3/10
Keep your finger on fast-forward and you might survive this atrocity
17 February 2014
OK, so this has its moments of "so bad, it's good", but they are much too few and far between. Try sitting through even the short version without fast-forwarding only if you are in need of sleep or seriously enjoy self-inflicted pain. Otherwise, fans of even the worst cinematic dreck should simply watch the 1st five or six minutes of this to capture the flavor of the fiasco, and then scan forward to scenes where new characters are introduced. Or better yet, look for the sampler reel currently available on youtube. "Highlights" of the film include the unbelievably horrible line readings of the lead child actor (the son of director Barry Mahon), the first poorly-timed "moo" of the paper-mache cow (actually just the head of a cow), the "why am I even here" lethargy of poorly-recorded "The Pumpkinhead", and - I suppose - the flying, talking reindeer and the "The Wogglebug". And, oh yes, the mini-skirted army of Gen. Jinjur, actresses that were likely borrowed from the cast of the two adult features Mahon was making (FANNY HILL MEETS THE RED BARON and FANNY HILL MEETS DR. EROTICO) around the very same time that this film was in production.
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