotional abusers: they threaten to leave you, so you'll beg them to stay. Treat it like a blessing and let them go. Sadly, in the movie, Vandy pleads that he never leave her. Then, discovering he is interested in someone else, Vandy thankfully leaves him. He wants her back later, and she even acknowledges he's not good with her, but sadly also takes blame that isn't hers to borrow- she thinks she's not good to him. But the truth is, entirely, that he's emotionally abusive, and stringing her along, and upset that he doesn't have anyone to berate anymore. Period.
Unfortunately she goes back to him, and unfortunately it will take time to realize how horrible he really is, for herself, and to leave on her own accord again. But, thankfully, some women leave early. But sadly, a lot of women have to reach rock bottom before they get out, and have to rebuild their self esteem. Emotional abusers rarely stop at verbal abuse; it can lead to physical abuse.
Another movie that captures emotional abuse (and physical abuse) very very well is "Reviving Ophelia" with Jane Kaczmarek. It is shockingly realistic in terms of the mindset of both the abused and the abuser.
This movie, Peter and Vandy, represents emotional abuse very well, and I want everyone who sees it to recognize the signs for both themselves and anyone else they see suffering through it. Please help them see the way out, because when they're being abused they don't realize they deserve better. They deserve better. You deserve better.
That's why I'm making a strong point of this to remind people that there's no need to stand for this emotional abuse.
Here are very good links about emotional abuse that I hope will benefit people reading this:
Please call 1-800-792-7233 , especially if you feel uncomfortable using your computer (I recommend going to the library if you need a safer computer); or if you can't talk, they have an online chat option.)
http://www.compassionpower.com/walking-on-eggshells/
http://www.thehotline.org/
http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/
http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/
Good luck and please know that you and your loved ones are worth so much more than this emotional abuse. You will survive and you will thrive. Believe me, it will all be okay.